Author's Note: It's been a long while since I've written some Shules. I have just been going through a lot of life problems and ugh.
Also, I have some major inspiration issues. So if you guys want some Shules stories and have some ideas, feel free to PM your thoughts and I will try to write you something great.
This story is pretty much plotless. It takes place before Shules and kind of leads up to a different version of the whole Declan situation. I was inspired to write after watching the finale (though this story has nothing to do with it) and a song (Candlelight by Relient K). I'm not sure how much I actually like it, but I do hope you do.
Sometimes, he forgot why he stayed. Those days when Gus was too busy with his real job to help him solve cases. When Lassiter would constantly refuse to give him any cases and the chief agreed with him. The days when his dad had dealt with enough of his crap to even fight with him.
Those were the worst days. Shawn would pace around the Psych office for hours. He'd try to watch The Breakfast Club to calm himself down, or he might try to make pineapple upside down cake. But the itch to leave always won, and he couldn't get his brain focused on anything else.
One day, the itch became too strong, and Shawn left. He threw some clothes and all the cash he could scrounge up into a backpack, and the fake psychic left on his motorcycle. Before he even made it out of Santa Barbara, Shawn was having second thoughts. He should at least check to see if anyone still needed him. So he stopped by his dad's, who was too busy getting ready for a fishing trip to pay him any attention. Gus was swarmed with too much pharmaceutical paper work to begin any cases or even go get tacos for lunch. So, Shawn found himself at the SBPD, begging Lassie and the Chief for a case. Unfortunately, Lassiter was too pissed off to deal with him, and the Chief was too tired. That's when Shawn decided it really was time to move on.
He strolled out of the Chief's office and began to leave the police department for the last time. For the first time since opening Psych, Shawn finally felt the itch being relieved, and it felt good. Days like these were more frequent than not, and it made him wonder why he hadn't left earlier.
"Oh, Shawn!"
He halted his quickening footsteps to glance towards the voice.
Jules, that's why.
She stood up from her desk, pushing her rolling chair back into the desk behind hers. Quickly, she apologized to the desk's owner and dug through her purse until she found some cash. Then she strode over to him, smiling with an outstretched hand that held a twenty.
"Will you go get us some lunch? I have too many papers to go through right now to leave. So maybe grab some tacos and a couple of sodas, and then you can help me."
And that's how Shawn ended up leaving the SBPD for not the last time. He picked up some tacos and filled up two cups with Root Beer because that was her favorite. He brought them back to the station, where she hugged him when he walked in. Shawn sat on her desk, and they both ate while he helped her finish her paper work. Even when she had finished, they sat and talked until her shift ended.
That night Shawn returned to the Psych office, deciding he could sleep on the couch tonight rather that go back to his current living quarters. He realized that he couldn't run away from bad days anymore; there was just too much to lose. Gus was still his best friend. Lassiter was going to need him on a case sometime. His relationship with his dad had gotten significantly better. And Jules would always be there, even on his bad days.
• • • • •
It wasn't really fair, the way she could make him forget everything and everyone. Even when he was with Abigail, it was always her that was out-shining the rest of his world.
The Chief had assigned Jules and him an undercover case. And of course it had to be one where they had to be a couple. On a date.
Shawn was outside the restaurant early, which was not normal for him. He stood near the glass door, trying to use the dim reflection to fix his hair and his tux. His mind tried to tell himself not to be nervous, that it was just Jules. But the issue was that it's Jules.
Shawn felt a hand on his shoulder and whipped around, and he wished he had gotten his head straight first. She was wearing a red, floor length dress. Her small shoulders and back were shown off by the straps that tied behind her neck. She had left her hair down, which always made his heart skip a beat.
"Shawn."
He continued to gape at her.
"Shawn."
He finally snapped himself out of his stupor. "Oh... Uh... Hey Jules. You're looking smashing tonight, he said as he regained his suave manner.
She rolled her eyes playfully. A man he did not know began to put a small microphone on him, and that's when he realized that the entire team working the case had seen the whole thing. Lassiter grinned knowingly at him, and Shawn stuck his tongue out at him. Shawn knew his silence just encouraged Lassie to tease him about his crush on Jules, but at the moment he could care less, because she had just linked arms with him and was pulling him into the restaurant.
As they maneuvered through the tables, following their waiter, Shawn noticed almost all the heads in the restaurant. Normally he would make some joke to Jules about how handsome he was. Maybe some of them were wondering how a guy like him could get a girl like her, but he knew most of him were simply entranced by Jules. Shawn glared at them until they returned to their meals, and then tried to forget how possessive he had gotten, even when they weren't together.
During dinner, he had put thoughts about the case on a back burner because he had already solved it, but mostly because of Jules. She tried so hard to stay professional, but he tried so hard to be silly, and eventually she couldn't hold her laughter anymore. Lassiter was quick to remind them that this was work, and both of them abruptly stopped their giggles. Jules didn't stop smiling though, so neither did he. All the while, Shawn found himself desperately wishing this was a real date. He wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked. How she seemed brighter than the sun when she smiled. He wanted to be the one paying to take her to a fancy restaurant where she could turn all the heads and he could make her laugh. But Shawn didn't want the whole SBPD to hear him declare his love, and he certainly didn't need all the teasing from Lassiter he would undoubtedly get.
Shawn didn't say anything. He let her try not to laugh, and he helped her solve the case, and he hoped she was getting the same butterflies as he was. He knew, as she arrested their culprit, that Jules was just too good for him, and he could never be hers. But she was all he could see, and he couldn't help but be mesmerized.
