Disclaimer: I don't own the Host.
A/N: It is basically fairytales based on Host couples.
Rapunzel
Jared's P.O.V:
I set out on a journey to find Rapunzel, the girl locked up in a tower that my father wanted me to rescue and marry. I didn't want to marry her though, I mean, number one: I wanted to pick the person I wanted to marry and number two: Rapunzel had been locked up in a tower for the last seventeen years, she was bound to be stupid and a cliché damsel in distress who can't do anything for herself.
I found the twenty foot tower easily. Well, if I couldn't see a twenty foot tower in the distance than I definitely would need glasses now, wouldn't I?
I climbed off my horse and took his reins into my hand. "C'mon Royal, let's go save the princess..." I grumbled, not at all excited that I was going to rescue a poor girl and then be the centre of her devotions.
I spotted the evil witch, Maggie, standing at the tower and calling up to an empty window. I hid behind a bunch of trees. "Have fun!" She cackled before vanishing in a puff of smoke. I waited for a few moments until I was sure that she was gone, and then stepped out to the place that she had previously stood in.
I sighed quietly to myself, before preparing myself for the humiliation of chanting the stupid rhyme that I had to say to catch Rapunzal's attention. If this was the only thing that she responded to, then she must really be a blonde bimbo.
I coughed awkwardly and began my little speech: "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your long hair. So I can climb the golden stair."
I prepared myself for a stupid girl to pop her head out of the window and squeal in excitement. Instead I thought I heard a faint laugh. No, that was just my imagination, there was no-one laughing at me.
Still, no-one appeared from the window.
She must be asleep, I decided. Better call again, louder this time.
"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your long hair. So I can climb the golden stair." I tried again, this time no less awkward than before.
I waited again, tapping my foot impatiently off the ground. Still no reply. God, she must be deaf too.
"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your long -" I was cut off by laughter and someone shouting down at me from inside the tower.
"Stop it, stop it, you are killing me." A female voice laughed. I could just imagine her, clutching her sides hysterically. Even Rapunzel thought my speech was stupid. Wonderful.
I frowned, not pleased with her reaction. "Are you Rapunzel, the girl locked in the tower? If you are, I'm here to save you!" I announced forcefully. Agitated about the whole situation. The laughter stopped.
"Number one," The girl called sticking her head out of the window a little bit, only so much that I could see half of her face and a glint of reddish-brown hair. "The name is Melanie, Mel if you are my friend - which you're not." I frowned, if this was Melanie, where was Rapunzel?
"Number two," she continued. "My hair is not blonde or long. It happens to be brown and short. And even if it did happen to be twenty foot long, I wouldn't let you touch it with those muddy, disgusting boots." I was pretty sure that she was wrinkling her nose.
"And finally, number three," her head was fully outside the window now. "I don't need you to save me. I can save myself."
I raised an eyebrow at that. "Really? Because as far as I can see you are still up in that tower." I pointed out.
"Pssh, I've only been up here a week and that evil bitch Maggie has kept me under surveillance at all times." She scoffed. "I've just been waiting for her to leave to go shoe shopping and all that other stuff so that I can escape - which you're delaying by making me talk to you."
"You'd swear you were the more important one." I sniped, getting frustrated.
"Well, I am the one looking down on you." She answered back.
This girl was good.
She then looked around and sat down on the window ledge, swinging her legs brazenly up and down, as if she weren't twenty foot in the air and could fall to her death.
"W-what are you doing?" I stammered, scared that she was going to fall and break her neck.
"You know how horrible it was being up here for seven days?" Melanie went on. "It was horrific, worse than any of your nightmares. I had to pretend to be a girly girl who didn't know anything beyond her own vanity." She shuddered. "I had to wear make-up and put on a dress." She pointed to the long, purple dress that she had on. "I like the colour though..."
I was just confused.
"Ugh!" She screamed in anger. "I'm starting to like the dress - this is awful!" She wailed. "And that's not even the worse bit," she groaned. "I had to pretend that I had no intentions of escaping this tower and that I was simply going to lean on the window sill all day and wait for my prince charming to come and save me." She spat the words like they were a deadly poison. "I had to act stupid."
