Red XIII is in heat, and not just one species is affected by it. Red XIII/ Cid One-shot. Yaoi
Without words
It was the middle of August; the air was still warm with fading summer, but the wind was unseasonably cold, every frequent breeze overrode the warmth and chilled the flesh. The weather was odd, but it wasn't terribly surprising to Red XIII, nothing that happened out of turn in the climate could, in fact he expected certain oddities to occur. It was merely one day after the earth was saved from Meteor, and the demolition of Midgar was subsequent of the planet's salvation. But the good news was that there wasn't complete destruction, and the loss of lives hadn't been as substantial as he expected, and he had expected the death toll to be quite high when he saw the forces of what saved the earth and what threatened to kill it collide above the highly populated area. The bad news was that the city was in ruin, left with out a leader, and about a quarter of its population.
The canine couldn't help but feel an almost guilty sadness when he gazed out upon the city from a substantial distance away. It had been only 7 hours after the remaining part of the Highwind landed, and notably the middle of the night. Even in the darkness he could see the thick smoke that had rose from the city not from it's Mako production but from the destruction. The grimy smog that had once prevailed in it's atmosphere had been all but swept or burned away by the Meteor's arrival, or completely neutralized by holy. Red began to wonder what the sky would look like after the smoke had cleared, he took in a deep breath and sighed in anticipation, it would be a spectacular sight because after so many years people who'd lived in Midgar all of their lives had never seen it beyond the smog.
Red's tail twitched tensely behind him, his whole body was taunt, his fur standing on end. His heart pounded and his blood rushed through his body like fire, making him hot beyond his own means. His mind felt oddly clouded, drifting off to other things, a primal instinct deep inside of him that ignored every bit of reason and intelligence he had, and he was letting it, he was powerless to stop it. It was a desire to find something, someone powerful, because if they were strong he'd gain more satisfaction in doing all of the things his mind could imagine doing to them. He didn't want to even acknowledge what those thoughts were, but he was powerless to stop them, as if they were being handed down by some unknown force and he simply obeyed them.
His grandfather had told him of this once, something that his father Seto had told him. He remembered the talk well, because it was the most awkward experience in his life. The man dear to him had set him down one day some 10 odd years ago and explained to him about…Heat. Every detail that his father had told his Grandfather was laid before him by the elder man, it was Awkward…very awkward. But even though he had such an understanding of the subject, he couldn't stop the confusion that clouded his mind, nor could he detour the sinking nervousness in his stomach, being in his first heat and all. With all of that coursing through his body, he still couldn't help himself, he was a spectator in his own mind, just a presence that watched as another primal force controlled his body. Slowly but surely his mind was being relinquished to the same force, the same urges, the same desire, and what little self-control he had was fading.
All he could do now was think, think and remember to try and make sense of it all.
It had been a rough ride to say the least, survival had seemed so impossible that he still thought on the subject with a disbelief. Red wasn't a person that believed in luck, but their escape seemed to have an aspect of favorable chance at play. Though escaping the northern crater in one piece was merely half of their problem.
When Holy appeared, the fate of all the population on the planet was being put through a Judgment day few could comprehend farther then lights in the sky. Most people only had to sit back and wait for the end, or beginning, which ever it would be. Much to the wolf's relief after about 30 seconds it became clear that the humans would be unaffected by the force of nature… Most of them anyway. Ironically though, most breeds of monsters were still alive, in most cases only the biggest and most powerful ones.
Maybe if humans, who do most of the damage to the world, could live, then Monsters, who did the most damage to humans and no damage to the plant, deserved a shot.
Well anyway, Holy spread across the earth, it was reminiscent to a fog swept by a heavy wind, that heavy wind being the force from Meteor's impact. Anything, from airships to bird, that happened to be in the air were forcibly shaken from flight. Anything mechanical within a 20 mile radius of Midgar was fried from the circuitry outward, the intensity of the damage varying in degrees depending on location. The Highwind was no exception, though instead of being shaken from the air, it had been unfortunately close enough to be caught with in the suction of the impact of meteor.
No, things could never be simple for them, not once.
So they ended up being pulled head first in to the center of a rock and a holy place, a swirling vortex. They were going towards a blinding light in a disoriented motion, screaming every inch of the way…well Yuffie was anyway. Red was much more subdued in his terror.
At that point in time it started to seem to Red like everything was conspiring against them, their entire lives, and if someone posed that theory to Red at that moment, that it all wasn't simply circumstances and chance, then he would have agreed. The ship spun every which way, tossing the contents around inside as if they were inside of a box and some larger force was shaking it, each second drawing closer and closer to death. Red remembered quite clearly the feeling of approaching death, and would have had a better knowledge of it if it hadn't been mixed in with a nauseous bout of dizziness and the pain of his body being thrown around the hard, steel interior. 'Hmmm…' Red could almost laugh at himself when he thought of that moment, he'd so bravely pushed fear aside and convinced himself that his death would actually have meaning since he'd just helped save the world. The thought that he was so violently ready to die made him laugh, not out of humor but of sheer relief he didn't face his demise, he may have felt ready then, but he wasn't now. But, he was also proud of himself, that he was ready to die a great warrior like his father.
Like his father... "Seto..." Red couldn't help but wounder what his father did in when he was in this situation...no, Red shook his head, he had to stop thinking about that, focus...
The only other thing he had known for sure was that with each second they came nearer and… No one still quite understands what happened next.
Out from the blinding white light that swallowed them whole, came an astoundingly contrast black figure, an enormous form that they couldn't see completely. Two, large hands reached out and clasped the ship in a hold strong enough to send fractures streaking up the windshield and along the hull, whatever it was, it was big enough to hold the remaining part of the ship's cockpit in it's arms. It was so confusing, and with the general disorientation no one could quite figure out if it was a good or bad thing. Everyone's natural assumption was that a bad situation was about to get worse, who wouldn't think such a thing? Red had been one of the few that didn't particularly care at the moment, he had been more concerned about a few of his unconscious teammates, as bruised and bloody as he himself was. He remembered being upside down, his eyes could barely see beyond all of the light, and his ears had been ringing so much that he couldn't hear his own thoughts. The edges of his vision were grazing with an approaching darkness...
He was barely conscious enough to realize everything was upside down, he and everyone else were standing on the ship's badly damaged windshield, the glass was so split and cracked that they could barely see past the white lines spanning across like a large web, he'd feared anxiously that it would brake underneath him. However, as valid as it was, that fear was quickly overwhelmed when he finally the saw the creature that had caught them. Red tilted his head to the side, on second thought, it wasn't fear, more or less a morbid curiosity, he was still awaiting death.
Ultima Weapon…yes, Ultima Weapon, he could do nothing more then stare with wide eyes and weak, startled gasps. Though it didn't register immediately, and the only other person who seemed to realize it was Vincent, it was fairly clear that its intentions weren't to fight or they'd already have been dead. The opposite in fact, it had emerged from holy to save them, it took him longer then he'd like to admit to figure it out, until the Weapon had carted them halfway through.
"…" Red shook his head, lying sprawled out messily on the soft field of short grass outside the ruined cockpit of the Highwind that had fallen messily where it lay.
Stranded.
They were stranded here, and had been for a full day now, too far from any town to make it before night fall, and mostly too injured to try and make the trip. Red was thankful for the injuries he'd received, the pain had been enough to divert his focus, he'd spent the day instinctively licking his wounds and sleeping away the fatigue. Now this wasn't a normal habit for him, the licking his wounds things, he generally refrained from doing actions such as this, he never liked them. But during this time of heat, his instincts seemed to be heightened, becoming a reasoning separate then his own, a hierarchy in it's own right that dominated his mind, leaving little room for his normal nature.
Red simply laid out on the grass, thinking, remembering, trying to keep his self control. 'Damnit…' He usually refrained from profanity also, but this situation warranted it. An anxious energy rushed through his body, like the one that came when ever he was nervous. It made it hard to simply sit here, it made him want move, to growl, to fight fiercely without thought or strategy, to simply lash out as his body commanded. As much as he missed his grandfather, he was angry at him... Maybe this was the product of his energy.
