Prologue
My name is Rose Tyler and I am about to die.
I lay half dead in the snow waiting for death to take me. I'm past shivering now. There is only numbness as my body slowly succumbs to hypothermia. I didn't have to do this. I didn't have to be out here freezing to death in this blizzard. But, this was my choice. You see, I deserve it. I deserve death for what I've done. The man that meant more to me than anything is dead now and it's all because of me. I betrayed the Doctor, the only man I ever truly loved and caused him to be executed. And now, I'm carrying out my own death sentence. Executing myself for my crime.
As my eyes stare at the snow swirling around me, my mind thinks back over the events of the past few days. It seems like a lifetime since the Doctor and I were laughing and joking in the TARDIS as she flew through the vortex. We were so happy and so much in love. How did it come to this? How could I turn on him? I search my brain for something, anything to explain my behavior. To explain how I could have foolishly committed this unthinkable, unforgivable sin. But, I can't think of what possessed me to behave the way I did. But the glaring fact remains that I was in control of my own actions and made the decision that led to his betrayal and this knowledge that I was responsible tears my heart to shreds and saps my will to live. I silently urge my death on hoping that if I make it to Heaven and see the Doctor that somehow, someway he will forgive me and we can be together in the hereafter. A slight smile spreads over my face and I take a little bit of comfort in this scenario.
I raise my head hoping against hope that I will see him walking through the snow, the familiar look of concern and love on his face as he comes to rescue me, to take me away from this nightmare I find myself in. I can see it now. He's kneeling beside me and gathering me into his arms, whispering words of forgiveness as he presses me tight against his body. He carries me back to the TARDIS and after I'm revived, he chides me for even considering the possibility of suicide when he was alive and searching for me all along. Hope swells in my heart briefly as I search through the blinding blizzard for the familiar pin-striped suit and trench coat of my guardian angel, but all I can see is the snow obscuring everything in front of me. My head sinks back onto the snowdrift when I realize that he isn't coming, that he will never walk the Earth or any other planet again. My beloved is well and truly dead. This thought saps away the last of my will and I close my eyes waiting for the moment when I will breathe my last.
"Doctor," I murmur. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for what I did. I love you so much. Please forgive me."
The only response I get is the roaring of the wind as the snow pelts my face. A tear trickles down my cheek and freezes on my skin. My breathing becomes shallow as I embrace death and the relief it will bring from my torment.
My name is Rose Tyler and this is the story of my betrayal.