Torn Between Love and Doubt

by kenpogirl

Otalia

1. Chapter 1

Disclamier : Don't own show or characters. Just having fun. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Note: The idea for this story came from a preview at the end of one of the eps. I took a completely different direction form the actual show. Hope you enjoy.

Torn BetweenLove and Doubt

NATALIA : "I screwed up and you tell me it's ok right in front of another employee. I can't work here anymore."

The moment of awkward silence that follows feels like an eternity for both women. The words cut through Olivia more deeply than any knife as the implications become clear. The older woman's expression is a combination of pain and regret. Her eyes fill with tears.

OLIVIA (taking a step backwards, speaking softly, realization suddenly washing over her) : "My God. You really don't want this, do you? You don't want to live with me, you don't want to work with me…" (voice drops to a whisper) "You don't want me."

Natalia opens her mouth and starts to shake her head in protest. Olivia sighs deeply and chokes back a sob as the tears slip down her cheeks. Natalia's own eyes become moist watching Olivia's internal struggle. Olivia feels that she has unfairly influenced the younger woman and she chastises herself for it. Natalia tries to reassure Olivia that that is not the case.

NATALIA : "No, Olivia. That's not what I…"

OLIVIA (sadly, in a hushed tone, voice full of remorse) : "I'm so sorry that I put you through all this." (shaking her head in disbelief) "What was I thinking? Telling you that I love you? Taking you away on that trip? Inviting myself to move back into the farmhouse…" (lets out a deep breath) "I really pushed you hard, didn't I?"

NATALIA : "Olivia, I never said…"

OLIVIA (taking a deep breath, tears still streaming down her face, softly, apologetically, penitently) : "I never meant to pressure you or make you feel uncomfortable in any way. Please forgive me." (looking at Natalia sadly, speaking softly) "I'm not going to bother you anymore."

With that, Olivia turns and walks away. Natalia is so shocked that she is momentarily paralyzed. It takes her a minute to come out of her haze and dash after Olivia, but it is already too late. Olivia's lead is too great for Natalia to close the gap and catch her. She's still halfway down the hall when Olivia unlocks her office door and walks in.

NATALIA (rushing towards Olivia, calling out, desperate) : "Liv, wait!"

By the time Natalia reaches the door, Olivia has just closed it and Natalia hears the lock snap into place. The younger woman knocks vigorously.

NATALIA (frantically, voice cracking) : "Liv, please. You misunderstood. I didn't mean it the way you took it. Let me explain, please. Come on, Olivia. Open the door. Can't we talk about this? Please?"

Meanwhile, inside the office, Olivia is slumped against the door sobbing silently as she covers her own mouth with her hand to stifle the sound of her crying. Five minutes later, Natalia is still knocking on the door, pleading with Olivia to open it, when Janice, Olivia's general manager, approaches her.

JANICE (speaking softly) : "Nat?"

NATALIA : "Yeah?"

JANICE (gently, sympathetically) : "I'm so sorry, but Ms. Spencer wants me to ask you to please give her some privacy."

NATALIA (turning back to the door, now openly crying, frantically) : "Olivia, please. Please don't send me away. Let me talk to you."

JANICE (gently, placing a hand on Natalia's shoulder) : "Let her calm down and then I'm sure she'll talk to you tomorrow, ok? Just give her some time."

NATALIA (sobbing, resigned) : "No. She won't talk to me tomorrow, either. She'll never speak to me again. She hates me."

JANICE : "Don't be ridiculous. She doesn't hate you. She loves you."

Natalia stops suddenly, not knowing what to make of that statement, Cautiously, she continues.

NATALIA (shaking her head in defeat) : "I doubt that very much at the moment."

JANICE (smiling) : "Of course she does. We all love you. Who wouldn't love you?"

Inwardly, Natalia breathes a sigh of relief, realizing that the general manager's comment was completely innocent.

NATALIA : "No, Jan. I think I really blew it this time. I think she's done with me."

JANICE (putting an arm around Natalia, leading her away from the door) : "Oh, don't be silly. Just give her a chance to catch her breath. Whatever's bothering her, she'll get over it. You'll work everything out in a day or two. You'll see."