Why! Why didn't he tell him what he was suppose to do when he was actually in heat?
Red allowed his eyes to roll distractedly around the plains, focusing on everything he saw that drew his attention. The only ones who had been outside were himself, Cid and Vincent. They both seemed to draw his focus more then usual at that time, he found a different quality in watching both of them now, watching them made him feel like a predator stalking his prey. Especially when he watched Cid, the man was in pretty bad shape,as if he was simply the weaker, vulnerable one of the heard that was a perfect target... he… well.
Red shook his head in a futile attempt to dispel the thoughts, remembering once more he was going over what happened in his mind. Not thinking about Cid.
Well this was the part he enjoyed recalling the most, because he enjoyed thinking, contemplating something deep and complex, trying to unravel it. The memory taunted him, challenging his knowledge of the earth and daring him to figure out it. A challenge he readily excepted.
He had a theory about it. A Weapon came from holy, he no longer thought of as monster but classified them as a literal Weapon. Since the weapons were created by the earth, just like holy was, and since they already defeated the Weapons. That had to mean the Weapons couldn't die unless the earth was destroyed, or else they would simply be re spawned.
Maybe since they were the ones that help saved the world, and allowed holy to move. For saving the earth it decided to give them a chance, he'd heard Cloud saying earlier that it had been the ancients, one well known one in particular, that had sent them the help. He wasn't sure about that, the thought came to his mind that maybe Weapons are the physical embodiment of the earth...interesting, it was just to bad that his grandfather was the only person he could have possibly contemplated these things with, the only other person on par with him about matters of the earth...
"..." Red suddenly felt a strong longing to find someone whom he could think about this with, to discuss it so throughly... someone like his grandfather. Maybe he could find a mate like that, someone smart, like Vincent...he wouldn't have minded mating with Vincent, the man was strong, and he was deep, his mind was deep, yet quick and intellectual. He wouldn't have minded that at all, he would have liked it...
'...' Red shook his head and forced himself to focus...Well, Ultima carted them through the center of the conflict in-between holy and meteor. He would never forget the feeling, it was oppressing, as if everything inside of him was being tugged down. The noise was excruciating, his heightened sense of hearing made it unbearable! He couldn't think! He was a little ashamed to say that he was so overwhelmed that he nearly passed out Things became even worse it seemed when Ultima began to slowdown just beyond the center, it's whole body trembled, rattling the Highwind's frame with a monstrous noise. Red again was startled by this, even though he felt ready for death, so much so that it would almost be a disappointment if it didn't happen, he was a fighter by nature. He saw that Ultima was becoming weaker, he wasn't sure if he could help, but he used all of his remaining strength and cast a Cure3 spell. Realizing what he was realizing, Vincent followed suite and cast regain... no, he wouldn't mind at all having Vincent as a mate...'Focus...' After he managed to get the spell his vision seemed to blend into the blinding white light and he drifted out of consciousness.
He wasn't sure what transpired after what happened after that point, but he was startled awake by a loud, deep bellow of pain that made him shutter violently. His eyes shot open and he found that Ultima was gone and the ship was still close enough to the conflict to easily be torn apart. The light was still blinding from where they were, he couldn't see his paw in front of his face . Powerful shockwaves repelled the ship, throwing them around in a disoriented mass, spinning, turning, twisting with no inhibition. The next thing he knew was that he landed on his feet, and when he looked down he saw the wide, deep blue of the ocean. Soon after the hard impact came of the ship crashing into the water and skipping off as if it were merely a tossed stone. Right before they crashed into some unknown patch of land. That's when Red could only stare in a horrified awe as the windshield finally gave way beneath Cid and the man fell through in a shattered mass of thick glass. He felt a pity for Cid now, a strong guilt when he thought about the man, he was helpless to do nothing more then watch. He admired the fact that being the Dragoon that he was, Cid could take a fall better then anyone of them, Red was happy beyond words that the man hadn't been crushed underneath the ship.
He was so strong...Red took in a deep breath of the warm air, feeling a cold wind ruffle his fur and blow a small mist of sweat off of his body. He couldn't help but grow restless when he thought of Cid, the desire, the anxious energy, he wanted some with strength, that he could fight with every instinct, to draw blood, to fight fiercely for dominance and then mate with them. A primal, basic desire wanted it, wanted to fight and satisfy it. He wouldn't mind Cid...though, right now Cid was weak.
They came to a stop at the southern most island of the world, next to a Materia cave.
Even with everyone else having their own sets of injuries, they came to Cid's aid. The man simply laid there, bandaged up, protesting with aggravation that he was fine though he was too hurt to move and could barely speak. Cid's pride had been damaged about as badly as his body, what was left of it was defensive, he simply couldn't take being letting anyone help him. He hated, as he put it, having everyone standing over them like they were at a funeral, only more vulgar and with much more profanity. Red was attentive of his uses of words, he knew how Cid felt, as strong as he was he hated feeling that weakness, as if he was simply an old man that was in the way. Vincent had known enough to wait until he fell asleep, or pass out from blood loss, it was hard to tell, and cast a regain spell. It was still working now at lest.
Vincent was always perceptive enough to tailor around people's moods, he was quiet, he was a watcher by nature. He observed and studied, contemplating and coming too his own conclusions. He really wouldn't mind having Vincent for a mate...
After that...there was nothing, they were stranded on an island, too far and two weak to even attempt to make a trip to the nearest town. For the first time since he'd joined this endeavor a little over a week ago, it was still where there had been haste and movement, it was quiet where there had been constant noise, there was nothing where there had been so much it was hard to handle. Maybe this was why he was so tense since they had landed, as if he was expecting something else to occur. It took a while for him to begin realizing fully all of what had happened, in the still silence there was nothing else to do besides become aware of things.
His Grandfather died, the man that took care of him all his life, to teach him to think and see things deeper then just at the surface, to contemplate, he was gone along with half the population of Midgar. He felt an over whelming grief, and for most of his now time he sat in his loneliness, depressed, weak and sore. It had been, for lack of a better word, a crazy week. But something chanced, when he woke up today he couldn't say without a doubt he was in heat. It was all he could think about, the burning heat in his body, the thoughts...
It seemed to be the worst timing, but maybe anytime would have felt like the worst timing. Sleeping helped, if he wasn't conscious he couldn't think about it, and thinking helped divert his attention also, when he could focus that was. He was sweating, well, like a dog, and his body was emitting pheromones from scent glands he wasn't aware he had. Luckily for him the only person around was Cid, and he was sleep.
He gain some sense of validation being the only person Cid allowed to stay with him, he hated being like this, and Cid hated people hanging around him watching him be like this even more. Like he was doing now actually, but Cid never minded him much. Little by little Cid had even talked with him. Speaking of being a pilot, of how he wanted to get Shinra, after it was reformed of course, to open up the space program again. He talked about how he felt when he'd breached the atmosphere, the weightlessnesses, the feeling of synthetic gravity binding him down. Cid talked to him like he'd never talked to anyone else, possibly even himself. Maybe it was because he wasn't human that made Cid comfortable enough to speak to him. Whatever it was, Red was glad for it, he enjoyed it, it made him feel...a strange connection with Cid. He started to feel protective of the man, enjoying his weakness, because it meant that Cid would rely on him and trust him, maybe he'd let him protect him. He wanted to, he felt like a child who wanted the approval of a parent.
Red looked over the sleeping man hungrily, the spell had did it's job and had dissipatedly under it's own power about an hour ago. Cid was sleeping peacefully now, it was odd, a man as tough and coarse as Cid could be so peaceful while he slept, almost like a baby. He seemed innocent in sleep, Red couldn't stop staring at his slowly rising and falling chest, listening to his soft breathing, the occasional mumblings, the still prevalent scent of his blood from old wounds. Cid was with no worries for the moment, Red took some indescribable solace in that, a warm feeling he didn't want to explain, he didn't to think about it or anything else. It was hard considering what had just happened. But as much as he tried, he couldn't get his mind off the fact that he was in dire need of somebody to mate with.
It would be so much easier if he could just stop thinking altogether, but no, things could never be simple for him, not once.
