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All credit to Eric Kripke and the writers/producers
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"It's better this way... The Mark... It's turning me into something I never wanted to be... I'm proud of us..."
Sam Winchester heard the words echo in his head for the millionth time. His hazel eyes snapped open as he jerked himself upright from his prone position. Sam's breath came in ragged gasps as he tried to calm his racing heart. Dean's tortured, bloodied face swam before his vision, and Sam blinked hard, willing the thought away. He could remember every last second of that night with his brother in excruciating detail. Sam's lips trembled and a tightness squeezed his chest like an iron fist. A single salty tear drop fell from Sam's lower lashes, tracing a line down his cheek. He swiped at his eyes furiously, biting his trembling lip hard, drawing blood. He willed himself to be strong, not to break down. Dean had always been so strong. Even in his dying minutes, as his life and his blood drained out of him, Dean had been strong, clinging to his humanity. He'd always been so good, never giving himself enough credit. At the thought of him, Sam broke at last, the tears coming in a flood as violent sobs and great wrenching gasps shook his tall frame. That wasn't even the worst of it. The worst had been months ago and Sam was still haunted by it. Words exchanged between him and Dean, words that he would give his very life to take back. He could still hear Dean's voice, clear as a bell: "If the positions were reversed, if I was dying, you would do the same thing..." Then came the words that haunted his every waking moment: "No Dean - I wouldn't..." He would give anything to take them back, anything! As he remembered his anger and his coldness to his brother at that time, regret and remorse clawed at Sam's very soul as he cried and grieved in agony...