"Hey, you alright over there?"
The teenager looked up at the sound of his boyfriend's voice, his thick auburn hair ghosting over his eyes briefly only to be brushed away with the back of his hand. A small smile quirked on the corners of his lips as he leaned his head back against the back of the overstuffed armchair he sat in with his long gangly legs outstretched in front of him. "Jack…" He cooed, batting his eyelashes in a playful manner. "I am most well my lou, my love. You need not worry for me."
The teen's antics had earned a smirk from Jack who had been standing in the doorway and balancing two cups of hot chocolate in his hands. "Ahhh… Well alright then, I guess since you put it so eloquently I'll just have to believe you." Although his tone was playful, there was a hint of skepticism dancing in his honey brown eyes. And as he crossed the room, Jack was careful not to look away from the young man taking up residence in his favorite chair.
"You dare doubt me?" The other chided, his fingers splayed over his heart as he took on an expression of betrayal.
"No, I just have a knack for sniffing out bull shit. Comes from years of knowing you Hiccup."
The other, Hiccup, sucked the air loudly from between his teeth as his face contorted into one of fake hurt. "Wow, rude Jackson. Though, I do guess considering the time you spend with your head up your own ass, it would become a talent of yours."
"OH!" Jack exclaimed loudly, his eyes blowing wide as he stared Hiccup down. "Low blow, kitten." The young man made sure to add extra emphasis on the playful pet name he had adopted for his boyfriend just for added measure. "Now whose rude?" Jack rose one bare foot and nudged Hiccup's right leg, silently demanding that he scoot over in his seat. This action earned an over dramatic eye role, but without much other complaint, the brunette complied.
"Theres no room butt-munch." He muttered as Jack weaseled his way in between Hiccup and the chair's arm rest. It was a tight squeeze, but they had been performing this ritual since they were children, and the thoughts of anything more than friendship was far from their innocent minds.
"Yes, you say that but yet you still move, and here I am sitting here. Funny how the world works like that." The young man argued, his expression nothing short of a cat who had caught the canary. With their hips now pressed flush together, Jack handed Hiccup his drink and threw one of his arms around the other's shoulders to pull him closer. Hiccup, now with sufficiently less room, shifted so he was slightly on his side and rested his head on the crook of Jack's neck while their legs tangled together lazily.
They sat like that for a while, the sounds of yet another boring holiday special playing on the rather pathetic looking tv in the back ground. A small silence passed between them, a thing that was usually welcome and pleasant, but this time Jack found it oddly unsettling. With the new quiet, the young man could feel the tension practically radiating off of the other, and was quickly reminded of his earlier concerns. His long, slender idly played with the small tight little braid that Hiccup had adopting to wearing in his hair, (a rather useless thing, Jack found as it did very little to do much at its current length, but it was adorable none the less) while he thought of what to do.
After a few more minutes of silence the young man turned his head just slightly so that he could plant his lips in a tender kiss on top of Hiccup's down turned head, before he eventually spoke. "You know I was serious, right?" He asked.
"Hm. 'Bout what?" The response he had gotten in return was lazy and tired, and earned a small amused smile from Jack as he sat there taking in the warmth the other body provided.
"I mean… Are you really alright?" He pressed, his fingers continuing to play with the wonderfully soft locks of hair beneath them. "I know I'm no scientist or anything, but you've be-"
"Please don't say that word."
Jack's brows furrowed as he was cut off. There was a certain edge to Hiccup's voice that was strangely… Unsettling. "C-come again..?"
"I said don't say that word. Scientist. I hate it."
He could feel Hiccup tense under his arm, and all at once a thick feeling of dread filled Jack to the core. Hiccup was prone to getting himself into moods, but normally Jack could lightly tease the teen and joke with him until his usual attitude returned. This time however, it was different. He wasn't sure what it was, but the way how Hiccup spoke told Jack to choose his next words very, very carefully. "And… Why not…?" Alright, so it wasn't the most subtle approach, but Jack wasn't one for subtlety in the first place. Either way, all Hiccup did in response was shrug his shoulders and nuzzle his head further beneath Jack's chin. To egg him on, Jack made sure to give his shoulder a soft squeeze.
