Some of you might be wondering, 'What is taking WG so long with her updates?' or 'When is she going to put up new fan-art?" or "What the fried-chicken kind of site am I on right now?"
Well, things got busy, and right now I'm just writing off stress.
And what better stress relief than a crack fic! XD
*special thanks to Fanatic97 for his help on this*
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Hollywood! Land of opportunity, success, wealth, stuck-up celebrities who blow their money on new pools and large houses instead of- oh, I don't know- donating it to hospitals, schools, and other places that deserve it more? I mean, c'mon, what do you guys do? Act in front of a camera? People on Youtube do it for free!
"Shaddap, Narrator, no one cares…!"
…that outburst came from ATF, who- for some reason- was sitting at a bar surrounded by cameos that cost a ton of money to get in this story (money that could be feeding starving kids at an orphanage…!)
"Oh I'll tell you the reason!" ATF sneered, already drunk. He turned to Spike Spiegel, who was sitting next to him. "It all started last Saturday. I was on a date with Esther, both of us just walking through the park, having a good time… and then shit happened-"
Spike arched an eyebrow in the 'What the fuck makes you think I care?'-manner, before turning to Nicolas D. Wolfwood seated beside him. "Any clue who this kid is?" he asked, thumbing at ATF.
"I figured he was with you," Nicolas replied.
"He's with me," a tall young man with light-brown-reddish hair, green eyes, wearing a fedora, black vest, green shirt, jeans and colorful wristbands answered. He patted ATF on the back. "C'mon, Anti, it wasn't that bad…"
"You're right, Jonesy," ATF sighed, then slammed his head on the table. "It was WORSE! All because we went to see 'Dead Rising' in theaters…!"
Jonesy looked at Spike and Nicolas. "First date. He hasn't scored in almost a hundred years,"
"Ouch," Nicolas commented.
"How old is this kid?" Spike asked. "He looks like he's 15,"
"Actually… he's only 13." Jonesy said.
"…but it wasn't MY fault that Lamborghini caught fire!" ATF was going on, while drinking a beer. "But noooooo, blame the kid who got splattered with 5,000 cupcakes-!"
"Isn't he underage?" Spike asked the bartender, Shizuo.
"He's been alive for over 80 years. …Plus, he gave the manager $500 to let it slide," Shizuo replied, wiping a glass while smoking a cigarette.
"…having Tom Cruz involved was bad enough, yet once the hamster entered the scene, it was all over!" ATF slurred, then held up his glass. "Yo, Shiznit! How's 'bout another shot?"
Shizuo sneered, taking away the glass. "I expect a large tip for this- and call me 'Shiznit' one more time and I'll make you kiss the pavement at Mach 4!"
Jonesy sighed. "Cut him off after this." He said, handing Shizuo a wad of cash. "I gotta take a whiz. Be right back, Anti."
ATF leaned against Spike. "…and she hasn't called me in a week, or answered my calls… fukkit, I should just switch to men!" he exclaimed, then looked at the bounty-hunter. "…Are you and Julia still an item?"
Spike pretended to pick up his transmitter. "Uhh… I think Jet's found another bounty in the area!" he then took off.
"If it's Vash, tell him he still owes me from last week's poker game!" Nicolas called to him. He looked over at ATF, then slid a plate of powdered-sugar covered pretzel bites in front of him. "Here, kid, have something sweet to go with that."
"Thanks, you're a nice guy, person-man…" ATF mumbled, eating a couple.
By this point, Jonesy returned. "Hey, Shizuo, when was the last time the urinals were OH MY GOSH!" he shouted, rushing forth. "Don't let him have powdered sugar!"
"W-Why?! Does he have an allergy?" Nicolas asked.
"Worse! Shizuo, get some water!"
Shizuo did so. "Why can't he have powdered sugar?" he asked.
"*HURK!*" ATF hiccupped, his pupils growing wide… and then he dropped through a portal and disappeared!
"Crap, we're too late!" Jonesy gasped, then rushed out.
Shizuo and Nicolas looked at each other. "If anyone asks…it was part of a script the Wachowskis wrote." Nicolas asked, downing his drink then leaving.
"…It's still going on your tab!" Shizuo hollered.
Jonesy, in the meantime, had his cell-phone out. "WG- it's Jonesy. You gotta get the others and come to Hollywood, quick! …Anti got drunk in a bar. …Yes, again. …But it's different this time! …No, he's not wearing a dress! HE ATE POWDERED SUGAR!"
A portal opened just then and WG, Fanatic, FF2, Mr. Cartoon, Scoobycool9 and LuckycoolHawk9 came tumbling out… piling on top of each other. "OOOF!/OW!/OOMPH!/(my spine!)" they all cried.
Quick as they fell they stood up straight. "Drunk AND on the sugar?! How could you let this happen, Jonesy?!" WG snapped.
"I just went to the bathroom for, literately, five seconds!"
"You're a guardian ANGEL! You don't take bathroom breaks!"
"Hey, even angels have bladders- and considering I've been holding mine for the last 20 years…!"
"GUYS! Argue later, find ATF before he causes mayhem NOW!" Mr. Cartoon snapped. "The last time something like this happened, he got kicked out of Bavaria!"
"…this happened before?" Scoobycool9 asked.
"Yeah. It went down as the 'Oktoberfest Never To Be Mentioned Ever' incident. Germany's government had to go to extensive measures to keep it off the internet,"
"Damn, what does he do?!" Fanatic asked.