Cid mumbled in his sleep, turning over with slow, jerky movements and running his hand through his blond hair before becoming still again. For the second time in his life he mumbled a curse under his breath while he watched the sleeping man.
! - ! - !
! - ! - !
It seemed like the sun rose early the next day, it was 5:30, the sky was streaked with soft pinks and golds, spotted with dark, long, thin clouds. A deep orange orb drifted halfway above the dark blue of the ocean. The sight seemed foreign to him, he'd become so used to seeing meteor hanging in the sky, growing larger and larger every moment. He'd almost thought he'd never see it again. Red laid in the soft grass, resting in the same spot as last night. He watched his breath rush from his nose in a warm, white cloud, his body was surrounded by the cold morning air, keep his dormant skin cool, but his fur kept him warm.
He hadn't got much sleep last night, as much as he tried it would only come few and far between in small intervals. Red spent most of the night thinking and watching Cid, standing over him protectively for any danger that might threaten. He almost wished it would, so he could fight and lose himself, so that he could bite at flesh and tear with his claws as he wished. Oh Gods he wanted...'...' Red growled to himself, what did his father do in such a situation, he was sure his father had gone through the same things, the same feelings, urges. What had Seto done?
He smiled wolfishly to himself, yes, his father would have been been proud, how he fought to save all of mankind as his father had fought for Cosmo Canyon. He would have been proud to see how well he would face death, "Heh..." He still found the last one amusing.
His ears perked at a soft sound a little off, he lifted his head just enough to watch Cloud emerged from the broken ship, stretching his arms and opening his mouth wide with a sharp yawn. A soft, sleepy smile shown on his lips as he walked towards the two, stopping above Cid, resting his hands on his waist and looking over the older man carefully. "Good morning." He said "Cid you have any problems out here?"
"No." Red shifted his red eyes out over the water. He was right, sleep did help, what he got of it at lest, he was able to focus a little now. But really all his thoughts had just been pushed to the back of his mind, and were still raging their influences in every thought he made. His eyes slowly drifted to Cloud who stood before him, examining the formidable body hungrily. Cloud was strong, he'd enjoy fighting the man, battling him fiercely for dominance and mating with him, or being mated with. He wouldn't mind it at all, he'd love it, Gods he wanted it
"You seem different today..." Cloud knelt down in front of Red, lifting his hands and rubbing the wolf's head, pushing down his ears slightly. "Are you alright?"
Red found himself leaning into the touch, each massaging motion Cloud's fingertips through the fiery fur, across the moist flesh beneath, sent small jolts through his body. He tilted his head towards Cloud's hand, powerless to stop himself. He wanted more. "Yes, I'm fine." He replied in the most normal, even tone he could managed to speak. But despite his best attempts his voice came out feverish and dazed.
Cloud mistook it for simple sleepiness, he slowly drew his hand back and took in a deep breath of the cool air. It was sharp and crisp, it felt soothing to his throat, but it childed his skin, he was sure it would only take a few more moments before his fingertips started losing feeling to the cold.
Cloud slowly eased himself down beside Red, crossing his legs and dropping his hands into his lap. He was silent for a moment, his head tilted back and his eyes staring at the sunrise, though a formidable man, the expression on his face and his posture made him look younger then what he was, child like."Sure... ...cause' if there's anything on your mind then you can always tell it to me."
Red smiled inwardly, Cloud was friendly, and for whatever reason he hadn't stop smiling since he'd came out here. He felt like he was staring even though he only looked towards Cloud with a quick glance. He could smell the man's scent so strongly, Cloud was so close, he was surrounded by it. It was enticing, he felt his body began to stir and the familiar heat growing in the bottom of his stomach. He could see himself in motion, fighting Cloud, wrestling him into submission, taking the man roughly and without hesitation. He could almost hear Cloud's voice, crying out in an almost bestial mix of pleasure and pain Red knew he would elicit.
Cloud tilted his head back in forlorn motion and took in a deep breath, swallowing lung fulls of more then just cold air. He smelled something, something he had never smelled before, at first thought he would dismiss it as nothing more then the scent of sweat but there was more to it. It was...appealing? Most definitely... Arousing? Maybe a little. Why did he feel like this? Where did this come from... Cloud shook his head, the light smile returning to his lips. "I'm sorry about your grandfather...you know, if that helps any."
"Thank you." Red accepted the condolences with a small nod, but he couldn't help feeling a bit awkward when Cloud brought it up, as if having to be offered such condolences embarrassed him...No, it wasn't like that at all, it was awkward because it was so tense, bringing up the subject was sobering, it made the atmosphere morbid, such seriousness could only be used in the presence of death.
"So, do you want to head back to Cosmo Canyon?" Cloud asked. He couldn't stop smiling, he felt a strange happiness over him, an awe of disbelief at their accomplishments. Some subdued, thrust back, ignored part of his thoughts that doubted they could actually win, that Meteor would be stopped, that they would even be around to find out, he doubted it all with an absolution. But they did it, they actually did it! He felt giddy, like a child who had just received the gift of a lifetime, full of an excited, happy energy. He didn't even mind being stranded on this island, what did he care where they landed, they were alive, and more people then he'd ever expected were too.
Red looked up in a moment of contemplation, before looking back at Cloud then down to the ground, "Honesty... I don't know where I want to be...it's just that my heart isn't there at the moment."
"Yeah, I understand." Cloud knew that feeling well, a restless, uneasy, disorganized feeling. It was like a confusion, not knowing where you want to be, at times not knowing where your suppose to be, unable to think of a place that would feel right, but at the same time it wasn't because you were sure of what you wanted. "But you can always stay with me and Tifa. We'd be happy to have you..." A spark of realization came to his face, enlightenment came suddenly. He knew what this feeling was, this feeling the scent aroused, it was a feeling he gained at times when he looked at Tifa...and now he was feeling the around Red?
Red felt as if he was being taunted, as if Cloud was daring him to move forward and try to take him, though he had to keep reminding himself that Cloud wasn't. He wanted to leap right now and take him, go against his strength, and lose himself in the conflict. "I'll think about it."
Cloud took another look at Cid, who seemed to be doing a lot better, his injuries had healed for the most part, all but a few deep bruises. Cloud's feeling of giddiness rooted form a deeply settled content, he felt more in a leadership role, more then he'd ever had before, though it was ironic he felt it now after it all was over.
No, it was never simple for them, not once.
And as the leader it was his duty to check on all of teammates, account for them, a duty he was more then happy to accept. "Oh." Cloud slowly rose to his feet, stretching his arms above his head again, his fingers reaching towards the still dark half of the sky. He carefully made his way around Cid and walked towards the Highwind's cockpit. "Thanks for taking care of Cid." He called back with a small wave, before he disappeared. .
"..." Cid nearly grumbled in his sleep as he normally would have, feeling the soft urge to shift in his sleep. The distant sound of voices slowly drew him towards shallow waters in the sea of unconsciousness, little by little the voices became more and more perceivable. Cid found himself laid out neatly on his back, with a soft breath his eyes slowly opened and his blurry vision quickly sharpened to the dim colors of sunrise and the enquniox sky halfway between night and morning. '...?' His nose flared with a hard intake of the cold air, finally realizing the scent he'd been breathing in all along. It came so strongly, so suddenly, almost a nervous energy that made his stomach twist and an indescribably feeling of heat flare up in his abdomen. His chest felt a strange stirring that made his throat dry and ache with a choking feeling, it came all at once, it was overwhelming. Cid sat up abruptly, abruptly enough to make Red flinch, and apparently too abruptly for his bruised muscles. "Aw Damnit!" He cursed loudly, cringing as he wrapped his arms around his torso and held with all of his strength, hoping to ease away the pain.
The anxious energy within the wolf flared as Red sprang to his feet with a loud growl. He looked around frantically, his body lifted off of his heals, ears painfully erect above his head, his reflexes were peeked, ready to lash out at anything. But there was nothing to lash out at, he was disappointed. He had nearly forgotten himself, his eyes riveted harshly at Cid's back, his muscles were so tight, peeking with anxious energy that had flared within him and now with no outlet, with the heavy tension that it took him nearly a half of a minute until he was able to move again. He wanted it, he wanted so badly for there to be something so that he could lose himself and fight, to feel his claws tear and draw blood, to bite and maul with his jaws, Gods he wanted it. "Cid...What's wrong?" Red asked.