"Was it hard?" I asked. I just couldn't resist. I just couldn't bite my tongue and shut the hell up. She glared at me.
"Extremely so, since I have to put up with idiotic, snobby bastards like you." She stood up on the window ledge suddenly.
I was startled by her words, I had actually expected her to cry... you know, like a normal girl. Apparently not.
"What are you doing?" I asked. No answer. She seemed to be feeling her dress and scrunching it up... Riiiiiip!
She had just torn her dress from the ankles to her knees. She crept up to the edge of the tower and wrapped her arms around the side of the window... before climbing down?
I was so surprised that I didn't really comprehend what was happening... until she lost her footing and began to fall. I ran over to the end of the tower to catch her, for no reasons than to be a noble knight of course, and felt the breath being knocked out of me as she fell on top me.
She was lying on me dazed, her head buried into my shoulder, her hands clutching me tight... I rolled her off me as she began to sit up.
"Jesus Christ!" I yelled at her. "You just fell from a twenty foot tower you idiot!" She blinked at me slowly before shaking her head.
"I'm the one that fell, but I think you hit your head off the ground when I landed on top of you, because I'm not Jesus Christ."
This girl just kept it coming.
"Do you know how stupid that was!" I continued. "You could have fell and cracked your head open!" I screamed.
"And what were you going to do Mr. Noble? You were going to climb up my hair and then what?" She questioned smartly.
Okay, so I hadn't thought that through but anyway...
"That doesn't matter because I didn't get that far!" I raged at her.
"Fair point." She answered. "But you still wouldn't have known what to do."
"I... I... I would have jumped into those bushes!" I fumed.
"The bushes are brambles. Brambles are thorns. Thorns are sharp. If you had landed head first, there goes your sight and your pretty face." She answered simply.
"And you wouldn't have?" I answered.
"I was actually counting on you to catch me." She said.
"And if I weren't here?"
"I wouldn't have fallen because there would be no annoying distractions." She smiled falsely at me. "I would have lived."
"Geez... Rapunzel sure is annoying..." I grumbled.
"I'm Melanie, and I wouldn't have it any other way." She grinned up at me.
. . .
"This is a nice horse." Melanie mumbled. "What's his name?" She asked, pulling her fingers through Royal's mane.
"Royal." I answered. She snorted. "What?" I demanded.
"Nothing, nothing." She answered meekly. "Stop!" She yelled suddenly.
"What?" I groaned.
"I need to do... ladies business." She turned her body awkwardly to face me.
"Fine..." I groaned, letting out a long breath.
She clambered off the horse and ran behind some trees. I sighed. This girl was irritating, and sarcastic, and risk taking, and beautiful, and ridiculously attractive, and funny, and easy to get along with, and...
"Prince Jared, Your Highness!" A voice cackled evilly. I turned around to face none other than the witch, Maggie. "I heard that you've taken my girl. Where is she?" She demanded, glaring at me. I was pretty sure that if she wanted to she could set me on fire with her eyes.
"Uhh... I didn't take her, she refused to come with me." I answered. It wasn't a lie exactly. Just a half truth.
"Are you so sure about that?" She asked me, walking closer.
"Uh huh." I lost my ability to speak as she got even closer. I couldn't even move.
"Would you like to re-answer that question?" She asked me. I saw something move from the corner of my eye. Melanie was sneaking up behind Maggie with a... thick branch in her hand?
"No."
"Then I shall turn you into a-" BANG! Melanie conked Maggie over the head with the branch.
"Thanks for that." I said to her as Maggie's unconscious body crumpled to the ground.
"You're welcome princess." She smirked.
"Princess?"
"Well I rescued you so I'm the prince." She answered.
"Talk about gender bending..." I grumbled.
I helped her back onto the horse and off we rode again, into, well... the sunset. And two years later we got married.
A/N: Requests for your favourite fairytales are being taken :) Just leave them in a review or a PM.