A rebel party

by Lynx Traveller

The rebels throw a party, that's a given. It's just 'where' they throw it... BW/G1 crossover (set in Ivyna J. Spyders Rebel series)

Disclaimer: Hasbro owns beast wars, G.I.Joe, and G1 transformers, Ivyna owns ALL the rebels, and I own myself and the plot.

All those other 80's characters have owners,  but I'm too lazy to go hunting for info on them (most probably don't even 'have' a website!!!)

But anyway, I don't own them.

…………………………………………………

The scene starts just as any other with our heroes inside the Rebel base.

Most of the rebels are busy going about their usual businesses; Silverbolt and Blackarachnia are sitting on the floor of the games room playing with Togepi. Jerro, Crow and Eagalor were off talking as usual, Tarry and Kadabra were busy levitating things with their minds.

Several ants walked past with the productive bludging that only ants, bees and uni students can do convincingly.

A typical boring weekend.

However, not all is as it seems.

"What are you making Ivy? It better not be another Chibi-ray."

Ivyna looked up from the device she was tinkering with, before slowly putting down a component that looked oddly suspicious.

"Well…"

"Give it here."

Ivyna grudgingly handed Artico the component to the device that she was busy working on.

Artico looked at the device he held in his hand, it had a small emblem of an impossibly-cute spider with huge anime eyes on the side.

"I just wanted everyone to be as cute as I am."

Artico sighed before slipping the component into a subspace compartment.

"And the other one."

Ivy grumbled something as she reached behind an inconspicuous pile of clutter and pulled out another box with the same cute spider emblem.

"Has Tarantulas been teaching you how to hide things in clutter again?"

Ivy nodded.

"So, that aside, what's this device for?"

A weird glow from somewhere lit up Ivynas face, giving it a maniacal look.

"You realise how much like Tarantulas you look when you do that?"

"Sorry."

The light faded.

"So, what's it for?"

"Oh, well it was supposed to be a combination chibi-ray and time travelling device, but now I guess it's just a time travelling device."
Artico looked sceptical, "You're building a time travel device? So am I. There's no way you could have figured it out before I did."

"Tarry helped."

Artico snorted before taking a closer look at the machine. Slowly, his face drooped to the stage where the small condensation beads began to merge into a fully formed sweatdrop.

"Wait, you solved the matter disassembler problem with a synchronised pulse generator."

"You have no idea what you just said, do you?"

"It takes a real genius to be able to techno-babble, I doubt Tarantulas could do it as well as I can. Besides, you must've seen my design notes, I figured that out weeks ago."

"You're a terrible liar Artico."

"I did."

"Keep telling yourself that."

"Don't worry, I will."

"Kittyhawk, what's that?"

Ivyna and Artico turned around to see the kitten had let himself in.

"It's a time machine."

"Kittyhawk, it looks better than yours does Artico, this one might just work."

Artico growled at the kitten, who wasn't phased in the least.

"Kittyhawk, you're mean. When're we gonna use it?"

Artico opened his mouth to answer with the same subconscious drive for being the knowledgeable one that he'd had for years, but Ivyna cut him off.

"Right away, everyone's bored shi..."

"Remember Ivy, this is a family fic."

"Oh yeah, well, right away then."

A few hours later, everyone was assembled in the games room in anticipation for the picnic that was planned. A large ominous device sat in front of them, shrouded in what was once a tablecloth.

"So, where're we going?"

The lights dimmed, the same glow appeared around Ivyna's face as earlier.

"We're going back in time, back to 1986!!"

She tried to let out a maniacal laugh, but failed.

Rampage stepped forward, "Allow me. Ahem, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"Thanks Rampage."

"Any time."

There was the general buzzing of excitement that always seems to find large crowds after an announcement has been made.

Tarantulas stepped up beside Ivyna, "Is that wise, going back to 1986?"
Ivyna slapped her forehead, "Of course, what was I thinking! Tarry, would you be so kind to go back to the beast wars planet and get everyone? This won't be nearly as fun without them."

Tarry blinked his visor at the backwards logic, tried to think of a protest, but just gave up after a while.

"Fine, I'll be back soon." With that, he teleported back to the beast wars planet.

We see a shot from space of prehistoric earth, a glowing ball moves slowly towards it.

"This time, I won't be beaten! How those fools could have beaten me, the mighty Starscream last time is beyond me. Well they won't get away this time."

Tarry suddenly teleported down to the all-too-familiar landscape of the planet.

"Now, I wonder where they all are?"

After searching both the Ark and the smashed remains of the Nemesis, Tarry was at a loss.

"They must be here somewhere. I know!"

Tarantulas put both index fingers to his temples in the classic 'I'm psychic' pose, and concentrated on the presence of his once-comrades.

"Ah, there they are."

Tarantulas teleported over to where the others were. His jaw dropped (well, would you believe opened really wide? At least there was a decent effort to sweatdrop.)

Rhinox was lying on the ground with his hands behind his head, staring up at the sky and sighing reflectively.

Quickstrike and Rattrap were sitting back to back, leaning up against each other while they slept.

Optimus and Megatron were sitting cross-legged on the ground facing each other. Periodically one or the other would reach out and push the other on the shoulder. Judging by the looks of things, it wouldn't take much to push the other over, but they just weren't putting any effort into it.

