Just a note: I made up the names of Hiroki's parents. If Nakamura ever releases official names, I will change the fic to reflect those. Also, ffnet does not lend itself well to formatting as it seems to hate every non-traditional character. For this reason, pretend (a) is an "at" symbol.
Stages of Growth
14.
Kamijou Sanae loved going to the supermarket; it was where she often met her friends. They were the other women in the neighborhood, women with children around the same age as her son. And, invariably, they had gossip to share.
Hanamura Yuriko, two years older than Sanae (though she certainly pretended she was still 25), met Sanae after they had both finished paying for their groceries. She was talking about her older daughter, who had recently joined the school's track team and was well on her way to the Olympics, if only the other kids didn't try so hard to keep her down.
"Well, my Hiroki, you know, he's excelling at swimming. He's a regular fish in the water, and the coach wants him to try for nationals," Sanae interjected at the first pause, only too happy to be able to brag about her own son.
Yuriko smiled. "Yes, Hiroki. Kana-chan keeps talking about him."
If memory served correctly, Yuriko's daughter Kana was in the same class as Hiroki. "She is? What is she saying?" Sanae asked, very curious. She had not expected her own son to be the subject of any rumors.
"Oh, it's nothing bad. Kana-chan is absolutely enamored with him. She came home ecstatic, shouting about how she had a boyfriend, and that he was the best student in the class and the best at everything and that all the other girls were jealous of her now. It's actually a bit cute." Yuriko finished with a demure giggle, and Sanae quickly joined her so as to not appear out of the loop.
Still, this would not do. Her son had a girlfriend and he hadn't told her! She quickly put the groceries into her bike basket and bowed to her friend. "Please excuse me. I need to get home; the two men in my family will want dinner when they get home."
Yuriko nodded, but Sanae got the feeling there was a bit of smugness in her smile.
After Hiroki had gone up to his room, Sanae turned to her husband. "Did you know that Hiroki has a girlfriend?"
Tetsuhiro shrugged, not looking away from the TV. "He's at that age, isn't he?" Really, as much as she loved her husband, there were times when he needed to be more involved in their son's life.
"I suppose so. He's fourteen. But he never told me about it!"
That drew a long sigh out of Tetsuhiro. "Sanae-chan, you know how Hiroki gets. He barely tells us anything if it isn't related to his grades. He's gotten even worse since he hit puberty."
Well, he did have a point. Sanae stood up from her cushion. "You're right. Hiroki won't tell us himself, so I'll just have to ask bluntly. Besides, I want to make sure that if he does decide to get cozy with his girlfriend, they'll be perfectly safe about it."
She ignored the look Tetsuhiro gave, and she certainly didn't hear his "I think you'd better not..." With her resolve burning, she made her way down the hall to Hiroki's room. For a moment she couldn't decide whether to knock or to just barge in, then decided to knock as she was barging in. If Hiroki was doing anything he didn't want her seeing, he would have to learn to be more cautious.
Disappointingly, Hiroki was at his desk studying. Well, she assumed he had been studying, because the books were lying open on his desk and he still had a pen in hand. He was glaring at her something fierce though.
"What is it, mom?" he asked, the annoyance seeping through his voice. Well, that was completely normal.
Deciding this might take a while, she seated herself on the small couch in his room. "Oh! Your mother just wants to have a talk with you, Hiroki-chan."
As expected, that got a reaction out of him. "I told you not to use chan anymore!" At least her son was predictable. Sanae smiled at him.
"Yes, yes. But anyway. Mama has heard an interesting rumor, and I thought I should ask you before I go making baseless assumptions."
"Can't you just let me study?"
"Hiroki, is it true that you have a girlfriend?"
The blush he gave her was answer enough. "Th-th-that's... who told you?"
"Kana-chan's mother."
Hiroki scowled, a facial expression Sanae was getting far too used to seeing these days. "Ugh but I told her not to--"
"Now, I know you're a little bit panicked right now, but I want you to know that I'm on your side. I won't be one of those fuddy-duddy parents who doesn't want their children to date. So have fun, it's your first love."
"Who said anything about love?"