"Let's find him before we find out! GO, PEOPLE! GO!" WG ordered, and they ran down the street to search for ATF.
"Where would he normally go while high on sugar and wasted?" FF2 asked Mr. Cartoon as they passed by a TV store.
"This just in! A 13-year-old psycho wearing a cat-costume is terrorizing downtown Hollywood! The culprit was last seen scaring the cast of Peppa Pig while mentioning Darth Vader was his father." A TV news-anchor exclaimed, conveniently.
"Somewhere to scar people for life, apparently." WG said, opening a portal to the location…
Where they saw that a building was on fire, gorillas were running amuck down the streets, cars were crashed in buildings, and Pink was punching Kanye West repeatedly. "Holy shit! What did he DO?!" LuckycoolHawk9 gasped.
"No one did anything. This is what Hollywood looks like every St. Patrick's Day weekend," Pink told them, then resumed punching Kanye.
The authors exchanged looks. "Split up and search!" Fanatic ordered. He, FF2, and WG went one way, while the others went a different direction.
While this was going on, Ed, Edd/Double D and Eddy showed up, carrying a videocamera. Eddy was wearing a director's hat, sunglasses, and ascot. …LOL. Ascot. XD
"This is it, boys! Our shot at the big time!" Eddy exclaimed. "We're going to make a movie right here in Hollywood! Not just any movie, but the BEST MOVIE the world will ever see! So big, it'll put Deadpool to shame!"
"That is not remotely possible, Eddy!" Ed pointed out- being probably the smartest thing he'll say in this fic.
"Eddy, with all due respect, it takes months- sometimes years- to make the perfect movie, and it costs millions of dollars to do so!" Double D wheezed, tired from carrying the camera. "We've only got a $2 budget, and will have to be back in school by Monday! Can't we just take a break from the 'get rich quick' schemes and relax?"
"I ain't relaxing until our show gets a full DVD set release, pal! And what better way to get more recognition than by making the most EPIC MOVIE EVER?!" Eddy exclaimed.
"Diving into a pool filled with chocolate pudding?" Ed suggested.
Double D gave Ed a questionable look. "…Perhaps something more sanitary, Ed." He stated in response.
"C'mon, guys! Let's just find some celebrities and start filming!" Eddy said, walking ahead with his hands in his pockets.
Double D hurried after him. "But… Eddy! We don't even have a script!"
"Pfft! No one goes by scripts anymore! That's why videos on Youtube get more views than box-office hits! And I'm aiming to make this a box-office EXPLOSION!"
Double D looked at the audience. "…perhaps that's why it's going to bomb."
"Eddy, can we have mutants in our movie?" Ed asked, holding up one of his comic books. "I want to base it off of 'Night of the Brain-Eating Worm-People, Vol. 12'"
Eddy scoffed. "Nahh, everyone's doing Comic Book movies. We need something that's going to be a-"
*SMASH!*
The Warner Bros. water-tower suddenly fell on top of him… and out of it hopped Yakko, Wakko, and Dot. "Oooh… Hope the studio has 'Psychotic Cat-Boy' insurance to cover this," Yakko commented, before he and his siblings took off.
Ed walked over and lifted the water tower off of Eddy with one arm. "Is this a big enough, Eddy?" he asked.
"MY GOODNESS!" Double D shrieked, watching as ATF pranced by…
…
…wearing a sexy white kitty-costume… 0_e
…what the fuck are we even writing, guys?!
"HELLOOOOO NURSE!" ATF exclaimed, eyes wide and voice slurred, then wrapped his arms around Double D. "Will you be the mother of my ferret?"
"Gah! Ed! Help! My personal space is being explicitly violated!" Double D screamed, trying to pull out of ATF's grip.
"KITTY!" Ed exclaimed… dropping the water tower back on Eddy with a *SLAM!* and running towards ATF.
"Hold that cat!" WG shouted as she, FF2 and Fanatic ran over. "ATF! What the flying fluff- ARE YOU WEARING?!"
"I'm sexier than Holly Would if she were a Furry!" ATF responded, spinning around Double D. "Feed me cake and I will grant you 3 wishes!"
"I want a turkey sandwich!" Ed responded.
"Please don't encourage him," FF2 sated.
Eddy pried himself from underneath the water tower, popping back into shape. Rubbing his head, he looked at the scene before him. "A guy in a cat-costume harassing my friends…?" he questioned… and with a *KA-CHING!* dollar signs appeared in his eyes. "Jackpot! Ed! Film this!"
Ed picked up the camera, holding it over his shoulder. "What angle, boss?" he asked, stepping beside WG (who was face-palming at her brother's antics).
"How about you film on the freeway?" WG muttered.
"Free what?" Ed turned quick-
*BAM!*
Smacking WG with the camera while he did, causing her to land in the middle of the street. "You okay, honey?!" FF2 called.
WG stood up. "I'm fi-"
*VROOM! SMACK!*
Suddenly she was smacked by a semi.
*HONK! CRASH!*
Which swerved to avoid hiding a gorilla and crashed through a brick wall!
"WG! Are you alright?!" Fanatic called.
"I'm-" WG began to say.
*CLANG!*
…did we mention that beyond that wall was an Anvil factory?
"…unconscious…"
*thud*
Everyone ran over… ATF followed on a pogo-stick… seeing WG was out cold.
"PLEASE tell me you filmed that!" Eddy exclaimed, turning to Ed who stood by the camera.