Cid opened his eyes and stared down at the ground questioningly, 'What...the hell?' He looked over his shoulder and watched as Red made his way to his side, and all at once the scent grew stronger, like he'd been dropped in an ocean of it. Or at lest that what it felt like. "...I don't know...somthin' just..." Cid finally shook his head, waving his hand discardingly. "Forget it." He gave up on trying to explain it, he never was very good at articulating things into words.
The pilot opened his mouth to speak again, but a sight in the corner of his eye directed his full gaze, and the words became lost. He turned his head and stared fully at the wreckage of the Highwind, almost as if he was transfixed with it, he couldn't take his eyes off it. A startled horrified expression came to his face, he'd seen it before, but not fully, only through the corner of his eyes with sideways glances the day before. He hadn't wanted to look at it, it was as if maybe if he didn't see it, he couldn't pretend it wasn't as bad as it was. He hadn't looked at it, he'd spent all of the prior day talking to Red, and his ship had faded from his mind like a dream.
But it wasn't a dream, he was staring it right in the face. He looked at it helplessly, his eyes tracing the broken frame, the twisted steel and he could picture what each in was suppose to look like, he knew the ship like the back of his hand. And now it was gone..."D...Damnit..." He felt a the sinking in his stomach grow nauseous, his heart pounded and his chest felt like a hot steel coil was constricting around it.
"Cid..." Red looked towards the man, his ears dropping against his head and his tail sagging low. A heavy tension grew in the air, and Red felt as if he had to say something. "I'm sorry."
"What the hell are you apologizing for? You didn't do a Goddamn thing." Cid spat bitterly, his eyes hardened on the wreaked cockpit of the Highwind. He felt an anger rising in him, like a choppy sea caught underneath a gathering storm, his hands lifted from around his torso and clinched into tight fist in his lap.
"I know...but..."
Cid glanced over at Red and a pang of guilt shot through him like a bullet, his eyes softened immediately, but still held a confused rage with in them, something with out a direction. With out realizing he reached out and laid his hand on Red's head, the small action was preformed without a second thought. "Oh...uh sorry, I..." He didn't mean it like that, he wasn't angry at him, in fact, Cid didn't know what he could be angry at. He only wished he could find the words, a way to say that. No, he wasn't very good at articulating things with his words, the fact that he couldn't speak it added a frustration to his anger.
Red nodded, his body immediately relinquishing the touch, he understood much better from the small physical action Cid made then he did from his stumbling apology. "It's alright."
"No." Cid's eyes found their way back to his ruined ship and again his heart sank. He felt like a bird who's wings had been clipped, as if he wasn't meant to dwell on the ground, he couldn't survive without the ability to take to the skies. "The hell with this." He growled, his eyes narrowing angrily. He felt trapped, like a cornered animals, and feeling as such he could do nothing more then lash out. "To hell with that piece of junk!" His voice erupted into a sudden shout, an fury seeping through his voice.
"Cid?"
"To hell with the damn thing!" He shouted, his face contorting in anger. He was angry, a formidable fury coursed through him with nothing to direct it towards. What could he be angry at? What could he blame for this! Nothing. Cid took his anger at fate and directed it towards his ship, disavowing his favorite possession, the love, the memories of every feeling of flight he had on the Highwind, for it was easier, safer even to be angry at his ship then at the world itself, it was something tangible. It was gone, he didn't need those feelings, they only tormented him."You think I need it? I don't care about that goddamn piece of junk!"
"Cid." Red called out worriedly, he didn't understand, he didn't understand what he was saying.
Cid rose to his feet in a full rage, his rage amounted to frenzy. "Goddammit I don't need that piece of crap!"
"Cid!" Red slowly rose on to his heels, looking up at Cid with confusion and worry. The protectiveness he felt for the man made him want to roar and cry out with his anger, to end whatever was causing him to be like this. But what could he do?
No, things were never simple for them, not once.
"You think this is gonna hold me back!" He yelled, at some unknown force, the world maybe, the the force of fate that had destroyed his ship. "I'll build one twice as fucking big! I'll make one three times more fast!" He called out to the force, feeling as if something unseen had conspired against him to clip his wings, to keep him down, to challenge him. He'd show it! He'd gain his wings, his freedom again! He'd go past the sky! He'd-
"Cid!" Red shouted, but immediately afterworlds seemed almost frightened by his own voice and quieted down. "Please calm down..."He begged, it was starting to make him afraid.
Cid looked up towards the sky with a scowl, then back down at Red. Heh, poor guy, he'd made him so confused that he didn't know what to do now.
No, things were never simple for them, not once.
"..." Cid slowly eased himself back to the ground with eyes clinched shut, taking in a deep breath as he reached up to his goggles with trembling fingers, withdrew a cigarette, placed it in his mouth and lit it. There was a silence as he watched Red debate with himself before finally sitting down on the ground beside him tensely.
"I'm sorry." Red said again, he wasn't sure why he was apologizing, as if it would appease Cid's feelings over his ship. It didn't, his words merely got in the way of the condolences he was attempting to offer.
"Why do you keep doing that?" Cid said, bitting back his anger. What was Red trying to take up for? If he had nothing he could be angry at, then Red had nothing he could apologize for.
"I can't help it I guess." Red told him, still holding the apologetic tone, he knew nothing else he could say to to the man right now. He stared at Cid, admiring him. He was weak, he was injured. Red couldn't help thinking about the overwhelming primal urges eating at his thoughts. He would enjoy a weak mate, he'd play with them like a predator who knew they'd cornered their prey, a weak mate would reaffirm his strength. He would be gentle and move slowly, enjoying every weak, helpless sound his mate made, he would lay with them and keep them there in instinctive alpha male fashion, keep them close and mate with them again in the same way until the feeling left him. He'd enjoy a weak mate, though, not as much as a strong one, like Cloud.
Cid felt the heat in his abdomen in a way he'd never felt anything else, though it didn't protect him from the cold morning winds that blew clouds in front of the sunrise. "Goddamn it's freezing out here." He grunted, the cold wind made him shutter visibly. He was freezing, it made him want to go into the ship with his teammates, where it would most likely be warmer. But he couldn't go in there, not now, and have them look at him like he was some injured old man who needed pity for himself and for his ship. There was no way in hell.
"..." For the first time, Red simply lost himself for a moment, moving without a thought to detour him from his course of action or words to explain his actions to himself. With slow, sure movements, Red slipped behind Cid's back, laying there and curling partially around him.
'?' A half confused Cid looked back questioningly, he wouldn't have expected such a movement. "What are you..." He nearly moaned when he felt the warm heat radiating from the wolf's body encompass most of him, a heavy relaxed sigh sent a white cloud of visible breath and cigarette smoke into the air. His pride debated with itself, could he allow such an action, wouldn't it be strange, it was already foreign to him. Maybe, but he was cold, and his body suddenly ached for more of the contact, it was like a blood lust. Besides, it was only Red, he told himself, what the harm...
"...Thanks." He grumbled reluctantly in a low tone, and clearly wouldn't repeat himself. He felt so strange, out of place, and his words showed it. Cid was surrounded by the scent now, it was stronger then ever. He felt like a man who was starving and had just smelled food for the first time in his life. He was hungry, but not a hunger that made his stomach growl, he was hungry for something that wasn't food. Cid sensed that he had always had this hunger, but he didn't know what he hungered for, only that this scent had awakened the realization of it's presence and he needed to find it's source. What did he want? He didn't know, he wanted more of this scent, he wanted contact, he wanted warmth, he wanted...completion, to feed this hunger.
All he had was the faint instinct, an understanding deep inside of him that Red was the source, so he could help him do just that.
"Hn." Red nodded, gaining as much from this as Cid was. He felt again as if was being teased, the prospect hanging just out of his reach. He needed to mate, he wanted it so badly now, he couldn't stop thinking about it. It was like he'd been possessed by a force which he had to obey.
