2:37 A.M
Bucky turned in his bed trying to wrap more of the blanket around his body. He usually never got cold since his nightmares often kept him constantly sweating throughout the long nights. It had been a weeks since he had his last nightmare. He hadn't gone that long without a nightmare since before the war. He had Emily to thank for that.
They had only been dating for a couple of months but things moved fast between the two of them. Emily captivated him the second he saw her. It was late on a Thursday evening when he arrived at the bar she worked at. He had ordered a beer even though he knew it would have no affect on him. He just liked to pretend it did sometimes.
Bucky was fiddling with a packet of sugar on the table when he heard a glass being set down on the coaster beside his real arm. He glanced up to see two large green eyes staring kindly back at him. In that moment he didn't feel like The Winter Soldier. He felt like James Barnes again. His charismatic, flirty personality flooded back into him & he found himself talking with her until closing time. Considering he hadn't had a proper date since the 1940's he was more than eager to move things along with her. So he asked her out.
She moved in with him a few months after they had started dating. And in that time when his nightmares slowly started to vanish. She replaced the sweat & panic from the dreams with herself. She was the one who kept him warm these days. Which should have tipped him off immediately considering he was freezing at the moment.
Another rush of cold air hit him and his eyes shot open. His trained assassin mind woke up immediately and began to work.
There was a draft.
Which meant an open access point.
He shut The Winter Soldier out momentarily & looked over his shoulder to see the other half of the bed empty. Red flags began waving in his mind.
"Shit," he muttered under his breath. The Soldier in him scolding him from the back of his mind for audibly giving away his position.
Before he knew it he was out of bed and silently making his way towards the bedroom door, being careful to make sure the bathroom was clear before passing it.
Having gone to bed topless the night before, he felt vulnerable when the chilled air hit his body, so he grabbed a robe hanging on the door & carefully pulled it on. Bucky internally cursed himself for not keeping a weapon in this room. When Emily moved in he had made sure to remove any weapons he kept by his bedside in fear that a nightmare would cause him to harm her. He left the robe untied when The Soldier noted that the tie could be used to strangle someone if needed.
Opening the bedroom door gently he peered out into the darkness. After deciding it was okay to advance, he made his way down the hallway & into the living room. A lamp from one of the side tables was on which dimly lit the room. As his eyes adjusted he took in the scene in front of him.
The first thing he checked was the front door of his apartment. It was shut and still locked so he moved to look at the windows. All locked. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.
Another rush of cool air hit him and he turned around to see the balcony doors wide open. The curtains danced slowly along with the fresh morning breeze. Once again he was on his toes and ready for anything.
As he was mentally preparing himself to take on whatever threat he was up against, he saw her.
Emily was on the floor slumped up against one of the open balcony doors, still wearing her silky blue pajama shorts and top from the night before. Her thick dark brown waves were covering most of her face, & from what he could make out, she wasn't injured, but she looked like she was unconscious.
That's all he needed to know to be able to push The Soldier's warning to the back of his mind & rush over to her.
He crouched down to her unmoving figure and grabbed both of her forearms with his strong hands.
She immediately let out a yelp and began frantically pulling away from him. Bucky jumped at the sound but kept his grip as she struggled. "H-hey, hey, Emily it's me. It's Bucky," he tried to reassure her.
She froze for a moment at the sound of his name; her eyes staring at his chest, wide and filled with fear. Both of them sat there in silence for a moment until she sucked in a rapid breath and started yanking her hands away from his grasp.
"Emily! Look at me!" He released her forearms only to lightly grip her shoulders. She was freezing. How long has she been out here? What the hell happened?
Bucky looked her over. Once again he found no physical injuries on her so he tried to get her attention towards him again.
"Emily, look at me. What happened? Is someone here?" He lowered his voice at the last part & looked around the apartment again. An attacker would have already come out of the shadows by now if they had intended on using her as bait. Coming to that conclusion made him relax a bit, & he once again tried to convince The Soldier that everything was fine.
Bucky took a breath & looked back down a Emily. She was now gasping for air, fear still prominent in her features. He leaned in and moved some hair out of her face to get a better look at her. Her forehead was beaded with sweat. But she's freezing..
