Ok, so I decided I'd throw up a quick one shot. It's an interesting little piece, or at least I like to think it is haha. Very short, in fact, I hate pieces like this (reading them that is) but really, to keep this working, it can't go long or I'd have to point out a pairing of some sort, or at least drop the ability to use 'you'. It caused some trouble lol.
Anyways, figure it out on your own! It's completely open to interpretation, I wrote it with no true answer in mind. Please, if you do review (which I'd appreciate), post who you think Sam loved based on what I wrote.
Disclaimer: standard, me no own characters. Some other own characters. Me jealous.
As I sit here, awaiting the choice, the deciding choice, I feel a well of panic threaten to boil over. This choice will ultimately bring nothing but pain, and I recognize that.
Why do I have to be so stubborn? It's not that I don't love you. I do, with all my heart, even if it took me this long to realize it. You're everything to me. But what am I too expect out of this? No matter what happens someone will be hurt, and I'm sad to say, I just don't want it to be me. But I know what will happen. I knew all along. The pain will all end up back at me. Inevitably.
Why? Why was this so hard? Why couldn't I have just a normal life, not have to fight for my love with others? The grass is always greener. But you… I love you. My doubts have been cleansed by these past weeks.
"I'm sorry Sam. I don't want… I never meant… to hurt you. I do love you. But I have to choose Brooke."
The choice has been made. I'm not even surprised. This was completely expected. I always wondered how I would take the news… the final choice. The choice that meant you would be with another.
Would I be hurt… would I accept it? Would I do nothing? I hear someone else at the table begin to cry, I'm not sure who. The other joins a moment later. Oddly, I feel… relief. It's finally out there. I no longer have to fight. No longer have to fear. I cringe at that thought. What was I afraid of?
Perhaps closeness. Perhaps commitment. I have always pushed people away. George, you, anyone and everyone. Always the safe choice. Even this.
Even when I try to be aggressive and bold, I seem to somehow go with the safe path. I fear change I suppose, and this would be change. A big change. Perhaps one you aren't ready for either. I know I'm not.
Coward. The thought snakes out at me, slapping me coldly. I suppose I am. Not that I'd ever admit it, nor do I think people would believe me. Sam, the controlled 'brave' one, willing to do whatever it takes. The truth, I suppose, is I'd do whatever it takes to remain in my little shell.
At the same time as these thoughts clamor through my head, I wonder how you are feeling. Do you feel that this decision which has been made is the correct one? Do you fear for me, for my well being? Or perhaps this was all a game to you, to hurt me more. I don't think you are capable of that, but I have been wrong about people before, about you even. I never pictured most of the last 2 years occurring. Heck, none of it. I could be wrong about you.
But I don't think I am. I think you are truly saddened by the choice. I suspect you think I will become an emotional wreck. If only you knew. I was a wreck long before now. I'm not sure how I made it through the days.
I return to my thoughts of how I would react to this decision. Right now it appears I really would do nothing. I just sit here. Then I feel a hot tear roll down my cheek. Well… that is a good sign, right? I'm feeling something.
Or at least, my body is I guess. I search for my own feelings, but find nothing. I wipe away the tear, and nod once. I knew this would come. It was inevitable. I almost can't stand it, knowing you will be with someone other then me. It is what will break me up the most, for all time.
I hear the clattering of someone running away, perhaps you, I truly have no idea, even from the sound of the shoes. My vision is swimming, I can't see, and my ears are roaring, drowning out any details of the noise. I know the feeling, of needing to flee. I rise, and run from the table as well, chasing after the disappearing form, still unable to tell if it is you or not. I have so many questions, and so few answers. Isn't that the way of life?
What I do know is I will always love you.
Always.