Love Me Dead
Disclaimer: I do not own Batman, I do not own the Rogues, but I do own a very awesome sexy Joker doll. So there! Take that DC!
"Hello friends! Valentine's Day is upon us, this Saturday in fact, and here's the couples scorecard…Ivy and Harvey are going strong and plan on celebrating V-Day at the Iceberg, as will all the Rogues. Alice and Jervis, still in love, still annoying, no surprise. Selina and Bruce don't have much going on but the rumor going around is that the two may be moving in together. How long will that last? Holly and Dick are still living together, but the couple was seen fighting last week after I sent out the picture of Dick having lunch with a mysterious red head. Whoops! On the flip side, Eddie is no longer single! He and Scarlet hit it off at the New Year's Eve ball and have been spotted all around town together. Good for him…sorry Holly. Now the big couple, the one everyone is wondering about, Harley and Joker! Well…um…no one has really seen or heard from the couple…which is odd. I'm sure we'll see them Saturday. Tipster out!"
Selina rolled her eyes and snapped her phone closed. She looked out the window of the car as they passed Third Street. She hated it when Bruce sent Alfred over to pick her up when he couldn't. It made her feel bad, which was odd since she was used to taking cabs all the time.
Alfred smiled at her in the rearview mirror.
She smiled back.
"You're awfully quite today Miss Kyle," Alfred remarked.
"Will you ever call me Selina? I mean years from now, if Bruce and I are married will you still call me Miss Kyle?" she asked.
"No, I will call you Mrs. Wayne."
Selina snickered.
"How is Miss Quinn doing? I haven't heard anything since I drove her to the New Year's Eve Ball."
"I wouldn't know. She's dropped off the face of the Earth along with her boyfriend."
"Oh dear."
"Don't worry. It means things are going really good," she joked.
"I see."
"Why are you curious about Harley?"
"Even though I am on the side that is against what they do, the Rogue's Gallery is still rather entertaining. And Master Drake inquired about Miss Quinn as I left," Alfred explained.
"Really? Hmm." Selina smiled to herself. She had something to tease Tim about later.
"We're here Miss Kyle."
"Thank you Mr. Pennyworth," she said as she got out of the car before he could get the door.
"Shall I wait for you?"
"No, Bruce and I will grab a cab."
Selina walked through the giant doors of Wayne Enterprises, smiled at the receptionist at the front desk, and boarded the elevators. She stared at the buttons for a second before a hand jumped out in front of her and hit 15. The doors closed and Selina looked over to see Lucius Fox. "Thanks. I always forget the floor number."
"Not a problem Selina. How are you doing today?" Lucius asked.
"Not bad."
"Going to lunch with Bruce?"
"Yeah. It's the only time her has this week."
The doors slid open and they stepped off the elevator together.
"Important work for him to do?" Selina asked gesturing toward the file in Lucius's hands.
"No, just something he said he was interested in looking at." Lucius opened the door to Bruce Wayne's office.
The two stopped in the doorway and stared at Bruce who was kicked back in his chair with his feet on his desk, asleep.
"How would your company survive without him? Selina asked sarcastically.
"It is a mystery. I'll let you wake him." Lucius handed her the file and left the room, closing the door as he went.
Selina sauntered over to the desk and slapped the file down onto Bruce's lap.
Bruce jumped up and went to reach for her stopping just a breath away when he realized it was Selina. "You scared the hell out of me."
"I'm surprised you were really sleeping. Usually you just pretend."
"Late night," he replied.
"I heard on the news this morning. Freeze huh? He's been inactive for awhile."
"I know. There's no in between with that guy. He's either nowhere or he's conquering the world."
"Do you want to cancel lunch then?"
"No, I already feel bad because I have no time this week."
"Well then let's get to it cuz I'm starved." Selina started for the door.
"Hey, hold on," Bruce called getting up from his desk and throwing on his jacket.
Selina stopped and tapped her foot impatiently.
