A.N. I know this might not be something you expect from me, but, eh… I'm just so, so, so… let's leave that I'm so… exactly what that 'so' means I have no freaking idea… -_-
Warnings: yaoi – manxman, AU, LawLu, mentions of KidLu and ZoLu…
Disclaimer: I never ever had owned One Piece, I really doubt that's gonna change…
Depression
Luffy's POV
'Depression – that feeling you have when you can't do a thing, when you sit in front of your desk, look at you books and do absolutely nothing. You know you should be learning, you know that if you're not doing anything like that, then you should find some other activity, but you just sit there. When you're tired of sitting, you put your head on the table, close your eyes and sit in this half-lying position and do absolutely nothing.
And when the next day comes you feel simply useless 'cause you didn't do anything… It's like Christmas without presents, birthday that everyone forgot, a date that the other party forgot about… That's the feeling you have, that's the feeling I have right now. I know I'm being pathetic like this, I know that there's no real reason to be feeling like this, after all it's almost Christmas. But I just can't, it seems I can't concentrate on good things, or even bad ones at that!
Though when I'm with friends it goes away - I feel energetic and lively, I start to feel excited about Christmas and I feel ready to start studying, but when I'm alone the feeling comes back. If I think about this like I do now, when I'm with friends I probably put up a facade, so they wouldn't see the inner me who's all wrinkly, self-pitying and negative. I did mention about it to my friends, but I said it while laughing and didn't get into details about it, so they didn't asked me any more questions. But maybe I'm just overthinking? Maybe everything is fine and I'm just looking for problems?
…
I have no idea how should I feel…'
I looked at the mouse and then at the monitor; should I send it? Several weeks ago, before all this pessimistic mood came I started chatting with one absolutely smart guy. I don't know where he lives or how he looks, but I know that his favorite colors are black and yellow, that he has four earrings and his hands are tattooed. I know that his favorite dish is jelly beans, well that's not really a dish, but when asked he answered like that. We chat every day when we both are at computer at the same time, so that's like several hours every day and for the last several days he has been asking if I'm alright. I always said that I'm fine, but right now I feel like telling everything, I feel like I need someone, anyone to know about this…
I pressed the send button and put my head on the table; he probably won't be able to write me back right away, he can't always be by computer…
*Cling*
I raised my head and looked at computer, to know when a message comes I have turned on the sound, so I could hear this 'cling'. I took a deep breath; let's see what he wrote…
I opened our chat window and saw only two words there: 'Let's meet.'
He wants to meet? Does he live in the same city? Well if he's suggesting this then he probably is… 'Okay, where?'
A cling immediately followed 'At Saboady Mall, isle 1 at four o'clock, if you can.'
'Alright'
'See you there.'
He won't explain why he invited me to meet him? I sighed; I don't really care. Maybe he wants to cheer me up cause I said that I feel better in company? Ehhh, I will know when I get there; I glanced at the clock placed in the corner of the monitor; quarter till three. If I don't want to be late I better start preparing to go out now, it takes almost an hour to get to Saboady Mall from where I live…
-II-
I glanced at the clock; five minutes till four, just in time… Suddenly I felt a hand land on my shoulder. "Luffy-ya?"
I never heard this voice before it was low and flew through air like silk, I turned around and saw a tall, lean man with a white fluffy hat that had black dots on it. His hair was black and he had a goatee, I noticed four earrings in his ears and dark lines under his eyes; he calls me like that… "Tarao?"
A small almost invisible smile appeared on that man's lips and he did what I definitely didn't thought he will do – he hugged me. It was a little awkward hug, like from a person who hugs rarely, but I could clearly see that he's trying his best. Warmth from knowing that he's doing this for me went through my body; as I though, I feel much better now…
When he pulled away I could still see a small smile on his face, but it immediately changed to worried. "What you wrote, are you alright?"
I nodded. "Yea, it kind of disappeared, but maybe I'm just feeling lazy? Maybe it's no depression at all? And how did you know it was me?"
