The Slenderman. Popular internet legend, feared stalker, tallest guy Masky knows... And an awful cook.
Scratch that. Simply calling him awful is not enough. I mean, it wasn't like he really cooked often. He usually complained (Slenderman doesn't whine,) (Shut up Masky I do not) at his roomies until they did it for him. Also he was a size-changing prey-stalking creature of the night and cooking was for nerds. Nerds like his proxies Masky and Hoodie. Unfortunately for him, they were out today. He'd already tried bugging Masky at work (he had to leave once the police were called. Turns out, regular people don't take well to a tallass faceless dude pupping up out of nowhere. Who'da thunk?), and Hoodie was at class. Hoodie gets all panicky and cries when Slendy shows up in public spaces around him, so that was out. And yeah, he could totally just steal food from someone else, but Masky's offhanded comment that he probably couldn't even make mac n cheese if he tried got to him. He totally could. He was the Slenderman! He would not be bested by some stupid cheesy delicious noodles, not ever!
Unfortunately, the Slenderman was currently being bested by some stupid cheese delicious noodles. Well, not delicious so much as on fire. But all the same, he was not going to eat the abomination he'd created and marked it down as a failure.
"Dammit," he whined. "I spent like, ten whole minutes on that. This is the worst."
Twitching monstrosity tossed into the toilet, Slendy flickered into his room. Well, his, Masky's and Hoodie's room. There was only one room to this apartment. It sucked. Flickering closer to the closet because walking was for nerds, he easily broken in the heavy safe Masky'd gotten to protect his most prized possessions, things that he let nobody other than himself see and touch. Slendy pulled out some nerds rope.
Swallowing all the junk food save for the rope formerly stashed in the safe whole, the faceless dude plopped down on the apartments shared bed, using a tentacle to swipe Hoodies laptop (Masky had long since stopped leaving his laptop at home, after he came home to find slenderman used his steam account to buy like, 50 shitty dating sims. He'd only played one, and the one'd he'd played had only been used for a grand total of five minutes. Slenderman was an asshole).
He nibbled the sugary rope as he scrolled through Hoodie's tumblr, not really doing anything because it was rude to post selfies on other people's blogs.
The day continues like this, with Slendy occasionally switching to a different site or game. He fights Ben on team fortress and shits all over Jeff's facebook page. The Rake's coming over next weekend and Jane's posting these super cool selfies. Slendy like all of them. Jane likes to beat up Jeff so she's totally cool in his book.
Hoodie's the first to come home, asking why the house smells like burned noodles and also like death. You shrug it off and easily surrender his laptop back. Masky comes home an hour later, completely ignoring the smell and heading straight for the bathroom- Only to scream, "Slendy what the HELL!".
Slendy hears an answering roar from the bathroom and it occurs to him that he probably should have flushed the undead noodle god. Oh well. After a couple minutes of muffled fighting (Slendy didn't bother to get up to help, though Hoodie did), the two proxies limped into their room. Masky glares at the Slenderman until he notices the candy wrapper next to him. The proxie's gaze immediately flickers to the broken safe, and stays there for a long moment, before-
"SLENDERMAN YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE"
And then the room is Zalgo, who came by to show the Slenderman this cool rock they found.
Shut up I'm an excellent author.