Author's Note: I don't own anything Law and Order. I do this for the love of the characters and the love of writing. With that said. This takes place in my Olivia and Alex "Life" universe. Hope you Enjoy. ~Reese
They had known of each other through work. Casey Novak had been an up and coming A.D.A working white collar at first and then was hand picked by Arthur Branch to replace the presumed dead Alex Cabot in Special Victims. Serena Southerlyn had been a McCoy girl Friday working in homicide until she was fired for being to sympathetic for prosecution. They hadn't really met until they both found themselves at a birthday part thrown in Jack McCoy's honor. Casey and Serena had spent most of the evening talking and a few days later Casey was surprised when Serena called to ask her out. She was a little hesitant at first, there had still been lingering rumors that Serena was fired by the openly conservative Branch for being a lesbian, but then she decided to accept the blonde's offer and take a risk. The risk had turned out to be well worth it. Casey and Serena hit it off and things progressed from there. They started dating and before Casey realized it she found herself falling for the blonde lawyer. They took things slowly but before Casey could really take it all in she found herself being part of Casey and Serena in the same way there was an Alex and Olivia.
Alex and Olivia. The more time Casey spent with them, the more she saw their lives together taking shape, the more Casey wanted what they had. She moved in with Serena and they started planning a life together. Casey thought she was finally happy. She thought she had everything. Then she came home early from a business trip. She hadn't called Serena to tell her she was coming home early because she thought it would be romantic to just come home and crawl into their bed. There was a warm smile on Casey's face as she quietly let herself in to their apartment. She toed off her shoes at the door and walked softly in her bare feet across the dark room to the hall that lead to their bedroom. If she'd been aware and less focused on just curling up in bed with her girlfriend she might have noticed the heavy scent in the air or heard the muffled sounds before she opened the door but she didn't.
Jet-black hair was sprawled over Casey's pillow. Glassy blue eyes gazed up at her when the dark room was suddenly filled with light from the open door. The muscles beneath bare skin that Casey knew all to well flexed as Serena jerked her head towards her. Casey met her girlfriend's eyes before letting her gaze travel down Serena's arms to her hands, which cupped the other woman's breasts. Casey watched in stunned silence as Serena rolled her hips off the woman beneath her, grasping for the sheet to cover them. Again their eyes met and before Serena could say a word Casey turned on her heel and walked back down the hall.
"Casey!" Serena called out as she scrambled for her robe.
Casey didn't pause, she didn't weaver, as she walked to where she'd left her suitcase, grabbed the handle and walked towards the door.
Serena grabbed Casey's arm. "Casey, I'm sorry."
The slap echoed in the dark, quiet apartment. Casey's eyes blazed with hurt and anger, but she didn't say a word. She grabbed her suitcase and left Serena standing there in shock, her hand held to the cheek Casey had struck. Casey was numb. She didn't know what to do or where to go. She hailed a cab but didn't remember telling the cabbie to take her anywhere until they were pulling up in front of a bar Casey hadn't been to in years. It was an Irish pub where she felt comfortable but no one would know her. She walked over to a small table out of the way and flagged down a waitress, ordering not just a single glass of Jameson's but the whole bottle. Casey sat there, the scene she walked in on playing out in her mind over and over. Her thoughts were shattered all over the place, questions popping up unwontedly in her mind. Was this the first time? Had she missed something? Had she done something? Wasn't she doing enough?
When Casey finally realized her cell phone was ringing she pulled it out of her purse. There were text messages and voice mails from Serena that said the other woman had been calling since Casey had left the apartment. She shut the phone off and put it back in her purse before pouring herself another glass of whisky. When she left the bar she wasn't fall down drunk but she wasn't sober either. It was raining. Casey loved her city in the rain. There was something cleansing about it. Casey didn't know where to go, she figured she should head to a hotel because she sure as hell wasn't going home, so she started walking in the rain towards a little boutique hotel she knew was close by. As the rain came down, as the evening turned to night, Casey kept walking. She knew she should have gone to the hotel but a bigger part of her was seeking more then just shelter, she was seeking safety. She didn't just want a room for the night, she wanted, needed, someone who could shake her free of the numbness and make her think again.
Casey was soaked through to the bone when she finally raised her fist to knock on the white door of the brownstone she'd found herself at. She was shivering almost violently as she waited for the home's occupant to come to the door. Casey held her breath when the dim light behind the frosted glass turned brighter. She was just as surprised to find herself standing there as the woman who swung open the door.
Elizabeth Donnelly had no idea who would show up on her doorstep this late but she was ready to rip into someone for it. Or at least she was until she opened the door to find a rather pathetic looking Casey Novak standing there. "Casey?"
"I'm sorry." Casey said, her voice horse and trembling. "I don't know why… I just didn't know where else to go."
"Come inside." Liz said as she pulled the younger woman inside and closed the door. "Stand right there until I get some towels."
