Chapter 1
He had done it. Everyone saw what they needed to see. It was perfect, too bad he didn't think that it would hurt this much. Justin was still a child - that was something that I need to keep telling myself. He's a child and he doesn't know any better. Sure, the whole Ethan thing had upset me and I was willing to maybe try and give him what he wanted, what he needed, if only for one night. Then this shit had to happen. Who do I blame? I blame God, my mother but most of all I blame Jack. Fuck you Jack. You sick son of a bitch! He turned around to see if Michael had followed him out. He hadn't so he picked up his cell phone and dialed a number. When the person he wanted answered he whispered that it was done and she said she'd be right there.
Everyone at the Rage party was pretty much still in shock. No one could believe what they had just seen. Justin had left Brian. Dumped him - in front of their closest family and friends. That was the worst thing anyone could do. The hurt on Brian's face was right there for everyone to see. Brian did his "walk of shame" with some stud in the corner. Then he walked out to the backroom, probably to go get his needs met but no one expected what happened next.
Justin ran back in, looking frazzled. Where is he? I can't fucking find him. Where the fuck is he?
"Justin what are you doing back here? Didn't you get what you wanted? You embarrassed Brian in front of everyone and you left with the fiddler so what the fuck do you want now?"
"Shut up Michael! When I went outside to leave there was a note on Ethan's car."
"What kind of note? A note for me from Brian."
"What kind of note, Sunshine? What's going on?"
"Something's wrong. I need to find him. You don't care about him, you little shit. He organised this party for us and you just threw him away.
"Michael, it wasn't like that. I told him all he had to do was tell me that he wanted me to stay, or say that he loved me and none of this would have mattered. I gave him the chance and he didn't even take it. All he said was that there were no locks on the door and if I was looking for romance I was barking up the wrong tree.
Everyone stood there looking at Justin. His eyes were huge. He was seconds away from having a panic attack. Ethan stood close by but every time he tried to touch him Justin would pull away from him and tell him to "get the fuck off." Debbie had never seen him like this and she was the first to speak.
"Sunshine, what did the note say?"
"It said…….. I mean, it's for me and well something's wrong! We have to find him like now!
"Where's this note that has you so upset, Justin"
"Here!" Justin shoved the note at Michael and flew from the nightclub.
Everyone looked at Michael as he read the note. He wouldn't read it out loud and that's what had everyone scared the most. His eyes were wild, wilder than Justin's and he was crying.
"Michael?'
"Fuck, I gotta find Justin."
Everyone watched as he ran from the club and the note fell to the floor. Everyone saw it and couldn't believe their eyes. Lindsay began to cry and Melanie comforted her, even Ted couldn't keep the tears at bay. The only people who had smiles on their faces were Jennifer and Debbie because they had known all along. On the floor was a single slip of paper with one line that simply read: "I love you, you little twat."
Brian's throat felt like someone had did their best to choke him with their ten-inch dick and when he opened his eyes to the whiteness of the room it hurt. It hurt a lot. The drugs were willing him to sleep but he didn't want to sleep. He wanted to feel everything that was happening. He could relax now. They'd given him something to make him relax. He would've been frightened but he looked to his left and she was there. The one person he told. She was there and he was grateful. They removed his clothes and put them in a bag in the small closet in the room. They helped him slip on his grey sweatpants and white wife-beater. They smiled and asked was there anything that he needed and he didn't speak he just nodded "no" and then he and his visitor were alone. She looked at him and he rolled over and pulled back his covers. She knew exactly what that meant.
She got up from the small chair that she sat in and climbed onto the bed with him. When she looked in his eyes she saw them - the tears that he was fighting not to let fall. She kissed him on the forehead and whispered that she loved him in his ear and he relaxed against her.
"It's going to be all right, you know. You're 'Brian Fucking Kinney' and if anyone can beat this, it's you. You don't have to worry. I have the next six months clear. The kids are with their father and don't worry about your mother. I'll keep her away. If you want to cry it's fine. Crying doesn't make you weak Brian. It's only made you stronger. That's the one thing I've hated the most about you is how strong you are.
"What? You weren't jealous that I'm this gorgeous?"
Good to see that your sense of humour is still intact. Now no one will look for you here and Cynthia will bring your work tomorrow. We have a whole week before the procedure is done.
"Hey, don't hold me so tight. I'm not going anywhere. Do you remember when I was eight?
"Yeah, you fell down the stairs. You were in the hospital for a week. I wasn't supposed to come here but I was twelve and every day when Jack wasn't looking I'd ride my bike here to see you. The nurses always wondered why your parents never came to see you but I did. I crawled into bed with you just like this and I pushed your hair back just like this and kissed your cheek just like this.
She was being so nice and a part of it made Brian sick to his stomach but when times were really shitty he knew he could count on her. She was a difficult bitch but she always took care of him when he was wounded. He thought about Justin and what reading that little note must've done to him, and he couldn't hold onto it any longer. He let go. The sedative was finally putting him under and he knew that he was safe in her arms. He cried. He cried for Mikey, for Justin and most of all he cried for Gus. He really did love that kid.
"It's going to be fine Brian. I'm here and I'm going keep you safe. I'm glad you called. I'm glad that you realized that I'm here for you. You protected me when we were younger.
"I don't wanna die, Claire. I don't wanna die!"
Claire bit the inside of her lip, trying not to break down. She couldn't do it, not now, not ever. She had to be the strong one. Brian had taken so many beatings that were because of her. She would do stuff and soon as her father figured out who it was, Brian would take the blame for her. For a while she would do it just to make her father pick on Brian. Then it happened. She had left her roller skate on the stairs and their father had fallen on it and rolled down the steps because he was drunk. When he opened his eyes he was face-to-face with Brian's skates, hers had rolled under the water heater and he never saw it. So he assumed it was Brian's. He taught him a lesson of what can happen when you leave things on the stairs by throwing Brian down them. He had a concussion and a broken leg. No one went to the hospital. The nurse called that night and said he cried all night long. Mom attempted to go but dad asked where the fuck was she going and she sat back down. She got a glass of Sherry and pretended nothing happened. I was twelve and we were in a pretty safe neighborhood and I knew exactly where the hospital was. I waited for both of them to fall asleep and I rode my bike to the hospital so Brian would have someone in the room with him. He made me go back before dad found out but I came back the next day. He needed me.
Now he was sick and not just a cold or the flu. He had well…. she couldn't even bring herself to say what. When all of this was over Brian would never be the same. He could probably lose his job. She just couldn't let that happen. She was a nurse. She could take care of Brian and keep him safe. He cried all night and she stayed there holding him. She'd protect him. Not just because she literally owed him her career and her life but because he was her brother and even if no one else knew it she loved him.