Natalia continues to cry. The thought of going two whole days without speaking to Olivia makes her heart ache. She slows her pace and takes one last longing look back over her shoulder at Olivia's door as Janice continues to lead her away. Back inside the office, Olivia drops down onto her couch, hand covering her face, still sobbing. Neither woman is able to find sleep that night. Each lies in her bed, listening to the rain in the dark, tears still stinging her eyes throughout the entire night. The next day, Olivia is walking around the Beacon like a zombie. She's clearly in a haze, irritable and short-tempered. Though she raises her voice to no one because she hasn't the strength, she's obviously out of patience. Natalia wants nothing more than to go to the Beacon and see Olivia, but refrains for fear of upsetting her and alienating her further. Neither woman has anything to eat all day as neither has any appetite. Finally it is 11 p.m., and despite having had no sleep in nearly 48 hours, both women still find sleep elusive. Olivia, frustrated, restless, and ever on the verge of tears, throws on a jogging suit and heads for the outside, thankful that Emma is staying with Phillip, since the two parents had been able to smooth over their relationship. She finds herself wandering aimlessly throughout the hotel grounds until she comes to the pond. She stops and sits down on the ground in front of the water. The tears flow freely as Olivia stares off into the distance, though she makes no sound. She's simply too exhausted. Visions of Natalia fill her mind and she starts feeling more miserable by the second. Her heart is breaking and she is powerless to do anything about it. Suddenly, a loud voice comes booming from the darkness, interrupting her grief.

VOICE (angry, menacing) : "There you are! I've been looking for you, Spencer."

Olivia looks heavenward and sighs, thinking to herself, Can't I even fall apart in peace? Frank then appears at Olivia's side, eyes wild with rage, his breathing labored. Olivia quickly swipes at her eyes to dry her tears.

FRANK : "The more I think about this, the sicker I get. You manipulated Natalia into getting involved with you and leaving me. You're disgusting."

OLIVIA (getting to her feet, wearily, resigned) : "Frank, Natalia…"

FRANK (hands shooting up in a threatening manner) : "Don't say her name! I don't want to hear anything from your filthy, lying mouth, you pervert!"

OLIVIA (trying again to speak) : "Frank…"

Olivia is cut off when Frank swings his fist hard and connects with the side of the brunette's head right at her eyebrow. Olivia's head swings back violently with the force of the blow, but otherwise, the brunette does not budge. Breathing heavily, she slowly turns her head back around to face her attacker defiantly, the rage building inside her. Dissatisfied with the result of his assault, the police captain swings his other fist and connects with the side of the green-eyed woman's mouth. Olivia's head swings around the other way, but still her feet don't move an inch. Again, the hotel owner turns back around defiantly to face the man who is assaulting her. The police captain grows more agitated at the lack of response from the target of his rage. With a roar, he swings each fist in turn at her midriff, landing on either side of her torso. Olivia's only acquiescence is to lean slightly forward upon receiving the blows. She exhales sharply, draws herself up to her full height, and stares Frank down.

OLIVIA ( voice a low, angry growl through clenched teeth, emphasizing each word) : "Are you done?"

Frank stands stunned, mouth agape, in shock and frustration because Olivia did not drop. He takes a step back and spins around in a huff before stomping away. As if by sheer will, it is only after Frank leaves that the blood starts gushing from Olivia's eyebrow on the one side of her face and her mouth on the other side of her face where she was struck. Only when she is alone again does the fury start to drain from her body. The brunette bows her head and starts crying again. Slowly, painfully, she heads back into the hotel, careful to use the back entrance to avoid being spotted by anyone, especially any of her employees. The following morning, Natalia is beside herself with anguish and worry. Panicked at the thought that she may never see Olivia again if she doesn't fix things soon, Natalia is unable to stop herself from going to the Beacon to confront Olivia. Meekly, she approaches Janice.

NATALIA : "Hey, Jan."

JANICE (a bit distracted) : "Oh, hey, Nat. How ya doin'?"

NATALIA : "I'm ok. How are you doing?"

JANICE (overwhelmed) : "Up to my ass in alligators."

NATALIA : "Why? What's going on?"

