It was growing late in the day, and the great Lord Voldemort stared out at the crescent moon from where he was standing in the forest. He was alone, and he had recently started to feel the sadness that loneliness brought to him. His mind traveled to memories of his first boyfriend. He could feel his ding-a-ling start to harden just at the image of the boy's face. It had been so long since he had felt that love... Oh, what's a gay Dark Lord to do?
"Yo, I'm totally stoned right now," said Rico in a mellowed-out tone. "I mean, whoa, what's with the trees?"
"We're in a forest, dumbass." said Jamimah.
"Yo, I'm Dirty Dave, and I OWN this forest! Get me my elephant, bitch!"
"I think you need to settle down, you dirty fool." replied Jamimah.
The three boys had been traveling from one side of the forest to other for a total of three days now. It was a long trek, filled with crazy hijinks involving animal feces. At the front of the procession was a lion with a leather mask on its head, and a whip at its side, ready for action. Atop this lion sat Rico, who enjoyed that kind of thing. He was often stoned and rarely knew what was going on. Next came Jamimah, the most level-headed of the group. He walked, although a slight limp from an accident that never actually occurred made him slower than his friends. Last in line was Dirty Dave, who rode on top of a great elephant he imported from India. That elephant was his BFF.
"Yo, just as a reminder, we're all gay, right?" asked Rico.
"For special purposes, we are for the next 25 minutes." replied Dirty Dave.
"Yo, just checking. Cause I'm Riiico...Suaveeee."
Shortly after this conversation took place, the three boys and Voldemort stumbled upon each other. Since none of the boys had seen any humans except for themselves, they were eager to stop and talk.
Voldemort eyed them closely. That Jamimah was a cutie, he must work out. Rico sure was suave, and oh! There's something to be said for a man on an elephant. That long trunk, rawr!
The four had been talking, but Dirty Dave fell asleep. No one bothered to wake him. And this is what he dreamt:
There was a woman with an apron, standing in front of an oven. The window in the kitchen let in a nice, natural light, illuminating the room beautifully. Armed with a pair of mitts, the woman reached in and pulled out a fresh-baked apple pie. A man wearing an extremely tight shirt walked to her, kissed her cheek, and proceeded to eat the pie straight out off the pan, without using his hands.
The doorbell rang, and on the outside was a married couple. The woman had red hair, and the man had curly brown hair. They were welcomed into the house graciously. Out of nowhere, the man hit the woman, and started jumping around the room. "WHOO! I'm P. Diddy! I'm P. Diddy! I'm P. Diddy!"
Dirty Dave woke with a start. "I just had the craziest dream you guys. I don't know what it meant, but I know I want to take off my pants!"
Voldemort smiled at the boy's comment. "Why yes. Please, do take them off."
In no time at all, clothing lay in a heap, and everyone was naked.
"Yo, where'd my clothes go???" questioned Rico. "This is nuts!"
"You're damn right this is nuts. Now spread those nuts!" squealed Voldy. You could plainly tell his metal wingwang was enjoying itself.
The next few moments were a blur. A mass of bodies were on top of each other, and penises flew into the air. Until...one of them stopped breathing.
"Oh hell no." said Jamimah. "That old man died."
"Dude, this sucks." replied Dirty Dave. "I don't want his obituary to say 'Cause of death: too much dirrrrrtyness'."
A couple minutes later, the body stirred. "Oh, don't worry. I'm back. I'm sorry, that happens sometimes."
And so the boys continued, until... "Jesus, not again!"