"What do we do now?" Cid took another look around his surroundings, as far as he could tell they were in the middle of nowhere with noway out. He hadn't even thought about it the day before, it hadn't felt real to him then, not their situation, not his recked ship, nothing. It was an odd feeling, one moment he'd been sprawling aimlessly through the end of the world and the next he was laying here on the grass, staring at the perfect blue sky, as if the first one had only been a dream, a separation from this reality. As much as he didn't want to face it, it was the other way around, what had happened was all too real, but he felt a million miles away from it, a dream.
Red didn't respond immediately, he simply laid and watched, focusing on Cid, and every once and a while his eyes rolled around the area, daring anything to come about and endanger him. "..."
Cid shrugged and sighed, finding his body drifting backwards and resting completely on Red, the broad expanses of his back rested on the wolf's side, his head tilted back on to the fiery fur of his back, his arms tensely at his side. He couldn't seem to resist, a split second thought came that Red had been the one to move around him like this in the first place, he wouldn't mind if he just laid back a little... that thought didn't seem to have the same validation as it once did when he'd actually did it, he was stiff, nervous, feeling awkwardly about laying on him like this. He regretted it immediately, he would have stayed upright if he'd known it would be like this! He wondered what Red was thinking about him now, he was ok with this right? Oh gods he couldn't take this, how could such a simple action cause such a turmoil in his mind. He'd get up right now if he suddenly wasn't so afraid to draw attention to himself. Cid was so tense he felt the urge to say something to ease the swelling in his chest. "When we finally get outta this mess..." He started, closing his eyes softly and pausing.
No, things were never simple for them, not once.
Red lifted his head intently from his paws to look at Cid. "?"
Cid had to take another pause, feeling a warmth like a ripple spreading over his entire body. He felt the soft pressure of the wolf's warm breaths on his neck, the heat drifting off his body, the scent... "What are you going to do? Afterwords I mean." Cid asked. He closed his eyes felt his body relax, the awkward tenseness faded away. He wanted to be like this, his arms yearned for the feel of something warm and firm to wrap themselves around and hold. His body ached to feel more of this same contact.
"I don't know." Red told him with clear uncertainty in his voice. "I don't want to go back to my home, not right now...but I don't know where else to go."
"Heh." Cid bit down on his cigarette resting in the corner of his mouth, a nervous habit, and expelled a cloud of smoke from his nose. For a moment after he couldn't smell the scent that had made his body so hungry, nothing but the scent of tobacco smoke. 'Damnit.' Cid disgruntledly took the cigarette from his mouth and flicked it away, as much as he felt he needed one right now, it was getting in the way. "I know what you mean." Cid honestly did, he knew he'd be feeling that same restless feeling, as if he had no place in life, now that the Highwind was gone. "Hell, I'm starting to feel that way myself." He admitted.
Red nodded again before silently resting his head on his paws. Again he felt that same basic connection between to people who were going through the same situation, or something of a similar nature. He liked this feeling.
"You know..." Cid slowly rubbed the back of his head, though he didn't feel nervous or awkward, he was reluctant to say what he was about to say. "If you wanna, You can...you know, come back with me." Cid offered. "I wouldn't mind." He half mumbled.
"Vincent and Cloud asked me the same thing." Red said. Vincent had more so offered to help him find his place more then anything else, not a permanent residence. The stoic man seemed to sense this was what he needed, because it was also what Vincent needed. Vincent no longer would be dormant in sleep, he was heading to Midgar to help, to start to find his sense of purpose, his place in the world. Red also felt a connection with him, they both were searching for the same thing...Vincent was intelligent, Red was sure he'd find what he was looking for much faster with him then by himself. The idea of having Vincent as his mate appealed to him even farther...
"Oh, no kidding?" Cid felt a slow decline in himself, he figured his offer was at lest somewhat considerate, knowing he wasn't the only one to make the gesture spawned a disappointment. He knew he'd be happy to have him, someone like Red wouldn't cause much trouble, wouldn't be much of a bother. Maybe it was the fact that he would go with someone else instead that caused such a disappointment.
"I'll think about it." He said.
"..." Cid closed his eyes again, he felt like an idiot... And he also felt hot, that strange heat in his abdomen that spread over his whole being. Sweat began to form on his chest, another lone drop slipping off a strand of his hair. He was hot, but a cool morning breeze washed across the island, reminding of how cold it was outside.
Red took in a deep breath of the air, the cold did nothing to damper the scent that grew more intense. He opened his eyes and stared Cid hungrily, relishing the contact of the man's body resting against him. Again he lost himself, moving without thought, a single rational notion of his regular state of mind came. Simple instinct, he moved only as his body willed, as if he had fallen asleep and something else had taken over his consciousness.
"Eh?" Cid opened his eyes again when he felt Red shift behind him, he looked down when he felt the heat that had been pooling at his waist and a tightness that had formed without his knowledge. "!" He flinched in a startled horror when he saw his erection pressing pronely against his pants. How long had that been there? 'W-what the hell!' He froze when he saw Red was staring at it, a shame flushed his cheeks in a bright red. Goddamnit! He felt like a kid who just came into puberty! He was stuck, frozen in fear, wishing painfully that Red would stop staring at him, why the hell was he staring anyway! For a long, seemingly infinite moment he was too startled and afraid to move, he would call more attention to himself by covering it, that would surely cause more shameful embarrassment, having Red watch him trying to hide it. He hated this!
Red moved forward, slipping his head on to Cid's leg before the man could move to cover himself. "!" Cid flinched at the action, stumbling over his words with fear and confusion. What was he doing! Why wouldn't he leave him alone? Why wouldn't this hardness go away? Was this it? Was this the hunger his body felt, was this the heat the built inside of him? Was this the appeal that scent had over him? Was this what he starved for? Some place inside of him he'd always known it, the realization had been like a dream, just like the knowledge of his ship and their condition had been to him, something distant and far away he couldn't hear clearly. Something that hadn't occurred to him until he had no choice but to look at it, suddenly it wasn't so distant. Oh Dammit he was horny. "Wh-What the fuck are you d-doing?" He asked frightenly.
Cid's voice came to him now from out a deep, far-away silence and Red paid it no heed, the demanding tensity of his own body was a loud voice that over rid his. The wolf slipped in front of Cid with one, swift motion, positioning his body between Cid's drawn up legs. Cid stumbled over his words again, "W-w-what the hell, Red..." Cid clamped his hands on to the wolf's head and pushed him back as best he could, but the muscles in his bruised stomach tensed to a painful extent and his arms inanely clinched around his torso with a flinch. "No, stop, what the hell..."
Cid's voice was more distant as ever, as distant as his normal thoughts, as distant as what baring he had over his actions. He took in a deep sniff of the air and growled in a low, dangerous tone, his paws set atop of Cid's thighs and he leaned forward. He bit at the man's belt and pulled it lose, gnawing skillfully at his pants, easing lose the button and unzipping them. There was almost a playfulness that came over him, moving with a toying slowness and ease that he wanted to have when with a weaker prey...mate...no not mate, being. If it had been someone stronger who fought harshly against him, like Cloud, then he wouldn't have taken his time like this, he would have ripped the fabric away and move on fiercely.
"Red..." Cid looked down distantly, feeling as if he was standing on a thin wire, not knowing if he should pull back from his fear, embarrassment and uncertainty or allow this to proceed in case it resolved into some type of release. He simply froze there, stuck in between. He wanted someone to bring him to release, Red mostly or at lest be able to do it himself in private without anyone else's knowledge. Oh gods, why couldn't he move? Why couldn't he draw away and end this torture, why couldn't he convince himself to pull away as this shame and embarrassment and endangered pride screamed at him to do. This was wrong, this was all wrong, what if he was wrong in sitting here, Red would think differently of him, he would look at him in a strange way, it would be awkward. "No..." he forced out weakly.
Red nudged Cid's pants open with his head and began pulling at his boxers with his paw, prying them open enough to bite the rim and tug them down. The scent of of the heated flesh rose into his nose so strongly it was as if a breeze propelled it, and he inhaled deeply, that smell, it aroused a heat in him, a taunting hunger he had in him like Cid's.