"And I won't ask what you're doing with her, but I do want you to know that I'd rather you not become a father at this young age, and--"
"MOM!" Hiroki shouted, covering his face with his hands.
"-- you know that I used to be a nurse before I had you, so there are plenty of reference books in the library. I just want to make sure you don't get her pregnant or catch any nasty diseases."
"Mom, I'm fourteen, I'm--"
"So, use condoms, all right?"
Hiroki slumped over onto his desk, face completely red. He didn't even look at her when she got up to leave, patting him reassuringly on the back. That conversation had gone well, she thought.
A month later, Sanae met Hanamura Yuriko again. This time, Yuriko was a lot more hostile, not nearly as willing to brag as she had been before. After ten minutes of awkward conversation, Sanae was getting annoyed.
"Did something happen? You seem a bit tenser than usual," she said casually, trying to appear the worried friend.
Yuriko shrugged nonchalantly. "No, no. It's Kana-chan. She's holed herself up in her room crying and hasn't come out to eat since she and Hiroki broke up." She gave a pointed glare, as if blaming Sanae for what had happened.
It was actually a bit of a shock to Sanae, because she had not noticed Hiroki being that much more upset than usual. Well, he had been hanging out with Akihiko a lot lately, but they were best friends so it hadn't struck her as odd.
Still, when Hiroki got home, she quickly followed him up to his room. He was scowling, as usual, and sometimes she wondered what she had done to raise such an angry teenager. The scowl turned deeper as she stepped into his room.
"Hiroki, is something the matter?" she asked softly, placing a hand on his shoulders.
He shrugged her hand off and backed away from her, widening the distance between them. "What? No! Why are you in my room?"
"Well, I heard about you and Kana-chan, so I was wondering if everything was all right."
Usually, Hiroki would glare and flush if he was embarrassed. This time, his face went white, and he quickly turned away from her. "J-just. Whatever. Leave me alone."
"Are you sure? I'm always willing to listen, if you need somebody to talk to."
His shoulders tensed; still not facing her, he shouted, "I'm sure! GO AWAY!"
Sanae wondered if she should scold him for yelling, but whatever had happened must have upset him terribly. She decided to let it slide, stepping out of the room and sliding the door shut behind her. "Remember, I'm always here if you need me."
Almost inaudible through the door she heard a quiet "thank you."
22.
Hiroki had grown up and was on his last year of undergrad, with plans for his masters already in place. Sanae couldn't help but feel proud.
But she was also worried. As far as she could tell, Hiroki had not dated anybody since that first girlfriend of his at fourteen. Her sister's children were all in steady relationships, and every time she spoke to her sister there'd be talks of weddings here or possible grandchildren there. Sanae felt a little left out.
It didn't help that Hiroki had moved to the other end of town, so that she couldn't surprise visit him and make it seem like a natural occurrence of things. "Oh, I was in the area..." was no longer a valid excuse in Hiroki's eyes.
Instead, she had to make due with phone calls. Once a week at least, maybe more. She appreciated that Hiroki indulged her by letting her talk his ear off, even telling her a little bit of his own life -- as long as the world "girlfriend" wasn't brought up. He would clam up at any questions about lovers or girls he might be interested in, to the point where all further conversation would be strained. So she had learned to not ask.
So she made her usual Saturday phone call.
"Hello?"
"Hiroki! It's your mother."
"Ah, hi, mom. Look, now's not a good time..."
"It's not? But we always chat on Saturdays."
"I know, and I'm sorry, but I'm expecting a guest soon, and I'm trying to clean, and..."
A guest Hiroki would clean for? Suddenly Sanae's interest was piqued. "Is Akihiko coming over?"
"God no!" The vehemence in the statement surprised Sanae, because Hiroki usually loved seeing Akihiko. She could still remember how in his youth, Hiroki would spend all day looking forward to a play-date with Akihiko.
"Do I know this friend?" Start with "friend," because that was safer than having him get mad about her saying "lover."
She could hear a stack of books falling over, typical of Hiroki's cleaning efforts. What he really needed was a larger apartment, but he had refused to take any financial help they had offered him.
