DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

AUTHOR NOTES: I got the idea for this fic from "Pottersues" rather from "Gender Bender Week". This is not beta-read. Every typo or other mistakes you see are entirely mine. I know this is kind of hysterical. I also know this doesn't have any real plot. Please note that I'm aware of these facts and that they are intended, so please don't flame me over it.

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„EEEEK!!" Lavender Brown shrieked as she awoke on an otherwise very peaceful Saturday morning and looked over to her roommate's bed. All the other girls in her dormitory woke up, too, their sleep disturbed by Lavender's scream.

"Lavender," Hermione said, "what is it?"

But Lavender was not able to speak properly. She simply pointed a shaky finger at Hermione and stammered, "You- you… you…"

"Yes, Lavender," Hermione said, a hint of irritation creeping into her voice. "Me. Hermione Granger. Do you remember me?"

Parvati Patil, who up to then had been too lazy to lift her head from her pillow, now interjected sleepily, "What's up with you, Lavender?" She looked at Hermione, too, and suddenly she was wide-awake, too. "EEEEK!" she shrieked and pointed at Hermione. "You- you…"

"Oh, no," Hermione groaned. "Not you, too, Parvati. Can't someone just tell me what's up with me? Did I grow horns over night or what?"

Exasperated she pushed a stray of her hair back. Suddenly she stopped dead. Slowly she looked at her arm a bit more closely. There was hair. A lot of hair. More hair than she usually had on her arms. Was this some kind of stupid practical joke someone had played on her? Quickly she shoved her blanket back and stared at her legs. They were very, very hairy, too. She hesitated a moment, then she peered into the neckline of her pyjama carefully.

"EEEEK!!" she shrieked in a very uncharacteristically way. "I have hair on my breasts!" She looked closer, then she shrieked again. "I don't even have breasts anymore!"

Of course, she had never been as curvy as Lavender or some other girls her age, but at least there had been something. Now… it was just… plain. Not even a hint of breasts. That was impossible. They couldn't have vanished in a few hours. She felt a hysterical giggle coming up and tried to calm herself down again. Keep cool, girl, she told herself and took a few deep breaths. If it has happened, it obviously has to be possible. You don't have breasts anymore.

Well, she could handle that. After all, there wasn't too much difference to before and she had never really cared for lookings. And you have a lot of hair on your chest. She made a face. Ew. Then she forced herself to think logical. There surely was some charm to remove hair from legs, arms and chest. And if there wasn't, she could still use the plain old muggle razor, although that would be very awkward and involved.

She got up and walked over to her wardrobe. She had to check up on that in the library at once. Suddenly she noticed something. There was… something. Between her legs. Something that felt very wrong. A very terrifying and dreadful thought popped up in her mind. But… that couldn't be. It just… couldn't. She had to be sure.

Quickly Hermione put on her slippers and her nightgown and raced out into the corridor, still feeling the whatever-it-was swinging between her legs. When she reached the washroom, she hurried into one cabin and closed the door behind her. Breathing hard, she leaned against the door, searching for support. She needed something to lean on right now, and if it was only a door.

She took a very deep breath, then she pulled her pyjama trousers down at one go. She held her eyes shut fiercely and held her breath. Then she forced herself to breathe out again and noticed it was very shaky.

Slowly, very slowly, she opened her eyes again, still staring determinedly at the ceiling. She didn't want to see what she feared to see when she looked down at herself. Carefully she lowered her left hand and placed on her left thigh. It was now or never. Slowly she moved her hand to the right. Her heart threatened to explode in the few seconds it took her to reach her goal and she was all of a shake. Then skin touched skin and she jerked back instinctively- her hand was icy, and the part of her body she had just touched was very… sensitive. But she had definitely felt something where nothing should have been.

Hermione felt her lower lip tremble and looked down at herself with the last self-control she could muster.

"EEEEEK!!"

~*~

Harry was fast asleep, lying in his bed in the warm and cosy dormitory, when suddenly the door flew wide open and someone stormed in.

"Harry! Ron!" he shouted frantically with a voice that dimly reminded him of someone.

Sleepily he grabbed his glasses from his bedside table, propped himself up on one arm and looked at the door where a boy stood and looked completely hysterical.

"Whassup?" Ron asked from the bed next to him and looked at the door, too. "Calm down, mate. What's it?"

"Harry! Ron!" the boy screamed again.