"Locked and loaded, Eddy!" Ed replied with a thumbs-up.
"Good heavens! Someone call a doctor!" Double D gasped, watching as WG was dragged out of the building, having a bump the size of Canada on it… which also had the Canadian flag posted at the tip. Fanatic flicked it off.
"I'm going to go hijack an ambulance!" FF2 said, rushing off one way.
"I'm going to go find an ice-pack- or at least a gallon of ice-cream… or Elsa!" Fanatic said, running off in the other direction.
"IMMA BE A BRIDE!" ATF exclaimed, taking off.
"Invite me to the wedding!" Ed called.
"Ed! Focus!" Eddy snapped, smacking Ed. "Big dramatic moments like this sell big bucks! If we're lucky, this chick will be in a coma!"
"Eddy! How can you be so heartless?!" Double D gasped.
"You want heartless? Just wait until I become a producer!"
"Ughh…" WG groaned, slowly coming to.
"Are you alright, dear?" Double D asked her, patting her hand. "Speak to us, madame!"
"Madame…?" WG answered, her tone a bit softer than usual.
"She might have suffered a bit of head trauma… Tell me, do you remember who you are? What's your name?"
"My name…?" WG repeated, looking confused.
~Inside WG's Mind!~
Within WG's mind, all her emotions were running around a large archive room. "Name, name, name…! Darn it! This girl has so many pen-names it's hard to keep track!" Anger WG was snarling, tossing several files over her shoulder.
"C'mon, baby, what's the name?!" Disgust WG was muttering, trying to look up the name on the computer… until it caught fire. Fear WG quickly ran over with a fire-extinguisher and doused the flames.
"Confound it! I just got a call from Cognitive Thinking!" Joy WG exclaimed. "Someone hacked the system!"
"Who would do such a thing…?!" Sadness WG wailed, crying a puddle of tears.
"Who is this asshole?! I'll kill 'em!" Anger snarled.
"Ugh, this identity theft is worse than that phishing scam we had to deal with!" Disgust sneered.
"What do we do what do we do what do we do what do we do what do we do…?!" Fear stammered, running around in circles.
"Whoever's behind this must be on one of the islands!" Joy said, looking out the window at the many islands. "Fanfiction, Fan-Art, Fluff, Anime, Classic Cartoons, Techno, Videogame… Everything seems to be standing-"
"Uh, Joy? What's THAT?" Sadness asked, pointing downward.
The Emotions looked, seeing a tiny island was forming close by… taking the shape of a sparkling crown.
"Oh… SHIT!" Anger cried.
~Outside WG's Mind!~
WG's eyes had fallen upon a department store window that had sparkling dresses and tiaras on display. "My name… is Princess Wherever Girl," she told the Eds.
"A… Princess?"Double D questioned.
"She doesn't look like a princess!" Ed pointed out the obvious.
'Princess' WG looked at her clothes. "Oh… my. I do suppose my attire is lacking sophistication." She noted. She looked at the trio. "Outfitting aside, who might you all be?"
"I'm Eddward, and these are my friends Ed and Eddy. …Er, are you sure 'Princess Wherever Girl' is your real name?" Double D asked.
"It's the only name that comes to mind…"
~Inside WG's Mind Again!~
The Emotions turned to the doorway… where a 'pink/sparkling' version of WG walked in. "Hello. I'm WG's 'Princess' personality." She said, walking over to the control panel. "Do not be alarmed, I'm just here to manage her membrane,"
"Hold it right there, sister!" Disgust snapped. "There is NO WAY we're having a prissy pampered creampuff control WG's mind!"
"I'm afraid it's too late. She's already accepted me as her new personality,"
"She did the same thing with her 'N*Sync-Fan' personality back in the 90's, and they died before the day was out!" Anger said, then shook her head. "…trust me, you do NOT want to attend a funeral where the organist plays 'I Want You Back' for two hours."
Princess sat down at the controls. "Just let me handle this. I'll leave once my job is done,"
"You can't!" Joy cried.
"I can."
"You can't!"
"I can."
"You can't!"
"I can."
Huh boy this is going to continue, isn't it? Let's skip it!
~Outside WG's Head~
"…So that's the name I'm going by," Princess WG said… after having spaced out for a minute there.
"Gah!" Double D jumped. "Oh, sorry, you just paused for a moment."
Princess WG rubbed her head. "Yes, well, I suppose my head is still a bit scatterbrained from that bump. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go purchase some more formal attire."
While Princess WG walked off, Eddy pulled Double D and Ed into a huddle. "This is great, guys! Princess movies always gross over millions!" Eddy whispered.
"I see nothing gross about princesses," Ed stated.
"Plus, she's original- we make a movie about her, and we'll beat Disney at the Oscar-Awards!"
"Eddy, this doesn't seem right… Should we really exploit a young, confused woman's case of mistaken identity to make a movie, just for the sake of a long-shot scheme that has a low chance of success?" Double D questioned.
"Hey, some guy thought giving Kim Kardashian her own game was a good idea- Hollywood is the land of desperation! Now get the camera ready!"
Double D sighed, while Eddy strolled over to Princess WG as she walked out… wearing a light teal sparkling dress and tiara. "Hey, Princess, how'd you like to have your own franchise?" he was saying.
"What did you have in mind?" Princess WG asked, her interest piqued, and they walked away.