And then she heard it. The sound of a door opening, no doorbell being rung first.
"Ack, my guest is here, I have to go," Hiroki said, not waiting for her reply before hanging up.
There was somebody Hiroki was seeing. There was no other explanation. Who else would Hiroki give a key to his apartment to? Sanae was almost ecstatic, and began making mental preparations about how she would react when Hiroki first introduced this woman, and how she would gloat to her sister, and maybe even which heirlooms she could pass on to her future daughter-in-law.
Although Tetsuhiro was skeptical when she brought it up over dinner, she managed to convince him it was all right to get their hopes up. Their Hiroki-chan wouldn't die sad and alone. They would get to meet their grandchildren.
She called him more often now, hoping his girlfriend would pick up or she would at least hear her voice in the background. It never happened; it was always Hiroki on the phone. Occasionally some friend of his would be there, a gentle voice that she instantly liked. The two of them would discuss Hiroki's many merits, and she had to marvel that her son had managed to find such a good friend. Their conversations lasted until Hiroki came back from the store or finished taking his bath or whatever else he had been doing that left him indisposed.
"Mom, will you stop talking to Nowaki!"
"Why? He's such a nice young man. You should bring him over for dinner some time!"
"... Maybe."
And something about the way he said that -- maybe the hesitation, or the actual consideration -- made her realize that she'd completely misinterpreted. Giving a shaky reason, she excused herself and hung up.
Maybe Hiroki wasn't actually seeing anybody, she told herself. Or maybe Nowaki was poor and destitute and Hiroki wanted him to experience life among the rich and glamorous. Before she knew it, Sanae was on the internet researching all sorts of things she hadn't thought she would ever need to know, and trying to make a mental checklist of how many applied to her son.
Nevertheless, she never extended the invitation to Hiroki's friend again, and Hiroki never asked to bring him along. If he wanted them to know, he would tell them, she decided. Besides, maybe she was being too paranoid about things. Just because her son hadn't dated a girl in over eight years didn't mean he was necessarily-- it took a long time before Sanae could get herself to finish that thought.
27.
Sometime in June, Hiroki came to visit them completely unannounced. It was a Monday morning, so her husband was already at work and she had just been getting ready to go do groceries. She nearly yelled when she saw him, surprised to see anybody other than herself in the house. "Hiroki? What are you doing here?"
"Can't I want to see my parents?" he replied, completely defensive as always.
While the response did please her, something was wrong. "Oh, no, I mean, I love having you here, but... I usually have to pull teeth to get you to come see us."
"I just felt like visiting, that's all. I mean, if you don't want me, I can go too."
He wasn't looking her in the eye. It reminded her entirely of his teenage days, when everything she said was somehow embarrassing to him. But no, even then he hadn't looked on the verge of a breakdown.
Sanae forgot all of her plans for the afternoon, deciding instead to keep her son company. She made them tea and had him help her cook lunch, before taking him out to take a stroll to the local park. While they did meet some of her friends, she only briefly said hello to them before pulling Hiroki along to their next destination. A stop at a café, then the grocery store so they could make dinner together later.
She couldn't ask him what was wrong, but she could at least try to keep his mind off of it.
Silently, she regretted any negative thoughts she had had about Nowaki. She would much rather have her son be distant to her yet obviously happy than come to her with his heart broken. She hoped they could patch things up; if that was impossible, she hoped Hiroki could find somebody, anybody, who would make him smile again.
28.
Sender: kamijouh(a)softbanc..jp
Date: June 5, 200x
Subject: New number
Changed my phone number. 080-5555-9254. Moving to new apartment tomorrow.
Sanae stared at the text message. That was... sudden. She tried to remember if Hiroki had mentioned wanting to move, but even after he'd gotten his job as an assistant professor he had insisted on staying in that tiny apartment, no matter how much she wheedled.
And now, without a word of warning, he'd done exactly as she had suggested. She wondered what had changed.