"Jack no…" Hiccup mumbled, rolling his shoulder to discourage the tender hand. The action obviously didn't work, as the young man then turned to slinking his arm around the other's slim waist to tug him as close as possible.
"Come on… What's bugging you? See, I'm even putting on my serious big-boy face here." Jack's voice was low and quiet, while still urging an answer from the other man beside him. The hot chocolate, now forgotten, was cast aside to rest on the small end table that sat between the arm chair and the matching love seat beside it. "Please?"
Hiccup sighed, his calloused fingers drumming against the sides of his own mug anxiously while he tried to drown out Jack's continued pleas. It was getting difficult though, as with each tender touch and gentle question brought a fresh need to simply let everything go to the surface. He bit his lip, silently debating wither or not it would be worth the trouble to even bring such a thing up; but Hiccup knew that Jack of all people was someone who really ought to know.
He hadn't meant it, but all in one burst it came out, words stumbling out like a band aid being peeled off the skin. "I met my mom yesterday." A part of Hiccup hoped that Jack wasn't listening, or didn't really care so that elaboration wouldn't be needed… But a larger part, his common sense said otherwise. Without even looking up, Hiccup could imagine the face his boyfriend was most likely making if the way how his body practically froze was anything to go by. Hiccup would have been all too happy to leave it at that, but there were cool fingers being slipped beneath his chin, and his eyes were suddenly met with another, all too familiar pair.
"I'm sorry?" Jack asked, an eyebrow raised in confusion. Ever since they were children he had been under the impression that Hiccup's mother had passed away… So who was this woman he was talking about? "I-is… Is your dad getting remarried or-"
"No." Once again cut off, Jack felt the air being sucked out of him as he watched Hiccup's face become hard, practically unreadable as he spoke. "My mom. Birth mom. She's alive. Weird, I know." A tense silence filled the room once more, and Hiccup turned his head back down so he could tuck it beneath Jack's chin once more, thus ending the conversation right then and there.
Jack however, would have none of that as too many questions raced through his head at that moment. How was it possible that she was alive? He could vividly remember a conversation several years ago about the very subject. The woman died when Hiccup was just a toddler… So how… No. This couldn't end here. "Hiccup." He pleaded, placing his palm against the other's heavily freckled cheek and turning his face to meet his once more. "What do you mean… I.. I thought she was-"
"Yeah me to." Hiccup jerked his face away and reached out to deposit his mug on the coffee table in front of them before rising to his feet. All Jack could do was watch as the young man crossed his arms and stared pointedly at the television, as if the flickering screen could give him some insight. "Look, I'm… I'm just gonna go home. I don't feel so good and-"
"So stay here. You can lay down on my bed and we can talk about this." It was Jack's turn to interrupt now, and he wouldn't take no for an answer. "Hiccup, your mom is alive, this is.. This is-"
"Don't you say it." Hiccup's eyes flashed dangerously as he whipped his head to stare at Jack with more malice than he ever had in his life. "Don't you fucking say that this is a great thing."
Jack's heart could have stopped in his chest. Never before had Hiccup taken such a tone with anyone, let alone him; and the hurt showed on his face. Realizing what he had done the brunette's face fell, and he lifted a hand to cover his eyes. "Shit… Jack… I didn't mean.. I'm sorry… I-"
Without a word Jack reached out and lightly gripped Hiccup's other hand and gave it a gentle tug, urging him closer. "Its okay…" He cooed. "I… Whats… Ugh… Tell me about it. What happened?"
Hiccup took a deep shuddering breath and slowly lowered his hand, although his eyes still avoided Jack's own. There they stood for what felt like an eternity while Hiccup struggled to piece together the events from the night before. When he eventually did speak, his voice was quiet and difficult to hear. Small and broken. "I… She's amazing… She… She's been working on rescuing endangered species all over the globe… I… She's great… Smart and… And kind and everything I always wanted…"
"So whats wrong then?" Jack asked. Somewhere during their moment Jack and Hiccup's other hands had found each other and held fast. From what Hiccup was describing, it seemed like the woman was something out of any child's fantasy. A wonderful dream mother… So why was Hiccup so upset?
It took another painfully long moment for the young man to gather his thoughts enough to talk. All the while his grass green eyes, so much like his mother's stared down at their tangled fingers. He had her hands too… thin and wiry, with freckles right down to his knuckles… It wasn't fair. "Its too late. Its not fair."