A few moments later, Fanatic and FF2 returned… finding WG was gone. "Holy Cheese Nips! She vanished!" FF2 cried.
"Great, not only is ATF running rampant dressed like an Anime Ecchi cat-girl, but now his sister's MIA!" Fanatic cried, then grabbed FF2 by the arm. "Come, my Wizard Time-Lord friend! TO THE FAN CAVE!"
*Insert Batman-Style Transition of Fanatic and FF2's heads here*
…The two were still standing in the same spot.
"And the point of that was…?" FF2 deadpanned.
"It's crack. Now stop asking absurd questions and lets go find peoples!" Fanatic said… jumping on a random horse. "HI HO SILVER! AWAAAAAAYYYYYYY!"
He then galloped off.
FF2 shrugged and hopped on a solar-surfer, following.
…
At this point Zorro and Treasure Planet's Jim Hawkins walked out of a restaurant. "…Hey! Who hijacked our rides?!" Jim shouted.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Well enough of that sparkle-sparkle-sparkle/random stuff for now. Let's check in on the crazy cat-clad kid!
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
…who was now rollerblading downhill… wearing a Viking helmet… and having his iphone out playing Pokemon GO.
During this, Jonesy, Mr. Cartoon, Scoobycool9 and Luckycoolhawk9 were checking the district. "Well, he wasn't at the night clubs, bars, or streaking through the streets while singing 'Mama Mia', so I think he might have snapped out of it by now." Mr. Cartoon stated.
"THE SNORLAX SHALL BE MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!" ATF exclaimed as he zipped by, further abusing the caps lock.
"Never mind."
"EZEKIEL JOSHUA ZECCHARIAH, YOU PUT ON DECENT CLOTHES AND GET BACK HERE THIS MINUTE!" Jonesy shouted, racing after him.
"MISTER MEW SHALL ROAM FREEEEEEE!" ATF answered.
*CRASH!*
He then slammed through a Semi… loaded with frosting. "Oh, Snapple." Scoobycool9 gulped.
"Everyone duck in cover!" Mr. Cartoon shouted, and everyone dived behind trash cans, cars, benches and sleeping hobos to shield themselves from-
*BOOOOM!*
*KA-SPARKLE!*
*RAINBOWSPLOSION!*
…ATF shooting out from the truck with colorful glitter following, and suddenly it started raining gold stars, sprinkles, kitten plushies, and marshmallows. "YIPPEE KAI FLUFFING-PUFFING YAAAAAY!" he shouted, then shot off like a rocket through the sky, leaving a smoky, sparkling rainbow trail behind him.
…
Okay that didn't really happen. He just burst out of the truck and hit a brick wall and THOUGHT that happened. "ATF… are you mentally sane now?" Luckycoolhawk9 asked with caution, poking him with a stick.
"I'm a techno kitty with a rocket pack…!" ATF swooned, still sugar-highed as fuck and drunk off his ass.
"ATF. Listen to me. We're going to take you home, have you lay down, and sleep off this blah blah blah blah blabbity blab words words words more words you don't care about…" Jonesy was saying- though as you can tell ATF wasn't paying attention.
Instead, he was looking over at… a man-sized penguin standing across the street.
"…It's back…!" ATF gasped, then took off running. "MISTER PENGUIN! What are you doing in Hollywood?! You're supposed to be in Antarctica!" He then hopped on a golf-cart and sped off after it!
…those of you who understand this reference, God bless you.
Everyone looked, but did not see a penguin- obviously meaning ATF was seeing things. "Oh shit- he's having the Penguin hallucination again!" Mr. Cartoon gasped.
"Stop him before he bursts into song!" Jonesy shouted, and they pursued ATF.
ATF chased the imaginary penguin all over Hollywood, crossing through the set of the next Star Wars movie. "Heeeeere Penguin! Here boy! Got a nice fishy for yous!" he claimed.
*CRASH!*
"OWIE!"
…running over Luke Skywalker in the meantime.
"…Was that the kid who thought I was his father?" Darth Vader questioned, confused.
"STOP THAT GOLF CART!" Scoobycool9 cried as he and the others ran through the set…
"OUCH! OW! PAIN! AGH!"
…trampling Luke Skywalker as they did.
"…please don't tell me this is part of a Christmas special…" Vader groaned, face-palming.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
While the Eds were trying to make a movie about Princess WG and ATF was causing a popular Star Wars character to suffer injuries, Fanatic and FF2 were searching for their friends. "No sign of WG anywhere!" FF2 said as they stood on a rooftop with binoculars.
"No sign of ATF eith- No way! FF2, you're not going to believe this!" Fanatic exclaimed. "They're shooting the new Pirates of the Caribbean over here!"
"Fan, we are NOT here to scope out movies!"
"…you'd say different if it were Deadpool 2."
"Of course I would- but right now I have to make sure my girlfriend hasn't been shanghaied and forced to be in a Fifty Shades movie! …btw, you think we're using too many movie references?"
"It's Fanfiction Crack, no one cares. WAIT! I think I see her! She's tied up in that building!" Fanatic pointed across at a building, where a young blonde girl was tied up.
"HANDS OFF MY WOMAN, CHRISTIAN GREY!" FF2 bellowed, then swooped down on a grappling hook.
*CRASH!*
He smashed through the window, finding himself surrounded by ninjas, and began to kick ass! Bodies hit the floors, weapons clashed, and nards were kicked!
"CUUUUUUUUT!"
…though it was realized too late that this was part of a movie.