"Oh my god," he breathed as he recognized her expression. She was having a panic attack. Guilt poured through him as he realized he might have triggered it when he initially grabbed her.
Another gust of wind blew through the open doors at that moment and he got a faint smell of alcohol. and she was drinking..?
He heaved a big sigh of relief as he realized that there had never been an intruder in the first place. He dropped his head, squeezed his eyes shut and ran a hand through his hair as the last of the tension in his body dissipated. Once the Soldier was finally out of his head he lifted his eyes and focused on the matter in front of him.
Bucky got up and closed the door that she wasn't leaning on and returned to her. This time sitting on his knees in front of her. She was still gasping for air as he cautiously took her arms into his hands again.
"Emily, you have to listen to me. This is real." His grip tightened trying to emphasize reality for her. "You're going to be fine."
She finally looked up at him. Her eyes blood shot and wide.
He suddenly brought his hands up to the sides of her head and cupped her face. "There you are," he said with a small smile. "I'm going to help you Doll, okay? Don't fight me."
He waited patiently for an answer, but when she didn't respond, he brought her head to his chest anyway. The movement startled her & she brought her hand up to his forearms and grasped them, but didn't push him away.
"Focus on your breathing. Listen to me breathe." He said quietly.
He didn't know how long they had stayed like that. Her head on his chest, both breathing together. At one point he had gently moved his hands from her head down to her hands and brought her frozen fingers to his chest to warm them. They instantaneously began warming up from Bucky's large hands & as she warmed up, her breathing finally began to slow down. He thought she was calmed down until he felt wetness on his chest.
Getting a good grip on her shoulders again he pushed her away from his chest to look at her. Her eyes were even more red from before as tears streamed down her face. "Oh no, hey, you're okay," taking note of how icy her shoulders still were, he continued, "but Doll, you're still freezing."
Bucky wrapped a hand around her back and another under her knees and lifted her into his chest. Walking into the living room he gently set her on the couch. "Give me a second."
He quickly made his way back to the balcony and shut the second door. Before returning to the couch he grabbed a class of water from the kitchen, taking note of the empty wine bottle in the process.
When he returned she was still stifling sobs. Bucky set the glass on the coffee table, and grabbed a blanket from the arm of the couch when he noticed that she had brought her knees up to her chin to try to warm herself.
"Here this will help," he said as he wrapped the blanket around her shoulders. He then cupped a hand around the back of her neck and once again brought her to his chest.
"Darling, what on earth. Why didn't you wake me up?"
He didn't expect her to answer. And it surprised him when she did. Still sniffling into his chest she mumbled, "I'm sorry."
His arms instantly tightened around her and he brought his head down to rest his lips on the top of her head.
"Who said you have to be sorry," He mumbled into her hair, "I just want to know what has you so shaken up."
Silence surrounded them once again as he rubbed small circles on her lower back.
They had both had their fair share of rough nights. Emily however had the luxury of dulling those nights with a few glasses of wine or a fruity cocktail. The super soldier serum was great in many aspects, but as far as temporarily forgetting things, that was a lost cause. But since he had met Emily, she was his way of dealing with the pain. Sometimes he could swear she made him feel better than a night out drinking with Steve in the good old days.
"You know, you had me worried there for a second," he said breaking the silence. She jumped a little at his words and he responded by running a hand through her tangles hair. "It had triggered The Soldier. I...I thought you were gone. Or that someone had taken you."
Thinking back on the panic he had felt when he saw her half of the bed empty he protectively pulled her closer to him. She was now on his lap with his large arms engulfing her tiny form.
She was a bit calmer now. Her tears had stopped but she was still sniffling and slightly trembling.
"It was Melody again." She whispered into his chest.
Her voice was so hoarse and inaudible that he almost missed her speak entirely.
"It...oh." As he spoke he realized what she meant.
Emily lost a friend long before she met him. It was a childhood friendship you would read about in books or see in a movie theatre. An inseparable pair who grew into strong women together. They went from riding bikes through neighbors yards, tea parties and playing dress up to shopping, working at the towns popular diner & cramming for finals in each others dorms in college. Melody meant the world to Emily. And from what Emily had told him, she had meant the world to Melody as well.