"Hey guys, what's up?"

"Oh, hi Tarantulas, what are you doing back here?"
"What's going on here?"

Megatron paused mid-push to look over at Tarantulas.

"We're bored, very very bored."

Tarantulas noticed that his former leader was so bored that he didn't even bother with his trademark 'yesss'

"Why?"
"All our troops left with you guys. I never realised how boring it was on this planet without so much as a radio to listen to, I've missed you in particular Tarantulas."

"How so??"

Megatron sighed, "Your treachery used to keep me on my toes. Whenever I'd get bored, you always had some scheme to liven things up. I even miss the way that Rampage was always trying to get his spark back off me, bless his little spark. How is he nowadays?"

Tarantulas' sweatdrop was so huge that it dripped off onto Rhinox.

"Hey, watch it. Sigh."

"Well, Ivy's asked me to come get you, we're going on a picnic back to 1986."

Optimus turned to Tarantulas mid-swing so that it actually had some force behind it. Megatron fell over backwards.

"Count me in!"

"Me too yess!"

"Sigh, I'll come."

"Ya-ll count mah in with ya!"

"Yeh, I'm comin' wit' ya too!"

"Very good then, now all grab hold of my arms, I'll try to teleport us back to the rebel base."

The bots all did as they were told.

"There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like oof!"

Rattrap took his arm off Tarantulas to clip Quickstrike over the back of the head.

"Now ya know what da sound of one hand clapping is snake-butt."

"Shh! I gotta concentrate, now then…"

A yellowish light seemed to originate around Tarantulas' hands' before spreading over to the others. With an audible pop! They were gone.

"Ah ha! Now I have those pathetic fools!! There they are now. Oh slag, where'd they go?"

"I got them Ivy."

"Good, now put them over there with the rest of them." Tarry did as he was told.

"Now, is everything in order?"

"Yep."

"We aren't gonna come back to find that the base has been overtake by any of your minions Artico?"

"No sweat, I've got the ants watching the lemmings, the lemmings are watching the kiwis, and the kiwis are on the ants"

Suddenly, the Pokémon walked into the room from wherever they were.

Ivy looked over at the Pokémon. "Oh good, you're here."

"Uh Ivy, is it wise for them to come?"

"What do you mean?"
"Well, Pokémon doesn't come about until the late 90's."

"So?"
"Well, they might cease to exist if they went back too far in time."

"What about us? Beast Wars doesn't take place until about the same time."

"Yeah, but it's set back in prehistoric times."

"So?"
"Well, we'd have to still exist, because if we stopped existing in 1986, then we wouldn't be around in the 90's. Beast Wars wouldn't exist, you wouldn't make a time machine to send us back, we wouldn't be around to go back and cease to exist, which would mean that we'd actually exist, and time would enter a loop. Besides, Beast Wars was set back in prehistoric times, so in a way we already exist in 1986. They can some if they want, but don't say I didn't tell you so. Time's a fickle mystery."

Kadabra had been listening closely to the argument between Tarantulas and Ivyna. She knew Ivy well enough to know that nothing would dissuade her, and so decided to step in.

It doesn't matter Ivy, it would be too dangerous with all those huge feet anyway.

"Well, it's settled then. Ivy, pull the lever."

Ivy pulled a lever underneath a button that was marked with a cute spider icon which had been crossed out with red permanent marker, there was a sad 'smiley' face drawn next to it in the same marker, as well as a drawing of Artico with several knives being thrown at him.

The time machine started making the usual noises associated with plot elements and several lights on it flashed on and off.

"Nice plot-lights Ivy, mine has more of them of course"

Suddenly, those purple lightning streaks from the gun in Rocky Horror Picture Show appeared, and the ship seemed to grow immensely, and somehow began to take on a less-solid appearance.

"There's no expense spared on this fic is there?"

"Quiet Artico."

The purple lines faded away into nothingness.

"How come the ship looks like it does??"

"Well, it is 1986 after all. Decent computer generation hasn't been invented yet."

"Why couldn't the author have used some of the scenes out of the Beast Wars Ark?"

"What? Author??"

"Never mind"

They all took a good look around the place; they appeared to be in the bridge of the orange ship.

"Hey, who're you?"

They all turned around to see the Autobots enter the room.

Quickstrike turned to Rattrap and whispered in his ear, "Who's the tin-horn?"

"Dat's Optimus Prime."

"Primal?"

"No, Prime."

"Who's 'e den?"

"An Autobot, one of our ancestors."

"Mine?"

"Quiet"

"But"

Thwack.

Artico stepped forward.

"Greetings Optimus Prime, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Artico, leader and founder of the Rebels."

"Pull the other one!"

"Shut up Tarantulas."

"Tehehehehe"

"I see, and what are you doing in our base?"

"We've come from the future."

A bright yellow bot stepped forward, he was about a head taller than most of the Rebels.

"So, you're here to give us some dire warning of things to come?"

"Not really."

"Well then, you're here to somehow prevent a dark force from destroying the timeline."

"Not what we had planned."

"Huh? That's what that other guy said. What was his name Cliffjumper?"

A red bot about the same size as the yellow one stepped forward, "Nightwing, wasn't it??"

The yellow one nodded.

"Nope, that's not why we're here."

