Title: A Lawyer's Soul
Category: Angel Fics
Rating: PG-13 (Possibly scary for little kids. Like the Lion King)
Time Frame: Takes place during "Blind Date"
Summary: Lindsey's not ALL bad.
Disclaimer: Lindsey est no mine. I wish he were, because I would have lots of fun with him. Angel, too.
PS: My first real Non-Jane thing. Wish me luck.
Oh, and send me feedback: Crystal@SunnydaleHigh.zzn.com
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Lindsey stood with Holland, listening to what his superior had to say. He really wasn't paying much attention until something Holland said caught his ear.
"...I don't think she had a happy childhood."
Yeah, well who did? Lindsey started listening again. "Sir?"
"Our blind friend, Vanessa. I think she was terribly abused growing up. I think the details of that are tragic and shockingly specific, and I think you should create them, sooner rather than later."
Ahh... I get it now."She is going to do something else that may require a strong defense."
Holland shrugged. "Strong defense - alibis - creative alternatives to incarceration. - She is an invaluable tool to some of our most valuable clients and we can't risk losing her."
No matter how unerveing she may be."What's she gonna do?"
"There is some children arriving. They pose a threat," Holland said, almost blase.
Lindsey almost couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Some children?"
Holland looking at him, sizing him up. "Is this too shocking for you?"
Yes! Of course, you sick bastard. These are children for God's sake. Innocent little children that you're sending this self-mutilating freak after. Lindsey want to scream that at the top of his lungs, but he knew he couldn't. The job was more important than his morals... for now. "I'm just thinking it might be for a jury."
Holland nodded. "Which is why I'm thinking her terrible, terrible childhood drove her to it. - Not guilty by reason of insanity. Of course the odds of her getting caught again are pretty slim."
Lindsey paused. "Who- who are these children?"
"It's best we know only what we need to - without forgetting the important part we play in the greater whole." Hollland patted Lindsey on the shoulder and began to leave. "I'm sure you're gonna want to get right on it."
Holland walked out, leaving Lindsey staring out the window. I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this. What am I going to do?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lindsey left work that night and didn't go straight home. He couldn't. He felt so dirty after working on that case. He just drove around aimlessly and suddenly found himself outside the offices of Angel Investigations. After a good half an hour of sitting in his car, he finally decided to go in.
He walked in, interrupting something, he could tell. The three of them looked at him as he walked through the door, hatred stemming from every one of them. He wished he could tell them that he wasn't like the others, wasn't as bad as they thought he was. Wished he could just explain everything to them all.
He stood in the doorway, looking at the vampire, sitting in a chair. "I need your help."
Angel looked at his, disbelieving. "What do you mean?"
Lindsey swallowed hard. "I want out."
The shock on the other two faces was visible, but the vampire's, Angel's expression changed not a bit. He stared at Lindsey for a moment, then got up, leading him to an office.
The office door closed and Angel turned to Lindsey. From the vampire's silence, he could tell that he was skeptical. "You probably think this is some kind of trick."
Angel turned to him. "Are you afraid of me, Lindsey? - You think maybe I might kill you?"
You're a vampire, what do you think?"No," he lied.
"I'm smelling a whole lot of fear - big - stinky - mortal - terror. So, no, I don't think this is a trick - I think it's a big joke."
Lindsey wasn't in the mood for games. "Hey, I don't want to be here anymore than you want to see me. But I don't have a choice."
"You always have a choice. I mean, you sold your soul for a fifth-floor office and a company car."
You think you know so much. Smug, son-of-a-bitch. "You think you've got me all figured out? You think you know everything about me?"
"Everything I need to know."
"What was your father? He was a merchant, right? Linen and silk? Did pretty well? Had a couple of servants until you killed them?"
Angel almost smirked. "Just the one."
Hmm. You're correcting me about the number of servants you killed and you say I'm the heartless one? "Well, our files aren't 100 percent, - but I guess it's fair to say that - you've never seen anything like real poverty. I'm talking dirt poor - no shoes - no toilet. Six of us kids in a room, and come flu season... it was down to four. I was seven when they took the house. They just came right in and took it. And my daddy is being nice, you know? Joking with the bastards while he signs the deed. Yeah, so we had a choice. Either you got stepped on or you got to stepping and I swore to myself that I was not going to be the guy standing there with the stupid grin on my face - while my life got dribbled out..."
Angel yawned. "I'm sorry. I nodded off. Did you get to the part where you're evil?"
You bastard. If you weren't a vampire, I would beat the living shit out of you for insulting me and my entire family like that. He let it go and moved on. "I found out about a job. The blind woman. Vanessa Brewer. Your friend from court."
"That you got off." Angel corrected.
"There is a new contract."
"Why don't we just save the lawyer talk?"
Lindsey paused a moment. Just talking about it made him sick to his stomach. "She's gonna kill some kids. I've worked some pretty hairy deals, comes with the turf, but this..."
That got the vampire interested. Lindsey told him the specifics as far as he knew, ready to cooperate... until Angel tried to get him to go back. Obviously the vampire didn't comprehend was Wolfram and Hart was. "I go back there, they're gonna kill me."
