"And you're sure you have everything?" Hunith said for the eighteenth time, rubbing her thumb across her son's cheek.
"Mum, you do this every time. I've been going here ever since I was ten." Merlin muttered, shouldering his duffle bag and hand latching onto his suit case. "If I forget something, I'll call you and you'll just send it to me, OK?" Merlin had been going to the same boarding school for the last six years on an extended scholarship. His mother should understand by now.
"I know, it's just…It's a mother's job, alright?" Hunith wrapped her arms around Merlin's neck. "Have a wonderful year, dear." She whispered. Merlin hugged his free arm around his mother's waist. "I'll try." He whispers back.
Merlin was the first to let go. "Can I go find my room now? It's freezing out here." He said, his ears starting to hurt from the cold and his cheeks and nose bright red. He shuddered despite wearing a sweater and a heaving jacket. It was late August, but it was well under four degrees Celsius.
"OK. I love you." She says, planting a kiss on his cheek. Merlin pulls his suit case behind him, waving at his mother until he turns a corner behind a large building. He stopped, letting go of his suit case.
He pulled a map out of his pocket. One of the buildings was circled with his room number on it. By this time he didn't really need a map, but he kept it with him just in case. He looked down at his map before looking up again, spying across all the medieval and castle-like building (except the gym, which is quite new and stood out like a sore thumb) until he spotted the dormitories for the sixth through eighth year boys across the way. He slipped the map back into his pocket before grapping his suit case and, with as much grace and he could muster, ran across the campus.
He reached the little front common room in time to feel his backside vibrated. He jumped and let out a small yelp. Luckily, no one appeared to hear him. Merlin promptly (and clumsily) grabbed his phone from his back pocket. He continued walking towards his destination (the old-fashioned lift: His room was on the second floor) while trying to read his text. He stumbled into the lift, earning weird glances from the people in the common room. He let out a quiet sorry before turning his attention back to the text.
It was from Gwen.
Txt me when ur all settled in so we can go get some coffee =)
Merlin smiled, placing his phone back into his pocket as the lift jerked to a stop. He made his way down the hall, paying little attention to room numbers. He thought of his roommate. Was it someone he didn't know? Maybe an old friend? He wasn't sure. He prayed that it wasn't one of the douchebags who sought him out because they had nothing better to do (which seemed most of the time). This group was led by the twat-tasic Arthur Pendragon. Merlin's stomach churned at the thought.
Clearing past beatings out of his head, he finally stumbled onto room 216. He gave a short, half smile before pulling out his key. As he went for the lock, he noticed that the door was already unlocked and open (although it was hard to tell), so he put his key back into his pocket and opened the door.
Merlin stopped in the doorway.
Arthur. It was Arthur. Arthur Pendragon was his fucking roommate. His tormentor. The prat that thought it was his obligation to make Merlin's life a living hell. Suddenly his past assaults came back to him.
Hey, fag, sucked any boy's cock recently?... What's up, chav?... Oi, can I borrow some mon-oh, wait, you don't have any… When was the last time you actually recall shagging a bloke? I mean, do you do it so often they all just morph together?
Merlin's cheeks grew hot and he grabbed at his stomach, feeling like he was going to be sick. Arthur looked up (he had been messing with a football) and smiled at Merlin. Whether it was from sudden ideas of torture or he just felt so damn lucky, Merlin wasn't sure, but he knew he didn't like it.
"Well, look what we have!" Arthur sneered, placing the football on his bed and standing up. He, for some reason, held out his hand for Merlin to shake. Merlin just glared at him before pushing past him, throwing his stuff on the second bed, and shot out of the room
"Don't run away!" He heard Arthur call behind him. Merlin ignored him, holding his sides, tears beginning to prickle his eyes.
-C-
"I don't understand." Merlin hissed. "Why the fuck is it always me?"
He and Gwen were out by the school's café. Gwen sipped at her coffee, but Merlin really just stared at his, despite the chill starting to set into his bones.
"Merlin, it's not your fault. Blame the system. They're the ones who stuck you with him."
"But what about all the things he's done to me?" Merlin growled, shooting Gwen a glare. "Why is it always me who gets chosen as his personal punching bag?"
"Why don't you tell someone then?"
"Because whenever I do no one listens. And you know I can't tell my mum because she would blame herself." Merlin's hand latched at his belly again, his stomach grumbling.
"Merlin…you're alright, right? You haven't…relapsed over the summer, have you?" Gwen asked, reaching her hand out towards Merlin.
"Of course I haven't!" Merlin said a bit too defensively. Gwen eyed him suspiciously before dropping the subject.
"Why don't you ask for a room switch?"
"I already did that." He snapped. "They said they'll try, but there are no promises."
Gwen sighed and picked up her coffee.
"If you ever want to talk, you just call me, OK?" She gave him a caring glance, but he just stared down at his now cold coffee. He heard the click click click of her shoes fade away.
-C-
Merlin made his way back to his dormitory well after sunset. He had to go back sooner or later. Classes started tomorrow, and he wanted some sleep.
He entered the room. He noticed things he didn't notice before: A single lamp next to Arthur's bed was the only source of light in the room, besides the overhead. There was already several football posters spewed across Arthur's wall, and he had grey bed sheets and a blue duvet. Trophies decorated his nightstand and the dresser at the end of his bed, against the wall.
A door opened to Merlin's right. He spun around to see Arthur in a towel coming out of the bathroom (the nice thing about this boarding school is that each dorm had its own bathroom). His face grew hot and he went to go unpack.
"C'mon, Emrys, you've seen plenty of blokes wearing much less than this." Arthur joked. Merlin glared at him.
"Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm a slut." He murmured, but Arthur didn't hear him.
"So, Emrys, how was your summer?" Arthur asked as he rummaged through his drawers. Merlin placed his articles of clothing into his own dresser. Merlin ignored the question, but Arthur kept prodding. This continued for about a minute until he felt something hit the back of his head.
Merlin spun on his heel, fists clenched, and eyes dark. "What was that for!?" He snapped.
"Oh, good. I was beginning to think you were deaf as well as dumb." Arthur said. He walked across the room to pick up what he had thrown at Merlin-a pair of boxers before entering back into the bathroom. Merlin rolled his eyes.
"One, don't be churlish. Two, I don't mind if you dress in front of me. It's not like I'm going to take pictures."
"I'm not going to get dressed in front of you because I don't like the idea of you wanking off to the thought of me."
"What would make me think I would even fantasize about you, you prick?" Merlin hissed. Arthur didn't hear him through the bathroom door.
Arthur walked back out into the room. He was wearing grey shorts, grey t-shirt, and white socks. "And what the hell does churlish mean?" He asked, flopping down onto his bed.
"It means don't be rude." He said. He quickly made his bed before he grabbed his pyjamas and walked into the bathroom to change. Merlin stripped until he was just in his underwear, before turning to the mirror.
He didn't like looking in the mirror, but after the past few years, he couldn't help it. He stared at his own reflection: His hip bones and collar bone and ribs stuck out unnaturally. His arms looked like twigs. No matter how hard he tried, his legs would never touch. He felt disgusted and horribly proud at the same time.
Merlin timidly grabbed at his stomach, grimacing. Gwen's words echoed in his mind. You haven't…relapsed…have you? He felt terrible lying to Gwen, but he didn't have the heart to tell her.
Finally, shaking out of his trance, Merlin slipped on his baggy sweats and much-too-big sweater before walking back into the small dorm. The light was out and he heard Arthur's loud snores from the right side of the room.
Merlin slipped into his bed, his mind whirling with images of his too thin body. With tears in his eyes, he fell asleep.