Cuddy sat at home Friday evening, fingering the little blue envelope that House had given her. He had looked so good, so outwardly happy that she had had a hard time stomaching it. When he had stated that he was having a "thing" on Friday and he wanted her to go, she had no idea that he was going to get married. Married. When she had retreated back to her office, she felt like she had been kicked in the stomach, eyes welling with tears. She was filled with so much hurt and angst that she couldn't see or hear anything for a few minutes. How could he be moving on so quickly, and with a hooker! For the life of her, she couldn't figure out why anybody would do this to a person that you claim to love. Was it all just a big lie? Did their time together mean anything to him? These past couple of weeks she had been feeling guilty and alone. She wanted him back so badly that she had to fight with herself daily not to march into his office and claim back what was hers.
So here she was, another Friday night spend alone, like so many times before. The difference was, that while she was sitting her pathetically remembering all the good times they had, he was getting married. She couldn't bear to go, she wouldn't watch that. She had pride, but not that much. She missed everything about him, how he used to run his fingers across various parts of her body when they lay together in bed. The sweet kisses he would lay on her lips that she could still feel whenever they spoke.
Cuddy understood acting out when somebody hurts you. Trying to get revenge on the person that broke your heart, but this was cruel, even for House. He spends his time doing stupid things just so that he can have something to rub in her face and she gets the point! She gets it, so why does he need to keep throwing punches. She doesn't want to break, be broken by the person that she's loved for as long as she can remember.
Her tea has gone cold and instead of heating it up, she opts for something a little stronger. Julia has taken Rachel for the night because Cuddy didn't want her daughter around to see her like this. The little girl has a hard enough time when mommy is at work all of the time, she doesn't need to see tears and gut-wrenching sobs when mommy is home. Walking back to the couch after getting herself a glass of wine, she wonders if the ceremony is over yet, wonders if she is now desperately in love with a married man. This thought bring a batch of fresh tears and she swears that she will do anything, anything to make this feeling go away. She is a strong woman, but this is a slump that she just can's seem to break out of, not this soon anyway.
She debates with herself over calling Wilson, she knows that he would break the news to her gently and offer to come over for some friendly company if she needed it. She didn't realize how much thought of her as his friend too, and not just the package that came with being friends with House, until they broke up and he was running around like an idiot trying to help them both at the same time. While she could use the company, she really isn't ready to hear that House is married. She doesn't think she'll ever be ready but she knows that Monday morning will come soon enough and that House would never miss the chance to rub another thing in her face, especially this thing.
Deciding that she's had enough dwelling, she stands and heads to the kitchen to refill her glass before taking it upstairs and to the bathroom, thinking that a hot bubble bath would help. It's at this point where she is extremely glad that her and House had taken that magic bath at his place instead of hers. Like she needs another memory pounding into her brain. Settling the glass down next to the sink, she bends to turn on the taps, sighing deeply when steam begins to fill the room. Absently, she pours a few capfuls of bubble bath into the water, watching as the bubbles form quickly. Placing the bottle back under the sink, she begins to light a few candles around the room, taking in the scent of vanilla and lilacs. It's her favorite scent and it starts to calm and relax her instantly. After shedding her clothes, she reaches for the small radio affixed to the wall and flicks it on, tuning it to her favorite radio station and rolling her eyes when she hears the commercials playing.
As she lowers her body into the water, she hears the opening guitar line to a song that she hasn't heard in awhile and wonders at the irony that it would be the first song she hears tonight. She thinks that she should probably turn the station, but she leans her head back against the side of the bathtub and listens to it anyway.
Ten miles from town and I just broke downSpittin' out smoke on the side of the roadI'm out here alone just tryin' to get homeTo tell you I was wrong but you already knowBelieve me I won't stop at nothin'To see you so I've started runnin'All that I'm after is a life full of laughterAs long as I'm laughin' with youI'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever afterAfter the life we've been through'Cause I know there's no life after youLast time we talked, the night that I walkedBurns like an iron in the back of my mindI must've been high to say you and IWeren't meant to be and just wastin' my time
Oh, why did I ever doubt you?You know I would die here without youAll that I'm after is a life full of laughterAs long as I'm laughin' with youI'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever afterAfter the life we've been through'Cause I know there's no life after youYou and I, right or wrong, there's no other oneAfter this time I spent aloneIt's hard to believe that a man with sight could be so blindThinkin' 'bout the better times, must've been outta my mindSo I'm runnin' back to tell you
All that I'm after is a life full of laughterWithout you God knows what I'd do, yeahAll that I'm after is a life full of laughterAs long as I'm laughin' with youI'm thinkin' 'bout all that still matters is love ever afterAfter the life we've been through, yeahKnow there's no life after youKnow there's no life after youKnow there's no life after youKnow there's no life after youKnow there's no life after youKnow there's no life after youKnow there's no life after youKnow there's no life after you, yeah
As the song fades out she pops her eyes open and wonders if the fact that she is once again think about House and crying makes her pathetic. She realizes though, that she doesn't care. You cannot control how you feel and simply telling yourself that you don't love somebody anymore doesn't make it true.
