I wonder how many people still read mass effect fan fiction... Regardless, thank you for reading. Bioware owns everything of course.

Sins

The broken remnants of the Normandy lie in frozen stillness across Alchera's surface. The silence was deafening and heavy and with each pulse, her heart shattered against her ribs. Each step she took, her armored boots a terrible contrast against the stark white snow - she noticed, was heavier than the previous until she had eventually begun to drag herself through the snow.

The skeleton above her creaked with a harsh gust of wind and it sounded too much like a wail of pain. She closed her eyes against the blurred images of her brother's crew, ignored the pang of guilt for having only met them all once, and continued down the remainder of a corridor she did not recognize. The next few steps lead her to the destroyed bits of a galaxy map, the memory of when she met navigator Pressly surged forth, and she immediately caught the glint of dark metal.

She kneeled, buried her small gloved hands into the snow, and closed her fingers around the edge of an N7 helmet. Her heart stopped, the wind wailed against the Normandy's skeleton - cried as it rustled the twenty dog tags around her neck, and her sharp and breathless cry tore through air.

The silence descended once more, too heavy on her shoulders and back as she rocked with each sob that tore through her.

"I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive, but I never expected anything like this!" Alenko, voice raised and body nearly shaking with anger, stepped closer to the Commander - her brother - and his arm sliced through air. "You turned your back on everything we stood for!"

She watched the blow crush him but just as fast, his anger pieced him back together and he was in Alenko's face. It was all wrong but whatever he had mustered up to lash back at him with, it was gone. "The past is done. You need to focus on what's happening now."

The marine in front of her stepped back briefly. It was a nanosecond of weakness, she noted, and she watched the shock and hurt collide into each other and manifest into another wave of anger that the biotic allowed to seep through his soldier visage. She knew, because damn it all if she didn't share the Staff Commander's feelings about her brother. The doubt. The pain, the absolute crushing pain that had her heart in a vise grip.

"Enough!" She snapped, sudden and louder than the ringing in her ears. She reached forward as she took a single stride closer to Alenko, her gloved fingers gripped his shoulder and she pulled him back to her. Harsh and her grip was too tight, like she was trying to contain her feelings and Alenko's in that single hold. Her eyes never left her brother's, the hollow bitterness he wore sent her heart into overdrive and she willed it to stop pounding against chest.

"We're leaving, Commander," and they both winced at her use of his rank and she ignored the stab of guilt in her sternum.

"Jane..." She heard him say in the same second he sucked in a sharp breath, he held it and her heart stopped in her throat. She shook her head, swallowed and turned away. Her grip tightened on Alenko as she forced him to follow.

"We have to report back to the Council," the younger Shepard bit out, her gaze briefly casted back to her sibling. Her eyes stung. "Take care of yourself."

John, please forgive me.

Hours later after she and Staff Commander Alenko were too emotionally drained after being nearly toe to toe in a heated argument, because you don't just yell at either Shepard and expect to be repaired of two years of guilt, grief and pain, the woman had finally sent her report to Admiral Hackett.

A formal writing of how absolutely absurd Horizon was as whole, how she and Alenko were paralyzed by a swarm and were still aware of the colonists, screaming and falling over one another haphazardly. How they were undoubtedly saved by Commander Shepard - John Shepard, her brother for God's sake - who was not at all dead and who wore the wrong colors and looked like the shadow of a John she grew up with.

Shepard heaved a sigh and leaned back into her chair as her hands ran through the tangled mess of locks. Her brother was alive and breathing and fighting for the galaxy's safety all over again; whether she believed it or not. Despite the impossibility of it, or rather the possibility that she has finally been driven insane, she believed it. With every fiber of her being she knew she'd believe any story he'd likely tell her. As much as she wanted to kick and scream and punch him in the goddamn face for not telling her he was alive, she'd believe it, and she'd be damned if she let him go through whatever the hell he was up to this time, alone.