Bruce scooped her up in his arms and kissed her. "I need something to keep me going," he joked.
Ivy poured herself a cup of tea and enjoyed the few minutes of peace she had. Harvey was still sleeping and Ivy treasured that. Lately, it felt like she and Harvey were attached at the hip. Harley had disappeared and hadn't answered any calls and Selina was busy with Bruce so that left Ivy alone with Harvey. It would be nice if they did things but all they ever did was sit at home and talk or go to the Iceberg and talk. She was tired of talking. She was tired of this 80 year old couple thing they had going.
Harvey stumbled into the kitchen. He kissed her on top of the head ad went about making himself a cup of coffee.
That was something else that bothered her, it was always Harvey. Two Face had become as scarce as Harley.
"What are you drinking?" Harvey asked.
"Tea," Ivy replied shortly.
"Heard from Harley?"
"No."
Harvey sipped his coffee as he snatched the paper from Ivy. "Anything good in the news?"
"There was a fire over on Upton."
"I meant Tipster news."
"Not really. Harley's MIA, Selina and Bruce might move in together. The usual," she sighed.
Harvey grunted.
"I'm starving," Harley whined into Joker's chest.
"Me too," he replied.
"We haven't eaten all day."
"Try two days."
"One of us should go to the kitchen."
"The kitchen is too far away."
"You should make me a sandwich," she coaxed.
"Psh…make me a sandwich."
Harley climbed on top of Joker and pouted. "I wuv you."
"I wuv you too but I'm just as lazy as you are."
Harley looked up at the ceiling and then did a quick scan of the room. "Do you realize we really haven't left this room since New Year's Eve? We've barely eaten, barely showered, and we certainly haven't watched any TV."
"Who needs TV when we have good old fashioned exercise," he joked.
Harley's stomach grumbled and she made a face.
"Jesus Christ," Joker laughed.
"Sorry. I'm hungry."
He rolled his eyes and pushed her off of him. "Forget the sandwiches, we're doing Chinese."
"So, there's a rumor going around that we're moving in together," Selina said as she sipped her coke.
"Where did you hear that?" Bruce asked.
"First I read it in one of those gossip rags, and then the Tipster sent it round to everyone."
Bruce rolled his eyes.
"Have you gotten any further on the Tipster thing? I know you said you'd ask around."
"I still don't know how far their reach is. I know all the waitresses at the Iceberg get the updates, the rogues, and the couple doctors I talked to at Arkham but I haven't been able to ask anyone else. Maybe you should do a little digging."
Selina nodded and took a bite of her salad.
"It makes me feel fat when you just order a salad and I'm eating a cow," Bruce joked.
"Oh whatever."
"So what else did the Tipster have to say?"
"Nothing really. There's not much going on in our world. Everyone is lying low and Jonathan is still in Arkham, God only knows why."
"I see."
They were silent for a moment. Bruce eating his steak and Selina picking at her salad. She smiled a little, and then a little bigger, finally she broke out into giggles.
"What is so funny?" Bruce asked.
"Tim has a little crush on Harley."
"What?"
"He asked Alfred to ask me how Harley is doing and that night I took him to the Iceberg he was all up on her."
Bruce started to laugh too.
Joker walked out of the little Chinese restaurant around the corner from his place carrying two full bags of food. He didn't wan to have to leave again for awhile. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Thinking it was Harley, he juggled his bags into one and hand fished around his pocket until he found his phone. He pulled it out, flipped it open, expecting to find another food request, but instead was greeted with a picture of himself walking down the street carrying two bags of Chinese food. He quickly whipped around and looked for a familiar face, but no one in the crowd looked like anyone he knew. He did notice a brunette woman in a brown trench coat pushing her way quickly through a group of people in the opposite direction of him. Little did Joker know, he was the first person to catch a glimpse of the Tipster.
Selina flipped her phone open and read, "He Lives! The Joker is alive and well and walking down Lexington carrying Chinese food. And judging by the amount of food he has, Harley is alive and well too. Three guesses what they've been up to." She turned the phone so Bruce could see the picture.
