Why Ulquiorra Shouldn't Be a Teacher
Ulquiorra sat in his room. He had recently checked up on Orihime and he had nothing to do. Then Gin's voice came over the loud speaker. "Ulqui, Aizen-sama wants to see you. Report to the main meeting room right away."
"…" Ulquiorra stood up. He was not one to keep Aizen waiting. In mere minutes Ulquiorra was standing before Aizen's throne. "I have a task that only you can do." Aizen said. "There is no one else among my espada, no, among my entire army that I trust as much as you to do this."
"What is it that you want me to do?" Ulquiorra asked.
"I need you to go to the human world and see how the teach their children."
"…" Ulquiorra cursed to himself. "Very well, Aizen-sama…But what should we do about the woman?"
Aizen smiled. "I'm sure Starrk can handle it."
"Indeed." Ulquiorra imagined that Lilynette would end up doing most of the work while Starrk just slacked off. Or, she would keep him awake and he would actually get something done. Either way, it was not smart to question Aizen, so Ulquiorra said nothing about the matter.
(The next day)
Ulquiorra(Who was dressed as a human and in a special gigai) looked at the room number he was assigned. "206…" He muttered to himself. Sure enough, this was the room. As he walked through the door, the chatting kids ceased their conversations and payed full attention to the pale skinned Arrancar as he walked across the room and sat down at his desk. "Hello kids. I am Ulquiorra Cifer, and I will be your instructor for today."
"Where is our regular teacher?" One kid blurted out.
"He's recently had an accident in which he was severely burned." Ulquiorra replied
"What kind of accident?" Another kid asked. Ulquiorra suddenly had a flashback.
*Flashback!*
Ulquiorra was counting his change for the bus fare. "50…55…"
"Hey, hurry up! I have to get to work!" A man behind him said. Ulquiorra turned around and fired a cero at him, then turned back to the shocked bus driver.
"$1.55." Ulquiorra said as he reached his hand out to give the driver the money.
"N-no. K-keep it." The driver insisted. Ulquiorra shrugged and got on the bus.
*Flashback end*
"Something happened to him while on the bus this morning." Ulquiorra lied. Well, it wasn't really a lie. Something really did happen to him, and it really was on a bus. But never mind that right now. Ulquiorra just wanted to get this day over with.
"Why are you wearing makeup?" A kid sitting in the back of the room pointed out with a smirk on his face.
"It's not makeup, it's a birthmark."
"Weird birthmark."
"I wasn't aware there was such thing as a regular birthmark." Ulquiorra said getting up. Had it been Grimmjow who had been assigned to this mission, that kid would either be in the hospital or dead. "Now, I suggest you shape up or I'll have no choice but to send you the principal's office."
"Fine…" The kid sighed.
"Good." Ulquiorra said while going over to the chalk board. He started writing something. "According to the routine, math is first. What were you learning with your regular teacher?" A young girl raised her hand. "Yes?"
"We were learning about circles." She said.
"Okay. More specific, please?"
"Like the area and circumference."
"Thank you." Ulquiorra draws what seems to be a perfect circle with a 14 inch line through it on the board. "Now, can anyone tell me the area of this circle?"
"…" The class was silent.
*5 minutes later*
The entire class was in chaos, and no one would listen to Ulquiorra. There were paper airplanes being thrown, and pencils flying.
"Please kids, calm down!" Ulquiorra shouted, but on deaf ears.
*5 more minutes later*
All the kids in the class were tied in their chairs. Ulquiorra sighed.
*Even more elapsed time, in the amount of 5 minutes*
Now, Ulquiorra was the one tied up in his chair, and the kids were free.
*5 min- You know what? Screw it…*
Ulquiorra was doing everything in his power not to cero them to hell. Just then, the bell for lunch rang. The students ran out the room and Ulquiorra pulled out his phone. He dialed the number Aizen gave him.
"Hello?" Said the familiar voice of his master.
"It's me, Ulquiorra."
"Ah, how is the research going?"
"Humans obviously do nothing to enforce the behavior of their children. I felt like I was in a room with wild animals."
"Interesting…"
"How is the woman doing?"
"Who, Orihime?"
"Yes."
"She's fine. I left her with Starrk."
"...You went through with that? "
"Yeah. He's, Primera Espada."
*In Orihime's room*
Starrk has a sign on his head that says, 'Asleep, BTW'
Orihime, who was talking, simply stares at him. "Um…Aren't you gonna listen to me?"
Nothing, no reply.
Orihime pouts. "It's only fun if Ulquiorra ignores me…"
*Back to the phone call*
"So, I assume Lilynette is there two?"
"No, Starrk doesn't need any help."
"…"
"Ulquiorra?"
The phone hung up. Aizen shrugged. "Must've lost connection." He stated, oblivious to the fact that his most loyal servant just hung up on him.
Ulquiorra rubbed his temples. He didn't usually feel anger, but he was really ticked off at these kids. How could their real teacher put up with them? Were they intentionally being bad because he wasn't their real teacher? Whatever it was, Ulquiorra didn't like it. He knew what he had to do.
When the kids came back from lunch, no one was in the room. They all walked in and took their seats, when the door slammed shut behind them. There was Ulquiorra, leaning on the wall, a blank look on his face. He walked to the middle of the room. "Pop quiz." He stated simply, while walking through rows of now grumbling kids. "What happens to people who misbehave?" The pale arrancar asks. A kids raised their hand. Ulquiorra pointed to him.
"They get punished." The kid said.
"Ah, yes. A good answer." Ulquiorra said, still pacing around the room. "Now, I want you all to write a report about everything you did today, from the morning, until now." The kids grumbled even louder. "Then, when you're done, I want you to decide if you should be punished or not."
"What exactly is the point of this?" A kid in the front of the room shouted.
"To teach you a lesson of course. That's what school is about, isn't it?" Ulquiorra said then, for the first time in his life, smirked.
And thus, the entire school day went without another flaw in Ulquiorra's plan…But what about in Las Noches?
A/N: Done! Finally! Yes, the end is pretty boring. Sue me. I hope you know that making Ulquiorra funny is not easy. BTW, this is going to be part of a series. The "A Day in Las Noches" series, to be exact. Net time, "Dr. Aizen Evil"!