Hi everyone, I'm back.
So, my genius uncle managed to recover everything on my old computer's hard drive. Yay for him! So I have all my old stories back, which means that when I do get the inspiration for The NOT Triwizard Tournament, I will be posting up another chapter. Unti then, this is my new story.
I've read so many Dear Fanfiction Writers stories, and have cracked up many times because of said stories. I decided I'd try my hand at writing my own, even if I do disgree with some of the stuff I write (I'm a Harry/Hermione shipper. So sue me) But I figured it'd be funny for laughs. So without further ado, the first chapter of Dear Fanfiction Authors, starring our very own hero, Harry Potter! Please review!
Disclaimer: I'm a Harry/Hermione shipper. J.K. Rowling's a Harry/Ginny shipper. You figure it out. Am I her?
Chapter One: Harry Potter
Dear Fanfiction authors:
Are you guys crazy?
I mean, I've met tons of crazy people before (Bellatrix Lestrange, Lord Voldemoron, the Weasley twins, etc), but none of them, and I repeat none of them, hold even a candle to you lot! Seriously? I'm a guy, people, a guy. And not just any guy, a Potter. Not Snape, not Black, Potter. Stop disgracing my mother's memory!
And what is this load of dung about me liking guys, especially a certain twitchy blond ferret? I'm married to Ginny, and happy! Not Malfoy, not Ron, not that weird Slytherin kid Blaise whatshisname, and definitely not Voldemort! Seriously? On that matter, what is wrong with you sickos? Why would why I be with my godfather? Aside from the fact that I'm straight, that's just wrong! And stop 'pairing' me with all those other girls. Hermione's like my sister, Luna, well, there's only so much you can listen to about Nargles, Tonks and Lupin would both castrate me if I even went anywhere near her, and all those other girls? Pansy's downright nasty, I barely know Susan Bones and Hannah Abbott, and for Merlin's sake, I don't like Malfoy's mum! Ew, or her sister.
Finally, I'm just a normal guy, ok? I think you all must have read too much Rita Skeeter if you really think I'm as powerful as some of you make me out to be. Really? An Elemental? A Veela? A Vampire? A Succubus (What is that anyway?)? Newsflash: I'M A HUMAN WIZARD, thank you very much, and I'd rather prefer to stay that way. Sure, I might be more powerful than the average wizard, but just because I can do a Patronus at 13, or because I saved the Philosopher's Stone, killed a basilisk, defeated Voldemort, yada yada yada, doesn't mean I'm Merlin reincarnate! My father, godfather, and the rat became Animagi at 15! And the rat wasn't all that bright either, apparently. So they were pretty brilliant too! But do they ever become super powerful sparkly vampires? No. (Poor Cedric: a fate worse than death)
I think I've pretty much covered everything. Oh, my wife Ginny asked me to pass a message along. She will come after you with her Bat-Bogey hex if you keep writing these ridiculous stories about me with other people. I'd advise you to listen.
Sincerely,
Harry James Potter