"…Oh, sorry." FF2 said sheepishly, then noticed that the woman before him was just Harley Quinn- and saw that the director was the Joker. "Um… I wasn't interrupting one of your pornos, was I?"
"Heck no! I was finding a way to lure Batman into a trap- I was thinking of blackmailing Daniel Radcliffe to take the lead, but you'll do just fine!" Joker responded, then held up a detonator. "…hey you don't mind exploding, do you?"
"Uh… Bye!" FF2 dived out the window just as the whole building went up in an orange mushroom cloud, Joker and Harley diving out and landing in his escape car and driving off laughing. "…Damn. Reminds me of my first date."
Fanatic came running over. "Dude, I found a guy with information! …btw, sorry for the mixup. Now lets go!" he said quickly, and yanked him into an alley.
Waiting for them in a side-bar was the Riddler. "So, looking for your girlfriend, eh? I may have seen her- or maybe I haven't. I'll give you clues, or maybe just confusion." He said.
"Confusion is OUR thing dude- otherwise this story wouldn't exist. Now tell us where she is!" Fanatic said.
Riddler grinned. "If you want to see her again, riddle me this: what kind of train-"
"A stopped train."
The Riddler blinked."Er… um…Yes… but which one has stopped?" Riddler chuckled then disappeared in a puff of smoke.
FF2 glared at Fanatic. "…Hey, he makes more sense than Google." Fanatic answered. "To the train yard!"
*Insert That Last Transition Here!*
"Fanatic. We're STILL HERE!" FF2 shouted as they were still in the bar.
"Well get the anchors out of your pants, man! We gotta move!" Fanatic exclaimed, and yanked him off-screen.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Okay back to the creampuffed-authoress!
The Eds stood in the park, Ed standing by with the camera. "Alright, Princess, before we turn you into a merchandising icon, first we gotta find out how good you sing!" Eddy was stating. "We need a song so awesome, it'll make everyone forget about 'Let It Go'!"
"…I suppose everyone who still has the song stuck in their heads would thank us." Double D commented.
"Um, okay… but can I practice first?" Princess WG asked. "I need to figure out what exactly I'm going to sing."
"Sure, sure, take your time- but you've got five minutes!" Eddy replied. Double D face-palmed.
Princess began to think…
*In WG's Mind Once More!*
"…For the 457th time, you CAN'T!" Disgust WG was shouting.
Princess, who was at the controls, merely shrugged. "And I told you I can, and am." She said. "Now quiet down, everyone! I have to figure out a good song to sing! Any suggestions?"
"Yeah, get the fuck out before I throw you to Nightmare-Hentai-Island!" Anger seethed.
"Just no boy-band songs… or pop songs! Especially from Highschool Musical!" Fear cried, trembling.
Princess arched an eyebrow. "I want to entertain people, NOT make them commit suicide." She sneered.
"…Okay, we have common-ground there." Joy stated, then began to ponder. "Should we go with an original song?"
"Hell no! Every time we do an original song, the terrorists use it as a weapon! That's how the country Nujirolaniastan got destroyed!" Disgust snapped.
"…that country doesn't exist." Sadness stated.
"Not anymore, it doesn't!"
"Guys, we've got to decide on something! WG has been standing there brain-dead for the last two minutes!" Princess stated.
Everyone looked at the screen… where WG was staring slack-jawed at a tree. Ed was following her example. A squirrel looked at them, and cautiously backed away.
"Alright, we'll just pick a song from her memory and go with that! Lets just get this over with!" Disgust groaned.
"Oh! I know a good one!" Princess said.
"WE'RE NOT GOING WITH THE TITANIC SONG, EITHER!"
"…Drat."
*Back Outside WG's Mind!*
"Okay, I've decided to-" Princess WG began.
"GAH!" Double D screamed, throwing a newspaper he was reading at the time in the air out of alarm. "Goodness! Are you always going to space out and startle someone out of the blue like that?"
"My apologies. …Anyway, I have decided I'm going to sing a cover-song as practice." She scratched her head. "For some reason I feel if I make up a song, it will end in calamity."
"That's why we're going to hire Elton John. Now lets hear it!" Eddy exclaimed.
Princess WG cleared her throat, beginning to sing.
Unbeknownst to the lucky ones, ATF spontaneously burst into song at the same time she did.
This is heaven's punishment for your terrible taste in everything.
Princess WG: ~Love…
Love is strange, oh-whoa.