She had realized as soon as she had gotten back out to her car that night, that it had been a mistake to break up with him. A mistake made out of anger that had been building since she had gotten sick. She was too stubborn and proud to go back in though, so she sat there hoping that he could come out, tell her that she was wrong and that she could do it. That the Vicodin had been a mistake that he wouldn't make again. Minutes went by and still she sat alone, and so she had driven off towards home with a heavy heart and a deep ache in her breast. That night in bed, she wondered if Julia had helped to fuel that anger before quickly realizing that it was her mistake, not anybody else's. She deserved the blame.
Running the bath sponge over her arms and legs she hears the distant roar of a motorcycle down the street. Foolishly, she thinks it might be House…then she hopes that it isn't, because she knows that if it is him, he's only here because he couldn't wait for Monday to rub his marriage in her face. She continues with her bath until she hears the distinct sound of wood on wood bellowing from her front door. Her heart sinks and she debates not answering the door. She is not ready to face him and the humiliation he has brought with him. True to House though, he bangs on her door repeatedly with no sign of giving up.
She rises from the bath, grabbing for the towel and drying off quickly before wrapping her robe around her body and heading downstairs. As she reaches the door, she places her palm against the cool wood and takes a deep breath, as if settling her armor into place against what is sure to be a vicious attack. Feeling as ready as she is ever going to get, she slowly opens the door and focuses her blue eyes on the man standing on her doorstep.
"House, I'm really not in the mood for you to keep poking your sharp stick. Plea-"
"I couldn't do it." The hell? Her heart skips a beat but she's not ready to assume what he means. Taking a step back, she wraps her arms tightly around her torso, biting her lip before speaking.
"What are you talking about? Why are you here?" Looking at him is hard but she is determined to show that she is strong and that he won't break her with his stupid actions or razorblade words.
"Dominika…getting married, I couldn't do it, Cuddy. It was happening and everybody was there and I just couldn't do it, to myself or to you. I've been a right bastard these past few weeks, and no matter how hard you try to hide it I know that I've hurt you, probably more than I ever did when we were together. Getting married, I knew that if I did, it would be it. There wouldn't ever be any chance of us ever again. I just couldn't do it." All this seemed to come out in one breath and she wonders if the room is actually spinning or if she's getting ready to faint.
"Cuddy? Are you alright?" He takes a step forward, reaching for her elbow, but she quickly rights herself and steps back away from him. House lowers his head like a wounded puppy and tries not to let the disappointment show on his face. He had to have known that it wouldn't be this easy. He can't have thought that he could just waltz in here like everything would be okay after only a few words.
Angrily she beings to speak, "House, you can't just knock on my door and expect everything to be okay…what you've done these past few weeks is probably the worst thing you could have ever done to me. For months you say that you love me that you care, and the minute we break up you act like you did before. I made a mistake in ending it for the reason that I did, I should have stuck with you and helped you through your slip. I didn't, and I know that. But you, you just completely obliterated any meaning that our relationship may have had" Halfway through her rant, tears have started to fall and she refuses to wipe them away. Glancing up at his face she see's that his eyes are glassy as well.
"I know. I know that, Cuddy. I was selfish and stupid, trying to hurt you the way that you hurt me. I didn't even stop to think that you were probably hurting too. Instead of thinking that you felt you had to break up with me, I thought that you were just trying to hurt you. I swear, Lisa, it was only one pill and I only took it so that when I got to the hospital I could be there for you, and not show you how much of a wreck I was over the thought of losing you and then just when things seemed to get better, I lost you anyway and it just-It broke me, Cuddy and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for the way I handled it." Houses grip on his cane has tightened so much that she wonders if he's going to snap it, he is blinking rapidly and his words are coming out in a rush of breath. " I don't want to stay on the Vicodin, I want to fix this. I want to be with you again, I miss you and I miss us and the feeling just wont go away. Just one more chance, I swear, just one more. We both made mistakes but I love you and I know that you love me and it can't just end, not like that. Not after all the things that we have been through both together and apart. Please, Cuddy, I don't like the person that I am without you now that I've had you."