JANICE (frantic) : "Well, there's a convention coming in this morning and we're two rooms short and three of our housekeepers are out sick and the boss isn't here and everyone's looking to me to fix this mess and I don't know what to do."

NATALIA (disappointed) : "Olivia's not here? Where is she?"

JANICE (shaking her head) : "Haven't the foggiest."

NATALIA (perplexed) : "Didn't she call?"

JANICE : "Nope."

NATALIA (shaking her head in confusion) : "She just… didn't show?"

JANICE (scrunching her face up in bewilderment) : "Yeah. It's really weird."

The wheels in the Latina's mind start to turn. Suddenly, she goes pale and her mouth drops as she is struck with a horrible thought.

NATALIA (panicked, fearful to even speak the words) : "Janice… you know she had a heart transplant. You don't think…"

Natalia and Janice exchange knowing looks. Janice immediately drops the papers in her hand and the two women take off running simultaneously. They sprint to the elevator. Getting off on the appropriate floor, the two friends make a mad dash all the way to Olivia's suite. Janice uses her all-access cardkey to unlock the door. Natalia rushes into the room in a frenzy. She sees Olivia lying in bed, bruised and battered, napkins at the site of her injuries gathering the blood that continues to flow. Natalia rushes to Olivia and drops onto the bed beside her love.

NATALIA (horrified, gently touching Olivia's head, examining her) : "Oh, my God!!! Olivia, what happened?"

The brunette does not respond. She simply stares off into space, avoiding Natalia's eyes.

NATALIA (agitated) : "You look like you got hit by a truck!" (turning to Janice, hysterical) "Call an ambulance!"

Janice picks up the phone and starts dialing.

OLIVIA (weak, but defiant and angry) : "No ambulance."

NATALIA (incredulously) : "Excuse me?"

OLIVIA (still defiant) : "I said I'm not going anywhere."

NATALIA (challenging) : "Oh, I beg to differ! You are going to the hospital if I have to drag you there myself!"

Natalia happens to glance down at the floor beside Olivia's bed and sees a mountain of bloody napkins lying there. It is then that Natalia realizes why Olivia is so pale.

NATALIA : "Olivia, when did this happen? How long have you been bleeding like this?"

Olivia does not respond, but her eyes fill with tears. Natalia melts at the sight of the woman she loves crying.

NATALIA (backing down with a defeated sigh, resting her hand on Olivia's stomach, whispering, unconcerned about Janice witnessing the intimacy of her interaction with Olivia) : "Sweetheart…"

Olivia winces under Natalia's touch. Natalia jerks her hand back. She stares at Olivia for a second before pulling the older woman's shirt up, revealing giant bruises on her abdomen. Natalia's eyes fill with tears, knowing Olivia must be in unimaginable pain.

NATALIA (voice cracking) : "Oh, my God! Olivia…" (to Janice, hysterical) "Jan, where's that ambulance?"

JANICE (hanging up the phone) : "On the way."

With a gentle caress to Olivia's face, Natalia stands and steps away to have a private word with Janice.

NATALIA (whispering, angry) : "I want to know what happened. I want to know who did this to her. Can you have security review the tapes from last night?"

JANICE (turning back to the phone with determination) : "I'm all over it."

An hour later, Olivia has had her wounds stitched and her fractured ribs bandaged and is now back in her suite at the Beacon with assistance from Natalia and Janice. Janice had run back downstairs to speak with security, leaving Natalia and Olivia alone. The brunette is in bed once again, Natalia sitting by her side, her green eyes finally growing heavy with the help of a prescribed painkiller. She is unable to stifle a yawn.

NATALIA (with a gentle smile, softly running her fingers through Olivia's hair, whispering) : "Sleep, sweetheart. You're going to be allright now, ok? I'm going to take care of you."

OLIVIA (straining to keep her eyes open a moment longer) : "Natalia, you don't have to..."

NATALIA (continuing to run her fingers through Olivia's hair, whispering) : "Shhhh. Just sleep, sweetheart, ok? Go to sleep."

Olivia is unable to keep her eyes open any longer and at long last she slips into sleep. At that moment, Janice lets herself back into Olivia's suite. Natalia gingerly rises from the bed and quietly walks over to her blonde friend and coworker.