"Well then, why are you here?"

"That's simple, to do what Rebels always do."

"And what's that?"

The rebels all gave each other a mischievous glance.

"Well, what Rebels normally do is PARTY!!!!"

With that, several ants and lemmings that had come along started hanging up decorations and a huge disco ball. Two of them tried to stand a pair of speakers up, only to realise that they were too big to fit inside the Ark (which is really saying something!).

"Hey wait, what are you doing?"

"What's it look like?  We came back three hundred years for a party, and this place looks big enough, you're all invited of course"

"But…"

"Ok Rebels listen up, it'll take about five hours to set all this stuff up, so in the meantime, why don't you all go and find other things to do. Remember, only one guest each."

The Rebels departed in basically every direction to see what sort of interesting things that they could find to do in five hours...

"I could do it better."

"Well, I could do it a lot faster."

"Heh, I bet you would have just made the same mistake."

"You only just spotted that??"

"No, I was seeing if you were awake."

Wheeljack threw the wrench down in frustration, before turning to his two spectators.

"Look you two, I'm trying to work here, could you please keep it down?"

Tarantulas and Artico looked at each other before nodding, Wheeljack turned back to the device he was working on.

"Could not."

"Could too."

"Yeah, well you'd probably put it on backwards or something."

"Could you two please SHUT UP!"

"Sorry."

Wheeljack again tried to get back to work. He had no idea where these pests had come from since everyone was too busy running around trying to stop them from breaking everything to explain. Prime had tried to stop them, but he finally gave up when he realised the utter futility of it. They'd be gone after their party anyway, right???

"Hey Wheeljack."

"WHAT????"
"I wouldn't connect it like that."

"Oh, and why wouldn't 'you' connect it like that??"

"Well, that is a weapon circuit right, even if any Cybertronian kids toy would have a better one. But in any case, it's likely to explode…"

Wheeljack shut out the noise; he'd been making rocket launchers like this since before he left Cybertron without any problems.

KABOOM!!!!
There was a stunned silence, before a quiet voice made a comment.

"Told you so."

"Oh, you think??"

"You didn't spot that the weapons circuit was too close to the fire controller and that the magnetic field from one would scramble the other."

"How would you know? Any first year student would have spotted that, I was just waiting to see how long it would take you."

"OUT OUT OUT!!! GET OUT OF MY LAB!!!!!!"

Elsewhere on the base…

"Hey you! Get away from that."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well don't touch anything. Without Teletran 1, we wouldn't cope."

"Yeah Rhinox, you should know better."

"Be quiet Artico."

"Yeah Artico."

"You too Tarantulas."

"Har Har."

"Yeah well, I still say that Teletran 1 is just a big 486."

"Nope, definitely Commodore technology."

"Would you pests go somewhere else?"

"Anywhere you'd suggest?"

Blacklight was sitting next to Cheetor with Kittyhawk curled up on her lap, Ivy was there somewhere, trying to jump up to the immensely high cupboard to see if there was anything worth jumping up there for.

"Kittyhawk, I'm bored."

"Why so? There's plenty of interesting stuff around, most of it is probably up on this cupboard, why else would it be so hard to get to?"

"Kittyhawk, Blacklight won't let me go anywhere in case I get stepped on."

"Oh, well I can help there."

Ivyna transformed and pulled out the hand-held time machine that they'd need to get back. She pointed it at the floor and the same purple beams shot out.

Suddenly, there was an orange bot standing where the rays had hit.

"Autobots see… What?"

"Kittyhawk, who's that?"

The orange bot clapped his hands looking overjoyed for some reason.

"Wheelie say find friends today!"

"Kittyhawk, what?"

"Why cat say name like that?"

"Kittyhawk, I don't like him."

Cheetor laughed, "No one does."

"Wheelie say friend's heads ok??"
"Kittyhawk, that's it! I can't tolerate that voice."

With that, the winged kitten jumped on the annoying little freaks shoulder, and proceeded to claw anything that he could reach.

"Kittyhawk seems a bit irate."

"Wheelie does that to people; the author once threw wheelie's toy out of a third story window for the very same reason."

"Oh. Author? What??"

"Nevermind."

(Ominous voice from off-screen) "Stupid girly twit, they should have fed him to the sharkticons. Good thing he didn't get the Matrix; Wheelie Prime… Shudder."

"What was that?"

"Nothing… there's no one here but us sparrows… Err, chirp chirp??"

"Damn, there's nothing up here. Ah well, that cupboard over there looks like it would have stuff on it."

Meanwhile, elsewhere the two Infernos had found each other.

"Burn!!!!!"

"What?"

"Burn!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Why?"

"For the royalty, BURN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Royalty, do you mean the Queen?"

"Aye, the Queen, do you serve her?"

"Not really, the Queen's in England, this is America."

"England?"

"Yes, the Queen of England."

"THIS IMPOSTER MUST BURN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Impostor? She's been queen for at least 50 years."

Inferno looked like he'd been hit, he started wracking his head trying to figure the new info out.

"But…. The Queen…. And…"

He ran off crying to find Artico to explain it to him. Grapple walked up beside his brother Inferno.

"Nice kid, a bit hyper though."

"Slag, nothing on this cupboard either. If they weren't going to put anything on it, then it should have been shorter."