It was fairly obvious what had changed. Two weeks after that initial text message, she called the new apartment and a familiar, gentle voice picked up. "Oh, Kamijou-san. I'll get Hiro-san for you," Nowaki said. Sanae was a little bit shocked: it must have been over a year ago since the two of them had broken up. At least, she thought they had broken up; she couldn't remember Hiroki ever having been so depressed. For a month he'd visited almost every weekend, up until he had found his job at M University.
"Mom? Hi."
"Was that... Nowaki-kun?"
"Ah, yeah. Um, we're roommates now. He was out of the country for a while, and his old place was a little run down, and I was thinking of getting a bigger apartment anyway, so it... kind of worked out."
Sanae wondered how much of what Hiroki had just said was true. Was "out of the country" code for "out of my life"? It was a little hard to decipher Hiroki's words sometimes.
"Well, I'm glad things are working out. You really surprised me, moving so suddenly!"
"Sorry."
"Ah, but will it be all right with a roommate? You won't be able to bring a lover home," she said, more curious about her son's love-life than she had been in a long time.
Hiroki sputtered on the other end, then paused. "That's not... that's not an issue, mom!"
"Well, you know that I worry about you sometimes. Just remember to introduce your lover to your poor old mother, all right?"
And instead of the usual denials, Hiroki only answered with, "Yeah, all right."
She was packing for a trip to Hokkaido when Tetsuhiro came home, already undoing his tie. He took one look at her suitcase and raised an eyebrow. "Where are you going?"
"Hokkaido. My friends and I discovered an amazing deal for a weekend trip." This time of year, it would probably be colder in Hokkaido than it was in Tokyo, although hopefully it wouldn't be snowing yet.
Tetsuhiro carefully folded his clothes as he put them away on his side of the closet. "That's tomorrow?"
"Yes." Should she bring the rain jacket and her regular coat, or would just one suffice?
"But isn't that when..."
"Hmm?"
"No, never mind." Tetsuhiro didn't say anything else as he finished putting on his after-work sweats.
30.
"You're going on a trip again?" Tetsuhiro asked, picking up one of the travel brochures from the table.
"Yes! We aren't sure if we want to go to Okinawa or Kyushu. I've heard the ramen in Fukuoka is great, and Beppu's springs are famous, but Okinawa is simply gorgeous this time of year. The Okinawa vacation package might be a better deal anyway."
As she rambled, Tetsuhiro sat down next to her and started pushing all of the brochures aside. "Sanae-chan..."
"Yes?"
He took her hands into his as he said, "Why are you going on a trip again?"
"Am I not allowed to?" she asked, a bit indignant. Really, now that she had free time, she should be allowed to enjoy herself. It wasn't like they needed to be saving money anyway.
"That's not it. It's just.... you know that Hiroki is visiting next weekend."
"Oh, he is?" He might have mentioned something like that; Sanae had a hard time keeping dates straight these days.
But Tetsuhiro only raised an eyebrow at her. "No, you can't tell me you forgot. I believed you the first three times but it's getting a bit ridiculous now."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Sanae, you keep saying you want Hiroki to introduce us to his boyfriend, and that you don't care if he's gay or not, but... he can't introduce anybody if you refuse to meet him."
For the first time, Sanae knew how Hiroki felt when she was being too blunt. Didn't Tetsuhiro realize there were things she didn't want to acknowledge?
But it was true, and she couldn't fault him for telling her the truth. She had only been running away from her son, even before he and his lover and moved in together. Ever since she had figured out he was gay, if she were honest with herself.
"Stop avoiding Hiroki. Let's meet this person who makes our impossible son happy."
"... Yes, you're right. Of course."
Sanae hoped she looked presentable. She hoped the food would be good enough for their guests, and that there wasn't an embarrassing speck of dust somewhere in the living room. Tetsuhiro had told her to stop fretting, but how could she do that when her son was going to bring his lover here?
Hiroki even rang the doorbell instead of using the key he still had, which allowed her to try to rush to the front door -- very hard to do in her formal kimono, which was made much more for soft, slow movements than excited running.
"Hiroki-chan!" she said upon seeing him, completely forgetting to drop the honorific. Standing next to him was a tall young man, probably around Hiroki's age, with dark hair and dark eyes. He was smiling, and for a brief moment Sanae thought he looked nervous, but Hiroki started flailing about something or other-- oh, right, he hated being called "Hiroki-chan."