Tarao looked away. "Well you know, when we exchanged our names, I checked your on facebook and found your profile, everything you told about yourself matched it, so I checked out how you look…"
"Ohhh, you're so smart Tarao! I didn't think of doing that! I was wondering for quite some time how you look, but never dared to ask for a picture!"
We started walking at some random direction. "Well as you can see I'm really not anything much…"
I grinned; it's really easy talking with Tarao, we chatted a lot before, so now we know enough about each other without feeling uncomfortable, it was a great idea to meet! "What are you talking about! You're handsome!"
I made one of my trademark grins at him, but he only looked away from my eyes; does he seriously don't believe that he's handsome? "Hey Law!"
Torao turned his head at the direction the shout came from; oh, right, his last name is Law… My eyes widened a little when I recognized exactly who was the one who called Torao, it was Kid. The red hair seemed finally notice me to and made a questioning face; he better doesn't say anything embarrassing… "Hey Luf."
"Hey Kid."
Torao glanced from Kid to me and raised an eyebrow. "You two know each other?"
I nodded and spoke before Kid could. "Yea, we've known each other for a long time, how about you two?" I just met Torao and don't want him hate me, just because of some things, some people don't like them very much. Though if he's friends with Kid he probably doesn't mind gays, if he did Kid would talk with him so casually, he wouldn't talk with him at all! I wonder why does it bother me so much if Tarao doesn't like gays…?
"Well actually me and Law were in the same class in high school."
"Ohhh." High school, that means that they know each other for quite some time…
"So is he your new boyfriend?"
"No he's not!"
I looked at Tarao with wide eyes; he shouted together with me? He's gay too? What does he mean new? Or maybe he's asking me that? He knows that the only person I ever dated was Zoro, but there weren't any passion between us, so we broke up, now he's happily dating Sanji, they look really happy together. And of course there's that one time with Kid when we went drinking and got so drunk we didn't understand what we were doing. The morning was really awkward and we decided that we're not gonna talk about it and we're never going out to drink with only the two of us. Later he met Killer and both of them are really pleased by meeting each other.
I got out of my flow of thoughts and looked at Kid who was laughing so hard that I could see tears in the corners of his eyes; it great how he has a great time out of this, but why did he had to say that! "Oh my goddess, your reactions… I simply thought that you two looked like a shy couple on their first date and it turns out neither of you knew!"
He got into another laughing fit. "Seriously guys, I'm outta here, you two sort everything out between yourself…"
After saying those words Kid walked away while chuckling; does he think I like Tarao? Do I like Tarao? I glanced at the taller male who was standing next to me, he had a faint blush on his cheeks; does Tarao like me? Ughhh, I'm getting frustrated by all these questions! I don't like thinking and I've been doing more than enough of that lately! Do I want Tarao walk away and never come back? No, I don't… I glanced at Tarao's face, particularly on his lips; would I like if he kissed me? The warmth feeling I had in my chest ever since he hugged me fluttered reminding me of its existence. I would…?
Well that settles everything! I turned at Tarao grinning. "TaLuraffoy-ya I thidonk I lilikkee yyouou!"
I looked at Tarao; we said something at the same time again… is it just me or did we both ended our sentences in 'like you'? I looked into grey Tarao's orbs. "Uh, you say it first!"
Tarao's cheeks became a little more reddish. "I do like you."
I felt my cheeks flame up; man, for some reason this is so embarrassing… "I think I like you too."
A short silence fell between us as I looked down not knowing what I should do. I felt Tarao's hand gently take mine and I looked up, Tarao had this questioning look on his face, I slowly nodded and our fingers intertwined and we slowly started walking again. Did feeling like I felt before lead to this…? Well, it was worth it
A.N. Okay, so while writing this my mood became just so much better… (Maybe the new One Piece update helped? :?) And oh, this my little gift for you South Boy! If not your nice words about me I wouldn't have started writing this 'cause I was feeling grateful! And the first part of the story, all that stuff about depression, I was feeling exactly like that when I started writing, so I just simply put my feelings in there… :D And as I said, my mood became just so much better! ^-^ I completely didn't think of story turning like it did! Hope you enjoyed! :}