"That's what we call an acceptable risk." Lindsey assumed that was the vampire's idea of a joke, but he didn't find it funny. Angel continued. "You're panicking right now. You can't believe how bad you let things get. That's not change. You have to make a decision to change. That's something you do by yourself. Most people - they never do."
You can't even comprehend how much I've changed. "If I get myself killed, that'll convince you that I've changed."
"It's a start."
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Lindsey stayed there through the night, making plans with Angel and his team to get the files out of Wolfram and Hart. Then he headed for home.
Around noon, he unlocked the door to his apartment and walked in to find a young girl sitting on the couch, a phone book on her lap. She stopped what she was doing at the door opened. When she saw it was Lindsey, she exhaled deeply and ran to him, wrapping her arms around him.
"Where were you? I was worried. I couldn't find you and you weren't answering your cell phone."
Lindsey patted her on the head and hugged her in return. "I'm fine. I was working late."
She let him go as he walked toward the kitchen. She followed. "No, you weren't."
Lindsey took a soda out of the refridgerator and opened it. "What do you mean?"
She stood in front of him. "I mean, I called the office and they said that you had left at six o'clock last night. So where have you been for the past eighteen hours?"
Lindsey chuckled slightly as he took off his tie and jacket and walked to the living room. "What are you, Karen? Mom?"
She kept following him. "No, mom wouldn't really have cared where you were. She left us, remember? I even remember that." Lindsey sat down on the couch, removing his shoes and socks and the girl, Karen sat down next to him. Her tone changed from scolding to caring. "Come on, Linds. What's going on? You usually tell me everything. You've been... weird lately. Are you okay? What's wrong?"
Lindsey exhaled. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong. In fact...," he wrapped his arms around her, "... things are about to get a lot righter, real soon."
She looked up at him. "Something you can share with your dear little sis?"
He smiled at her. "Not right now. Later. Right now, I'm starving. Are you making anything for lunch?"
She laughed. "What am I now, your personal chef?"
"Would you rather eat the food I cook?"
She looked at him for a minute and got up, walking to the kitchen. "What do you want?"
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Lindsey couldn't sleep that night. Not with knowing that he could die tomorrow. He wandered around his apartment and peeked in on Karen, sound alseep. She looked so peaceful, sleeping. Lindsey sat down in the chair across from her bed and watched her, amazed at what a beautiful young lady she had grown up to be.
How did we get here? he wondered quite frequently. What little he had told Angel about his family barely scratched the surface. There were six, surprising considering how much their mother actually hated their father. Bryan, Alex, Lindsey, Karen, Michelle and William, in that order. Michelle and William, the twins, were one year old when their mother left, and barely two when that flu he had told Angel about took them. It almost took Karen, who was four and a half, too. Thirteen year old Lindsey was beginning to see exactly where his life was headed. His older brothers had been in and out of Juvy more times than he could remember and his father was barely ever home, sober at least. He knew that he had to get out of there. And he made it his mission to leave, and to take Karen with him, give her a better life. He studied hard, got straight A's, got into law school at Hastings. Those two years at Hastings, he worked harder than he ever had in his entire life. On top of a full course load, he was working a job, the graveyard shift, to support the now twelve year old Karen.
Then came Wolfram and Hart and the "oppurtunity of a lifetime." He knew what he was getting into, but then he thought of what it meant - no worries about supporting Karen, he could take her away from their father and give her the good life that he never had. There was no way he could pass it up. Little did he know that he would have to sell his soul to give his sister a good life.
But she had had one. Bright, beautiful, good at everything, straight A student, she was going to graduate and go to the University of Southern Claifornia. She had gotten into Harvard, but she didn't want to leave Lindsey, and that was alright with him. She was his life, and he would do anything for her.
Now, I've got to do this for myself. You're taken care of... I've got to take care of myself. I've got to be able to live with myslef again. And if this works, we'll both be better off...
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Linsdey got up that morning before Karen and by the time she woke up, already hadeggs and pancakes set out for her. She sat down at the table almost suspiciously.
"Linds, you've never cooked breakfast before. What's going on?"
He sat down across from her as she looked at the meal in front of her. "I just wanted to do something special for you. You know, I don't know if I've ever told you this before, but I'm so proud of you."
Karen blushed. "Linds..."
Lindsey stopped her. "No. Let me finish. I haven't always been the best brother. I could have spent a lot more time with you."
She smiled. "You work. It takes up a lot of your time. I understand."
Lindsey almost laughed. "But I promise you... that's all going to change. Soon. But no matter what happens, I want you to know that I'm pround of you, Karen, and I love you. Don't ever doubt that."
The smile on her face faded. "Are you, okay, Lindsey? Is something wrong? You're talking like you're... What's wrong?"
He shook his head. "Don't worry about it. Just know that I love you. And I want you to make the most of yourself. Understand?"
"No, I don't Lindsey. Tell me what's going on."
"Nothing. Eat your breakfast before it gets cold."
"Promise me that you're okay. Promise me."