"Kittyhawk, what??"

"Because if it had been easier to reach, then I wouldn't have thought there was anything on it, and I wouldn't have wasted the effort getting up there."

"Kittyhawk, if you say so." The kitten turned back to munching the pile of orange parts that was lying in the middle of the floor. For some reason, he was now wearing a necklace made from sharkticon teeth, and had a slingshot sticking out of a pocket in the classic "Dennis the Menace" style.

Now I wonder where he got those from…

"This base is boring, I wanna leave."

Just then, Rampage and Tsunami walked into the room.

"Hey guys."

"Oh hi."

"What's up?"

"Nothing, I'm gonna go over to the Decepticon base and see if there's anything interesting over there, you two coming?"

"Sure, why not."

Outside the base, sitting on a rock that's above the main entrance were Crow and Beachcomber.

"Sigh."

"I know exactly what you mean."

"…"

"…"

"You could say that."

"…"

"…"

"It is a bit that way isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"…"

"…"

Just then, Tarry, Ivy, Rampage and Tsunami walked past.

"Hey Tarry, what's up with those two, I didn't know that Crow was psychic."

Tarantulas looked up at the two bots, concentrating on their conversation.

"They're not, they're just so like-minded that they're coming to the same conclusions and thinking of the same questions at the same time."

"Weird."

"Yeah."

"…"

"…"

"Te he he!"

Megatron angrily took a shot at Ivyna, who easily jumped out of the way.

"Soundwave, what is the meaning of sending your minions after me like this?"

"They're not mine mighty Megatron, mine are off somewhere else."

"Te he he!!"

"Uh Ivy, you're getting him really mad, don't you think that you should stop now?"

"He he. Nope."

Just then, Megatron fired right at the spot that Ivy was about to jump to, she landed on the hot floor.

"Ouch, that's hot. TALON!!!! MANTODEA!!!!!!!!!!"

The two ran in and started trying to claw and shred Megatron, only to find that bots were a lot tougher back in G1. Talon shrugged, gave Megatron one last kick, and stalked off.

"Te he he."

Elsewhere in the Decepticon base…

Tsunami and Rampage were walking peacefully down one of the many corridors.

"I must say, I'm proud of you for not killing anything recently."

"Yeah well, it isn't as if I really have much of a selection to choose from. All the Pokémon are spoken for, and any kids that I see outside the base think my crab legs are a jungle-gym. I'm just not scary anymore."

Tsunami put her hand on Rampages shoulder, "That's ok, you don't have to be scary all the time."

"But that's just the point, I'm not even scary 'some' of the time, I'd like to catch one of those little punk kids and…"

Tsunami was giving him a hard stare, "You remember our little 'talk' don't you?"

"Yeah, but couldn't I just have one kid to torture to see if I'm cured?"

"No."

"What about a one-armed drunk with a peg-leg, bad taste in music and a stuffed parrot nailed to his shoulder?"

"No."

"The French guy from Monty Python and the Holy Grail?"

"No."

"Well, how about that little kid that annoys me every Christmas by saying 'God bless us everyone."

"What, on that 'Christmas carol' movie?"

"Yeah, him."

"No."

"Well, what about Wheelie?"

Kittyhawk's already dealt with him."

"AWSLAGGIT!!! The one character that I'd be justified in killing, and that cat beat me to it."

"Sorry."

"Well, what about Blurr, he was almost as annoying."

"I suppose that he'd be ok."

"Ironhide?"

"You'd have my blessing on that one."

"Excellent BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! First, I'll…"

Suddenly, two bots that were much smaller than Rampage came around the corner. The red one took one look at Rampage, ran up and kicked him as hard as he could in the shins.

"You think that you're so tough, just because you're bigger than me."

"Excuse me?"
"I've kicked Starscreams tailgate plenty of times, what's all with those stupid girly legs anyway. You wanna go get drunk??"

"What?" Rampage was so shocked by the little bot's attitude that he completely missed the last question. The red bot gave him another hard kick.

"Hey you, you dense or something? Do you wanna go get plastered or not??"
Rampage looked helplessly at Tsunami, who just smiled back.

"You can go, I'll just stay here."

Rampage was at a total loss as the smaller bot grabbed one of his crab legs and started trying to drag him off in the typical 'little kid trying to drag off the huge dog with the lead over his shoulder' pose.

"Hey Frenzy, can I come?"
The red bot looked over at his blue twin, "Sorry Rumble, not this time."

Rumble had long since ceased to be surprised by the random, and often violent mind-changing of his somewhat less-stable brother.

Rampage was getting slightly annoyed with the small robot who was sitting on the barrel of his tank gun trying to direct which direction he wanted Rampage to go by pulling on his antenna.

"Where're we going anyway?"

"You'll see, turn left here."

Rampage did as he was told and came to a stop outside a huge warehouse with a flashing neon sign depicting several anime characters gathered around a table playing cards and having a good time.

If that wasn't a big enough shock, then Rampage was completely blown away why what he saw next.

In what would have passed as a 'car park' were about fifty huge robots, all of various sizes. Both Voltrons were there, as were several Macross Valkyries. Tranzor Z was there, looming over them all, and several other smaller combiner-type vehicles of which there was an over-abundance of in the '80s were also parked. An aircraft shaped like a giant eagle sat in front of them all; it was completely golden and had a very Aztec appearance.