When there's beauty on the inside the outside is nothing to
Ch-ch, ch-ch, ch-ch-change…~ [strolling through the park]
ATF: ~Robert's got a quick hand
He'll look around the room, 'won't tell you his plan [dancing down the street, pursued by the others]
He's got a rolled cigarette, hanging on his mouth
He's a cowboy kid yeah [jumps over a bench- Mr. Cartoon crashes on it having tried to net him]
Found a six-shooter gun
In his dad's closet hidden oh in a box of fun things
I don't know what (swings around a pole- making Scoobycool9 and LuckycoolHawk9 collide with each other after jumping off]
But he's coming for you, yeah he's coming fo- no way a rainbow uni-kitty! [takes off on a bike]
Princess WG: Oh after I know, after it I want this song
To love with someone watching over me [crossing bridge while birds sing around her head]
Rain or storm, the only place
I wanna be is close to the heart of everything I even need [spins under tree as flower-petals fall from it]
Life is not frightening when you are with me [pulls Double D's hands, spinning with him before letting go, swirling off… while he falls to the ground dizzy]
Oh cause love is not always what you think it'll be…~
ATF: ~All the young kids with the pumped up kicks
Better run, kitty, run, someone call the zoo[Riding bike on telephone wires; Jonesy is flying after him]
All the young kids with the pumped up kicks
Better run kitty run, faster than my bicycle~ [falls off and lands in the pond his sister is conveniently passing by]
Princess WG: ~Lo-ove,
Oh love is strange, oh-whoa…~
ATF: ~I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly…~ [surfacing out of water, standing in a giant clam in a white dress and feather boa]
Princess WG: ~When there's beauty on the inside
The outside is nothing to ch-ch, ch-ch, ch-ch-change…~ [dancing by, not noticing her brother]
ATF: ~Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta
Take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And break… some… thing…!~ [grabs a still dizzy Double D and spins with him- throwing him into Eddy afterwards]
Princess WG: ~Oh life is not frightening when you are with me [FF2 and Fanatic are running around by a train in the background, going inside]
'Cause love is not always what you think it'll be…~ [Fanatic and FF2 run out of the train chased by an angry gorilla, before the train explodes]
ATF: ~You're here...
There's NO-THING TO FEAR [voice shatters windows and sets off car alarms]
And I know that my heart will go on…!~[Standing on the back of speeding truck, the others pursuing in a Prius, Cadillac, Chevy, and a horse-pulled cart]
Princess WG: ~Strange love, strange love for one another~
ATF: ~AND IIIIIIIIIIIII…~
Princess WG: ~Strange love, strange love for one another~
ATF: ~WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOUUUU…!~
Princess WG: ~Can't judge
A book by its cover~
ATF: ~So tell me what to do now~
Princess WG: ~Strange love
Strange love for one another~~[sits down in flowerbed]
ATF: ~When I want… you… back!~~ [disappears in puff of smoke]
…
If you're still reading this story after all that, you have my pity.
All was silent. A pigeon died.
*Inside WG's *now confused* Mind…*
All the emotions blinked.
"What the hell was that?!" Anger questioned.
*Outside…*
"…Thank goodness the camera was off for that…" Double D said, stunned.
"This is why we should have rented a private studio." Eddy sneered, having an ice-pack on his head. "Stupid psycho crashing the number…"
"I just threw up in my mouth, Eddy!" Ed wailed.
"Oh, should we try it again?" Princess WG asked.
"No!/No no no no!/No thank you please!" The Eds responded.
"Let's, uh, practice your songs when there AREN'T any escaped asylum-patients running loose," Double D told her, as they walked away.
Mr. Cartoon, Jonesy, Scoobycool9 and LuckycoolHawk9 stumbled on-screen, their ears bleeding. "Even Vic Migogna couldn't save that mash-up!" LuckycoolHawk9 criticized.
"Stop dropping celebrity names and find Anti!" Mr. Cartoon snapped, and they took off.
FF2 and Fanatic ran up next. "*huff huff* Okay… what was the next riddle, again?" FF2 asked.
"I don't know… I went blind from hearing song-lyrics and didn't have time to read it!" Fanatic replied, then sniffed the air. "…and for some reason everything smells like blue."
The Riddler suddenly appeared in a puff of smoke. "Couldn't find my riddle? Don't fret… For you will find the next hint on my new pet. Look for the animal that bears a questionable mark, and then you won't be so lost in the dark!" With that, he disappeared.
FF2 looked at Fanatic. "…Go with the transition." He sighed.
*Transition Repeat!*
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Oh, hey, it actually changed the scene this time!
The Eds stood in a parking lot with Princess WG. "Alright, for this scene, you'll be captured by a hideous monster, and then a prince will rescue you!" Eddy was saying, then looked around. "Now we just have to find a prince."
"I have one in mind…~" Princess WG said, thinking about a certain thief from Ni no Kuni… who paid us ten-thousand guilders to NOT appear in this story.
By this time ATF came prancing along… in a tutu. "I'll be the prince!" he exclaimed. "I'll save you if my name is not Steven Q. Urkel!"
His sister blinked. "…It's not."
"Exactly!"
"…How long have you…?" Double D began to ask, questioning how the sugared-drunken-crossdresser's mind worked.
"Since always. And never."
"You're not being the prince, you're already a queen!" Eddy said, then smirked. "A DRAG-queen,"
"D'awwww, thank you!" ATF said… then kissed Eddy on the eye.
"OW! YECH! GET AWAY FROM ME! ED, DO SOMETHING!"
Princess WG watched as the Eds tried to get ATF off their set, spacing out.
~Inside her mind… YET again…~
"Alright, Princess, you've had your fun! Time to get out!" Joy said, trying to usher Princess out.
"But I want to stay! There's so much more I want to do…!" Princess exclaimed.
"You're going and that's final!" Anger said, throwing a punch-
Princess ducked, and the punch hit a button… which opened a steel-door as an alarm blared.
"Oh, crap! Do you realize what you've just DONE?!" Fear cried.
Out of the closet came WG's Evil personality. "Ha ha! I'm back, mother-fuckers!" she exclaimed, taking out a bazooka and blasting the emotions into the wall! She then sat at the controls. "With ME in charge, Nether-Girl will take rise!"
~Outside~
WG suddenly turned black-and-white, her eyes red. Grinning evilly, she ran up to Double D and gave him a wedgie, pulling his underwear over his head! "GAAAAHH! LORD ABOVE!" the nerd cried.
