Well it is Snape's birthday and I decided to celebrate it in my own strange way. Oh and Snape is dead in this so that's why he's on a cloud...it happens...So yeah, enjoy.
Snape sat on a cloud reading a book when all of a sudden appear a random cherub.
"Severus Snape?"
Snape looked up from his book. "Yes?"
"I have a package from you."
"We can get mail in heaven?"
"Of course, now I just need you to sign here." Cherub takes out a paper and pen and hands them to Snape. Snape signs the paper and then hands the paper back to the cherub whilst surreptitiously pocketing the pen because one can never have too many pens. "Here's your package, have a great day!" And with a sickeningly cute smile the mail-cherub flies off to go deliver Dumbledore's latest addition of Knitting with Blondes.
Snape looks at his package suspiciously. The tag reads "From the Malfoy Family". This caused a deeper frown to crease Snape's face. Of course if it had just said "From Lucius Malfoy" he would have tossed the package right away but it was from the whole family and it was his birthday.
After a few seconds of disapproving looks Snape decided to open the package figuring that Narcissa wouldn't possibly allow Lucius to put something creepy in the package. So Snape opened the package.
The first present was a book by Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart, given to him by Draco who was probably one of the few people who knew of Snape's soft spot for the Muggle writer's novels. The next gift made him wish that he had never opened the package, lying in the box was a rather risqué outfit of black leather straps that Snape had no desire to inspect and on top of this was a rubber duck with a note attached. Snape almost ignored the note in favor of beginning Sputnik Sweetheart but he did miss Lucius a little (but only a little) so he read the note, it of course sad only ridiculous things. Miss you Severus, I'm guessing it must be boring up in heaven (I heard about your true alliances you dog) so I thought you could use something fun. Of course Snape knew, though he wished that he didn't what Lucius implied by fun, though the rubber duck confused him. Oh well. He removed the offending item of clothing and the rubber duck to see what Narcissa had gotten him.
Oh. Now it all made sense.
At the bottom of the box was a tin full of scones. Narcissa's scones...scones he had insulted many months ago and had been punished for but partly not enough in the aristocratic woman's opinion. The note inside read: Happy Birthday Severus, congratulations on getting in heaven.
Snape sighed. That woman could hold a grudge forever it seemed. Oh well, he would give the scones to Potter later and as for Lucius's gift...well Dumbledore was talking about heaven lacking amusement for himself and Grindlewald. Of course Snape had no desire to contemplate what that meant but after having read The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore Snape know knew more than he needed to (he could read in-between the lines).
With a shrug Snape turned his back on Lucius and Narcissa's gift in favor of reading Sputnik Sweetheart. At least one Malfoy wasn't completely lost. At least that's what Snape thought until he opened the book and saw the inscription on the inside cover.
Happy Birthday Professor. We miss you. -Draco and Harry Malfoy.
Snape's face turned slightly green. Merlin's untrimmed toenail! What was the world coming to?
A/N: YES! Done before midnight. Anywho please review. you can rant about how weird this was or how stupid or if you liked it I'd love to hear. it. Rubber ducks and sexy lingerie for reviewers! Oh and the scones come from another one of my random fics.