"What in Primus' name is this place?"

"It's called the 'warehouse', it's where all the cartoon characters hang out in their time off.

"Huh? Time off? When did those characters have time off?"
"Everyone needs time off, quite often the arch-villains become drinking buddies after knock-off time."

"Uh, sure, whatever you say."

Frenzy gave a glance around the assembled vehicles, taking note of who to expect inside.

"Hey Jet-fire, Starscream told me to tell you when I saw you next that he's got something for you."

"Oh, right then." One of the Valkyries which was painted in a red and white scheme transformed and flew off to find Starscream.

Frenzy jumped off the barrel allowing Rampage to transform, they both walked through the door together.

Several humans turned and gave a glance at the door.

"Oh Hi Rumble, who's the weirdo-freak?"

Both the bots ignored the human and walked up to the bar, where a robot that looked like the barkeep out of the Fifth Element was busy serving drinks.

Rampage took a look around at the assembled figures. Most of them appeared to be wearing predominantly red and white futuristic jump-suits, but several were wearing black and white.

The King-crab's gaze fell on several figures at the end of the bar.

One of them was dressed in a golden snake costume, and was having trouble sitting up on his stool, there were several black robots with red eye slits sitting either side of him propping him up. There was a human wearing a blue body-suit with a chrome face mask.

"Barkeep, more grog for the Emperor!!"

Rampage elbowed Frenzy in the ribs and pointed over to the scene.

"Who's that?"

"Oh, that's Serpentor, we've worked with him on occasion."

"Who's the guy in blue?"

"That's Cobra Commander, he's been trying to get back to the head of Cobra for years."

"He sounds a lot like Starscream."

Rampage listened hard for a second before noticing the similarity, "Yeah, he does too. HEY COMMANDER!!!"
"What?"

"You not related to Screamer are you??"

"No, why?"

"No reason, but you do act a lot like him, constantly trying to overthrow your leader and taking control."
"Heh, I guess I am."

Frenzy raised his tankard in Cobra commanders direction before taking a swig.

"Hey you B.A.T's, hold our Emperor up. He just tried to fall off his chair again. He still has his drink to finish."

"Weird."

The commander heard Rampages offhand comment, 'Yeah, well we all know who the brains of Cobra are anyway."

One of the humans on the other end of the bar raised his head off the counter, "What, Dr Mind-bender?"

CC threw Serpentors mug at him.

"Oh look at that, I guess that Serpentor will need another drink. BARKEEP!!"

The drunken snake-man gave a semi-conscious groan at the prospect of more booze.

"What's the point of getting him drunk anyway? Some sort of plan to take control?"
"Nah, we only do it because it's funny, and sometime's he's still drunk in the morning and gives semi-coherent commands about beating the Joes. Some people are a real riot when they're plastered."

"Funny? Who finds that funny?"

"Well, the author for one, he's rolling in his seat."

"Huh? Author?"

"Never mind."

Suddenly, the drunken leader made a more successful attempt to fall of his chair.

"All Troops! We attack Joe headquarters at first light tonight."

"BARKEEP!! He's still coherent, MORE GROG!!!"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oops. Uh, Chirp Chirp?"

"D'you hear that?"

"Nah, there's always weird voices in this place."

"Why?"

"Mostly because a lot of shows needed narrators to explain things, so they're part of the show, but we do get the occasional fanfic author who shows up pretending that an event in our lives is their idea; they mostly just show up, jot down a few things, and then leave at the end of their 'fic'."
"Oh."

"I AM THE TZAR OF RUSSIA!!!! Obey me all ye lumberjack people."

"Better make that a double bar-keeper; he's only at the outrageous claims stage."

"BWAHAHAHA!"
Just then, the door opened and a few more generic humans walked through, the one that was the leader was chanting something.

"Rumble is red, Frenzy is blue!! Rumble is red, Frenzy is blue!! Rumble is red, Frenzy is blue!! Rumble is red, Frenzy is blue!!"

Frenzy banged his mug down on the table.

"That does it, I've had it!!"
"What's the matter?"

"Well, there's an organization that seems to think that Rumble is red, and that I'm blue"

"Why do they think that?"
"Because, it's only my cartoon self that's actually red, in the comic continuity and in the toy, I'm blue."

"Oh."

"Hey you lot! You colour-blind? Do I look blue to you?"

The lead character held up a battered catalogue and pointed to a section on the back of it. Rampage squinted at it, only to see two toys. The one labelled frenzy was in fact, quite blue."

"Don't you lot have to save the world from some evil leader that you've had a shot at nearly episode yet you're still fighting or something?"

"Nah, because Rumble is red, Frenzy is blue!!"

"Yeah, well Cy-kill is Wreck-gars illegitimate half-brother!"

All chatter in the bar stopped in shock, Frenzy looked at his feet embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, it just slipped out."

"Who thinks that we should ban Frenzy from the bar?"

Most of the patrons were too drunk to answer, so fortunately, those that did were a minority.

"What's wrong? I thought that he was?"

"He is, but it's taboo to say anything like that."

"Why?"
"It's not polite to say things that are true about characters from two different, and often rival series."

"Oh. Wait a minute, how do you know about Wreck-gar? It's only 1986?"