"Wait...what are you..." Cid's words sounded weak even to him, how could he expect Red to listen to him? In fact, it had just registered to him that Red was the one that was doing all of this, he wanted to go along with it but he was afraid, afraid of where it may or may not lead.
Red tugged the thin fabric down completely and unleashed Cid's length, watching the flesh rise upright in front of him. He inhaled the scent deeply, gaining an undeniable satisfaction when he brushed past it and pressed his nose against Cid's pelvis where the blond pubic hare resided and the scent was the strongest. "Uh..." Cid shuttered and let out a tense breath, and Red liked the reaction, he wanted to bring out more of it.
Cid's hands still rested on the fiery fur of the wolf's head, holding on for support now, still embarrassed and fearing, but no longer pushing away. The blush on his face grew hotter. Red opened his mouth wide and gently ran his tongue over the Cid's balls, distantly feeling the soft chill of another cold morning breeze washing over both of them. He moved slowly at first, tasting the sweat twinged flesh, then taking longer, lapping, canine like licks. He felt Cid's legs tighten slightly around him, but his paws resting on the man's thighs commandingly kept them in place.
"Unga..." Cid clinched his eyes shut and let his head drop, the sensations jolted up from his sac through him sharp and fast from the sensitive area. He wanted to push Red back, he wanted to cry out, to end this torturous feeling. But all he could do is reach down and clinch at the grass at his side. "Damn...it."
Cid grinned wolfishly to himself, he loved every moment of it. His tongue slowly rolled up the base of Cid's cock, feeling the hardness, the tenseness, the salty pre-cum dropping from the head. He closed his eyes and gingerly took Cid's full length in to his mouth, though he didn't suck, he simply rolled his tongue over it's full length, swirling slowly around the head then around every inch of it.
Cid cringed and his fingers tightened around Red's head, pushing down his ears. "Red..." He breathed weakly, why couldn't he speak? Why did his words come out so low? He shuttered as Red's tongue slipped underneath the crevice beneath the head of his member and the sensations increased sharply enough to make him cry out "Unnaaaa!". He wanted more, he needed more, Red had gotten him into this, gone this far, he could at lest do this for him. His palms flattened against the ground and he thrust up into Red's mouth, or tried to anyway, Red pushed down on to his legs with his paws, his claws digging into the thighs deep enough to pierce the skin and draw blood. "Un!" Cid tensed even more, his face contorting in pleasure and pain, but he kept still.
Red enjoyed this beyond belief, he felt in control, even though he was lost in himself and Cid he was in more control then he'd ever been in his life. He sucked the cock gingerly, no longer teasing but doing as he liked, taking satisfaction in Cid's reactions and knowing he was the one causing them. At this moment he had a level of power of Cid, it reaffirmed his strength, it made him want to be gentle, to hear more of Cid's cries...
Cid let out a tense breath when he felt Red's fangs gently grazing over the bottom of his cock. "Uhnga! Red!" Cid's finger tips dug into the wolf's head and his body convulsed with a sharp spasm as he came. His back arched and he cried out loudly, his cock twitched and warm cum spurted into Red's mouth.
Red slowly lapped the head of Cid's cock, licking away every trace of the seed until he only held Cid's softened member in his mouth. Almost in his own world he began licking the blood from the claw marks he had caused on Cid's legs. Cid clinched his chest, hoping to catch his breath, and his thoughts. Suddenly a hot bout of embarrassment flooded him and he nearly blushed, he wanted to speak but he wouldn't know what to say, and again he felt that dying need not to draw attention to himself, not to be noticed. An anger flashed up in him, hot and heavy, anger at himself, at this awkwardness he seemed to be the only one feeling. No, he never was very good at putting what was in his head into words.
No, things could never be simple for them, not once.
He stared down at the wolf, watching him intently. 'He's...He's...aw hell, he doesn't even care.' He thought in astonishment, he wished he could be that disregarding towards it all, he didn't know what Red was feeling, but he was in Hell. Cid felt the need to run, to get away, away from the feeling that he was being watched, the shame, the embarrassment, this awkwardness. But as much as he just wanted to close his eyes and sink into the ground, he felt just as equally that he didn't want to be alone, his arms felt that ache again to wrap around something warm, something with life and pull it close with a deep embrace.
Finally he couldn't take it anymore, so he conceded defeat, simply letting himself fall back into a laying position and he clinched his eyes shut, letting Red do as he pleased. Oh gods he hoped no one would come out here, he was so confused he wanted to scream and shout but he didn't know what he would scream about. He liked it, he loved it even, but hated it at the same time. It was- "?" Cid opened his eyes and looked up, watching with his mouth hanging slightly open as Red crawled up to his chest, stretching out lazily over him and laid on top of him protectively.
He really hoped no one would come out here.
He wanted to push him off, but his arms still ached to hold something. 'For god's sake he's asleep.' He thought in confusion, what the hell was going on with Red? With the both of them...Cid sighed in defeat again, slowly wrapping his arms around Red and embracing him tightly as he faded out of consciousness.
He knew he'd been in hell once again when he awakened, but for this moment the realities of what had happen was like a dream to him again. Like some distant thought that had no baring, and right now, what had happened, this feeling of content was his reality. All he knew was that he liked it.
! - ! - !
! - ! - !
Cid awakened suddenly, as soon as he knew that he was conscious his eyes shot open and the world rushed back to him in a hard, sharp reality. The sun was fully above the horizon now, shining brightly into his eyes, he squinted and tilted his head away from the intense light... His chest felt heavy, his body was draped warmth, something warm and wet was rolling across his neck with soft strokes. His arms were wrapped around something tangible and warm and full of life, he wanted to hold on to it, it made him feel in a way he couldn't explain but knew it was somehow right. "Unn..."
Cid lifted his head when his eyes adjusted to the light. "..." He again found himself speechless when he saw Red still laying on top of him, the wolf's breathing was slow and heavy with sleep, and was slowly licking his neck. Oh gods it felt good, he felt his cheeks flushing with more heat, dammit, he was liking this and he was embarrassed because of it, he was ashamed to admit it. He felt like a stumbling idiot! "Uhh...Damnit." he sighed weakly.
Red's ear's perked at the curse and he slowly opened his sleepy eyes. It came to him slowly, he was fully himself this time, and the recollection of what had happened came back hard and strong. '...Oh...I...really...' With his eyes averted Red slowly climbed off of Cid and laid down on the ground beside the man. "Cid...Sorry." he wasn't, if he lost himself and it felt better then trying to restrain himself.
Cid stared without words for a long time, his mind struggling to take every bit of confusion he was feeling and put it into tangible words. "It's...ok." Cid cringed when he realized what he said. He couldn't say that, it would make him think that what happened was nothing, it wasn't nothing. It was everything, it was like an act of creation, generating so many thoughts and feelings that the man became confused with uncertainty. But he wanted more, he felt like in a heartbeat he'd do it again. The realization made him shake his head and desperately try to divert his thoughts, he didn't want to think about it, maybe if he didn't it would simply faded into lost memories. He felt he had to say something. "Is it just me or are you getting sick of this damn place." He snorted, reaching for a cigarette. "How are we suppose to get out of here?"
"Your crew sent out an distress call yesterday." Red said distractedly. As much as he loved the feeling he got when he'd done what he did to Cid, it didn't seem real to him now. It felt like he'd simply been playing, passing time in a way. His body still yearned for another, for a mate.
Cid clinched when he felt a sneeze rising up in him, bitting it back successfully. He watched his breath blow out in a white cloud from his mouth, followed by a stream of gray smoke. He suddenly remembered how cold it was, he couldn't feel his fingers anymore, and his skin was growing a dead cold now that Red wasn't laying on top of him. He clinched his arms, wishing he could feel that warmth again, wrap his arms around something again with nothing else to do. "Damn, I'm sick of being cold." He grunted, looking up longingly into the sky.
Red watched him with a slight pause, and again he felt a guilt, knowing that Cid just wanted to rise into the sky and leave this place, to have that freedom again. "Hmm..." He slowly lifted on to his feet and took slow, long steps behind Cid's back.
