A/N: This chapter is really short. It was originally written just to be displayed on LiveJournal but I decided to post it here too. The next chapters are longer, I promise. :)

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Pinky swear!

My mother once told me that I would never benefit from the relationships I participate in. I am constantly forced to face guilt over the decisions I make. I am easily won over and I have a hard time saying no. If I do say no, then I make myself feel bad. It's a horrible circle and it's all I could think about as I waited for things to go back to normal.

The first thing I woke up to was the ache in my back from being curled in the awful hospital chair for hours. The next thing I felt was the hand in mine. It took me a minute to realize where I was and what was going on. Normally, that would be terribly out of character for a person such as myself but, with all the shock and exhaustion from the last few days, I wasn't surprised.

I stirred as softly as possible and moved everything except my right arm, not wanting to wake him from the sleep he desperately needed. He'd woken a couple of times already. Once to me and I know at least once to Wilson. I know he was going to be completely heartbroken over Wilson's reaction towards him. I just kept telling myself that the best thing I could do right now is be strong for both of them.

I sat there, holding House's hand, staring through the wall, and listening to my stomach beg for attention. I almost felt like I was the one who was hit by the bus. Why did I do this to myself? Why didn't I stop him? Why did I let him do the deep brain stimulation? He could have died and it would have been my fault.

There I go with the guilt again. I shook my head at oncoming tears and checked House's monitors. All was stable and his breathing was regular. I figured I could get out for a potty break and a trip to the snack machine without missing much. The nurses knew to page me.

I slipped my hand gently from his and stood. Without warning he rolled violently, almost pulling out his IV, and yelled, "Amber!"

I gently pushed him back to the center of the bed and tried to comfort him, leaning down next to him with my hand on his shoulder and whispering, "It's okay House. Everything is okay."

His face relaxed and his breathing slowed down. I relaxed too, hoping that did the trick. I stood at the foot of his bed for a hundred years, too afraid to walk out of the room. I know it wasn't a hundred years but my brain made it seem as though it was. My whole body ached and my stomach wouldn't stop growling.

When I had satisfied my conscience that everything was okay, I made my way out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom, passing nurses and other staff on my way. They all gave me sympathetic looks and I found myself wanting to slap them all. How dare they pity me. I wasn't the one they were supposed to be pitying.

After finishing my trips to the bathroom and snack machine, respectively, I ate my cheese crackers outside of House's room. He hadn't moved since I'd left, thank goodness, and his vitals were the same.

A steady rain was falling outside and, when I thought to glance out of the window, I decided the weather was appropriate for my mood. I didn't feel like talking, or eating, or sleeping, or doing anything really. Especially not working, which is why I was avoiding my office all together. I had sent out a memo to all departments warning them that I would be out of the office for a few days and to only contact me if it was an emergency. I laughed quietly to myself at that thought. House would have been to my office at least twice by now with 'emergencies' of his own. To him, nearly every procedure constituted as an emergency.

After finishing my sorry excuse for a lunch, I went back into House's room and picked up his chart. I fixed his morphine and turned it up a bit. With the head injury, the deep brain stimulation, and the infarction, House had to be in a lot of pain. He wasn't near the morphine threshold yet so I decided it was alright to give him a little more.

"Cuddy?"