"Yeah, but the Transformers movie came out in 1985, which was last year. We've all seen it, and most of the Autobots were traumatised for months afterwards."

"Oh."

"Yeah, it was a terrible sight; Optimus Prime crying in his beer, Ironhide and Prowl jumping into each others arms at any loud noise. We Decepticons had a huge task to get them all over it, I still think that Sky-warp wakes up at night in a cold sweat. Starscreams been ever so nice to Megatron, and hasn't tried to take over even once."

"Oh look, he's coming 'round. Mighty Serpentor, you passed out from drinking too much."

"Wha? My hea' hurts."

"Yeah, but you're awake now which means BARKEEP!!!!!!"

About an hour later, Rampage and Frenzy finally left. Rampage had various pieces of red and white material hanging from him, and was covered in dents, Frenzy was looking like he'd been picked up and used as a club in the massive barfight that had erupted. They'd left when many of the patrons started using their robot's 'fist missiles' at each other, Rampage decided that they leave because they were outgunned, but Frenzy had convinced him to at least try and use 'robot punch'.

"We will we will rock you hic!"

"Hey, can't you drive in a straight line?"

"I thought that you were driving."

"Was that a red light?"
"Can't remember."

Suddenly, there was a siren behind them, Rampage pulled over to the kerb, or at least what he thought was a kerb.

"That light's red isn't it"

"Dunno. That your radio playing that music?"

"Isn't it a siren?"

An officer that looked oddly familiar sauntered to the front of the tank, he held out a small photo.

"Have you seen this boy?"
"Nah, what'd he do?"
The cop, looked puzzled for a moment.

"I actually don't know. Say, are you two drunk?"
"Us? No."

"How many have you had?"

"Can't remember."

"Which one of you is driving?"

"Dunno, why?"

"Just so long's it's the one that drank the least. Good day sirs."

The cop walked back to his car.

"Wasn't that Robert Patrick?"

"Nah."

"Why not?"
"He's an actor, not a cop."

"Oh."

"Wait a minute, doesn't his car look a lot like Prowl?"
"I guess so."

Rampage tried to turn around to get a better look. Unfortunately, tanks don't turn too well at the best of times. Drunken ones are even worse. The fact that he had it in reverse probably didn't help any, neither did the fact that he was through the store window of a cake shop.

Crunch! "Oh well, I guess that he 'did' look a bit like Prowl."

Frenzy looked at the hands of his watch.

"What time'd you have to get back?"

"Some time before six."

"Well, Mickey's hands are both on the five, so we'd better get you over there."

"You coming? You are invited you know."

"I am? Well count me in."

Optimus was sitting on a crate holding his head in his hands. He'd spent the entire afternoon trying to minimise the damage, but they were everywhere! He couldn't wait to power down for the night!

"SOUND TEST!"

There was a sudden blast from the massive speakers; after the ants had realised that the ceiling could be removed for clearance, they had gone home to exchange the speakers that they'd brought with them for a larger set.

Optimus covered his receivers as chunks of rock fell from the ceiling, he just hoped that the volcano was stable enough to withstand the party.

"GREAT!"
"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! TAKE YOUR EARPLUGS OUT!"

"WHAT? I CAN'T HERE YOU, WAIT WHILE I TAKE MY EARPLUGS OUT."

"Well, what'd you think?"

"Pretty good, but they need more oomph, I'll go and get a bigger amp."

"While you're at it, could you pick up another pair of speakers? That way we can have some decent surround."

"'Kay, I'll be back in a minute."

Prime shook his head, this was worse than any plans by the Decepticons!

Artico was out the front of the base, supervising the setting up of the decorations, and to welcome any guests; the party was set to begin in less than twenty minutes.

Suddenly, he noticed a dust-cloud in the distance, as it drew nearer, he realised that it was actually about thirty or so Decepticons, with Ivy in the lead.

"Ivy, I thought that I told you only one guest."

"It's more fun with more, and besides, the guests all brought one each, so that's why they're all here. We picked up some pretzels too."

"Ooh! Pretzels, I guess that they can come in."

"Thanks Artico."

Prime was standing just outside the main control room when he heard Teletran 1 beeping.

"Oh great, the Decepticons pick now to try something funny, I wonder where they are."

He looked into the monitor, did a double-take, and rushed for the entrance.

"Ah Prime, there you are."

Prime took a shot at Megatron just as he was entering the base. Unfortunately, the only thing to fly out of his gun was string-cheese.

"What's wrong with my gun!"

"The Autobots have been unarmed! Our allies have done well. Decepticons attack!!"

With that, all the Decepticons tried to shoot Prime, and any other Autobots that had come to the entrance. However, the only things that flew out of their guns were long strings of silly-string.

"We have been Betrayed! Decepticons, fall back!"

Ivy hopped in front of the 'cons just as they were about to leave.

"Where are you lot going?"

"You deceived us, you told us that the Autobots would be unarmed and that we could enter the Ark without resistance."

"No, I said that we were holding a party and that you were invited, and that all guns would be deactivated at the door."

"Yes, you did say that, but I didn't think that you meant it literally."

"Well, you're here now, so why not just come in."

As if on cue, several of the ants appeared and dragged Soundwave off to hook him up to the speakers.