"Please, please, come in. Make yourselves at home. Well, I suppose you are at home. For once," Sanae joked, and Hiroki muttered something about forgetful parents who were never home anyway.
"Anyway, mom, this is my... roommate. Kusama Nowaki."
A little bit disappointed, Sanae nodded. "Of course. Kusama-kun, it's a pleasure to meet you, after having talked to you so often."
Kusama smiled. "Please, just Nowaki is fine."
Sanae led them all to the living room, where Tetsuhiro was already sitting by the low table. "Well, then you'll have to stop calling me Kamijou-san. It makes me feel a bit old."
"You are old, mom," Hiroki said, taking a seat next to his father. Nowaki joined him, and Sanae tried to see if they touched hands under the table. Nothing.
"Hiroki, don't be mean to your mother. She looks as young as the day I met her, with only a few additional wrinkles and gray hairs," Tetsuhiro added, and they all had a brief laugh.
"In any case, you can call me auntie. Or mom, if you like." She placed a hand on Nowaki's shoulder, squeezing reassuringly.
"MOM!"
Sanae quickly left to get their dinner, avoiding whatever further protests Hiroki had. From the kitchen, she could hear Nowaki and Tetsuhiro conversing easily -- probably about work related things. Hadn't Hiroki mentioned that Nowaki was a doctor of some sort? Oh my, a doctor. Yes, that was a very respectable type of job. And he would be making a lot of money, wouldn't he.
Carrying the first tray of food, she went back to the living room. Hiroki was rolling his eyes at some story Nowaki was telling, but there was a small hint of a smile on his face.
"You know, I've wondered... how did the two of you meet?" Sanae asked, taking a seat next to Hiroki.
"Yeah, that was..." Hiroki started, looking less comfortable.
"I nearly killed him with a plastic rocket," Nowaki interrupted, laughing. "I was showing some of the sponsors of the orphanage how the plastic rockets work -- they're a lot of fun! -- and then it accidentally veered off course to where Hiro-san was sitting. He was so scared there were tears in his eyes."
"You! There was nothing funny about that!"
"And then after I found out that he was a university student at T University, I asked him to tutor me. I'm really grateful, I could never have passed the high school equivalency exams without him."
This brought the conversation to more things about the past: Nowaki was an orphan, and had quit high school in order to start working and not burden the orphanage any longer. (Sanae made a mental note to get the name of the orphanage, so she could start donating to them.) And after he had spent a year abroad -- Sanae got a feeling she knew exactly when that had been -- he had needed a place to stay, and somehow they had just... ended up living together. Somehow. Of course.
"Mom, I'll help you with the dishes," Hiroki said when she got up to clear the table.
While they were getting dessert ready, Hiroki suddenly took a deep breath. "Mom. There's something I need to tell you."
She nearly dropped a plate in shock. Was her son actually going to confess to her? "Yes?"
"I... that is... Nowaki and I...."
Sanae nodded encouragingly.
"We aren't.... we aren't roommates. I mean, that is. We do live together. But. It's more like... um."
"Go on."
And oh, her poor son was flustered and red in the face and could barely get the words out, but he was trying. Nowaki must mean a lot to him. "Nowaki is.... Nowaki is my lover. That is. I'm gay."
She couldn't stop the excited squeal from escaping her lips as she hugged him. "Oh, thank you!"
"Uh... mom? You're... glad about this?"
"Oh Hiroki, I don't care if you're gay or straight or whatever, I just want you to be happy. And I've known for a while now but I'm so happy that you trust me enough to tell me!"
That must have reassured him, because he actually returned the embrace. "... Wait. You've known for a while?"
"Well, it was kind of obvious," she told him, leaning back so she could look him in the eye.
"Mom, let go, I have to go die in a ditch now."
Squeezing one last time, she released him from her embrace. Placing a tray of dessert in his hands before sending him back out to the living room, she couldn't help but grin.
Maybe it wasn't quite how she had expected things to go, but her son had grown up well.
C&C appreciated!