He had to laugh. Seeing the Joker walk down a busy street carrying Chinese takeout in his baggy sweats made him look ridiculous. Yet human.
"Do you want to check it or do you want me to?" Harvey asked gesturing toward the phone.
Ivy grabbed it. "It's Joker walking down Lexington with food. I guess he's alive."
"Good."
"Do you want to do something today? Maybe we could go to the zoo or a museum or something," Ivy offered not wanting to spend another day at home doing nothing but talking.
"We're going out Saturday."
"It's Wednesday. There's plenty of days left in the week to stay home and do nothing."
"I like being at home and doing nothing with you."
Ivy got up from the table and started for the bathroom. "Well I'm bored with home. I'm going to the park."
"Lonely Ivy at the park. Lately she's been inseparable from Harvey and now she's at the park alone! Could it be trouble in paradise? And what's this? Harley Quinn on the cover of Gotham Star! Since when is she a celebrity? Oh yeah, since she became Bruce Wayne's mystery blonde. She may have been a quick fling but the gossip press just love her! Is that why she's been laying low? And our little Alice is becoming quite the celebrity. Her band has just signed with a record company. Roadrunner to be exact. Good for her. But what about Jervis? Can they make it through the trials and tribulations of celeb life? Can't wait to find out!"
"Your record deal just hit Tipster Afternoon Update," Holly chirped through the phone.
"Rawr. That chick needs a hobby," Alice replied.
"She has one, dishing on all of us."
"So how's life on your side of town. I heard you and Dick had a fight."
"A minor misunderstanding. Turns out his mystery red head was really Barbara and although I don't like him spending alone time with her, it's better than some random slut."
"Speaking of sluts, I talked to our sister today."
"How is Naomi a slut?" Holly asked popping a piece of popcorn in her mouth.
"Remember when I was 8, you were 10, and Naomi was 11 and I wanted that ballerina Barbie and mom finally broke down and bought it for me?"
"Sure," Holly said for the sake of the conversation.
"Okay, well a day later Naomi got mad because mom wouldn't buy her a new set of markers so she broke the head off it. Ergo, she's a slut."
"That was 13 years ago."
"Still."
"Right. Anyway, what did Naomi have to say?"
"Oh, yeah, so Bobby is going to Boca or wherever to see his rents for a week so she's going to hit Gotham to visit. She's bringing lil' Bobby with her."
"How long have those two been married?" Holly asked.
"Um…5 years about."
"You owe me 30 bucks then."
"They have to make it another month. It will officially be 5 years then."
"Are we bad sisters betting on our sister's marriage?"
"No. We're just bad people," Alice told her.
"And I'm okay with that."
"Are you and Holly doing good?" Tim asked leaning to the right as his red car turned on the TV screen, as if the car would turn better.
Dick's blue car went screaming past Tim's on the screen. "Yeah. She's a little miffed about the whole lunch with Barbara but I told her, we're just friends."
"Liar."
"She's with Chip or Pretzel, or whatever that hell that guy's name is."
"Green is a bad color on you dude," Tim joked.
"It's going to look good on you when I cross this finish line!"
Tim tossed the controller to the side. "Whatever. Have you been to the Iceberg lately?"
"I was there the other night."
"Have you seen Harley?"
"No one has. Her and Joker are off the map. Why?"
"Just wondering."
"Look little Bro, she's bad news. Don't get attached."
"What are you talking about?" Tim asked in fake confusion.
"I know you have this little crush but remember the Harley Quinn that tried to throw you off a roof, not the Harley Quinn that ruffed up your hair and kissed your cheek."
"She didn't try to throw me off a roof, she tried to throw Robin off the roof."
"Now you sound like Bruce when he was first trying to ration out this whole Selina thing. Plus Harley is like way too old for you."
"I'm not into her!"
"Okay…Bruce."