And Lindsey looked into his sister's eyes and lied to her for the first time in his life.
"I promise."
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Lindsey arrived at the offices of Wolfram and Hart for what would probably be the last time. Either he would walk out of there, a free man... or he would never walk out. One way or another, nothing could make him go back there.
The plan was detailed, but Lindsey knew every part. He walked up to Howard, the security guard very casually. The security alert announced him before Howard saw him. "Personnel approaching security office."
Howard looked up. "Hello, Mr. McDonald."
"Hey, Howard." Linsdey tried to act natural. "You got a minute?"
"Sure."
Lindsey looked at the shamain, there to detect vampires. This had better work, he thought as he entered Howard's office.
"I checked the series 7500 video surveillance system you suggested," Lindsey bs-ed. "Do I really need cellular override and direct digital link to the office? I mean, it seems a little overkill."
Howard shrugged. "Better safe than sorry."
Lindsey nodded, looking at his watch. And it should be starting... now. He looked at one of the moniters and saw the friend that Angel had described. The Gunn person would serve as the distraction. And what a distraction he is, Lindsey thought as he watched the scene on the moniter. Kid should go into acting. He'd be the next Will Smith.
Lindsey looked at his watch again. The shamain squealed and a few moments later Lindsey saw Angel enter and take the security pass that he had left. While Howard was busy getting the vampire in the lobby out, Lindsey quietly changed that channel on the moniter so that Angel could do his work without any unwanted spectators.
He turned back around. "Well, looks like you got your hands full, so..."
Howard nodded as Lindsey left the room. It's up to Angel now.
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Lindsey walked through the chaos, making his way to the exits. He stepped out of the elevator and was irrated as Lee immediately came to his side. "Hey, what's all the excitement? A vampire in the lobby? Did I hear that right?"
Lindsey chuckled ironically. "Never a dull moment."
Lee laughed and walked off. [/i]I certainly am glad I won't have to see you every day, you great walking prick,[/i] Lindsey thought. Come on, Angel. Finish the job. I want to get out of here. Just as he thought this, his cell phone rang. "We're done. Get out. Now."
Lindsey walked towards the exit, but halted when he saw two security guards blocking the way. He turned to change directions, but there were guards everywhere. He turned another direction and saw a very annoyed Lilah holding her cell phone. "Can you believe this? It's a sweep." She took Lindsey's wrist. "Oh, I'll never make my lunch."
Lee came up to them as Holland led two woman into his office. Lindsey went pale. Lee looked at them. "What is it?"
Lindsey swallowed. "Mind readers."
The associates were herded into Holland's office and lined up against the wall. Lined up for a firing squad, Lindsey thought. The mind readers were getting closer. Okay. Distract. What do I have to do today? I have to pick up those clothes from the dry cleaners... um... make that... uh... doctor's appointment. What else?
Lindsey say the mind readers turn and talk to Holland and then leave as Holland turned to the lawyers.
"Well, I have to say, this is a shame. It's just a shame. Whenever I hear of disloyalty it... ah, hurts me. Hurts me personally." Holland made a motion to a security guard who began to position himself behind the lawyers. Holland continued. "But this sort of thing..." Lindsey began to sweat as Holland moved to stand right in front of him. "...must be dealt with quickly and cleanly..." Holland looked into Lindsey's eyes and he knew that he was caught. Lindsey swallowed hard as Holland moved in front of Lee, standing right next to him. "...and unambiguously. - I'm sorry, Lee, I truly am."
Lindsey didn't hear the rest of the conversation, he was too busy being glad that it wasn't him. All he noticed was the blood that splattered on his shirt and face.
"Terminating an employee is never pleasant," Holland observed. "That's all." Lindsey exhaled deeply as he began to walk to the door. Holland's voice stopped him. "Oh, Lindsey - why don't you hang on for a minute?"
Shit! Lindsey thought. How could I think that I would actually get away with this? I should have taken my chances with the security guards and made a run for it when I had the chance. Lindsey stood in the room as the security guards removed Lee's body. Holland looked at the stain on the carpet and made a 'tsk' sound. "What a pity. You can't get that out of the carpet. Believe me, we've tried."
Holland walked around to his desk and sat down. "Are you afraid?" Lindsey found that he could do nothing but nod. "Well, that's understandable. You betrayed this firm by allaying yourself with someone who... has given us a great deal of grief. You've stolen important documents form our vault. Tried to sabotaged an extremely important case. And in the course of this egregious behavior... you lied to us. More importantly, to me. Did I leave anything out?"
Lindsey swallowed hard. I knew it."No, sir."
Holland almost laughed. "Did you actually believe I wouldn't learn everything?"
It didn't matter. I needed to save my own soul. But the only words he could find were stammered out. "I..."
Holland interrupted him. "Lindsey, this is a delicate moment. I nod to Phil behind me... and he's gonna put a bullet in your head."
Please, God, no. "I... I didn't want to lie to you. I didn't... want to betray you. I just... wanted out."