It had been like losing a sister Emily had explained. After the accident it was like someone had ripped her out of reality and she developed an anxiety disorder. Being in her small hometown didn't feel like home at all after that. So she dropped out of college, moved to a different town & started working at a local bar. She was careful not to get job that reminded her of Melody. So having to fend for herself every night when drunk men made moves on her as she served them drinks was a nice distraction.
He once again remembered that night that they met. Seeing her swat away other men made him want to give it a shot. So he went after her.
And she let him. Neither of them knew how it happened but somehow they both woke up in bed in her tiny apartment. As they were tucked under the covers that morning, she had opened up to him about Melody.
Remembering that morning snapped him back into reality. It had been months since she had mentioned Melody. And it had never been this bad before.
"Oh, Emily.." He found her chin with his fingertips and tilted her head up a little. Her nose now matched the redness of her glistening eyes. The tips of her dark eyelashes were still shining with leftover moisture & her cheeks were flushed and swollen.
Even now he found her stunning. Her eyes although sad were still alluring. The redness in her eyes made her green irises look even more vibrant than usual. There were dark purple rings surrounded her eyes which also enhanced the color of her emerald orbs. Her pink prominent cheekbones led down to her large pouting lips and her messy hair framed her heart shaped face. She was a sight to behold, even when in this state. Absolutely beautiful. It was the kind of beauty that you would recognize in a painting or a poem. There was so much emotion. And that emotion was respected and admired.
At the same time his chest ached to see her so torn. All he wanted was to hold her tight so she could never fall apart again. He wanted his warmth to give her comfort instead of the alcohol. Just like she had done for him.
Bucky removed his fingertips from her chin and moved them to her eyes and gently wiped the remaining tears from her lashes. He then took both hands and cupped her cheeks firmly.
"Are you ready to talk about it?" He asked carefully while rubbing her cheekbones with his thumbs. She shifted a little bit closer to him and seemed to think about it for a moment before answering.
"I had gone out on the balcony to get some fresh air," she said quietly, "and I must have drank a little more than I had originally intended to.." She brought her hands up to grip the collar of his robe as she spoke. "I'm so sorry for scaring you."
There was a lull of silence as she took a few deep breaths.
"...I had a dream about her. About Melody. It was like when we were younger. It felt so real this time... I didn't know what to do with myself when I woke up. I was so panicked when I realized it wasn't real. That she still wasn't alive.."
Bucky grabbed onto her trembling hands and put them to his chest. "Well this is real. She isn't here anymore but I am." He paused thinking over his next words carefully.
"I may not be able to take you out shopping with as much enthusiasm as Melody did, I'm sure, but there are many things that Melody couldn't do that I can. For instance I can force you to sit and watch the Yankees games with me even though you've never been interested in a single sport in your life." She gave him a sad smile at that comment. She really did hate sports.
"I can keep trying to cook you a nice dinner even though it never worked out the past 30 times I've tried." He saw her eyes light up a little bit in amusement at that one, so he kept going, "and I can say 'I love you' as sincerely as I possible can and as much as I can. Melody may have been able to say that too but not in the same way that I mean it. I hope you know that I love you Emily and I always will. I will protect you from everything I possibly can and I will never leave your side as long as you would allow it. Even though people leave, you will always have me. I hope you know that and I also hope you know that you can come to me. I will be here, so do not be afraid to wake me up next time Doll, okay?"
The room was filled with a blue hue as dawn was breaking outside the windows. As the light made its way onto their faces he could see that she had new tears building up in her eyes. Now it was her turn to bring her hands up to cup his face. She brought her lips to his and gently kissed him.
Between being in Bucky's arms and being covered in the blanket, she was finally warm, & so was he. The lack of sleep for both of them finally started to set in. so she pulled away from the kiss and cuddled into his chest. Every worry and fear in her seemed to vanish and she finally relaxed. She then closed her eyes and whispered a very simple but sure, "okay...and I love you too."
Yay! Thank you for reading! This was my first attempt at a Bucky fic so I hope you enjoyed it! Be sure to let me know what you think and maybe I'll keep creating stories if you guys are interested! :)