"Real Fact" #816
Or, How Luke Really Got His Scar
TheLostLogia
Humor/Parody
Characters: Luke, Hera
No Pairings
Warnings: This is COMPLETE CRACK. Explanation at the bottom. Sort of. That's about it.

EDIT: Disclaimer: Percy Jackson and the Olympians belongs to Rick Riordan. I also don't own Snapple.

xXx

He was close. He could smell it.

The scent of the golden apples wafted in his direction tantalizingly.

This would be easy. He'd had a stroke of good fortune: the dragon was away, Polyphemus had been... incapacitated, so Ladon was guarding the Golden Fleece while he was recovering.

He reached out, slowly, and gingerly plucked an apple from the tree.

He froze. Silence.

YES! Mission accomplished!

He turned to leave, when something shiny and metal whizzed past him.

"And just where do you think you are going, exactly?"

...you have GOT to be KIDDING me.

Luke turned back around to face a fuming Hera.

"Um... camp?" he squeaked, nervous. Hera wasn't fun to deal with when she wasn't angry. He couldn't be sure what she would do now. And were those... hairpins?

"I thought I sensed someone in here. But no god dares enter without my permission... " Hera trailed off, seemingly in deep thought. Suddenly, she grinned darkly. "Regardless, I doubt my dearest husband would mind if I... took care of this myself."

Luke gulped. Time to go. "Maia!"

"Oh no you don't!" Hera fired her hairpins repeatedly at the frantically flying Luke. "Don't you dare leave with that apple!"

It doesn't look like I'll make it out of here alive at this rate... who uses hairpins made of CELESTIAL BRONZE anyway?! I guess I have to ditch the spoils. Better for the mission to end a failure than for my life to end altogether. "You want this apple? Fine! Here, catch!" he said, tossing the apple at Hera.

Hera let the apple fall to the ground, shocked.

She didn't catch it? That's weird. Wait... why does she look angrier?

"You... HOW DARE YOU!" Hera, screeched, choked with rage.

Damn. Should've kept the apple. Oh well, better get out of here while I still can.

As Luke sped away, Hera threw one final hairpin at him. Luke didn't dodge quickly enough, and the pin grazed his face.

Dammit. That's gonna scar.

xXx

While Luke was getting patched up, he prayed no questions would be asked. He wasn't so lucky.

I can't tell them the truth; I'll NEVER live it down. What do I say... Oh, I know!

"Well, I was SO close to getting the apple when the dragon caught me and scratched my face with a talon while we were fighting. I knew it was a losing battle so, I got out while I still could."

There. That's close enough to the truth. I wonder why she got so mad, though... it was just an apple.

End
xXx

Omake

"You threw the apple to her?!" Annabeth shrieked. "Luke, you idiot!"

"What? Why am I an idiot?" Luke whined.

"Because you proposed to the goddess of marriage! The married goddess of marriage!" Annabeth huffed and stormed out.

Luke gaped at her retreating back.

xXx

Snapple "Real Fact" #816: In Ancient Greece throwing an apple to a woman was considered a marriage proposal.

A/N: I was having a Snapple with my dinner when I read this fact and this ficlet immediately popped into my head. I couldn't resist. I hope you enjoyed! Please review!