"Time to turn Hollywood into hell- more than it already is," she said, taking out her machete and running towards a building for orphaned puppies-
~Inside~
A shot of sparkles blasted Evil out of the chair. "Oh no you don't!" Princess shouted. "No one is going to turn WG evil at the twist of a hand!"
"What the fuck does that even mean, bitch?!" Evil snarled.
"It means I'm going to use my foot to beat your rear end!"
"Bring it on!"
~Outside~
…The following display will be hard to follow.
The Eds watched as WG was back in a dress. "Oh my… I do not feel well…" she said.
She then turned black-and-white again. "This world is going to burn!"
She turned back into a princess. "Does anyone have any lemon-tea?"
She then went back to being evil. "I'm going to kill everyone in this fic!"
Princess-mode. "Perhaps I should see a doctor, I keep blacking out…"
Evil-mode. "WHAT'RE YOU PUNKS LOOKING AT?!"
Eddy gaped. "Whoa- talk about a split personality disorder. Roll the camera!" he told Ed, who did so.
Princess-mode. "Er, could you not do that? I'm quite camera-shy…"
"D-Don't worry, there's no film in it," Eddy lied.
Evil-mode kicked in. "I SAID GET THAT FUCKING CAMERA OUTTA MY FACE!" she then took out an axe and smashed the camera to pieces!
"GAH! You crazy idiot- that was my brother's camera!" Eddy snapped, then paused. "…Actually, never mind."
"Someone DO something!" Double D cried, as WG constantly switched between Princess and Evil.
"Let's technosize!" ATF exclaimed… now wearing a singlet, leg-warmers, and headband. He took out a boom-box and played Sandstorm by Darude while working out.
~Inside WG's Whacked-Out Mind!~
As you can tell, Princess and Evil were fighting over the controls, pausing when they heard the techno-song blaring on the screen. "Is that… Sandstorm?" Evil questioned.
"Oh man… you know what happens every time THAT song plays!" Joy exclaimed.
"What happens…?" Princess began to say… until suddenly something came crashing through the window on a hover-board, jumping off (having the hoverboard smack into Evil) and striking a pose.
Standing there was a multi-colored neon WG… with black hair and a backwards white cap. "The Zippy Persona has arrived!" Zippy exclaimed.
Evil stood up, growling. "Beat it, bitch! I'm in control!"
"Yeeaaaaahhhh- I don't think so!" Zippy then took out a mallet and smashed Evil flat with it! She then picked up the flattened villain and stuck her in a paper shredder, then flushed the shreddings down the toilet… and then flushed dynamite down the toilet making it explode. She then turned to the emotions. "…If she's still alive she's not happy."
"O-kay… now what?" Fear asked.
Zippy hopped onto the controls. "Now… We get this mess straightened out!"
~Outside!~
WG… now had black hair, a red jacket, white shirt and wore a backwards white cap. "Oh great. Who are you NOW!?" Eddy demanded.
"I'm Zee Isaiah Pugnacious- call me Zippy." Zippy said, shaking his hand. "Sorry about the whole identity-crisis. My mind hasn't been working right since I was born."
"Well, uh, nice to meet you Zippy… but it appears you've smashed our camera in your episode." Double D pointed out.
Zippy shrugged. "Meh, don't worry- you can borrow mine." She handed them a videocamera. "PS, word of advice- if you want to make a movie awesome… use Anime."
"Whatever- lets just shoot something!" Eddy exclaimed. "Alright, Zippy, you can take over the Princess roll- only instead of being a damsel in distress, you can FIGHT the monster!"
"Awesome-sauce!"
"Alright! Ed, put on the dinosaur costume!" Eddy said. "This scene is for everyone who feels nostalgic-regret- lets give 'em what they want!"
"Problem, Eddy! The costume is gone!" Ed said, looking in a box. He pulled out a headband, putting it on. "Found this though. Cool, huh?"
"What?! Where's the costume?!"
"I'll answer your question with my own." Zippy said, looking around. "Where's my brother?"
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
ATF…
Was now sitting on the curb surrounded by beer bottles…
…wearing the fabricated head of Barney the Dinosaur.
"I love beer… Beer loves me… Holy shit I have to pee…" He was slurring- I mean 'singing'. "I don't think I can see straight anymore… Alcoholic Dinosaur~"
Flip Chan walked by with his brother Scooter, the latter pausing to stare at ATF until his brother pulled him away, ushering him to quicken the pace and never speak of what they've seen.
Ever.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
FF2 and Fanatic sat on a bench. Jonesy and the others met up with them. "Any sign of ATF?" Mr. Cartoon asked, out of breath from running all over the city chasing some crossdressing lunatic.
"No… we've been trying to find WG," FF2 said. "We spent the last 8 HOURS following clues from the Riddler on her whereabouts- we didn't realize until the 7th hint that he was just leading us on a wild goose chase."
"Literately." Fanatic sneered, holding up a goose. "It took us 3 hours to find this thing, and another 4 hours to catch it!" he then flung the animal over his shoulder.
"Geez, I bet you guys really kicked his ass," Scoobycool9 assumed.
"That would be an understatement." FF2 said. "When he popped up again, I broke his knees with a hockey-stick and smacked him with a sack of Florida© Oranges, while Fanatic ate his hat."
