A/N: Oh hay guys! So it's late and I didn't really feel like writing on Stockholm Syndrome and was about to go to bed UNTIL this lovely song came played on my iPod and gave me a badass idea *takes vicious inhale* and now I'm producing this stereotypical AkuRoku fanfiction that might or might not turn out awesome.
Whoo, what a run on sentence. Anyway, yes. New story idea, it will be awesome and full of perverted innuendos, because that's just what I do best. Can you tell I'm excited? I'm totally excited for this- this short chapter... thing. I'm not good at writing long chapters. This was originally going to be a one shot, but 1) I'm getting sleepy and I have school tomorrow and 2) long chapters aren't really my thanggggg~ So, here is the first chapter and I hope you like it as much as I do.
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, but if I did you'd see a lot of chain smoking, cussing, and tight pants.
"You do know I have no romantic interest in you, right?" Axel put bluntly, cocking a brow and flicking a cigarette onto the ground outside of his apartment. It was top floor, not the best, but hey, you couldn't hear anyone's footsteps. He sauntered over to a red head girl who was shaking with emotions and staring off at the sky, facing away from him. "To be honest, you're kind of young and sometimes it feels like I'm fucking my sister."
"You know what! You've probably already done that!" Kairi stamped her foot. Axel raised his red eyebrows. They matched his hair, which did not come in a bottle. Axel was always down to show proof, if you did something for him in return. He had a lean figure, tall as a skyscraper, and a sharp face to match his wit.
"Probably right," he chuckled and bent down to tie his shoe, "if I had one, but I don't. I only have a brother, his name is Reno. But, under circumstances, I probably fuck him too." Axel giggled as Kairi stormed towards the steps, and then suddenly realized something. "Wait! Kairi! Wait right there!" He held up a pointer finger and made a mad dash into his apartment, coming back outside within seconds.
"I'm not going to forgive you for what you just did!" She held her shoulders high and sashayed away, thinking she just made a dent in Axel's oh-so-tough emotional wall.
"Forgive me? Haha, I just meant to say you forgot ya undies!" He tossed a wadded up pink ball towards Kairi, who jumped in surprised and scrambled to catch them. "Come back anytime doll! I'm made for love!" Axel called from the balcony in the outer hallway of his apartment complex. It was accompanied by a nice pelvic thrust toward the direction of a disgruntled Kairi, angrily searching for the key to open her car door and get as far away from the maniac as possible. The nice elderly woman from building C, which was located across the street, stood there with her pint sized dog. She seemed unable to process what exactly went on, but she got the gist of it.
"Hey Mrs. Alberdeen!" Axel waved enthusiastically, "Want to come in for some coffee or something?" He gripped the railing, hands far apart, and crossed his legs while waiting for her reply, a reply in which Mrs. Alberdeen shuffled nervously (and partially disgusted), into her apartment with her little dog tucked in the nook of her arm, hiding for dear purity.
Axel kicked off his shoes right after his butt touched the surface of his worn-in sofa. He pulled out his phone, and beside the contact titled 'Kairi', he put a question mark, symbolizing that for the next couple weeks she wasn't the best to call if he needed to, you know, have some sweet, sweet sexual satisfaction. Axel smirked, remembering the late night radio station with the DJ called 'Dark Chocolate' in which he obtained that reference from. R&B and Soul weren't really Axel's interest in music, per say, but he did love himself some Dark Chocolate, both candy and DJ.
The red head soon figured out that there was nothing on TV besides some weird reality shows and men with spray on tans and plastered hair reporting the so called news. The market was walking distance, and the market did contain sour gummy worms. Yes, gummy worms, those jelly worms sprinkled to perfection with sour crystals that the red head enjoyed eating oh so much. It was official, now he needed some gummy worms or he was not going to be able to do anything besides think about gummy worms. Slipping on his creepers, he was so close to escaping the complex hallway until something tugged on his jacket. Axel slowly turned around with an intense glare in the corner of his eye. These are the words playing through his mind:
"Who the fuck is interrupting me on my vicious rampage of obtaining my sweet babies of sugary delight?"
It turned out to be that one short boy that he could hardly remember the name of. Randal? Ross? Well, time to enforce plan B.
"Hey kid, what do you want?" Nailed it, Axel chuckled to himself. He was a genius mastermind of genius. And he sort of felt like saying genius a couple more times. Genius. Genius. Genius.
