A/N So I started to miss reviews…again…which lead to this story, which I also wrote as a possible candidate for a fanfic contest here at school…let me know what you think...so far the candidates are this one and Ramblings of a Slightly Depressed Lily. I also have another one started, but don't get your hopes up...lol
Ugh. I can not get to sleep.
It's 2 am, and I have class tomorrow…and I am wide awake!
I really would like to be sleeping right now, but, unfortunately, that is not an option.
Why? Because I am wide awake. Just like I am every other bloody night. Every night without fail you will find me in the Gryffindor Common Room sitting in the comfiest chair by the fire reading a book or working on homework.
Because from 9pm to 3am I am wide awake.
It doesn't even matter if I am exhausted throughout the whole afternoon, I am still wide awake at 2am on a weeknight.
I guess I would have to blame it on my sleeping habits from last summer. I didn't have a regular job, so I could stay up as late as I wanted and sleep as late as I wanted, and I liked staying up late when my family, especially Petunia, was asleep and unable to bother me. Or annoy the bloody snot out of me.
Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but they…they just get on my nerves!
So anyway, I believe that the reason I physically can't sleep is because of my sleeping habits from this summer. Even though I knew that I was going to be in trouble when I got back to school, I didn't think it was going to be this bad!
And really what can you do at 2am in the morning? Not a whole lot. Do you know why? Because you have to be quiet. So I can't work on my Transfiguration, one, because you are usually dealing with animals, which are noisy, and two, because I have a tendency to yell certain…bad words…when I didn't get something right. Which happens a lot, actually. I can't practice playing the tuba (if I played the tuba), I can't study music history, because I can't listen to music, I can't clean my room because there are people sleeping in it, and I most definitely can't practice my dancing, because I'm sure no one would want to be woken up to a falling piece of furniture a cry of pain, and then a string of profanities coming from your's truly.
So what does that limit me to? Reading and studying in the Common Room. I don't mind doing either of these, but what happens when you run out of books, or just don't feel like reading? Or when you are already 2 weeks ahead in class? I don't know, but I have to think of something quick, because I think I am going to go crazy if my mind and I are left in a big, dark, quiet place together.
Oh great. Now you think I'm mad, but I'm not. Ooh, I just quoted Poe! How cool is that!
Oh no! Poe's characters always said that right before they killed an old man because of his eye, or cut out a cat's eye, or swung an ax at his wife…
I'm really not crazy, I swear.
Anyway, I'm serious, I really just need to get away from my mind every once in awhile…it thinks things I don't want it to think…makes me have feelings for someone I don't want to have feelings for. That's why I read: to escape.
So with that in mind, I now find myself with a pen in one hand and a notebook in the other. My mum sent me this notebook the last time she sent me a care package. Apparently she wants me to write down my thoughts and feelings. She thinks I'll enjoy looking back on this time in my life in the future.
Heh, yea, because I really want to remember me sitting in a darkened common room quoting Poe and slowly going insane from a lack of sleep. Please note the sarcasm.
So I started to write down what was going on at school. You know, the general facts: what classes I was taking, how the classes were going, what my grades were, what the House Point standings were, etc. After I did the general facts about my life at Hogwarts, I started writing about what was going on in the world, you know new songs, celebrity gossip, who the political leaders were, and all that jazz.
Then I started to get bored with the mundane facts, so I started talking about myself: favorite color, food, class, hairstyle, best friend, cute guys, etc. After that, I started talking about my philosophical observations. I'll put an excerpt in here, I thought they were rather inspiring, of course that could be my sleep deprived mind talking, but either way, here is the excerpt:
So I was sitting on a bench out by the greenhouses the other day, and was kinda in my own little world, when all of a sudden, I was hit by a leaf. You know, a leaf, from a tree. And then, for some reason, I just kept thinking "If you stay in one spot for too long, you are going to get hit by a leaf" I really have no idea what that means, but I just thought it was profound, and it probably has something to do with the fact that the probability of getting hit with a leaf are very slim….
After this I started rambling:
Do you know what I like about fall? Scarves. They are just so cool. And colorful. And it really doesn't matter if they match your outfit or not, because if someone says something about it, you can just say you're cold. It's the perfect way to be rebellious about fashion…you know when you buy an outfit and you are positive that you are going to wear it all the time, but then you don't end up wearing it like ever? That annoys me, and as of nowt, I have like 5 outfits in my closet that I never wear…what a waste of money. You know what I miss about living at home? Watching movies, they don't have movies in the wizarding world, and I can't even bring a TV here to Hogwarts because of all the magic…
I continued writing until I just got so into it that I started spilling my guts onto the paper, sheesh, this was really turning into a preteen "Dear Diary" entry.
