Smoke and Mirrors
aethere.
A/N: ...ever since I read Memento Vivere by Enkida, I've been brimming with [aurikku muse. But since this is all that came out of it - considering it's pretty pitiful and has no mentionable plot - I don't know if it's a good thing. However, it was a good story. (For Meii, since she's just so in need of proof that I'm emo.)
And no, I don't own. At all.
In fact, feel free to chop of one of my fingers on your way out. I have ten.
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There are more than just a few problems with running. Rikku knows and can name nearly all of them. The ones she doesn't know are the ones Auron does: this is one way they make up for their flaws, something present in most all relationships that actually have a chance of working out. Rikku and Auron know each other well enough to cover up all the things they don't think people should see.
The only downside is they can't cover up the flaws they refuse to see.
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The first thing Rikku knows about running is the same as what Auron knows: there's always that sense of guilt afterwards. Sometimes it's fleeting. Sometimes, like after she figures out that Tidus might have died after the first incident with Sin, it lingers. She can safely say that it's just like the bitter taste of water right after you've eaten a few strawberries...lacking, somehow not there. But it's still harsh enough to hurt; Rikku wants to know why.
Auron disagrees. He knows that strawberries and a glass of water (not sphere-water, which is pure and holds no regrets) don't compare to the true feeling of guilt. True guilt is everlasting and cannot be remedied...or if it can the path to redemption is so difficult most think of it as worthless. In a way, yes - it is. Redemption involves, more often than not, coming to terms with the guilt. This means that to remedy it is to face it. You don't have to win or lose. You just have to look it in the eyes and understand.
Most of the time, it's just easier to ignore it.
After Home is destroyed and she's left with a sneaking suspicion that it's all her fault, Rikku finds she agrees.
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The second reason that Rikku doesn't like to run is the missed opportunities. Most people think it's just the guilt that makes her do things and wish for more, but Auron knows they are wrong. Guilt has nothing to do with it. This is why when Rikku starts to miss things she never got the chance to do, Auron reprimands her by reminding her that everything has a consequence, even spurning Gippal's advances by slapping his ass with a monkey wrench and prongs.
Eventually, if she starts backtracking on her way to glory, she'll trip.
This is why Rikku avoids falling, which goes hand-in-hand with stumbling - mentally, when she fails to think up a witty comeback to one of Tidus' half-assed comments about her flat chest. Or physically, like when an Evil Eye manages to get her Confused and knock her back on her pretty little knees that don't have as many scars as they should. Maybe even spiritually, as if the looks Yevonites give her still bother her like they did when she was a tot. Nowadays, she swears they don't.
(Times like these, Auron suppresses the desire to preach something about Al Bhed being human. This is Tidus' job. Even Yuna, who speaks soft and wears fake strength like a cloak, can do a better job of it than he can.)
At times, she fears that there will be no one to catch her, which is just an excuse to claim that she's incapable of getting back up again. This someone, as a note, is not always Auron. But she prefers it when it is.
Sometimes, too, she's afraid that when she does meet these missed opportunities, Rikku will find that they aren't entirely as glorious as she'd like them to be. Not that it's glory she's veering for. As an Al Bhed, she may want to restore her people, but as Rikku, she has already risen above such petty desires.
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Auron knows something Rikku doesn't.
Sphere-water...it's the same as running. Running can trigger the memories just as easily as spheres themselves do - flashing colors as you sweep past, leaving behind a chunk of yourself where something shouldn't be discarded. He can make faces out of shadows...but it's so much harder to cut them down, these people that are like and unlike himself. The difference is they don't have Rikku, who is able to make the shadows go away in ways that Auron can't even imagine.
(Not yet.)
On the day that Jecht decides to leave his sphere, the one he can barely use and has gotten bored with, behind in Macalania...he actually lets go of a breath he didn't know he was holding. Jecht doesn't notice, but Braska does.
Of course, he's not dead then. Later, Auron realizes it had more to do with spheres being machina than it did with memorabilia. He's glad that he can look back and see that he was wrong without Rikku's help. Rikku is only useful when it comes to soothing the worries these memories let flourish. Is it any wonder that although her hands are so small compared to his, they can still do just as much...if not more?
(And he knows he's lying when he says sphere-water is special, a cut above regular water, because it's much, much worse.)
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But Rikku knows something Auron doesn't. Or if he does, he hasn't told her. Not that he would want to.
Running?
It leaves scars.
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A/N: It was supposed to be longer, but I got lazy. Sorry.