Holland considered this for a moment. "Hmm. Well, then you're in a crisis, son - crisis of faith." Holland paused. "Do you believe in love? I'm not speaking romantically. I'm talking about that sharp, clear sense of self a man gains - once he's truly found his place in the world. It's no mean feat, since most men are cowards and just move with the crowd. Very few make their own destinies. They have the courage of their convictions, and they know how to behave in a crisis."
"Like now?" Lindsey asked. They're going to kill me anyway.
Holland nodded. "Like now. You have everything it takes to go all the way here - drive, ambition, excellence - but you don't know where you belong. And until you do... I guess we both have some important questions to answer. Now, my first one is do I nod to my friend behind me? No, I don't." Lindsey exhaled visibly. "Because I know you, and I know a little something about character. I think what you actually need is a few days off to think about it. And I'm sure once you have... you're gonna do the right thing."
Lindsey couldn't believe what he just heard. "I can... I can go?"
Holland nodded, "You can go." Lindsey slowly got up, cautious as Holland continued. "Lindsey... I believe in you. Look deep enough inside yourself - you'll find that love."
Lindsey nodded as he left. I already have found that love, Holland. It's my sister. I'm stopping this job and getting her and me out of here. That's what you call character.
Holland watched Lindsey leave and nodded to Phil, who came over. "He's going to leave the firm. Make sure he thinks twice about it."
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"As they mature, so does their power." Wesley was discussing the children as Lindsey walked in.
"Which makes them a real threat to Wolfram and Hart. Sorry I'm late. I hope I didn't worry anyone."
The woman, Cordelia shrugged. "We just figured you were dead."
Angel looked at him, attempting to size him up yet again. "So you made it out okay?"
He stilll doesn't trust me. "Yeah, but it's only a matter of time before they find out which files have gone missing. We have to move fast. When are the children getting into the country?"
Wesley answered. "According to this, they arrived this morning. They're being kept at a safe house with a guardian until their mentor arrives. He's coming in from the East tonight."
Angel shook his head. "Not safe. There is an address. I want you two to intercept this mentor guy. Keep him away from that house. We'll bring the kids to him."
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Lindsey went with Angel to keep Vanessa from the children. Angel was gracious enough to give him the disks. "In case you need them... to keep you safe," he had explained. Lindsey went home to copy the disks, and found a note from Karen on the fridge. "Emergency review session. At Annie's." Lindsey looked at his watch, figuring he had a while before Karen would be home. He got on the computer and started looking through the disks. What he found was something that would change his life back to the way it would always be. On the files, he saw that Wolfram and Hart controlled everything, every single aspect about the lives of their lawyers, including their families. They had connections to everything... including Karen's college. Lindsey began to worry about what they would do to her if he left for good. He needed to talk to Holland.
He got in his car and went back to the place he never thought he'd go again.
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Holland was putting his stuff into boxes as Lindsey entered the room. "Holland."
Holland looked at him. "Hello, Lindsey."
Lindsey walked into the office. "I'm sorry. I did what I had to."
"You saved the children. That's very noble."
Lindsey placed the disks on the table. "I brought the disks back."
Holland chuckled. "Of course you made copies."
"A few things. Just enough to keep me safe."
Holland considered this. "What does safe mean to you?"
Lindsey shrugged. "Not being at war with Wolfram and Hart - having my own life."
Holland shook his head. "Lindsey, haven't you learned anything? No one has their own life. We're all part of something larger."
Lindsey nodded. "Like Wolfram and Hart."
Holland looked at Lindsey with almost a father's scorn. "I handpicked you when you were a sophomore at Hastings - not because you were smart - not because you were a poor kid who had to do better than anyone else - but because you had potential... potential for seeing things as they are. It's not about good or evil - it's about who wields the most power. And we wield a lot of it here, and you know what? I think the world is better for it."
Lindsey shook it off. "Look, I didn't come back..."
"Why did you come back? To return some disks? Take a moral stand? I don't think so. You walked in that door and called me by my first name. You never did that before. You wouldn't have had the nerve. But you're different now. You stood up to us and won. Do you know how many people have that much nerve? I can count them on one hand. I need people like that working for us."
Lindsey didn't understand. "You're offering me my job back?"
Holland stood. "Oh, no. I'm offering you a new job. A permanent one, with a thundering raise and ungodly benefits. In fact, I'm offering you this very office. I'm going upstairs. What I'm offering you, Lindsey, is the world. Now I know you pretty well, and I'm betting that you're gonna take it."
Holland walked past Lindsey. Lindsey informed him as he passed, "You may not know me as well as you think you do."
Holland stopped at the door. "As I've been trying to tell you, that's a decision that each person has to make for himself. If you want it it's yours. If you don't - walk out this door. I'm going upstairs now."
Holland left,leaving Lindsey to his own thoughts. Lindsey got up and walked to the door, but he couldn't bring himself to leave. Karen's going to be paying off her loans for years after she leaves college. She's worked so hard for so long. I could really take care of her now. For good. No worries about anything.
Lindsey closed the doors and walked to the desk... to his desk. He picked up the phone, and placed it back on the hanger. It's for Karen. Only for Karen.