NATALIA (whispering) : "Hey, Jan. Got anything?"

JANICE (concerned) : "You're not going to believe this."

NATALIA : "What?"

JANICE : "Our security guys finally got a hit after going through all the tapes. Looks like it happened last night around 11 out by the pond."

NATALIA : "What happened?"

JANICE : "Nat, she was attacked… brutally."

NATALIA (fists clenching in anger) : "No kidding. I saw the injuries. Who did it? Have you called the cops yet?"

JANICE : "It's not that simple."

NATALIA : "What do you mean it's not that simple? What are you talking about?"

JANICE : "I-It was the chief of police."

Natalia momentarily freezes as she processes the information. A moment later, her expression becomes barely controlled fury and her chest begins to heave with her ragged breaths.

NATALIA (waving a hand towards Olivia) : "Stay with her."

JANICE : "Nat, where are you going?"

Janice's words fall on deaf ears as Natalia storms out without a backward glance.

Twenty minutes later, Frank is unlocking his front door and starting to swing it open when suddenly from out of nowhere he feels a pair of hands grab him roughly by the shoulders from behind and fling him inside. He trips and falls and lands hard on his knees. He is wincing at the pain even as he whirls around on the floor onto his back as quickly as he's able preparing to defend himself. His jaw drops at the sight he sees, an infuriated Natalia slamming the door behind her and charging at him with a short, heavy metal stick.

FRANK : "Nat? What the…OW!!!!"

The police chief is unable to finish his sentence as Natalia brings the stick down hard on his left elbow and is rewarded with a satisfying crack.

NATALIA (screaming at the top of her lungs, enraged, eyes wild) : "You sick son-of-a-bitch! Do you know how badly you hurt her?"

Frank, unable to get to his feet from the pain in his knees and left arm, brings his right arm up in an effort to protect himself, but soon realizes what a huge mistake that was when Natalia brings the stick back around to come crashing down on his right arm with another resounding crack.

FRANK (breathing heavily, pleading, holding his arm) : "Ow. Ow. Ow. Natalia, you don't understand. I'm saving you, honey. From a horrible mistake. That's what I'm doing by keeping Olivia away from you. I'm saving us. Our relationship. Our future. That rat Olivia is just using you like she uses everybody and everything. You'll thank me one day."

NATALIA : "THERE IS NO US, FRANK!!! Get that through your thick skull. I'm not married to you, I'm not engaged to you, I'm not with you in any way, shape or form. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

Frank pauses a moment. His expression suddenly changes, and with a condescending snort, his eyes narrow at Natalia.

FRANK (getting angry) : "What I understand is that you just assaulted a police officer. That's a class A felony and you're in a lot of trouble."

NATALIA (challenging) : "Oh, I don't think so."

FRANK : "You don't think I'd do it?"

NATALIA (glaring furiously) : "Oh, I know you'd be stupid enough to try, but see, then the security tapes from the Beacon, from the pond area around 11 pm last night, would find their way to the DA and then you wouldn't be a very happy camper, would you? You reading me, Frank? You know what happens to cops in jail? I suggest you chalk this up to lesson learned and forget that you know any of us because if you push me..."

Frank goes white, opens his mouth to speak, but is unable to say anything. Natalia drops to one knee beside Frank, stretches the stick horizontally between her two hands, and presses it hard against Frank's throat, effectively choking him as his head slams painfully against the floor.

NATALIA (screaming furiously) : "Understand this, Frank. If you EVER come near me or anyone I love ever again, I swear to you, I will bury you!"

Satisfied, Natalia jerks the stick off of Frank's throat as she gets to her feet, breathing heavily. She sends the stick flying across the room to come crashing down on the glass portion of Frank's wall unit. She watches the glass fly in every direction before turning on her heels and exiting, leaving Frank gasping for breath, still lying on the floor.

Twenty minutes later, Natalia returns to Olivia's suite. Finding Janice sitting in a chair, rummaging through a stack of Beacon business papers, Natalia offers her friend a weak, weary smile before her eyes dart over to the bed and to the object of her affection, who remains sound asleep. Her heart flutters at the sight.