Swallowing hard, Cuddy doesn't know what to think at first. She is torn between heartbreaking happiness and a sense of awe that these words are coming from his mouth. She knows that he is being honest because there was not a single deflection nor did he every stray his eyes away from hers. His bright blue eyes are shining and she swears there is a lone tear running down his face.
Taking a deep breath, she says quietly," If we do this, House..it won't be easy, we both have a lot to work through. This is the last time, no more chances after this. There have to be rules, House. This time, you don't just get to do whatever you please and expect me to be okay with it. No Vicodin, I can't deal with that again. " She see's his nod and releases the breath she had been holding. Silently, they stare at each other before House breaks the silence.
"So, now what?" Unable to hide her smile, she holds out her hand and he grasps it firmly before pulling her into him and lowering his mouth to hers. His cane drops and he slides his fingers into her hair, thumb brushing against her jaw. She brings her hand up to his face and rubs his stubble slightly before pulling away and finally shutting the door. As she turns back to him, she seems that he has discarded his jacket and leaned his cane against the wall. Silently, he stretches his hand out to her and she follows him as he leads them down the hallway to her bedroom. He is still holding eye contact as he shuts the bedroom door softly behind them and leans forward to kiss her deeply, finally closing his eyes and releasing a sigh into her mouth. Seconds later, he pulls away to bury his face in her neck, arms wrapped around her middle, he holds her tightly until she wraps her arms around his neck, fingers playing with the short hand on the back of his head.
After holding each other tightly, they loosen their embrace and Cuddy slides her hands to the front of his shirt, looking him in the eyes as she starts unbuttoning it from the top. When all the buttons are undone, she slides it off of his arms and tosses it onto a chair next to her dresser. House raises both hands as she peels his t-shirt off before lowering them to her face, one hand on each cheek, kissing her deeply and slowly as she unbuckles his belt and pants. Slowly, they make their way to the end of her bed where House sits down to remove the remaining articles of clothing. When he finishes he pulls Cuddy between his legs and looks at her as he unties the sash to her robe, pulling the sides open and sliding his hands around her hips. Sweetly, he leans in to kiss her stomach before burying his face into her and inhaling deeply. She runs her fingers through his hair and God had she missed this.
Bending down, she kisses the top of his head before stepping out of his embrace to walk around the side of the bed and laying down in the center, with her head on the pillows. Silently, House slides up the bed to lay down next to her. Laying on his side facing her, propped up on one elbow, he leans over her to kiss her lips again, running his hand up and down her legs. All of a sudden, it's as a if a dam has broken and their kiss turns passionate and she wraps her arms around his back to pull him closer.
While looking into her eyes, House positions himself on top of her and smiles when she raises her legs to wrap them around him. Slowly they kiss and touch each other, becoming familiar with each other after being worlds apart for what seemed so long. It's a little bit later when, short of breath, that House leans down to capture her earlobe in his mouth before whispering deliciously in her ear "I've missed this, Lisa. Let me in." Before kissing her neck and wrapping his arms around her, holding her tightly.
Waves of pleasure shot through her at his words and she relaxed her hips and tilted her pelvis, letting out a sharp gasp as she felt him at her entrance. With a deliberate and slow push, House entered into her, staring into her eyes once again. His eyes are burning bright as he tells her "Look at me, Cuddy." When she does open her eyes, they lock onto his and as her arms tighten around him, he begins moving, long and deep thrusts, making her short of breath when he pauses for a split second before withdrawing to pump into her again.
Over come with emotion, she slides her hands down to his hips, pulling him into her faster, getting lost in the moment that they are creating. Eyes still locked together, she tells him on a moan "I love you, I love you so much"
Bending down to kiss her, he mouths that he loves her too against her lips. Picking up speed , they get carried away in what they have found again and together, will do anything it takes to hold onto this time. The knowledge of how they are apart is the catalyst in making sure they do it right this time around.
A/N: Sooo, how did I do? I loved writing this and I know the ending might suck but I'm almost late for an appointment. Hope you enjoyed it, please leave a review! Thanks for reading. The song is Life After You by Daughtry.