"We thought about killing him, but decided to just leave him tied up in a warehouse forced to listen to a Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber duet for the next 12 hours." Fanatic said. "By the time it's over he won't even remember his own name. Or gender. Or how to breathe."
Everyone blinked.
"Okay… so where could WG and ATF be?" LuckycoolHawk9 asked.
"Maybe I'm right beside you." Zippy said, suddenly standing beside the group.
"GAH!" LuckycoolHawk9 shot up into the air, leaving a pair of boxers behind. "Don't DO that!"
"Zippy! What in tarnation happened to you?!" Fanatic asked.
"…Who says 'what in tarnation' anymore, outside of rednecks and my grandpa?" FF2 questioned.
"Long story- personality crisis. Which is why I need your help!" Suddenly… she changed into a princess-dress, speaking in a sophisticated tone. "It appears I am suffering from a split-personality disorder. You see, I know who I REALLY am… but my princess-side wishes to remain."
Fanatic blinked, looking at FF2. "Please tell me you understood that."
"I think so… From what I can deduce, WG caught amnesia and thought she was a princess; said identity manifested in her mind as the day went on, and has now become her new persona." FF2 guessed.
"PERSONA? WHERE?!" ATF exclaimed, popping up out of nowhere… dressed as a maid. "I WANT JUNPEI!"
FF2 turned to ATF. "Play dead."
"Okay!" ATF then shot himself in the head, going unconscious.
"…He should be fine once he wakes up." FF2 then turned to Princess WG. "So, you wish to be your own identity I take it?"
"Please and thank you!" Princess WG replied.
"Okay. Hold still." FF2 took out his wand. "By the powers of Harry-Potter and Fullmetal Alchemist Logic, I sayeth Ala-Ka-Zam!"
*POOF!*
In a flash there stood WG back to her semi-normal self… and beside her stood her Princess Ego, wearing the dress she had bought. "Yay!" the princess exclaimed.
"Thank God…" WG said, rubbing her head. "Anyone got some aspirin?"
"Sooooo… what should we call you?" Mr. Cartoon asked the princess.
"You may call me… Prynn." She replied, then stuck her finger out as a little bird landed on it. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to live my life in freedom!" With that, she pranced off.
"Glad that's over with…" WG said. "Anyone up for playing violent videogames until our brains rot?"
Scoobycool9 looked at WG. "Aren't you worried? I mean, what if someone thinks that's you?" he asked.
"~Strange love, strange love for one another, stra-ange love, strange love for one another…!" Prynn sang out in the distance, dancing and twirling.
"…I don't think they'd believe it." Fanatic deadpanned.
~THE AFTERMATH!~
ATF, that afternoon, woke up throwing up and feeling like crap. "Ugh… where was I the last ten minutes…?" he asked Jonesy.
"Just serving as a living PSA on why getting drunk is bad," Jonesy replied. "By the way, Esther called- she said she'd like to give you a second chance… just so you don't risk deportation again. Actually it was a plea from the human-race that she did so, just so this would never happen again."
"For reals? Yes!" ATF pumped his fists in the air… then fell back in bed. "…um, tell her I'll call her back once my brain is back in working order…"
*Inside ATF's Head*
…The inside of the control room looked like the aftermath of an apocalypse. All his emotions were bandaged, looking around at the massacre. One of the core-memories exploded.
"…I'm not cleaning this up," Disgust sneered, limping off.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
The Eds in the meantime walked down the street. "I can't believe it! Just when we're getting somewhere CLOSE to a good movie, the camera-battery dies!" Eddy snarled, chucking the videocamera.
"Eddy, lets just forget about it and go home…" Double D groaned.
"No way! I have a plan B!" Eddy looked around…
Spotting Rob Snyder nearby.
"Hey! Snyder!" Eddy ran up to him. "How about letting US help you out with your next movie? With us on the job, we can save your career!"
Rob Snyder scoffed. "Alright…" he said, then handed Eddy a mop. "You can be on the clean-up crew."
Eddy blinked, then turned to his friends. "We're in, boys! The clean-up crew is always mentioned in the credits! We can work our way up to set-design, and from there become script-writers, and then producers! We'll be making hit movies in no time!"
Double D sighed as he and Ed followed.
FF2 and Fanatic watched them go by. "Didn't they already make a movie?" Fanatic questioned. FF2 shrugged and they left.
By this time Shizuo was closing up the bar, when the Riddler came stumbling up to him. "Hey buddy… do you know who I am… and what my gender is… and why my ears keep bleeding?" he asked, before passing out as he had forgotten how to breathe.
Shizuo sighed, shaking his head. "Every St. Patrick's Day…" he muttered before walking off.
Prynn then popped up with a wand, tapping the screen and closing out the story in an array of sparkles.
THE END AT LAST!
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
*The Warners run into the Closing Author's Note*
Yakko: Well sibs, it's that time of the day!
Wakko: Do drop more movie-references?
Dot: To say something that doesn't make sense?
Yakko: Nope, it's time for the Wheel of Morality! *spins said wheel* Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn!
*machine prints out paper*
Yakko: And the moral of the day is… 'When a woman needs to be comforted she tells you to buy more shoes, but she has all the shoes… so we really know is she just needs boots.' …Now everything makes sense. Forever.
Wakko: It's all so clear!
Dot: I feel smarter- either that or it's because I don't watch TMZ.
WG: Hey! What're you guys doing here?
Warners: Yipe! *flee*
WG: *sigh* …Please review. And don't try this at home!