NATALIA (turning back to Janice, whispering, tired) : "Hey. Thanks for staying with her. Is she ok?"

JANICE (whispering) : "Hasn't woken up once. Although…"

NATALIA (worried) : "What?"

JANICE (shaking her head, brow furrowed, in a hushed tone) : "She was mumbling something in her sleep. I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy, but I… I could have sworn she was calling your name."

Suddenly a bright smile breaks out on the Latina's face.

NATALIA (avoiding the topic) : "You've been a huge help to me here, Jan, but now Olivia needs you to go run the hotel for her until she gets back on her feet, ok? Can you handle it?"

JANICE (blue eyes sparkling, smiling) : "I'm all over it."

NATALIA : "If there's anything I can do to help just let me know. I'll be here until further notice."

JANICE : "Ok. Bye."

NATALIA : "Bye."

Natalia smiles as she watches the blonde general manager open the door and close it quietly behind her. With a deep sigh, the Latina walks over to the bed, kicks off her shoes, shrugs out of her jacket, lifts the covers, and slides in next to the woman she loves. Without hesitating, she reaches over, slides one arm under Olivia's head and draws the older woman to her. Olivia's eyes slowly flutter open. As she focuses and realizes what's happening, she starts to protest.

OLIVIA (groggy, weakly putting a hand against Natalia's chest trying to pull back) : "Wha..? Natalia? What are you.."

NATALIA (clutching Olivia tightly to her, pleading, speaking soothingly) : "Shhh. Olivia, please. Please, baby. Just let me hold you."

Olivia blinks silently several times, but ceases to resist as her eyes begin to drift close. She finally lets her head drop onto Natalia's chest and her arm drop around Natalia's waist as she curls up around the Latina's side and promptly returns to dreamland.

NATALIA (gently running a hand up and down Olivia's back, whispering to a sleeping Olivia, eyes filling with tears) : "I'm so sorry about everything, baby. I'm sorry for letting my doubts and fears come between us and for not trusting you, for not trusting us, but I swear I'll never let anyone hurt you ever again. I'm going to take care of you… and if you'll have me back I'll never leave your side again. I promise." (closing her eyes and leaning her head on Olivia's) "I love you so much."

Natalia places a soft kiss on Olivia's forehead before drying her eyes, snuggling closer into Olivia, and joining her love in sleep. Fifteen minutes later, Natalia wakes to the sound of the handle of the front door of the suite turning. With Olivia still asleep in her arms, she turns her head towards the sound. A second later, Janice walks into the room, eyes pointed towards the empty chair. A look of confusion comes over her face until her eyes drift over to the bed. Upon seeing Natalia in Olivia's bed, holding Olivia, she freezes for a moment. The blonde and the Latina lock eyes for a fraction of a second. Without a word, the general manager then averts her eyes, picks up the papers she neglected to take with her when she left the first time, turns on her heels, and exits the suite. Natalia is left feeling quite nervous until she realizes something. She flashes back to the moment when Janice looked away just before gathering up her papers and walking out. Was that a smile I saw on her face?, the Latina asks herself. She can't help but smile silently herself as her eyes slide closed once again. She kisses Olivia's forehead once again before allowing sleep to claim her once again. Several hours later, Natalia rouses out of a deep slumber to find Olivia still snuggled in her arms. Cautiously, she leans in and kisses the green-eyed woman on the forehead before twisting her neck to check the clock. It reads 4:30. She feels the weight on top of her shift slightly, causing her to bring her head back around. She watches the green eyes gradually flutter open. Natalia can't help smiling, though she fears Olivia's reaction to their sleeping arrangements. Olivia leans up on one elbow. The older woman says nothing, but furrows her brow at the sight before her. Then suddenly her face becomes contorted in pain.

OLIVIA (in a hushed tone) : "Ow."

Natalia shoots up to a sitting position. Fear is written all over her face as she blanches. Her hand quickly cups Olivia's face.

NATALIA : "You ok, sweetheart? What's the matter?"

In her concern, Natalia does not even note the endearment that slips from her lips.