…so I don't really know WHY I give James such a hard time. He's not that bad of a guy, if anything, I should blame Sirius, because James is only obnoxious when he is around Sirius, the bloody wanker. Sirius, not James. I don't even call him James to his face. How rude is that? And even though he can annoy the snot out of me, I still find myself dreaming about him at night. I dream about his messy hair that makes me want to run my hands through it, his cute glasses that are just so James, his gorgeous eyes, and his amazing body. Not to mention the fact that when he talks, I might not show it, but my stomach does flip flops and my heart literally flutters…and when we accidentally touch, it takes all my energy to keep my knees from buckling and my brain to form coherent sentences. I wish my pride didn't get the best of me every time he asks me to go to Hogsmeade with him, because really, why would I say yes after refusing him so many times over the years. I really don't want to come across as easily persuadable…what would that do for our future relationship, he would think I was weak, and not respect me the way I need to be respected, so I guess it is just best if I get over whatever it is that is making me dream about him all the time…this….crush? No, it's more than that…I just don't know what it is…
All this thinking has made me tired…finally…
I guess I must have fallen asleep in the Common Room, because the next thing I know, I have this weird feeling that I am being watched, as I slowly started to wake up, I realized what had happened, and then I thought about the notebook. If anyone had seen that, my whole life would be ruined! I had confessed EVERYTHING in there…even about that time when I was seven and I accidentally killed Billy, Petunias pet beetle (but seriously, who wants a beetle as a pet? That is just weird!) If anyone found out about that, they would hate me forever! Then go tell Petunia, then she would never talk to me again, not that we are doing that much talking anyway…
Not to mention the fact that I had confessed everything about James in there. If he saw that, there would be no getting away from it, I would have to leave Hogwarts, then I wouldn't be able to use magic, and I would go back to being boring Lily, and then Petunia would say 'I told you so", then I wouldn't get a good job, marry some bloke out of desperation, have 12 kids, get beaten by my husband, and live a sad and miserable life…I started panicking even before I had my usual morning stretch.
When I finally opened my eyes I saw James holding the notebook and staring at me. Oh no! I thought to myself, he's read it! Get ready for the most miserable life imaginable!
I was fully expecting a taunting from James, but instead of a smug look, he looked incredibly happy, and let me tell you, he is so adorable when he is happy…and when he's sad…and when he's up to something…and…well, he just looks adorable all the time…
"You know, Lily, I don't think it's a crush either," he finally said after we had stared at each other for a good minute.
"Oh really?" I asked, nervous about what he thought it actually was.
I was starting to plan my escape from Hogwarts: first I would have to pack. Better use magic, not only is it quicker, but it might be the last time I'll be able to. Then I'd have to say goodbye to my friends, I could hardly stand the thought of leaving Alice…poor Alice! She is going to be on her own when dealing with the nut cases also known as our roommates. Then I'd better go talk to Dumbledore, I bet he'll be sad to see me leave, and try to get me to stay…too bad he can't…Then I should probably say goodbye to McGonagall, she is such a great teacher, I'm really going to miss her…
"No," I jumped when he spoke again, I had been so lost in my planning, "I think you like me, but that's ok. I like you too. And you really don't have to leave Hogwarts or anything, no one will think you are weak"
I gasped and stared at him for a few seconds, before asking, "How did you know?"
He chuckled. "You talk to yourself when you freak out."
Oops.
A/N meh…not too sure about that ending…
and now for my famous (or infamous) top ten lists!! If these annoy you, I give full permission to skip to the review button…
Top Ten Things ahrocks08 Finds Noteworthy
1) I can't remember if I told you this before or not, but I am officially a Ravenclaw, here at our Quidditch Club, not only am I a Ravenclaw, but I am also a prefect…which is pretty sweet
2) I lightened my hair. I was a dark brown, but when we lightened it, it turned a light brown with major gold highlights, or at least that is what I think.
3) I am getting an A in 3 of my classes, and I don't know about my other two…whoo…I love As…
4) I making a dress for Yule Ball in Dec. and it looks most similarly to what the girls in a Jane Austen novel would wear, and I going to bring the fan that I got in Spain, and I got this cool shawl from Walmart for $5 that I am going to wear…I'm sooo excited!!!
5)I wore my coat for the first time since last winter…it was fun…unfortunately, I didn't find any money…bummer…
6)I'm at work right now…hehe
7)I have quidditch club tonight, and I'm excited cuz I get to wear the scarf that I crocheted…its Ravenclaw colors…
8) I officially love school, and dread going home for breaks…
9) when I went home 2 weeks ago I found out that my sis had stolen my bed AND my sheets…
10) I bought a Twilight shirt online today, and it will be in by the time that the movie comes out. It says: '"Edward Cullen is staring at you again" If Edward was staring at me, I would probably pass out…wait he isn't real…whoa…' and it is black with pink writing…I can't wait for it to come in!!
Ok…now….review!!!