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THE END.
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Category: Angel Fics
Rating: PG-13 (Possibly scary for little kids. Like the Lion King)
Time Frame: Takes place during "Blind Date"
Summary: Lindsey's not ALL bad.
Disclaimer: Lindsey est no mine. I wish he were, because I would have lots of fun with him. Angel, too.
PS: My first real Non-Jane thing. Wish me luck.
Oh, and send me feedback: Crystal@SunnydaleHigh.zzn.com
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Lindsey stood with Holland, listening to what his superior had to say. He really wasn't paying much attention until something Holland said caught his ear.
"...I don't think she had a happy childhood."
Yeah, well who did? Lindsey started listening again. "Sir?"
"Our blind friend, Vanessa. I think she was terribly abused growing up. I think the details of that are tragic and shockingly specific, and I think you should create them, sooner rather than later."
Ahh... I get it now."She is going to do something else that may require a strong defense."
Holland shrugged. "Strong defense - alibis - creative alternatives to incarceration. - She is an invaluable tool to some of our most valuable clients and we can't risk losing her."
No matter how unerveing she may be."What's she gonna do?"
"There is some children arriving. They pose a threat," Holland said, almost blase.
Lindsey almost couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Some children?"
Holland looking at him, sizing him up. "Is this too shocking for you?"
Yes! Of course, you sick bastard. These are children for God's sake. Innocent little children that you're sending this self-mutilating freak after. Lindsey want to scream that at the top of his lungs, but he knew he couldn't. The job was more important than his morals... for now. "I'm just thinking it might be for a jury."
Holland nodded. "Which is why I'm thinking her terrible, terrible childhood drove her to it. - Not guilty by reason of insanity. Of course the odds of her getting caught again are pretty slim."
Lindsey paused. "Who- who are these children?"
"It's best we know only what we need to - without forgetting the important part we play in the greater whole." Hollland patted Lindsey on the shoulder and began to leave. "I'm sure you're gonna want to get right on it."
Holland walked out, leaving Lindsey staring out the window. I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this. What am I going to do?
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Lindsey left work that night and didn't go straight home. He couldn't. He felt so dirty after working on that case. He just drove around aimlessly and suddenly found himself outside the offices of Angel Investigations. After a good half an hour of sitting in his car, he finally decided to go in.
He walked in, interrupting something, he could tell. The three of them looked at him as he walked through the door, hatred stemming from every one of them. He wished he could tell them that he wasn't like the others, wasn't as bad as they thought he was. Wished he could just explain everything to them all.
He stood in the doorway, looking at the vampire, sitting in a chair. "I need your help."
Angel looked at his, disbelieving. "What do you mean?"
Lindsey swallowed hard. "I want out."
The shock on the other two faces was visible, but the vampire's, Angel's expression changed not a bit. He stared at Lindsey for a moment, then got up, leading him to an office.
The office door closed and Angel turned to Lindsey. From the vampire's silence, he could tell that he was skeptical. "You probably think this is some kind of trick."
Angel turned to him. "Are you afraid of me, Lindsey? - You think maybe I might kill you?"
You're a vampire, what do you think?"No," he lied.
"I'm smelling a whole lot of fear - big - stinky - mortal - terror. So, no, I don't think this is a trick - I think it's a big joke."
Lindsey wasn't in the mood for games. "Hey, I don't want to be here anymore than you want to see me. But I don't have a choice."
"You always have a choice. I mean, you sold your soul for a fifth-floor office and a company car."
You think you know so much. Smug, son-of-a-bitch. "You think you've got me all figured out? You think you know everything about me?"
"Everything I need to know."
"What was your father? He was a merchant, right? Linen and silk? Did pretty well? Had a couple of servants until you killed them?"
Angel almost smirked. "Just the one."
Hmm. You're correcting me about the number of servants you killed and you say I'm the heartless one? "Well, our files aren't 100 percent, - but I guess it's fair to say that - you've never seen anything like real poverty. I'm talking dirt poor - no shoes - no toilet. Six of us kids in a room, and come flu season... it was down to four. I was seven when they took the house. They just came right in and took it. And my daddy is being nice, you know? Joking with the bastards while he signs the deed. Yeah, so we had a choice. Either you got stepped on or you got to stepping and I swore to myself that I was not going to be the guy standing there with the stupid grin on my face - while my life got dribbled out..."
Angel yawned. "I'm sorry. I nodded off. Did you get to the part where you're evil?"
You bastard. If you weren't a vampire, I would beat the living shit out of you for insulting me and my entire family like that. He let it go and moved on. "I found out about a job. The blind woman. Vanessa Brewer. Your friend from court."
"That you got off." Angel corrected.
"There is a new contract."
"Why don't we just save the lawyer talk?"
Lindsey paused a moment. Just talking about it made him sick to his stomach. "She's gonna kill some kids. I've worked some pretty hairy deals, comes with the turf, but this..."
That got the vampire interested. Lindsey told him the specifics as far as he knew, ready to cooperate... until Angel tried to get him to go back. Obviously the vampire didn't comprehend was Wolfram and Hart was. "I go back there, they're gonna kill me."