Cid flinched when he felt the wolf move, staying tensely upright. The memory of what had happened the last time they had been like this came burning back into his mind. But he felt the heat of Red's body wash over him like a cover and he couldn't help but relax. He found himself laying backwards on to Red and his head reseting on the soft, fiery fur on his back. "Oh..." As soon as he was still he realized what he had just done, it hadn't been nearly as awkward and queer feeling as last time, but it was after... "Oh sorry... I uh-"
"It's alright." Red said dismissively, he wanted Cid to do just that, he wanted Cid to wrap his arms around him like he did when they were sleeping. He wanted to feel that comfort and control, he wanted to protect him, for now at lest, his mind drifted to thoughts of Cloud, and his strength, his scent...
They didn't speak of what had happened, Cid felt almost afraid of it, and Red simply didn't care. His inhibition, any feelings of shame or such that Cid was feeling seemed to have faded from him again as if those feelings of self-restraint were merely a dream. "Damn I just wanna take off." Cid grunted, biting down subconsciously on the cigarette in the corner of his mouth. "Leave this god forsaken island behind." He couldn't get over that feeling, like he was meant to be in the air, but stuck on the ground. A fish out of water. He propped his elbows onto Red's back and laid his head down, slumping a bit. Yes, it was just as if it had never happened, and he wanted to keep it that way, forget about it and never bring up that awkwardness again.
"Don't worry, we'll get off of this place soon enough." Red said simply, speaking with either some blind knowledge of faith, or simple disregard.
"Tch, well your damned optimistic." Cid snorted, "I don't...I don't care how or when we get off this rock, I..."
"You wish you could get off yourself." Red announced. Yes, he'd love to be struggling for dominance with Cloud right now, the thought made a furious heat stir in his stomach and he could feel his cock hardening, peeking slowly from it's sheath. He wanted it more with his body and heart then anything.
"I didn't mean it like that..."Cid looked away with an aggravated grunt. "Well...yeah." He felt as if he'd just given up, just lost when he admitted that, it stung as hard as it did when he accepted the thought of his wreaked ship. Even though he felt like he was giving up, and it hurt his pride just as much as if he actually was, he felt compelled to continue. It was easier talking about these things with him then it would be with anyone else, with Red it felt like he was simply talking to himself. "Damn, I just wish I could fix it like all the other times, I feel like I could go pick up every piece and make it as good as new...heh, pretty stupid huh?" He laughed at himself, feeling more like an idiot then ever.
"No, I understand." Red said with a nod, "It's hard sometimes, when you lose something you've grown so...accustomed too, you come to expect it to be there, and all at once it's not."
"Yeah, that's it." Cid sighed deeply, watching a steady stream of smoke rise from the glowing red bud at the end of the cigarette. Why was this so hard? He knew he was lucky to come out of the end of the world alive, he was lucky to have only lost his ship, so why didn't he feel that way? "It's like somebody's stabbing me in the gut."
"...I...wish I could help you." Red said with a deep sigh. "I wish I could make it stop." Vincent, Red thought, he'd love to be with someone he could match wits with, someone who understood the complexities of life better then most others. He'd love to try and figure out the enigma of the man's mind, of his past, of his thoughts, of him. Someone who was just about as different as he was. His mind seemed to respond to this rather then his body, when he thought about having Vincent as a mate, his reasoning became in control, it seemed to override the hormonal, primal instincts, leaving only it's subtitle influences. He wanted that, he wanted that more with his mind then his body, his soul yearned to be bonded and connected with another kindred one.
"What about you?" Cid asked curiously.
"What do you mean?" Red asked. Cloud and Vincent, his mind struggled between the choice of who he wanted to pursue. He wondered, did his father have to go through a similar suite of torturous thoughts?
"Your grandfather." Cid said solemnly, his hand slowly crept along Red's back, grazing up his neck, until it reached his head. His fingers scratched gently behind the wolf's ear. Cid felt a strong sense of satisfaction when he felt Red's head twitch and a soft, purr like sound seep from his mouth, He couldn't help smile to himself. This was relaxing."He died." Taking an interest.
"..." Red felt a soft pang of guilt that he couldn't focus on his grandfather right now his mind was so occupied with so many things he was unable to feel sad right now. "I'm fine I think." An unsure assertion.
"You think?" Cid laughed softly. "What the hell? Your either ok or your not, which is it?" A heightened interest.
"Well..." Red rested his head on his paws, feeling Cid's fingers move with an uncharacteristic gentleness. There were a lot of things he hadn't known about Cid, but he was learning more and more with every word the other spoke. "I know I should be sad about it, and I was for a time...but, right now I'm not." A confused realization.
"So what are you?" Cid asked, he slipped the cigarette from his mouth and blew out a steady stream of smoke. An even greater interest.
He forgot the coldness that only resided now in his fingers, for a moment or so, he felt content right now. But his body still wanted to feel the warmth and pressure of the wolf laying on top of him, he wanted to reach out and embrace something with his arms now more then ever.
"It's... not there right now." Red answered with uncertainty, as if he was trying to remember a faded memory. "I know it's there somewhere, but right now I don't feel it...Aren't I...suppose to feel it?" A growing fear at confusion.
Yes, he learned more and more about Cid with every word the man spoke, every movement of his body he seemed to see and perceive with a heightened sense. The way his body was limp and relaxed against him, sharing his heat, the way the muscles in Cid's arms tensed every so often as if about to make a movement but stopping himself. He knew of Cid's dreams, of how Cid felt, what he thought, he knew of he felt, he knew more about Cid then anyone else in the world right now, and he was still learning.
"Maybe, maybe not, damned if I know." Cid said, but he felt like he had to offer more then that, he couldn't leave it there, it was like an unfinished thought. "But...uh, everybody goes through these kinda things in a different way. Maybe this is how you do it." A reluctant concern forming.
No, this was all wrong... Red shook his head. "No...I...I don't want to do it in this way then, I don't want to be empty." He said with a sudden desperation, lifting his head and looking back at Cid with his eyes as wide as a startled child. He didn't...He didn't..., he felt like a child right now, a child who had to do something they were afraid of. He hadn't realized it until now, but he was empty, he hadn't felt nothing but a heavy lust, he coveted that lust. "He meant more to me then that!" A shouted climax.
Cid flinched and his heart jumped, quickly turning his head at the sharp rise of Red's voice, and their eyes connected, the startled, confused, desperate red eyes linked with the worried, concerned, surprised blue ones. "Red...I'm sure he did." A startled, heightened effort to comfort.
"I don't want to just forget him like he was nothing!" He yelled, desperately. A fearful realization of his condition.
He knew Cid could do nothing to help his problems, the man could do nothing to ease this horrible guilt he had about feeling nothing. This, this had to be what Cid felt when he yelled and cursed the sky for destroying his ship, as if he was could find something, some invisible force to blame and be angry at. This was how Cid had felt, and now he felt the same, they were both helpless victims of circumstance with nothing to blame. He had lost his grandfather, and Cid had lost his dream and his freedom. Cid was an angel with broken wings.
Cid lifted himself up on to his knees and pulled himself in front of wolf hastily, something he saw in Red's eyes, heard in his voice, caused a shot of anxious energy to burn through him and force him to move. He was a little confused on what he could do though, but he had to do something, just as Red had comforted him when he was cold. "You won't." He said easingly, feeling so awkward that he nearly wanted to stop and pull away, but he pushed the thoughts and feelings away subconsciously. He reached out a shaky hand, feeling that he had to touch something, to make contact, then he'd know what to do, then it would be easier to comfort him. His hand found it's way to Red's head, his large palm pushing his ears down slightly. "Doesn't look like you forgot him to me. I'm mean look at you, your sure as hell feeling somethin' for him right now. " He said desperately, feeling almost frantic to calm him down.Pride was forgotten as he cuffed Red's face with both hands, just moving without thought, knowing only he had to comfort him.
No, things could never be simple for them, not once.