Casey just nodded and stood where she was told to stand as Liz disappeared upstairs. When Casey first started with Special Victims, when the detectives were still punishing her for not being Alex, Liz had taken the young woman under her wing. Despite the fact that Liz was grieving for Alex just as everyone else was, she had never taken it out on Casey the way others had and that helped Casey to bond easily with her new boss and mentor. At first Casey turned to Liz when she was having issues with a case, but over time she found herself seeking the older woman's counsel on more personal matters. Liz had surprised Casey by being so willing to listen and advise, and before long the two had formed a real and lasting friendship. When Alex had come back from the dead it was Liz who'd come to Casey to see how she was handling it. When Serena had asked her out it had been Liz who told her life wasn't worth much without a little risk. She told Casey that it was one thing to take risks in the courtroom, but the risks she took in life would be where the real rewards were.
"Here." Liz said as she handed Casey a towel while using another to wrap around the shivering redhead.
"Thanks." Casey replied. She hadn't realized how cold she was until she started warming up.
Liz looked the younger woman over and then glanced at the equally drenched suitcase. She doubted anything in there would be of use until it dried out. "You know where the bathroom is. Go get out of those wet things. I'll find you something to put on."
Casey was still to numb and disoriented to argue. She walked to Liz's downstairs bathroom and started working her way out of her soaked jeans and sweater. A few minutes later as she was drying her hair Liz cracked open the door and set a pile of things on the sink. "Thanks."
"I'll make some tea." Liz said from the other side of the door.
The yoga pants were a little long and a little snug at the hips, but they were soft and warm and comfortable. The sweatshirt was soft and warm as well, and it smelled of Liz's perfume despite being clean. Casey took comfort in that familiar scent before coming out of the bathroom after hanging her things to dry.
"I put your bag in the laundry room." Liz said as she came out of the kitchen to find Casey standing uncertainly in her living room. Her eyes flickered to the couch, telling the younger woman to sit without saying a word. She couldn't help but smirk when Casey sat down, curling her legs under her to hide her bare feet. "I'd offer you something stronger than tea but I'd say you already had something stronger tonight."
Casey blushed a little as she nodded. "Yeah, I did, but I'm not drunk."
"Just nicely self medicated." Liz said with a knowing look. She didn't want to push so instead of asking outright what happened she asked, "Aren't you out of town until Tuesday?"
"I came home early." Casey answered as she curled into an even tighter ball.
"I can see that." The older woman said curtly. When it was clear that Casey wasn't going to give her anything more on the subject she got up to get their tea. Several minutes later she returned and handed Casey a mug. "It's strong and sweet. Drink it."
Casey nodded as she accepted the drink. Liz hadn't been kidding about it being strong and sweet, but it seemed to be just what she needed. As she sipped at the drink she could feel herself warming up and her clogged mind clearing.
Liz became alarmed when she saw tears welling in Casey's eyes. She reached out a comforting hand, placing it on Casey's arm, which got the younger woman to look up at her. "What happened Casey?"
A long painful minute passed before Casey said, "Serena was fucking another woman in our bed."
"Oh Casey." Liz said, her voice laced with sympathy and a touch of anger. She'd encouraged Casey to see where things went with Serena, and now Casey had been hurt as a result. Casey told her what happened, about walking in on them, about going to the bar, and then about walking until she found herself at her doorstep. It touched Liz that when Casey was seeking a safe place she'd come to her. When she saw that the evening's events were starting to take their toll on the redhead she said, "You'll stay here tonight. You can figure things out in the morning."
Casey just nodded. She put her now empty mug on the coffee table and followed Liz's directions to the guest room. She was emotionally drained and physically wiped out from traveling, so it didn't take her long to fall into a deep dreamless sleep.
When Casey woke up the following morning it took her awhile to realize where she was. Once she did everything came rushing back and she felt that same heart stabbing pain she'd felt when she'd walked in on Serena the night before. She whimpered softly as she curled up around the extra pillow on the bed, but only for a few minutes. She wasn't going to let this crush her. She wasn't going to let this defeat her. Forcing herself out of bed she headed downstairs. She was surprised to find it was well after ten in the morning. She was even more surprised to find a note from Liz telling her to stay and make her self at home, and to use the time to figure things out. Casey was grateful beyond words for the sanctuary. After carefully rooting around Liz's kitchen Casey made her self some coffee and forced herself to eat a little. She was startled to find her clothes had been washed and dried and were folded in a laundry basket while her suitcase lay open to dry out. After her shower she put on her own track pants and another one of Liz's clean sweatshirts, taking comfort from her friend's scent in the fabric as well as the shirts warmth since she still felt cold.
Casey had been in Liz's home before but she'd never really looked around and certainly hadn't ever been left alone in it. She explored a little, both from curiosity about her friend and to keep her self occupied. The distraction didn't last long and soon enough Casey found herself curled into Liz's couch staring at her cell phone. She sat like that for a half an hour before she finally turned it back on. Along with more messages from Serena there were several from Olivia and Alex. Apparently Serena had called them looking for her, and it made her wonder if Serena told them why Casey was missing. Deciding that she couldn't really settle anything without at least an explanation Casey dialed Serena's number.
"Casey?" Serena said as she soon as she picked up.
"Yeah." Casey replied.