"Mighty Megatron, help me!"
"Hey relax, you're the only one with 80's style sound jacks, would you mind DJ-ing for us tonight?"

Just then, Mirage walked into the corridor, did a double-take, and cloaked.

"I can do that too you know."

 Just to prove it, Ivy cloaked.

"Hey, where'd Ivyna go?"

Megatron took a step forward, only to fall over an inconspicuous pile of orange metal which looked as if it'd been chewed.

"Megatron has fallen, Decepticons follow me!"

"Ok Starscream, but where?"

"Uh, into the Base!!"

Rampage and Frenzy were still wobbling up the drive towards the base; they'd actually arrived about half an hour early, but then realised that the signboard outside the HASBRO studios wasn't really the real Ark. It was getting on dusk and several crickets were heard chirping in the long grass.

"You lot get inside."

Kickback transformed, as did Bombshell and Shrapnel, and about ten clones of each, they looked at each other sheepishly.

"Yes boss."

Depth-charge and Rattrap were sitting outside the base, talking about things that had happened since they'd last spoken.

"I dunno Rattrap, Tarantella is nice enough, but she's really bossy."

"I'm sure dat you'll get used ta it."

"Yeah, but it's hard, I don't feel as if I get any time to myself anymore."

"Dat's rough, but I wish I'd come back wit' ya, it's so borin' on the planet."

Suddenly, Devastator turned up. From the opposite direction Omega Supreme approached. When they saw the other, they ran up.

"You destroyed the Crystal city!"

"It was my taste in aesthetics."

"Have you no remorse you monster?"

"I dunno, you have anything in that head of yours? It was your fault for leaving us alone."

"You were my friend."

"Yeah, well Megatrons a better friend to us now than you ever were."

"I can't let you continue like this! Too many innocents have suffered."

"Whatcha gonna do about it? Leave me in charge of Iacon? Or perhaps I could guard the Ark."

"You shut the hell up!"

"Watcha gonna do about it? Self destruct?"
"Make me."

"I WILL!"

The two behemoths started brawling, none of the nearby transformers paid any attention.

"Hey Cap'n Minnow, dey remind ya of anyone?"

"Shove it Rodent, I can't even hunt X anymore because of Tarantella."

"Boy, she must 'ave ya wrapped 'round her finger!"

Just then, Tarrentella appeared, she had a length of something blue in one hand, and was whipping it against her palm.

"Hey fish-boy, ready for walkies?"

"You actually mean dat she's got you on a leash?"

"Shut up rat."

"HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!"

Inside, Megatron was sauntering up to his larger relative, and covertly signalled him to one side.

"I got your message."

"What message?"

"The one that said that if you failed to carry on your cause."

"I made no such message."

"Sure you did, it was on one of the Golden disks."

"Which disks?"

"The one's that were sent up with the Voyager spacecraft, yesss."

"Why do you talk like that?"

"Because I can."

"Hmm, these 'disks' intrigue me, a message to all Decepticons placed on one of the Earthlings ships so that future generations can continue the cause. Excellent plan my friend, what'd you say your name was?"

"Megatron."

"No, yours."

"I was named after you."

"What an honour, what else can you tell me about the future?"

"Oh well, you know that Shockwave guy?"

"My Lieutenant back on Cybertron?"

"Yeah him, I'd advise not leaving him alone for very long."

"Duly noted, anything else?"

"Yeah, don't slag Unicron off too much."

"I've already seen the movie."

"Well in that case, don't ever ever say your name, and then 'Terrorize'."

"Why not?"

"You'll turn into a giant purple hand."

"A hand?"

"Or a two-headed dragon."

"I'll become a triple-changer?"

"Six-changer actually, but you'll look like Rhinox' backside if you do, and you'll get some really stupid minions; one's a flying squirrel, a toad, and one's a skunk."

"Organics?"
"Yeah, and you'll start sounding really weird, yesss"

"Thanks for the warning my friend, is there any way to repay you?"

"Well, we could become an Optimal, yesss."

Elsewhere, Starscream had noticed something funny about Rampage and was trying to get closer to see if he could figure it out.

Artico sauntered up to the two and began breathing heavily.

"Rampage, I am your father."

"What?"
"Join me, and we can rule the Decepticons as father and son!"

Rampage turned around to see what Artico was muttering about and saw Starscream standing there, he let out a startled yelp.

"Oh, Starscream, it's you."

"Together, we can defeat Megatron, and rule the Galaxy as father and son."

"What's this moron jabbering about?"

"Oh, ah, nothing."

"What'd he say about defeating Megatron?"

"Just ignore him."

"But he's your father isn't he?"

"Uh, no."

"Then why does he keep saying that he is?"

"Forget it, it's nothing."

Artico was rolling on the ground laughing, and began alternating between a high squeaky voice, and the heavy breathing.

"Get on with the ceremony! Join me!"

Cheetor walked up to the three and noticed Artico's bad impersonation.

"Hey Artico, you sound just like Terrorsaur!"

"Quiet cat."

Starscream had a terrible feeling as recognition dawned on him.

"You don't mean?"
"Yep, your son never writes, but he loves his ol' dad!"
"But... How?"

"Oh, some time in the next three-hundred years. Aren't family reunions happy things!"
"But..."

"Heh heh heh, I'll leave you two to it then, you've got a lot of catching up to do."