"I would like you to stop yelling at your girlfriends or whatever those random females storming out of your house are, that would be highly appreciated." The blonde stated through his small mouth. Everything about him was small, all except his eyes and his hair. Those were very large. And, Axel was feeling imaginative, maybe his penis. He didn't know. He wasn't really that into guys.
"Oh really blondie?" Axel leaned an arm on the wall beside him, "what are you so busy doing? Can't be college work, you're like what, 16, at most?"
"I'm 18, " he retorted sharply, "and I'm trying to do a research paper that decides whether I get into college or not. So if you don't mind, keep your brothel a little quieter." Brothel? Axel wasn't running a brothel. That'd be a good choice of career for him, free sex for himself and profit for others. He'd be okay with that. He could see it now:
Axel Amon: Brothel Owner
"So if you don't mind," Oh yeah, this kid was still talking, "Axel, right? If you were to shut up with the constant moaning, grunting, and yelling, I could get into college, get a nice job, and then I'll move. Then you can continue on with all the breeding you want."
"One, Blondie-"
"It's Roxas" Ha! So that was his name.
"Alright one, Rox-ass, I do not moan. That would be the vicious amount of lovely females that come into my apartment moaning. And two, you probably sit in your house at nice, listening to all those lovely ladies moan, and wish you could do the same thing, right? Did I get cha?" Axel leaned in closer and chuckled. It was almost like he had to bend over; the height difference was of staggering amount.
"Oh yes, I imagine myself being a player with bunches of women, because I love women." Each time Roxas said the world 'women' it was like he spat venom, "Because being gay entails me getting a bunch of women."
"Gay? I've never tried that before." Axel's smile curved sadistically.
"Go fuck yourself." Roxas said, closing the door to his apartment.
"I have a brothel, remember!" Axel liked this kid. He pondered whether or not to invest in the friendship between him and Roxas, or just dump it completely down the drain while walking to get those tiny orgasmic treats called sour gummy worms. Or,"Sour Gummy Worms of Love" Dark Chocolate would say.
llllllllll
Axel did what he did best, which was waste time. He decided maybe going back home when that vicious demon called 'Roxas' was out on the prowl wasn't the best idea. Axel could probably kick his ass with one hand tied behind his back, but who wants to beat up someone who looks like they are in high school? So, he preoccupied his time wisely by sitting on the curb in front of King Video, and then going inside of this terrible, run down video store, and checking out the worst and cheesiest horror movie he could manage to find. King Video was pretty famous for having bad movies, and bad movies were Axel's favorite. You know, next to gummy worms, sex, and currently bitchy blondes. And yes, those were in order. Axel also managed to pick up a few looks from the female attendants of the video store. The red head was suave with his spikey hair, tight pants, oversized shoes, and all over all nice sense of style. Who didn't like a bad boy? Oh that's right, no one.
He had wasted just about an hour walking around and the sunset was dead. The maintenance crew at his apartment's that claimed to be 'under paid' but really just sat on the swing sets smoking cigarettes and talking about that one reality show that Axel flipped through previously, practically refused to change the light bulbs in the street lamps. This made Axel an unhappy camper, having to wind around the opposing obstacles of cars and that's about it. He made it into his apartment alleyway, corridor, or whatever you wanted to call it. He wasn't up to date on the correct building terms.
"Nngh, Vanitas, not so rough~"
Axel's ears perked up like a cat. Was that who he thought it was? That sadistic smile crept across his face as he leaned closer to the bitchy blondes door. They were probably on the couch.
"Fuck Vanitas, Ahh" Oh, it was, it totally was. It was mister 'Shut-up-you-brothel-owner-I'm-trying-to-get-some-work-done'.
Who's the brothel owner now, bitch?
Which gave Axel the other thought of:
Maybe he could work at my brothel doubling business because it now appeals to gay men.
Either was Axel was going to win.
After Axel preceded to dance around the outside of his new found neighbor's door, he stopped to think for a second. If Roxas was gay, that meant he liked men. That was obvious. Axel was a man. Axel found himself oddly wondering what Roxas looked like when he moaned. Was he top? Was he bottom? The red head must find out to quench his fascination for this sarcastic fellow.
It was official. Axel was going to get into Roxas' little pants.
The red head lit a cigarette and imagined a standing ovation for himself, the mastermind genius love god of a man, as he walked into his apartment.
A/N: And Viola! That was it. Interested in the song? Beat the Devil's Tattoo by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club.
What'd you think? Tell me, tell me, tell me.
Love you guys!