"That's what we call an acceptable risk." Lindsey assumed that was the vampire's idea of a joke, but he didn't find it funny. Angel continued. "You're panicking right now. You can't believe how bad you let things get. That's not change. You have to make a decision to change. That's something you do by yourself. Most people - they never do."
You can't even comprehend how much I've changed. "If I get myself killed, that'll convince you that I've changed."
"It's a start."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lindsey stayed there through the night, making plans with Angel and his team to get the files out of Wolfram and Hart. Then he headed for home.
Around noon, he unlocked the door to his apartment and walked in to find a young girl sitting on the couch, a phone book on her lap. She stopped what she was doing at the door opened. When she saw it was Lindsey, she exhaled deeply and ran to him, wrapping her arms around him.
"Where were you? I was worried. I couldn't find you and you weren't answering your cell phone."
Lindsey patted her on the head and hugged her in return. "I'm fine. I was working late."
She let him go as he walked toward the kitchen. She followed. "No, you weren't."
Lindsey took a soda out of the refridgerator and opened it. "What do you mean?"
She stood in front of him. "I mean, I called the office and they said that you had left at six o'clock last night. So where have you been for the past eighteen hours?"
Lindsey chuckled slightly as he took off his tie and jacket and walked to the living room. "What are you, Karen? Mom?"
She kept following him. "No, mom wouldn't really have cared where you were. She left us, remember? I even remember that." Lindsey sat down on the couch, removing his shoes and socks and the girl, Karen sat down next to him. Her tone changed from scolding to caring. "Come on, Linds. What's going on? You usually tell me everything. You've been... weird lately. Are you okay? What's wrong?"
Lindsey exhaled. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong. In fact...," he wrapped his arms around her, "... things are about to get a lot righter, real soon."
She looked up at him. "Something you can share with your dear little sis?"
He smiled at her. "Not right now. Later. Right now, I'm starving. Are you making anything for lunch?"
She laughed. "What am I now, your personal chef?"
"Would you rather eat the food I cook?"
She looked at him for a minute and got up, walking to the kitchen. "What do you want?"
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Lindsey couldn't sleep that night. Not with knowing that he could die tomorrow. He wandered around his apartment and peeked in on Karen, sound alseep. She looked so peaceful, sleeping. Lindsey sat down in the chair across from her bed and watched her, amazed at what a beautiful young lady she had grown up to be.
How did we get here? he wondered quite frequently. What little he had told Angel about his family barely scratched the surface. There were six, surprising considering how much their mother actually hated their father. Bryan, Alex, Lindsey, Karen, Michelle and William, in that order. Michelle and William, the twins, were one year old when their mother left, and barely two when that flu he had told Angel about took them. It almost took Karen, who was four and a half, too. Thirteen year old Lindsey was beginning to see exactly where his life was headed. His older brothers had been in and out of Juvy more times than he could remember and his father was barely ever home, sober at least. He knew that he had to get out of there. And he made it his mission to leave, and to take Karen with him, give her a better life. He studied hard, got straight A's, got into law school at Hastings. Those two years at Hastings, he worked harder than he ever had in his entire life. On top of a full course load, he was working a job, the graveyard shift, to support the now twelve year old Karen.
Then came Wolfram and Hart and the "oppurtunity of a lifetime." He knew what he was getting into, but then he thought of what it meant - no worries about supporting Karen, he could take her away from their father and give her the good life that he never had. There was no way he could pass it up. Little did he know that he would have to sell his soul to give his sister a good life.
But she had had one. Bright, beautiful, good at everything, straight A student, she was going to graduate and go to the University of Southern Claifornia. She had gotten into Harvard, but she didn't want to leave Lindsey, and that was alright with him. She was his life, and he would do anything for her.
Now, I've got to do this for myself. You're taken care of... I've got to take care of myself. I've got to be able to live with myslef again. And if this works, we'll both be better off...
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Linsdey got up that morning before Karen and by the time she woke up, already hadeggs and pancakes set out for her. She sat down at the table almost suspiciously.
"Linds, you've never cooked breakfast before. What's going on?"
He sat down across from her as she looked at the meal in front of her. "I just wanted to do something special for you. You know, I don't know if I've ever told you this before, but I'm so proud of you."
Karen blushed. "Linds..."
Lindsey stopped her. "No. Let me finish. I haven't always been the best brother. I could have spent a lot more time with you."
She smiled. "You work. It takes up a lot of your time. I understand."
Lindsey almost laughed. "But I promise you... that's all going to change. Soon. But no matter what happens, I want you to know that I'm pround of you, Karen, and I love you. Don't ever doubt that."
The smile on her face faded. "Are you, okay, Lindsey? Is something wrong? You're talking like you're... What's wrong?"
He shook his head. "Don't worry about it. Just know that I love you. And I want you to make the most of yourself. Understand?"
"No, I don't Lindsey. Tell me what's going on."
"Nothing. Eat your breakfast before it gets cold."
"Promise me that you're okay. Promise me."
