In Holy Matrimony
Tortuga. The best town anywhere in the Spanish Main. It's full of bars and wenches, and, of course, pirates.
On this particular night, Captain Jack Sparrow was one of those pirates. He liked to sit in a bar and get completely wasted sometimes. However, on this night, he drank a lot more than usual.
He gave his crew permission to stay all night in Tortuga, but he went back to the Pearl.
He paced the deck a couple of times, then heard a voice calling to him. "Captain Jack, Captain Jack," an alluring female voice called.
He stepped cautiously towards the bow, not knowing who could be calling to him.
"Captain Jack Sparrow, you come up here and talk to me. It's so lonely up here. Nobody ever comes to visit me," the voice continued.
As he neared, he realized that the figure-head of his ship was talking to him. "Whatdoyouwanttotalkabout?" Jack slurred drunkenly.
"Let's talk about the sea. It's always so pretty. And so blue. You know, blue's my favorite color. What's yours?"
"Will you marry me?" Jack asked earnestly, down on one knee.
"Of course, Captain Jack."
Jack ran, as fast as a drunk man can, into his cabin to make up a marriage license. He thrust the pen and paper at the figure-head, and when she didn't take it, it fell into the port.
"Oh, well, who cares about a stupid piece of paper anyways?"
No answer came.
"Okay, I see, you're a little shy. Well, no matter. Let's consummate the thing!"
Then he passed out, face-down, on the deck.