OLIVIA (quietly) : "My side hurts."

Natalia envelopes the older woman in her arms and gingerly guides her back to a lying position.

NATALIA (soothingly) : "Ok. Ok. I gotcha. I gotcha."

Once Olivia is settled on her back, Natalia caresses her face and looks adoringly into her eyes.

NATALIA : "You ok, baby?"

OLIVIA (avoiding Natalia's eyes) : "Yeah. Thanks."

NATALIA (running her fingers through her hair) : "Do you want to take something for the pain?"

OLIVIA : "No, I'm ok."

NATALIA : "You sure? You look like you're really hurting, sweetheart."

OLIVIA (still avoiding Natalia's eyes, uncomfortable) : "I'm allright."

NATALIA (softly) : "I think you'd be more comfortable if you took one."

Olivia opens her mouth to protest, but says nothing and closes it again. Then she nods almost imperceptibly.

NATALIA (smiling brightly) : "Ok."

Natalia carefully climbs out of bed, gathers a glass of water and the appropriate pill and brings them back to Olivia. She sits on the bed beside the older woman.

OLIVIA (taking the pill, speaking softly) : "Thanks."

NATALIA (giving Olivia an adoring look) : "You don't have to thank me."

Natalia momentarily gets lost just looking at Olivia.

NATALIA (coming out of her daze with a shake of her head) : "Hey, are you hungry, baby? Do you want something to eat?"

OLIVIA (sadly, waving Natalia off) : "Natalia, stop, please. Just stop."

NATALIA (confused) : "What, baby?"

OLIVIA (slightly agitated) : "That. Calling me that. Fawning all over me." (sighs in frustration) "Thank you for getting me the pill. Now please just stop."

NATALIA (confused ): "Why, sweetheart?"

OLIVIA (visibly wincing at the term of endearment) : "Because I can't handle it, ok? Because…" (sighs in frustration, eyes filling with tears) "Because I'm asking you to."

NATALIA (shaking her head, features hardening) : "No."

OLIVIA : "Excuse me?"

NATALIA (with determination) : "I said no. I'm not going to stop taking care of you."

OLIVIA (bitterly, swiping at her eyes) "It's not your place."

NATALIA (brow furrowed in shock) : "I beg your pardon? If it's not my place to take care of the person I'm closest to in the world, then I don't know what my place is."

OLIVIA (sternly) : "Don't play dumb. You know what I'm talking about."

NATALIA (sighing wearily) : "Olivia…" (taking a deep breath) "Sweetheart, when I said I couldn't work here anymore, I didn't mean that I wanted to break up with you. I just meant that… if you give me special treatment, the rest of the staff will pick up on it and then we'll have a really big problem on our hands. And about us not living together, I just meant that we have to tell Emma and Rafe before we move back in together because if we don't, they're going to pick up on it without an explanation from us because, frankly, I don't think we'll be able to keep our hands off of each other and then they'll get really confused. We need to do this right for them and for us. That's all I meant, ok? But I still want to be with you." (looking deeply into Olivia's eyes) "Do you still want to be with me?"

Olivia averts her eyes as they once again fill with tears.

NATALIA (smiling) : "Is that a yes?"

Olivia nods almost imperceptibly. Natalia's smile widens.

NATALIA (leaning in, softly running her fingers through Olivia's hair) : "Ok, then. That's all that matters, baby."

Natalia and Olivia simply stare at each other for a moment. Slowly, Natalia leans in, kisses Olivia's cheek, and then nuzzles her cheek affectionately. Then she pulls back to look into the other woman's green eyes.

NATALIA (with authority) : "I'm going to order you a soup and you're going to eat it. No arguments."

OLIVIA (rolling her eyes) : "Fine."

NATALIA (smiling) : "Ok." (starting to get off the bed) "And I'm going to check with Janice and make sure everything's allright. I'll be back in a minute, ok?"

Olivia nods. Natalia gets to the door and puts her hand on the handle when she hears the other woman's voice.

OLIVIA (barely audible) : "I love you, too."

Natalia, realizing that Olivia heard her the night before, can't keep the goofy grin off her face as she closes her eyes, shakes her head, and sighs before exiting the room.