There was a soft sigh of relief on the other end of the phone. "Oh thank god you're alright."
"I'm far from alright, Serena." Casey said back angrily.
"Yeah." Serena said. "Yeah, I know, it's just I meant that you're alright, that your safe, I know things aren't ok. Where are you?"
Casey pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes against the sting of fresh tears. "Someplace in the city." She answered. "Things are so far from ok one of us might as well be on the fucking moon."
"I'm sorry Case." Serena sighed.
"I don't want to fucking hear it Serena." Casey spat. The hurt and pain she'd been feeling was quickly eclipsed by her anger, and the anger felt a lot better. "Who was she?"
There was a long pause on the other end of the line before Serena said. "Carmen."
The hurt and pain were back. "Carmen." She repeated. "You're Spanish affair from when you spent time in Europe getting over getting fired?"
"Yeah." Serena admitted.
Tears welled in Casey's eyes. "How many times did you fuck her while I was away?"
"Casey."
"How many times Serena!" Casey yelled into the phone. "How many times did you fuck another woman in our bed? Was she the only one?"
"Yes, she was the only one." Serena answered. Her voice cracked with emotion. "It just kind of happened, Casey."
Casey shook her head as she wiped angrily at the tears on her cheeks. "Don't make excuses, Serena. Just tell me what happened."
"She called me out of the blue." Serena began after several long minutes. "She asked me to have drinks with her. We spent the night at the bar just talking. She came over for dinner last night and well one thing lead to another and…"
"You fucked another woman in our bed." Casey said bitterly. She was starting to feel and sound like broken record repeating that same line over and over, but that was the only line that kept rolling around in her mind.
Serena was silent on the other end.
Casey was silent too. She had a hundred different thoughts and emotions she needed to sort out.
"Casey."
"I can't do this." Casey said, cutting Serena off. "I just can't. Not right now."
"Ok." Serena said softly. "Are you coming home?"
Casey shook her head. "No, not now, not any time soon."
"Casey we can…"
"I need to go." Casey said, cutting her off again. "Don't worry. I'll be fine."
So many things ran through Casey's head as she sat on Liz's couch, clutching a throw pillow to her chest as if it were a life line and she were drowning. There was one thought, one thing that kept coming back to the forefront. If she loved Serena, if she truly loved her in that never ending, makes the heart beat, makes the lungs breath kind of way, wouldn't she be at least willing to try to get past this? It wasn't like Serena was a serial cheater, at least as far as Casey knew she wasn't. As far as Casey knew this was the first and only time and it simply was a mistake, a mistake made in the passion of the moment. Couples worked through this kind of thing all the time. But that's what was scaring Casey so badly. She couldn't seem to find that little piece of her that wanted to work this out with Serena.
If she took an honest look at her relationship with Serena she'd see that there were problems, ones they'd been trying to ignore. About six months ago they tried to adopt but it fell through at the last minute, and the strain of loosing the baby they'd been planning for just added to those problems. Problems that really began, if Casey were honest with herself, when she left the D.A's office. What Casey needed was to get herself back on track. That thought surprised Casey because she hadn't realized she'd managed to loose her self, but she had. She'd given everything to the job and then what was left she'd given over to Serena. Now here she was empty and unhappy and lost.
It was the soft clink of keys and the gentle thud of a leather bag hitting the wood floor of the foyer that finally drew Casey out of her thoughts. She blinked, her vision having become unfocused at some point. The muscles in her arms and legs were burning from not moving for hours. How long had she been sitting there like this?
"Casey?" Liz called out softly.
"In here." Casey replied as she uncurled herself, groaning at the painful protest her limbs were putting up.
Liz frowned at the sound. "Are you alright?"
The redhead nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."
The older woman watched as her young guest went to stand and managed to catch Casey just before she toppled over. "Still fine?"
"I just sat still to long." Casey explained as she let Liz help steady her until her limbs filled with blood again. The painful pins and needles made her moan softly. "Way to long."
Liz nodded in understanding. "You had a lot to think about."
"More then I realized." Casey admitted. She looked over at the clock, it was a little past seven, and her eyes went wide. "Oh, I'm sorry, I meant to look for hotel. I didn't know it was so late."
"Seven in New York is hardly late." Liz replied as she let go of Casey once she was sure the younger woman was stable on her own two feet. "And don't worry about a hotel. You're welcome to stay another night."
"Liz." Casey began to protest but Liz cut her off with a wave of her hand.
"I've been where you are Casey." Liz explained as she walked over to the sideboard to fix a drink. "You feel like you're alone in the dark tittering on the abyss. What happened with Serena, it was just the match strike to let you see for a moment."
Casey nodded, that was it exactly, and it was terrifying because she didn't know how she'd gotten to this point. Until last night she had thought she was happy and everything was great. Now, now nothing made sense.
"You're welcome to stay here as long as you need too to find your way." Liz said as she handed Casey a bottle of water.
"Thank you." Casey said softly. She felt safe here, it was odd and hard to explain, but something about Liz made her feel safe. And if she really was going to take a hard look at her life and do what she needed to do to get it back on track, she needed a safe place.