And Lindsey looked into his sister's eyes and lied to her for the first time in his life.
"I promise."
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Lindsey arrived at the offices of Wolfram and Hart for what would probably be the last time. Either he would walk out of there, a free man... or he would never walk out. One way or another, nothing could make him go back there.
The plan was detailed, but Lindsey knew every part. He walked up to Howard, the security guard very casually. The security alert announced him before Howard saw him. "Personnel approaching security office."
Howard looked up. "Hello, Mr. McDonald."
"Hey, Howard." Linsdey tried to act natural. "You got a minute?"
"Sure."
Lindsey looked at the shamain, there to detect vampires. This had better work, he thought as he entered Howard's office.
"I checked the series 7500 video surveillance system you suggested," Lindsey bs-ed. "Do I really need cellular override and direct digital link to the office? I mean, it seems a little overkill."
Howard shrugged. "Better safe than sorry."
Lindsey nodded, looking at his watch. And it should be starting... now. He looked at one of the moniters and saw the friend that Angel had described. The Gunn person would serve as the distraction. And what a distraction he is, Lindsey thought as he watched the scene on the moniter. Kid should go into acting. He'd be the next Will Smith.
Lindsey looked at his watch again. The shamain squealed and a few moments later Lindsey saw Angel enter and take the security pass that he had left. While Howard was busy getting the vampire in the lobby out, Lindsey quietly changed that channel on the moniter so that Angel could do his work without any unwanted spectators.
He turned back around. "Well, looks like you got your hands full, so..."
Howard nodded as Lindsey left the room. It's up to Angel now.
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Lindsey walked through the chaos, making his way to the exits. He stepped out of the elevator and was irrated as Lee immediately came to his side. "Hey, what's all the excitement? A vampire in the lobby? Did I hear that right?"
Lindsey chuckled ironically. "Never a dull moment."
Lee laughed and walked off. [/i]I certainly am glad I won't have to see you every day, you great walking prick,[/i] Lindsey thought. Come on, Angel. Finish the job. I want to get out of here. Just as he thought this, his cell phone rang. "We're done. Get out. Now."
Lindsey walked towards the exit, but halted when he saw two security guards blocking the way. He turned to change directions, but there were guards everywhere. He turned another direction and saw a very annoyed Lilah holding her cell phone. "Can you believe this? It's a sweep." She took Lindsey's wrist. "Oh, I'll never make my lunch."
Lee came up to them as Holland led two woman into his office. Lindsey went pale. Lee looked at them. "What is it?"
Lindsey swallowed. "Mind readers."
The associates were herded into Holland's office and lined up against the wall. Lined up for a firing squad, Lindsey thought. The mind readers were getting closer. Okay. Distract. What do I have to do today? I have to pick up those clothes from the dry cleaners... um... make that... uh... doctor's appointment. What else?
Lindsey say the mind readers turn and talk to Holland and then leave as Holland turned to the lawyers.
"Well, I have to say, this is a shame. It's just a shame. Whenever I hear of disloyalty it... ah, hurts me. Hurts me personally." Holland made a motion to a security guard who began to position himself behind the lawyers. Holland continued. "But this sort of thing..." Lindsey began to sweat as Holland moved to stand right in front of him. "...must be dealt with quickly and cleanly..." Holland looked into Lindsey's eyes and he knew that he was caught. Lindsey swallowed hard as Holland moved in front of Lee, standing right next to him. "...and unambiguously. - I'm sorry, Lee, I truly am."
Lindsey didn't hear the rest of the conversation, he was too busy being glad that it wasn't him. All he noticed was the blood that splattered on his shirt and face.
"Terminating an employee is never pleasant," Holland observed. "That's all." Lindsey exhaled deeply as he began to walk to the door. Holland's voice stopped him. "Oh, Lindsey - why don't you hang on for a minute?"
Shit! Lindsey thought. How could I think that I would actually get away with this? I should have taken my chances with the security guards and made a run for it when I had the chance. Lindsey stood in the room as the security guards removed Lee's body. Holland looked at the stain on the carpet and made a 'tsk' sound. "What a pity. You can't get that out of the carpet. Believe me, we've tried."
Holland walked around to his desk and sat down. "Are you afraid?" Lindsey found that he could do nothing but nod. "Well, that's understandable. You betrayed this firm by allaying yourself with someone who... has given us a great deal of grief. You've stolen important documents form our vault. Tried to sabotaged an extremely important case. And in the course of this egregious behavior... you lied to us. More importantly, to me. Did I leave anything out?"
Lindsey swallowed hard. I knew it."No, sir."
Holland almost laughed. "Did you actually believe I wouldn't learn everything?"
It didn't matter. I needed to save my own soul. But the only words he could find were stammered out. "I..."
Holland interrupted him. "Lindsey, this is a delicate moment. I nod to Phil behind me... and he's gonna put a bullet in your head."
Please, God, no. "I... I didn't want to lie to you. I didn't... want to betray you. I just... wanted out."
