I force myself forward into the tube and my stylist gives me a light push to help me along. My throat feels dry and it is only now that I feel the constricting fabric of the uniform, my breaths become quick and far between, stopping altogether when a glass tube encompasses me. All sound is cut off from my ears except the raspy sound of my own breath. I look one last time to my stylist, needing even a tiny look of something to tell me what I already know. That this is wrong.
She beams at me from the other side of the glass and blows me a kiss as the launch room disappears from my view, replaced with a blinding white light that forces my eyes shut.
When they reopen I see a wide expanse of field set out around me, in the middle lies the golden horn they call the Cornucopia. I tighten my hands into fists when I realize that I am shaking, trying even now to be the tough girl I know I am expected to be. My eyes wander to the dense forest behind me and every ounce of my being tells me to run towards them.
But I can't. I told my alliance that I would go in. That I would get us supplies. That I would come back. Only now that promise seems impossible to keep. For the first time it actually sinks in that I could die right now. I consider running away anyway, no one could blame me could they?
Jacelyn stands across the field on her own golden plate, her eyes wide with fear and her entire body visibly shaking even from this vast distance. Her eyes lock on my and I shake my head, reassuring her that she doesn't need to go in. Reassuring her that I will get enough supplies for all of us. Seven plates to my right I see Kyler and he gives me a firm look, reminding me of what I have to do. Him and I will enter the bloodbath, everyone else will find cover until we can get to them.
I have to do this. There are only two of us going in and at least one of us needs to come out for our alliance to stand a chance. I position my feet to run and fixate my gaze on a rather large backpack that could contain anything from weaponry to survival equipment. If I can get there first than I can grab it and get out, I wouldn't have to actually fight.
But I know that isn't true and as the gong rings out through the arena I jump of my platform and prepare for the fight of my life. Literally.
I stumble and nearly fall to my knees but instead I stop, losing myself a few precious seconds to regain my balance. Nearly everyone has already reached the Cornucopia, weapons are picked up and I hear the first scream as a rather chubby girl is sliced again and again across the stomach, blood gushing out of the neat slashes. I force my gaze away from her and keep running, screams continue to fill my ears but I block them out as best I can and keep my feet moving forward. I have to ignore everything, I have to pretend that this isn't happening. I have to pretend not to notice the ground has become littered with the bodies of children who just minutes ago were living, breathing, hoping that somehow they would find their way home.
Someone else grabs my backpack, a petite girl with huge green eyes and a brown ponytail. She runs off into the forest and you can almost feel the relief in her steps as she reavhes the forest edge. She stops suddenly and begins to run but soon I see what she must have already noticed. A large boy comes out of the forest wielding an enormous knife and grabs the girl by the collar of her shirt. She doesn't even have time to scream before he plunges the blade through her throat and throws her now dead body to the side like a piece of trash.
Once again I find the will to move but my feet seem to move in slow motion, barely allowing me to get more than a few steps before I trip, this time falling to the ground on my back. I look up to see the boy standing over me, the same boy who killed the girl with the brown ponytail. He still holds the knife that drips with her blood. I try to back away but my limps shake and I do not make it far. I look up at the boy and his smile turns to an almost sympathetic look before he stabs the already soiled blade into my chest. A scream fills my ears but this time it's my own. The pain overwhelms my body and everything blurs around me.
The knife hurts even more when the boy pulls it out of me, I cry out again and no one stops to help. They are doing just what I had done, pretending that this is not happening, pretending not to notice that I am dying on the ground just a few feet from them.
They are doing exactly what everyone else in Panem is doing, pretending that there is nothing wrong with this, pretending that there is nothing that they can do. Pretending that nothing could have been done to save me.