DISCLAIMER: I don't own Card Captor Sakura
A/N: Written on impulse at 3 am in the morning, so I really don't know if it's any good or not. My first fic for this fandom, so please review.
It was so painful watching them from afar; but it was so much more painful not to.
So painful not see, touch, hear, smell Syaoran everyday. So painful not to live in the same house, go to the same school, do the same things.
She knew that he, they were happy; it was so obvious, in the way he looked at her like she was the only thing in the world that really mattered, in the way she smiled at him so cheerfully, like she did for everyone else, but somehow so much brighter, so much more personal. The little touches, brushes against each other, that made their faces light up, colour rise to their cheeks.
They were so happy; she was blinded by it, choked by it. Like if she came too close, she might be smothered by it. Even from afar, it made her stomach churn, as though it was a particularly pungent perfume carried by the wind to smack her straight in the face.
She couldn't watch, she couldn't, her stomach was churning, she was going to throw up, ohgod it hurt, it hurt. But it hurt more to turn away, to not know, to be uncertain. Somewhere deep inside, in the dark recesses of her mind that she never dared look, she still hoped that she and Syaoran would be together.
She loved them, loved them both, could not bring herself to feel angry about their relationship. Even though it made her feel like she was being ripped apart, seeing them so blatantly happy together, so in love, she didn't want to sabotage it, not at all. She remembered that night at Tomoyo's house, where she had cried and cried, spilled her heart out to the best friend of the very person who had caused her heart to break. Why can't I hate her? She had cried. Why?
Tomoyo was so much stronger than her; Tomoyo had loved Sakura from the start, she still did. So how could she stand being in such close proximity to Sakura when she was in love with another?
Frustrated with herself, angry only because she just couldn't be angry, she turned away, wiping furiously at watering eyes.
Suck it up.
She walked away, leaving part of herself with Syaoran. She knew soon enough she would have to go back and become whole again, because just seeing him, seeing him happy, was enough. It would have to be.