• • • • •
He still couldn't figure out why he was surprised. It made sense to everyone else, but he still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that she was dating someone. Of course, there was no doubt in his mind that Jules deserved someone like Declan. He was rich, handsome, and smooth. And, unlike Shawn, he had the nerve to say exactly what he felt. He wanted her to have someone like him. But Shawn still didn't think it was quite right, and he didn't know why.
It was probably selfish reasons, because when he found out that Jules and Declan were going on vacation together, all he could feel was this sick feeling in his chest. He told her to enjoy the vacation, and he told her make the moments with Declan that he couldn't make with her. By the end of his speech, all he wanted was to kiss her and tell her. But he knew that he couldn't be what Declan was. He couldn't be what she wanted. So Shawn left her with him. Reminding himself that he was so lucky, so lucky, to have found her and have known her. So he smiled, even as she was slipping through his fingers.
• • • • •
He sat in the Psych office, going through some evidence pretending to work on a case that he had already solved. Really, he was just trying to distract himself from the fact the Jules was leaving tomorrow, with Declan, not was early, especially for his standards, about 7 in the morning. But he couldn't sleep. He walked over to the fridge and grabbed a Root Beer from the top shelf.
"Shawn." He glanced up and saw Jules standing under the doorway. Her hair was up in a messy bun, she dawned a t-shirt and some sweatpants, and her face was flushed. She had obviously gone running this morning.
Tell her now.
"Hey Jules. Want a root beer?" Shawn tried to mimic is usually enthusiastic attitude, but he was having trouble.
"Um... Yeah why not?"
He grabbed another can from the fridge and they both sat down on the couch. Shawn watched her open the can and take a sip, a small smile danced across her features.
Tell her now.
"You're up kind of early aren't you?" she inquired after a few moments.
"Yeah, well, I couldn't sleep," he replied quietly. Shawn could see her face morph into concern at his change in demeanor.
"Oh," she nodded, seeming to be deep in thought. "Well, I'm glad you're awake anyway, because I wanted to talk to you."
Tell her now.
Shawn finally broke. He didn't want her to leave with Declan. He wanted to be the one to hold her hand and kiss her nose. He wanted to be able to take her on vacations and be what she wanted. He wanted to have at least a chance to be what she deserved.
"Actually I wanted to talk to you too," he stated, his usually cheer starting to return.
"Okay, you first," she said.
He gulped, and opened his mouth to say something, nothing came out. He stood up and started to pace around the office, putting his hands over his face.
"Shawn, please don't take all day I have to be at work in an hour."
Shawn stopped moving and faced her. He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He was just going to have to improvise.
"Look, Jules. I have spent my entire life without committing to anything or doing anything right. I mean, my teachers couldn't rely on me to turn in my homework. I couldn't always tell my dad that I'd be home on time. I couldn't even promise Gus that I wouldn't eat his sandwich that his mom packed him. And after I moved out, I didn't commit to anything for the longest time. I didn't hold a job for more than a year, and I couldn't have a relationship with a person for more than a week. I just kept running."
Shawn looked at Juliet to see if she was following his rambling. She nodded, though she looked a little lost. He continued.
"And now I'm here. And I've had this job for more than five years. Gus is still my best friend and we work together. Me and my dad are even on better terms. And there's you and Lassie and the Chief. So this is the first time in my life I've been able to commit to something.
"But there are still days that I just want to leave. There are days when it seems like I could leave and everyone would be better off. I could start running again and leave you guys to be happy without me. And I almost do. But then you come in and ask me to get you lunch or help you with something. Maybe then I'll sit on your desk and we'll just talk for hours. That reminds me of why I want to stay. And I love it when you do that and I love staying and I love you."
Both Shawn and Juliet's eyes widened at the statement. Shawn was tempted to run and pretend it never happened, but he was in far too deep to stop now.
"The point is, Jules, you are a commitment I want to make in my life of noncommittal tendencies. You're like this candle, and anyone who comes close to the flame just can't compare to you. And I know that Declan is this big beautiful butterfly with a yacht and a fancy house who can help you shine even brighter. And I'm just a moth. And I want to be near that light so badly just like all the other moths. But all I'm going to do is chew you down. And you deserve better than that."
By now Juliet had the beginnings of tears in her eyes. Shawn had lowered his head to stare at the ground. He closed his eyes and waited for her to say something. But rather, he felt her had slide into his. He lifted his head up to look at her. Tear track stained her cheeks, and her eyes were slightly red But a content smile graced her features. Shawn watched as Jules brought her unoccupied hand up to his face and rested it on his cheek. She laughed and shook her head, which most likely meant that he had some sort of confused look on his face. Which was true, because he wasn't sure why exactly this was happening. His confusion multiplied when she reached both her hands behind his neck and kissed him.
All other thoughts melted away as he brought his hands towards her hips. He drunk in every detail. The way her arms tightened around his neck when he leaned into her. How the little strands if hair the fell out of her bun brushed against his face. The feeling of her lips placed so gently on his. It was slow. There wasn't anger or lust or excitement. Just bliss.
It ended just as quickly as it started. He pulled away and tried to rationalize his train of thought. He blinked and looked around the room until he had done so.
"What about Declan?" he said quickly.
Jules laughed, her arms still around Shawn's neck. "That's what I came to talk to you about. I broke up with him."
"Oh," he said. "But why?"
"Oh I don't know," she answered nonchalantly. "I thought maybe I had a better offer."
"Me?"
Jules rolled her eyes. "Yes. You Shawn."
"Oh. Well, I just thought... Maybe that... I'm just not..."
"Shawn," Juliet grabbed his chin lightly to make sure he was looking at her. "I love you too."
Shawn grinned.
Please review! It would mean the wold to me! And also let me know if you have any story ideas.
Thanks for reading, my lovely little readers.