"Yeah," Harry said, "We're here. What's up?"

"I- I'm a boy!"

"Yes, I thought so myself," Ron commented in a very dry voice. "Is that all? Because I'd like to sleep a bit more, you know."

Harry wondered why someone should storm into their dormitory and wake them all up, only to tell them he was a boy.

He looked over to Ron's bed and they both rolled their eyes, just like they did each time Hermione talked about SPEW.

Hang on- Hermione…

He looked at the boy a bit more closely, which was kind of difficult because sunlight came from a window behind the boy and he could only see his outline. He pinched his eyes together to see more clearly.

The boy had a mane of very frizzy, very bushy hair, that one was for sure. Other than that, there wasn't anything extraordinary about him.

Now the boy closed the door behind him and put his hands on his hips. Harry raised his eyebrows. He had never seen a boy doing that before- it was a very girly kind of gesture.

"Harry! Ron!" the boy said again, sounding slightly irritated.

"What's it with you?" Ron asked, sounding irritated, too. "Who're you, anyway? Don't think I've seen you before."

"Well, you obviously couldn't have," the boy snapped back.

"Oh, and why is that?" Ron asked.

Harry groaned inwardly. This was just like Hermione and Ron when they were bickering over something again.

"Um… Hermione?" he asked cautiously, looking at the boy with raised eyebrows.

"What?" Ron stared at him with a puzzled look on his face. "Harry… you feeling alright?"

"Of course he does, Ron," the other boy said saucily. "Thank God at least one of you has the slightest bit of intelligence."

"You- you can't- … Hermione?" Ron asked weakly.

"Yes, of course it's me. What did you think?"

"Well… you're… a boy," Ron pointed out.

The hysteria and panic had vanished from the boy's- Hermione's- features while he had been bickering with Ron. Suddenly it all came back at once. His eyes widened in terror and his lower lip began to tremble slightly.

"Err- but- that's okay, of course," Ron added quickly, seeing what he had done.

"No, it's not!" Hermione cried out in a shaky voice.

Seamus, Dean and Neville, who up to then all had politely ignored the conversation, now sat up in their beds, too.

"Hermione… it's not that bad," Neville said quietly.

"Yes it is! And anyway, keep to your own business!" Hermione snapped at him.

Neville looked started and hurt. Hermione inhaled deeply and let her breath out in a long hiss. "I'm sorry, Neville," she said apologetically and tried a smile. "It's just… this is very… awkward for me."

Neville nodded to show he understood.

"Phew," Ron said, "I'm glad that didn't happen to me." He pointed at Hermione and a grin started to spread on his face.

"Ron," Hermione hissed threateningly. "This. Is. Not. Funny. I'm still myself, I'm just… stuck in this body for some reason. I can still hex you if you don't shut up."

Ron immediately stopped grinning.

"Um…" Harry said, "do you want to go to McGonagall, Hermione? Maybe we could… come with you?"

Hermione smiled at him. It was a very funny feeling to see this boy smile at him so thankfully. "Thank you, Harry."

~*~

They stood in front of McGonagall's office. Hermione wore a pair of trousers because she just couldn't have worn her usual skirt with that- thing still being there. It would have felt wrong. She looked at Harry and Ron, who were standing on either side of her, then she knocked.

The door was opened and McGonagall looked out. "Yes?" she asked. When she saw Harry and Ron, her expression changed immediately and she looked suddenly worried. "Did something happen, Potter?"

"No," Harry replied. "It's just that Hermione has a problem."

"Then why didn't she come herself?" McGonagall asked with raised eyebrows. "I don't see why I should talk to you about Miss Granger's problems."

"I am here, Professor," Hermione said quietly and looked at the ground.

Professor McGonagall paled noticeably and her mouth fell open. "Miss Granger?" she asked disbelievingly.

"Yes." Hermione looked directly at her Head of House and desperately wanted her to understand. "I woke up like that this morning."

"Did you?" McGonagall asked weakly and continued to stare at the boy in front of her. Then she seemed to notice she had lost her self-control in front of students and quickly recollected herself.

"Please come with me, Miss- Mr Granger, we will go to the Headmaster. Potter, Weasley, you may return to your dormitory."

Hermione waved goodbye to her two friends and followed her Transfiguration teacher with slumped shoulders and, still, a thing hanging between her legs and making her feel uncomfortable.

***

To be continued.