There's an enormous difference between believe and know. The first one is a virtue, what people call faith, and the second is what fucks up any skeptical man. You probably believe in God and Heaven, therefrom in Satan and Hell, or maybe some cosmic energy that gave birth to our Universe. I don't believe. I have no faith at all, mate. But I have seen it. Not God, since Lord is too cocky to show himself in front of human eyes. However, I've seen his angels. I've seen demons. And, of course, I've seem Hell. I've been there already. I see Lucifer now and then, and way more than I'd like to. Satan, otherwise, seems to enjoy it.
Lucifer enjoys my screams when he comes to visit. He delights in the smell of my fear, he adores the taste of my blood, and tears, and skin. Not that I'm vain or something. Before leaving the room, Devil itself makes sure to tell me how much he loves to literally ravish my body, and devastate my soul. He is a fiend, indeed.
What about God? Well, God is a kid with an ant farm. He is not planning anything. Sitting up there, looking down to his fancy creation, he is nothing but a voyeur. He has a great time laughing at our miserable lives, just for fun. What else could explain this mess around here? Free will? You got to be kidding me. He gives mankind instincts, and throw in this wicked world of ours. Any doubt it would go wrong? Then, he sets the rules in opposition. Look, but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, don't swallow. He's a sadist! And people workship Him.
No wonder a have no faith, lad. Believe is bullshit.
I have seen things that humans wasn't supposed to. Things that no one should have to see. And I know they are real. I've never asked for it. But Lord Almighty is just too busy watching Lu fucks this exorcist on a daily basis to give me a friendly hand. Don't you think I ever tried praying? Shit, I did. I used to pray like a damned, every single day of my life. But Lord could never heard me. Or maybe He could, and didn't give a damn. Classic, right?
Notes:
A little bit of John's bitter thinking. And, oh yes, Al Pacino's speech from The Devil's Advocate - another movie that I love, casting Keanu Reeves as well.
It's also a translation from my own story, "Crença", in brazilian portuguese. I'd appreciate if you could let me know about any grammar or spelling mistakes among the text. Since English is not my first language, I'm not very secure about writing here. Thank you all!
As always, deticated to BelialNails, but now I'd like to remember her that she owns me a John and Balthazar story! I'm waiting.
Kisses!
Ms. Blackwood