:::Hide:::
Why can you read me like no one else? / I hide behind these words
but I'm coming out
I wish I kept them behind my tongue / I hide behind these words
but I'm coming out
You might think that I hate you or something, but whatever. You've got it all wrong.
I mean, usually, you're pretty good at reading me. I can't keep a secret from you to save my life, Princess. You've always been able to tell if I was lying or not, and I'm a damn good liar. So imagine my surprise that you couldn't find out what's right in front of you.
Yeah, I know I messed with you a little. OK, OK, I messed with you a lot, but I only do that because… well, you're hot when you're angry. I mean, you're hot all the time, but seeing that rush of red race to your face and hearing your voice get higher as you start to yell at me all sexy like- I mean, I can't help the fact that your lovely, babe. But I'm not gonna deny it. I annoy the shit out of you, I know.
All you have to remember is that this is a two way street. You act like I'm trash so I treat you like you're a bitch. 50/50, right? I know that you can't stand to be around me sometimes, but you can't lie and say that you never feel anything around me except for rage. Because this feeling has got to be mutual, sweetheart. I can't feel this strongly about something when nothing is coming my way.
I just can't, OK? I hide behind everything that I say because I don't want you to see me this way. It sucks feeling this way. My whole stomach hurts and I feel like I'm being tickled all the time and it fucking sucks because I don't want anyone to know. I've been hiding behind my jokes and sarcasm for my whole life, and it's stupid because it's not working anymore! My friends and family all see it, they all see how freaking stupid I've become. The only one who can't see it is you.
Really though, are you demented? Wait, that came out wrong. But really, Courtney. Come on. You can't say that you've never noticed the way I look at you sometimes. And I don't mean when I check out your ass (I do that a lot), or when I try to peek at your tit's (I do that a lot, too) , or when I just wanna kiss you so bad my whole body aches (which happens way more than I'll ever let you know). I mean when I really look at you, when I look at you and your eyes and your smile, I just… I melt. I melt and everyone makes fun of me for it, but it makes me feel so good.
And you haven't even noticed! It's like your blind or something, babe. Most people can tell when someone… when someone… when they feel that way about them.
I think I love you, alright? Because nothing has ever hit me this hard. When I'm near you, I want to puke, kiss you, hug you, do you, touch you, run away, and scream. You make me feel so weird but that's not what freaks me out. The thing that makes me so scared has to be the fact that I like the feeling. I enjoy it. It makes me feel… good. And the only way that it ever feels better is if you smile back at me.
But I just keep hiding behind my snide remarks and quirks because I want you, so bad, Princess. You'll never understand how much I need you in my life. I didn't know who you were one second, and now it's like I can't survive. If I go a day without seeing you, it hurts me, like it physically hurts me, and do you understand how hard it is to admit this? Do you understand how much pride I am sacrificing right now? Do you? Because this goes against everything I believe in. Everything.
So next time I tease you, you'll know what it means. Next time I joke on you, you'll understand. Because everything I hide behind is just a trick, just another code that says 'I love you'. And each time you yell back or try to push me, I'm hoping that's code for 'ditto'. But I'll just keep hiding behind these words, because I want you, more than you'll ever know, Princess.
Authors Notes:
Ah, well, you know… I thought it'd be sweet to bring a little of our fluffy Duncan back. He has seriously gone missing. Like, I need to start hanging filers for this dude. "Hey, have you happened to see this not-yet-douche-bag?"
Thanks so much for reading!
Also, I must ask a favor. A friend of mine has just started her first story. I would be truly thankful if you guys could possibly R&R her story? Thanks!
Link: www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net / u / 2398189 / TDICELEBRITY14
(Please ignore all spaces and put actual dots in the (dot). I know. This site loves to get rid of my links…)
Thanks so much!
First Draft Finished: 12/1/10
Final Draft Finished: 12/5/10
Published: 12/6/10
Fandom: Total Drama series
Disclaimer: Total Drama Island and all its characters are property of their respective owners.
Song Used: It's Not A Side Effect of the Cocaine. I Am Thinking it Must Be Love" by Fallout Boy
©2010 Cereal-Killa