"Waspinator, stop eating all the food."

"Zzzory, but izz zzugar!"

"I know, but you're supposed to eat the whole thing, not just lick the sugar off them."

Suddenly, the two were interrupted by one of the ants.

"All right everyone listen up, Albert has just returned with a decent sound player, so the party can really begin!"

The room darkened, and the disco ball started up, as did the laser-lights, and any other visual effects that they could get their hands on.

All the G1 transformers covered their audios at the terrible music, but the Rebels were unphased.

"What is that noise?"

"WHAT?"
"I SAID WHAT'S THAT NOISE?"
"Oh, it's techno."

"Sounds like someone being tortured."

"You olds just can't handle new-age music."

"If that's what they listen to in three-hundred years, I hope I'll be dead."

Out on the dance floor, Reflectors three components and Rumble were busy break-dancing in a shootout between Artico, Cheetor and Jazz. It was impossible to tell who was winning, but Reflectors synchronised dancing was hard-pressed to match Cheetor's total craziness.

Suddenly, from somewhere near the entrance, there was a murmur amongst the bots; they parted to let a 6 foot-tall cat with yellow and brown fur wearing a wool-lined bomber jacket into the room.

"Who are you?"

"Lynx."

"Eh?"

"The author. You guys were having such a great time, while I was stuck in a cold room staring at a computer screen typing my frozen fingers off. Mind if I join in?"
The two Optimuses looked at each other, before the older answered, "Why not? There's enough silliness in this base already."

"Great, thanks."

The two leaders walked off to discuss various things, and the yellow and red bots from earlier took their place.

"So you're Lynx right?"
"Yep."

"You wouldn't be the Lynx that that Nightwing guy was talking about would you?"
"The same."

"Well, Bumblebee and I have to know; do they manage to stop the time war?"

"Sorry boys, I can't give any hints away, I'm just here to party."

"But..."

"Ooh, Nachos!"

Bumblebee turned to his red counterpart, "Damn, we'll just have to wait and see what happens then."

Elsewhere, Eaglalor was pouting.

"Hey Eagalor, what's up?"

"Oh nothing, I just thought that we were going on a picnic was all."

"Hey yeah, we were supposed to be going on a picnic, I guess that Ivy and Artico just had a change of plans, Parties are so much more fun anyway."

"But the title of the fic is quite clearly 'A Rebel Party'. It was a pre-emptive decision that we weren't going to be having a picnic."

"So?"

And so the Party raged on well into the night, several people were hurt from stepping on exploding lemmings, but nothing too serious. Tarantulas and Artico got into another bickering match when they snuck into Wheeljacks lab again, which ended in a fight that destroyed half the lab. Mirage finally reappeared, only to have lemmings thrown at him by Frenzy and Rampage. Trailbreaker tried to shield against the explosions, until one of the ants spilt goulash on his shield generator. Red-alert again went nuts and blew himself up, prompting laughs from Starscream and the other seekers. Tracks and Sunstreaker went out early to save their paint jobs, and brought back Pizzas, most of which ended up being pelted at Mirage and the two Megatrons. Gears and Eagalor met up, and depressed each other so much that they had to be separated by huffer, who then spent the night complaining about the Decepticons playing 'keep-away' with his chia-pet. Quickstrike and Rattrap both got into the Mexican chilli, resulting in emergency surgery by Ratchet. Dinobots ghost turned up with Ghastly and Gengar to make nasty comments about Rattrap eating chilli, and then went off to catch a movie. Jerro spent the night pouting about there not being any females. Lynx got into a long technical debate with Ravage about why he only ever spoke in More Than Meets The Eye Part 3 and never in any other episodes, and Hound and Windcharger were quite put out to realise that they didn't appear in this fic. Blitzwing and Astrotrain amused themselves by generally making a mess that the Autobots would have to clean up.

Finally, dawn broke, and those bots who were still awake decided that the party was over.

"Ok rebels, time to head back to base. Ivy, Prepare the time ray."

Megatron and Starscream both shot him an icy glance.

Rampage looked stricken, "Wait, I didn't kill Ironhide yet!"

"Too late now."

"But..."

"Say goodbye to Frenzy, we're going home."

"Hey, this was fun, we must do it again some time."

There was a collective NO! from the remaining Autobots.

"Ah well, perhaps we'd better give them some time to recover. Perhaps next weekend?"

The rebels gathered in a general circle around Ivy, who produced the Time-device. Waving goodbye to everyone she activated it. Several purple lines and plot lights later, they were back home.

"Prime, something's wrong with Teletran 1!"

"WHAT!"

"It seems that someone's installed some sort of program with too much memory requirements, Teletran 1 keeps hanging."

"Primus no. Can you trace the program?"

"Sure can Prime, it's called 'Tetris'."

Back at the Rebel base...

"Ok Tarry, You'd better send the beast warriors back to the Beast wars planet."

"NO! We wanna stay he..."

Tarantulas zapped them back to where he'd found them.

"Tehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe."

"That wasn't very nice Tarry."

"You did tell me to send them home."

Suddenly, the door to the games room swung open with a loud bang, A very large, mean looking ant stepped in, absently hitting a large club against his palm. An equally large Lemming and a huge Kiwi flanked him.

"Artico, we need to talk."