"Not fair?" Jack echoed, craning his neck to catch a glimpse at Hiccup's face through his thick bangs.
"No… No its not. Its been too long. Dad didn't even tell me… Not even a letter… I didn't even get a reason why…" Hiccup hated the way how his voice cracked at the last syllable, and hated the way how his fingers trembled even more. But if Jack noticed, he said nothing on it, for which he was thankful for. "I would have understood… If I had.. Had at least gotten a letter… A picture maybe? But no. Not even an apology. Like: Hey. I know you thought I was dead for you know… Your whole life. But my bad, I'm here now, tada! Sorry kiddo. Sorry that while the rest of your class made presents on mother's day, you had to ask your teacher who could you make your present for because you don't have a mom! But wait! You do! Surprise!"
Even in his angered state Hiccup still managed to maintain his snarky attitude, and Jack was thankful for at least that small bit of familiarity. He'd seen Hiccup upset. He'd seen him angry and sad. But this was something completely foreign. Hiccup trembled as he went on, and Jack fought the urge to stand up and simply gather the young man in his arms and hide him away from all that hurt him. … Instead, all he could do was sit there, wide eyed and holding his hands as he watched the boy he loved unravel before his very eyes.
"No! 'A mother never forgets' she tells me… Well if she remembered so well, then why didn't she at least call! Why did she have to be dead! Jack its not fair its not fair!" As he said this Hiccup stomped his foot in a childish display of rage. Jack said nothing on this however, only listening as he clutched Hiccup's hands ever tighter.
"I should be happy dad says! I get to meet my mom he says! I'm sorry he says! We agreed it would be better for you he says! I was scared I'd lose you he says! Well you know what? I was scared too! I…." A sob got caught in the man's throat as he struggled to speak. It really didn't feel fair. Why did he not get any say in anything? "You don't… You don't just leave for eighteen fucking years and come out of no where and just expect everything to be okay… You don't get to decide when you want to become a mom… You become a mom when you have a baby… Not when you feel like it…. Fuck research… That's bull shit. I needed a mommy then… I don't need one now when I'm grown up…"
And that was that. Without another word Jack rose to his feet and wrapped his arms tightly around Hiccup's body, holding him close as the man began to cry against his shoulder. "Shhh…" He soothed, letting his fingers card through Hiccup's hair. It hurt to see the usually emotionally strong man in such a state. Normally Jack was the first one to break down (not that he would ever admit it. The was a secret kept strictly between the two of them.) But Hiccup… Who had lost half of his leg at fourteen, only to just get right back up on his prosthetic and walk again. Hiccup who had handled the bullying of his peers for years without even batting an eyelash. Hiccup who had grown from an awkward little duckling into the strong, smart and independent and ever curious young man he was today break down into heart wrenching tears was almost too much to bear.
"I couldn't even tell her I was mad… I should be happy…" He continued on, voice muffled by Jack's familiar and well-worn hoodie. "I should-"
Again, Jack cut him off, but far gentler this time. His lips pressed against the shell of Hiccup's ear, which was soon followed by soft soothing words meant only for him. "You can be mad if you want. If you're hurting, you're hurting and you're allowed to. That's bull shit. 'You should be happy.' No. You react however you want you. They don't get to tell you how to feel. Hell… I'd be down right pissed if I were you. Who does she think she is?"
Hiccup sniffed and grabbed fistfuls of the back of Jack's clothes. "She's my mom.."
"I don't care. That's bull. Every boy deserves a mom, but when she left she left. You don't owe her, or your dad shit. That's your decision. She lost her chance."
"But… I still want to know her…"
Hiccup's voice sounded so lost in that moment, it broke Jack's voice. Carefully, he pulled away and lifted a hand to cup Hiccup's tear streaked cheek. Looking into his eyes, he spoke in the most serious tone he could muster. "Then you get to know her. But don't do it because you feel like you owe it to her. Do it because YOU want to. Okay?" Jack tried to smile, but it was difficult when his boyfriend was in such pain.
Hiccup nodded and mustered a tiny smile to return the favour before nuzzling his head back in the safety of Jack's shoulder. "Okay…"
"Okay…"