This is what a restless night does to you. Watch out people - it's another badly written humor coming right at you!

Legolas paced up and down the halls in Rivendell, his head bent and his face bearing a frown. Two young elven maids sat in a tree near a window that was near Legolas - so of course they could see everything the handsome prince did. They giggled and clutched at their hearts when he shot an annoyed glance at them. The diplomatic elf refrained from yelling at them, proclaiming to the world that he was married to an elf in Mirkwood and throwing a nearby vase at them.

Instead he just threw the vase at them.

The two young elven maids fell out of the tree - shooting hurt and longing looks after the frustrated archer who was storming down the halls, away from their direction.

~*~

Elladan and Elrohir peered cautiously into the bedroom - their eyes wide. Glorfindel raised an eyebrow as he neared - pausing in surprise as he heard a string of venomous curses fly out from the said bedroom.

Upon further inspection - it was revealed to the occupants of Rivendell that Legolas Thranduilion was the only one in the room. He was furiously jumping up and down on his bags, struggling to get everything to fit in so he could shut it. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" He snapped angrily, not looking up at the trio standing in his doorway.

"He's been like this all day." Elladan murmured to Glorfindel, his eyes wide - completely ignoring the prince's shout.

"He's been like this all WEEK!" Elrohir whispered, his eyes wider than his twin's - ALSO completely ignoring the prince's shout.

Glorfindel said nothing at all. He backed out of the room slowly and shut the door. His footsteps could be heard echoing around them as he raced away from that room as fast as possible.

~*~

"Let me go!!!" Legolas yelled desperatly, fighting to get out of Glorfindel's VERY strong and Erestor's moderatly strong grip. "I must leave Rivendell!" He bit Erestor's hand - but the stern faced advisor had had his share of papercuts in his long life and had developed a surprisingly high level of pain tolerance. Glorfindel looked impressed.

Lord Elrond directed the two elves to hold the prince down upon the table. "Valar - Legolas!" Elrond snapped in exasperation. "Both of your Eru forsaken legs are broken and if I don't set them soon they will begin to mend crooked and IT WILL BE MORE PAINFUL AND WILL TAKE LONGER TO HEAL!"

"Just get it over with!" The prince moaned hopelessly - slumping in Glorfindel and Erestor's arms. "All is lost! I will never walk again! If only I had looked both ways before crossing the street... I wouldn't have been trampled! Oh - if only I was a better person! But no! It is because of me that my mother died! It is my fault my father hates me! I am such a horrible, useless, ugly, untalented elf... who will ever love me? Ah! Woes me..."

Elrond froze - his hands darting to Legolas' neck. And he found what he feared.. it was a horrible, dreadful discovery... it was the crimson red lipstick kiss mark of a Mary-Sue.

~*~

The Kiss of a Mary-Sue:

A dreadful disease transmitted by the DNA of a Mary-Sue. It is most often transmitted to elves, but it has been found taking form in men - most often in Rangers. It causes bouts of anger, discomfort, self loathing, anst, sudden shows of affection, emotional pain, flash backs, amnesia, love of pink, kissing, brotherly affection, and most often: screaming and much mental anguish.

The only known cure is the reading of the story "The Life of a Mary-Sue" - which contains many stories containing differant sub species of the Mary-Sue. However, no known being has survived this cure without permanant mind damage and it has caused many deaths by suicide.

The Healing Mind - Written by E.L Flord

Elrond had set Legolas' legs while the prince was in his angsty, self loathing state - because the beloved archer believed that he DESERVED the pain. He had conversed with Glorfindel, Erestor, and both of his sons... and they couldn't come up with any other solution.

In order to cure the prince of the terrible Kiss of a Mary-Sue, they would have to submit him to several various Mary-Sue tales.

May Eru help them all.

I am tired. I am bored. And I am drinking orange soda. And this fic is the offspring of such.

So do not expect much from this story.