written for a prompt on Tumblr
"Excessive," Pepper says when she sees the plans. And then, "I need you to sign these, Tony; I asked you to do it days ago," and that's that.
Tony tries to argue, tries to show her that's it's necessary and thoughtful and look he's become a fully functional human being with feelings and stuff and he actually wants to get his teammates a nice wedding present. Every time he opens his mouth Pepper starts in with "remember your meeting with the board tomorrow" and "don't forget you have to meet with Mr. So-and-So on Tuesday" and "I mean it, Tony, if you skip out on that meeting for anything other than an Avengers emergency -".
So Tony listens - or pretends to at least, until Pepper levels him with that glare that says "I KNOW you're just nodding every few seconds to appease me" - and keeps the "excessive" comment in the back of his mind to mull over later.
.
"Pepper said it's excessive," Tony complains. No, for the record, he is not pouting. Much.
"She's not wrong," Steve says, ignoring the glare thrown his way. "It's a bit outrageous for a wedding present." He turns his head sideways, as if it will give him a new angle on the plans.
"So?"
Steve clearly tries to keep from rolling his eyes. Instead, he pinches the bridge of his nose, looking far more exasperated with Tony than Tony thinks this situation really calls for. "Wedding gifts are supposed to be useful. They're supposed to be something nice to help the new couple get settled into their new home."
"They're not going to a new home, Cap," Tony explains slowly, as if speaking to a child. "They're staying here in my tower and mooching off of my kindness and generosity and really expensive coffee maker. Therefore, I do not need to give them a new television or nice silverware or any of those other things because I already have the very best versions of all of those things."
"But a robot?" His voice is incredulous.
"Why not?"
Steve sighs, rolling his eyes up to the ceiling; the only thing keeping him from losing his perfect posture is years of military training. "They don't need a robot, Tony. And judging from Clint's reaction to Dummy last week I'd wager they don't really want a robot." Tony only glares at a spot on the table. "What would they even do with it?"
"That's the wonderful thing, Old-School. It could do a bunch of things. A multitude of things. A plethora -"
"Tony."
"It could be programmed to do the housework. The dishes. The cooking. Or anything they want really. It is literally an all purpose gift." He stands up, walking over to the plans hovering in the air. Studying them, he leans in and flicks a few things to the side, moving this here and that there until he looks satisfied with his tweaks and steps back.
Steve follows him, coming to a stop behind him. "I have a good feeling it would become target practice, instead." He regrets it immediately when Tony's eyes light up. "No," he says sternly before Tony can begin making changes; they don't need any fighting robots equipped with AI wandering the tower. Sure, he may have faith in JARVIS to keep Tony's creations in check, but Steve has now seen Eagle Eye and I-Robot and doesn't want to take any chances.
"You ruin all my fun," Tony accuses, poking Steve in the cheek.
"Someone has to keep you in line."
"I thought that was Pepper's job."
.
Later, Natasha watches Tony intently as he puts his gift in the small pile with the others, as if she's aware of Tony's earlier plans; knowing Natasha, she probably is. Steve catches her eye over the billionaire's shoulder and mouths, "Don't worry; I picked it out."