Holland considered this for a moment. "Hmm. Well, then you're in a crisis, son - crisis of faith." Holland paused. "Do you believe in love? I'm not speaking romantically. I'm talking about that sharp, clear sense of self a man gains - once he's truly found his place in the world. It's no mean feat, since most men are cowards and just move with the crowd. Very few make their own destinies. They have the courage of their convictions, and they know how to behave in a crisis."
"Like now?" Lindsey asked. They're going to kill me anyway.
Holland nodded. "Like now. You have everything it takes to go all the way here - drive, ambition, excellence - but you don't know where you belong. And until you do... I guess we both have some important questions to answer. Now, my first one is do I nod to my friend behind me? No, I don't." Lindsey exhaled visibly. "Because I know you, and I know a little something about character. I think what you actually need is a few days off to think about it. And I'm sure once you have... you're gonna do the right thing."
Lindsey couldn't believe what he just heard. "I can... I can go?"
Holland nodded, "You can go." Lindsey slowly got up, cautious as Holland continued. "Lindsey... I believe in you. Look deep enough inside yourself - you'll find that love."
Lindsey nodded as he left. I already have found that love, Holland. It's my sister. I'm stopping this job and getting her and me out of here. That's what you call character.
Holland watched Lindsey leave and nodded to Phil, who came over. "He's going to leave the firm. Make sure he thinks twice about it."
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"As they mature, so does their power." Wesley was discussing the children as Lindsey walked in.
"Which makes them a real threat to Wolfram and Hart. Sorry I'm late. I hope I didn't worry anyone."
The woman, Cordelia shrugged. "We just figured you were dead."
Angel looked at him, attempting to size him up yet again. "So you made it out okay?"
He stilll doesn't trust me. "Yeah, but it's only a matter of time before they find out which files have gone missing. We have to move fast. When are the children getting into the country?"
Wesley answered. "According to this, they arrived this morning. They're being kept at a safe house with a guardian until their mentor arrives. He's coming in from the East tonight."
Angel shook his head. "Not safe. There is an address. I want you two to intercept this mentor guy. Keep him away from that house. We'll bring the kids to him."
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Lindsey went with Angel to keep Vanessa from the children. Angel was gracious enough to give him the disks. "In case you need them... to keep you safe," he had explained. Lindsey went home to copy the disks, and found a note from Karen on the fridge. "Emergency review session. At Annie's." Lindsey looked at his watch, figuring he had a while before Karen would be home. He got on the computer and started looking through the disks. What he found was something that would change his life back to the way it would always be. On the files, he saw that Wolfram and Hart controlled everything, every single aspect about the lives of their lawyers, including their families. They had connections to everything... including Karen's college. Lindsey began to worry about what they would do to her if he left for good. He needed to talk to Holland.
He got in his car and went back to the place he never thought he'd go again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Holland was putting his stuff into boxes as Lindsey entered the room. "Holland."
Holland looked at him. "Hello, Lindsey."
Lindsey walked into the office. "I'm sorry. I did what I had to."
"You saved the children. That's very noble."
Lindsey placed the disks on the table. "I brought the disks back."
Holland chuckled. "Of course you made copies."
"A few things. Just enough to keep me safe."
Holland considered this. "What does safe mean to you?"
Lindsey shrugged. "Not being at war with Wolfram and Hart - having my own life."
Holland shook his head. "Lindsey, haven't you learned anything? No one has their own life. We're all part of something larger."
Lindsey nodded. "Like Wolfram and Hart."
Holland looked at Lindsey with almost a father's scorn. "I handpicked you when you were a sophomore at Hastings - not because you were smart - not because you were a poor kid who had to do better than anyone else - but because you had potential... potential for seeing things as they are. It's not about good or evil - it's about who wields the most power. And we wield a lot of it here, and you know what? I think the world is better for it."
Lindsey shook it off. "Look, I didn't come back..."
"Why did you come back? To return some disks? Take a moral stand? I don't think so. You walked in that door and called me by my first name. You never did that before. You wouldn't have had the nerve. But you're different now. You stood up to us and won. Do you know how many people have that much nerve? I can count them on one hand. I need people like that working for us."
Lindsey didn't understand. "You're offering me my job back?"
Holland stood. "Oh, no. I'm offering you a new job. A permanent one, with a thundering raise and ungodly benefits. In fact, I'm offering you this very office. I'm going upstairs. What I'm offering you, Lindsey, is the world. Now I know you pretty well, and I'm betting that you're gonna take it."
Holland walked past Lindsey. Lindsey informed him as he passed, "You may not know me as well as you think you do."
Holland stopped at the door. "As I've been trying to tell you, that's a decision that each person has to make for himself. If you want it it's yours. If you don't - walk out this door. I'm going upstairs now."
Holland left,leaving Lindsey to his own thoughts. Lindsey got up and walked to the door, but he couldn't bring himself to leave. Karen's going to be paying off her loans for years after she leaves college. She's worked so hard for so long. I could really take care of her now. For good. No worries about anything.
Lindsey closed the doors and walked to the desk... to his desk. He picked up the phone, and placed it back on the hanger. It's for Karen. Only for Karen.
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THE END.
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