"I..." Red could only stare up at him almost helplessly, clinging to Cid with out touching him, he cling to him emotionally, vicariously through the man's touch. Cloud was strong, he was physically stronger then Cid was, he had brute strength Cid didn't have. And Vincent was smart, he had an intelligence that would allow him to do many thing without strength. Cid was neither, he was a man hardened by years of having his only hopes and dreams for life shattered repeated times, vulgar even. Red hungered for that strength Cloud had, to satisfy his burning primal urges to fight and dominate, to burry himself in Cloud's kindness. He also had a strong desire for Vincent's mind, someone he could connect to on an entirely different level then the rest of the world. He could find where he belonged with Vincent, they both could find their place in the world together. "I...I'm afraid I'm going to always feel like this, this emptiness." He admitted with fear, it was new to him, he felt like he'd been hollowed out and never realized it. "I've been feeling like this for a long time, it's like I just stopped feeling things all together. He was my Grandfather, he was the only one I had, I don't want to feel like he was nothing...He's the only one I had..." Reaching out futilely to feel some sensation, feeling from his grandfather, unrealizing of the depression he was feeling from him now.
"You...you..." Cid stumbled to say anything, struggling to find something to say! Dammit! Why couldn't he think of anything, why couldn't he find the words that would make him feel better. They had to exist! "Y-you want to be sad?" Trying desperately to find something, anything to say that might comfort.
Cid mentally kicked himself, 'Goddammit what the fuck is wrong with me!' Stupid question, he knew Red didn't want to be sad, but he didn't want to be empty, why couldn't he just say that! Why couldn't he gather the words to say what he meant!
"I want to feel something!" Red shouted, his eyes gleaming with even more desperation. He wanted Cloud's strength with his body and his heart, he wanted Vincent's mind with his mind and his soul even. But...he had neither, it realized at that moment, and he probably never would. That realization was like a distant dream he couldn't remember when he awakened, a distant voice he couldn't hear, and he took a comfort in the thoughts they could be his. Until now, when he woke up and the hard sharp reality came at him like a blow. The reality that all he had...was... "I want to feel something, I should feel something, to let me know I really cared for him!" He nearly growled when he spoke, the sorrow amounted to an anger. An angry outlast at his depression, still desperately reaching out to feel something other then the depression.
"You did Goddammit!" Cid shouted, he was still struggling desperately for something to say, damn, he was never good with these things. "Your getting all roweled up cause' you don't feel something right now, that damn near proves it." An attempt to make Red realize what he was missing.
But it didn't help, Cid's words sounded distant to him again, his words simply words. Not until he figured this out in his own mind could he move past it. "I'm scared... I never felt this empty, and now of all times. He was...he was all I had..." He said it again. Still reaching out blindly to feel something, but not knowing what.
It had never occurred to him till now how much his grandfather had been to him, his knowledge, his presence, his seemingly infinite wisdom, him... For the past day he could think of nothing but of his state of heat, but he knew now that he was burying himself into his state intentionally, keeping his mind from thoughts of the man's death, or the death of every else that had lost their lives, and he hadn't know it.
'Dammit!' Cid felt lost in his words, they weren't helping, the seemed to just be getting in the way. So with one single moment, a single second with out thinking, Cid leaned forward and threw his arms around Red's neck, pulling him into a tight embrace. Never realizing what he was doing till after he'd already did it. Immediately an embarrassment and shame rose in him, but he bit it down. "You still got me." Cid said, again he didn't know what he said until the words left his mouth. A statement that endangered his standing of pride and what others expected of him.
They were out there now, they couldn't be taken back.
The contact, the warm, strong contact that held him in place, the strong contact that steadied his flustered mind, anchored him down. He froze completely, his body tensing in the embrace, and suddenly he felt something, that emptiness was gone, filled by what Cid made him feel. "...What?" Confusion of what had been said and fear that he had not heard what he thought he did.
Yes, what he had was Cid. Something oddly different from both Cloud and Vincent, from what he thought he wanted. A man no longer with the reckless bravado Cloud would have to fight him, and with out the deep sight of Vincent to contemplate things on such a level. He had Cid, who he didn't think he had even wanted at all.
"You got me." Cid repeated, his words were shaky with an unsureness and his arms were tight, as if he feared something inside of him would will him to let go and he was fighting against it. "I'm not your grandfather." He said, feeling only seconds away from pulling away from the awkwardness. "But...I'm..." Fearful pride prohibiting what he actually could say, no matter how rough and shaky and awkward the words may have come out.
Again words failed him, he didn't know what else to say, a thought he couldn't finish.
Red understood, he understood this in a way he never understood anything, because the message was given to him in a way he never experienced. Though, everything he understood from Cid had been given to him in the same way, and he hadn't know it. "Cid..." He had Cid. They were never on the same level, always filled with awkwardness and uncertainty, but some how they both somehow understood each other. They both were connected to each other almost, he knew what Cid felt, because he had felt the same things. "I...I" Speechless enlightenment he couldn't describe.
For the first time in his life, words failed him also, he couldn't find a single way to speak it. So his body moved on it's own, he nuzzled his head into Cid's neck and stayed there, silently. He wanted to listen to Cid, he wanted to learn more about him with each word he spoke, he wanted to protect him, he didn't feel this way when he thought of Cloud or Vincent or anyone else. Silent acceptance.
The reality, it was better then the dream and he had never known it, it had never occurred to him he was looking everywhere but right in front of him. He couldn't see the forest for the trees one could say.
Cid smiled, biting away the strange, unwanted feelings and issues of pride away. For right now he didn't care if anyone might see him, though he really did, or care about the odd feelings that had rose so suddenly in him, though he stilled wondered about them. They understood each other again, through their actions, through their touches, it was a strange way of communicating, but it worked in a messy, disorganized, awkward, wonderful way.
He had Cid, not who he was expecting to find, not Cloud or Vincent at all, but he liked him none the less, more even. Cid didn't have what they had, what he thought he wanted, but Cid had a determination like an inferno, one that could match a younger man's. Cid had the dire need not to be bound to the ground, to move through the sky. For the first time in his life Red did not feel his heart was steady in one place, he wanted to move, to leave, to find his place again since it was no longer at home. He wanted that freedom Cid wanted, he wanted to find his place again with Cid. He felt like his soul was bonded, connected to Cid's in a way he never imagined it could be. He didn't realize that Cid was all he needed until he looked up and realized that Cid was all he had. "Cid...thank you." He said surely. Something he actually could convey to Cid with words.
And suddenly he didn't feel the need to find a mate so strongly anymore, and the lust of heat wasn't so strong.
"Aw hell." Cid felt himself blush this time, but even with all the shame and awkwardness he didn't let go. His body felt a completion when he held Red like this, something his contact starved body needed was found when he held him like this. He felt a desperate need to speak, to change the subject. "Now if only we could get off this damn rock." An embarrassed, unrelated change of subject.
I want...I want you to come back with me. You don't wanna go home, I get that, neither do I...sort of... An offering
Red laughed out loud, finding an amusement in Cid's awkward discomfort and embarrassment he himself never seemed to feel. No, he wouldn't mind having someone like Cid for a mate. Red closed his eyes and let his body move as it would, with one swift motion he pushed Cid back.
You...want me...? Making sure what he was interpreting wasn't a dream.
'!' "Whoa!" Cid flinched as his body was suddenly shoved backwards, tensing as his back hit the ground and he was surrounded by the heat and pressure of the wolf's weight, his arms still draped over the wolf's neck. That was pretty clear. Again Cid wanted to say something, to yell and shouted from the surprise and repel the wolf, he but didn't want to. He had wanted this warmth and completed feeling of Red weighting on him, to have his arms holding Red tightly. He was conflicted for a moment, but simply settled and forced himself to accept it, he couldn't find the words to say what he felt if he tried.
Yeah...I want you to come back with me, maybe we both can find where we wanna be... A hopeful offer.
Again, Red generally refrained from such actions, but it was different with Cid. He buried his noise into Cid's neck and inhaled his scent with deep, audible breaths, and slowly opened his mouth and took slow, lapping licks. It felt strange doing this and being conscious of his actions, but it also felt right, like Cid felt when he wrapped his arms around him.
Yeah...I'd like that. An acceptance.
They were silent, but Red's licks told Cid all needed to know, and Cid's warm arms held more meaning then Cid's awkward words ever could. Cid never had to speak another word to him, and he still would understand him perfectly.
No, things could never be simple for them...But for this one time, it was.
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