I know I promised to finish my Jori (Tori/Jade) oneshot and then continue 'If You're Me, Who Am I?', but I've been reading a lot of parody/cliché type things and I've wanted to make one of my own for a while. Yeah, it'll have similar elements to other stories of this nature - that's to be expected. So reviews saying "OMG you copied *insert author name here*" are unappreciated and unnecessary.

This is basically me ranting about the numerous clichés in the Victorious fandom. I'll probably create a version for the iCarly fandom too. Let's do it.

My first chapter just HAD to be based on this horrible Bori (Beck/Tori… *shudder*) storyline that we've all read a hundred times…

Tori's POV

OMG, I couldn't sleep again last night because I kept dreaming about Beck. You'd think that being a 16 year-old girl attending one of the most prestigious performing arts high schools in the world would mean that I'd have a lot more interesting things to think about but since this is fanfiction, the only thing going on in my life is the main plot.

Please note that the author will usually assume you know that this takes place first thing in the morning. Then, without warning, the author will place a divider to symbolise a time-skip, although they will not say when to.

Beck and Jade were making out by the lockers because in Bori fanfiction, that's all they ever do. I somehow knew this before I even walked into the school.

Wait for it…

I walked through the front doors and noticed this. Without even giving the possibility of me being psychic a moment's thought, I began to cry.

Because it's not like I can act or anything.

I couldn't stop the tears flowing.

I'm so in love with Beck but he loves Jade. My life will never be the same without him.

An important thing to note is that ALL Beck/Tori fanfiction following this basic plot (i.e. 95% of it) will have that line somewhere in it: "I'm so in love with Beck but he loves Jade." Because the author can't think of any reasons Tori loves Beck.

Beck's POV

Aaah, the typical POV switch after about 360 words. A crucial plot device in any Victorious fanfiction.

I'm being sarcastic. If you didn't guess that one, you need a deodorant can shoved up your nose.

I was making out with Jade because that's all we ever do. But it didn't feel the same. Ever since Tori came to Hollywood Arts, I've lost the spark I had with Jade (this is the author's pathetic attempt at a 'mystery'). I wonder why.

Suddenly, I noticed Tori crying even though I could only see the side of Jade's head as she was trying to lick my tonsils. Without giving the fact that I could now see through humans a moment's thought, I stopped making out with Jade and ran after her (even though the author never even said she ran away).

Jade's POV

THIS IS IMPORTANT: For the single paragraph we are in Jade's POV, she will be a horrible bitch who only sees Beck as a pair of lips.

Huh? What is Beck doing? Is he looking at Vega? She's crying. Good. I hope the bitch rots in a hole and dies of starvation. Even though the writers of this show have made it clear I've forgiven Tori for stage kissing Beck.

Then Beck stopped kissing me, and I began a long mental monologue of this event from a third point of view while Beck stood there doing nothing for about 2 minutes. Because when one person is thinking, everyone else in the world of FanFiction freezes in time until said person is finished thinking.

Beck ran after Tori.

Nobody's POV

…

(Yes, this is me calling authors out on the fact that there is NO SUCH THING as "Nobody's POV". If there were, nothing would ever happen.)

Author's POV

Tori ran and ran to the most romantic place the author could think of, without even hearing Beck running loudly behind her yelling her name.

Just as Tori is standing on a specific spot that, according to the author's crazy logic, has huge significance to the storyline (what storyline…?), her invisible hearing aid suddenly turns itself on (A/N: Sexual innuendos FTW.) and she hears Beck.

She turned around way too overdramatically, her hair flicking from her left shoulder to her right, making her look like one of those girls from l'Oreal adverts with impossibly perfect hair.

"Beck, what are you doing here?" Tori asked cluelessly, even though they are in the middle of nowhere and there is obviously only one reason Beck would ever want to be here.

As she waited for Beck to catch his breath (something Tori conveniently doesn't need to do), she willed her tears to stop flowing. Because she can act now.

"Because I saw you run away. Why?" Beck replied in a soft, soothing voice that he only has in FanFiction.

"Because I…" Tori began, pausing to choke back her tears, or at least, that's why the author is saying she paused. The real reason is for dramatic effect and suspense.

"What it is, oh beautiful Tori? Wait, you haven't confessed yet. Sorry."

"I love you!" Tori screamed at him in a horribly OOC tone of voice. Tori began to cry because of the pain of her love. In real life, she would probably be crying because her voicebox is now irreparably damaged, but since this is FanFiction, just no…

Beck pulled Tori into a tight hug for about ten minutes, because the author thought that it's realistic for people to hug for that long.

Eventually, they pulled apart, but Beck wouldn't let go of Tori. As Tori was about to go on rape alert, Beck leaned down and kissed Tori right on the lips (it'd be a pretty terrible climax if he kissed her anywhere else…).

The author was too excited to upload this 'amazing' story to write any details about the kiss and so just went with the most obvious, overused line in kissing history:

Beck's lips felt soft.

Yep, that's it.

"Why did you kiss me?" Tori asked in a voice that somehow showed she was about to faint.

"Because I love you." Beck answered.

"But you love Jade." Tori said, marking the second time that line has been used in the story.

"I don't feel the same way I did two years ago. It's called character development. Everyone goes through it in their teenage years. Don't worry, it'll start for you soon." Beck informed oh-so-innocent Tori.

"Oh. Okay. Let's go run into the sunset and make out now."

"Kay." Beck answered, without considering how much of an annoyance and a turn-off that answer is to a girl.

So they ran off into the sunset together. Even though it was early morning and the sun only rose two hours ago.

Now, an author with any sort of skill or creativity would show the aftermath of this, but most authors would decide that this is a good enough ending despite the fact that Beck and Jade never broke up, André, Cat, Robbie and Trina were never even confirmed to still be alive, Beck and Tori probably got in trouble for ditching a whole day of school to make out and Jade probably wants to stab Tori repeatedly with a toothbrush.

In the eye.

It'd hurt more than stabbing her in the foot, wouldn't it?

Wow, congratulations if you survived through that.

This probably doesn't differ too much from most parody or cliché fanfiction on this site but I'll try to at least be originally unoriginal.

I have a list written out for cliché ideas, but give me suggestions anyway and I may use them if they are common enough for me to find enough material to write based on.

-Ailodierap