Santana ran her brush through her black hair, finishing off with the one hundredth stroke. She smiled at herself victoriously in the mirror at her handiwork. Her hair was soft and bone straight, just the way she liked it before bed. Her hair was a sign of her hard work. Her dedication to keeping it groomed and beautiful. She laughed lightly at her own thoughts. Since when had she started comparing her success in life to her hair?
Her gaze flickered up to the tassel hanging above her mirror and instantly she remembered. Graduation. It had been a week since she walked across the stage and gripped her diploma to her chest. Graduation changed everything for her. It had ACTUALLY happened. And she was ACTUALLY leaving Lima. She was floating on a cloud with her army of friends and family cheering her on. It was the greatest feeling she could remember experiencing, apart from whenever she was with Brittany.
Brittany. Her heart ached for the millionth time when she thought about how her girlfriend, who she had been through everything with, hadn't graduated beside her. Santana had dreamt of what graduation was going to be like for the pair all through her high school years. She imagined Brittany looking gorgeous with a smile pasted on her face. She imagined hugging her until they both were blue in the face and even then not letting go until Brittany asked her too. She imagined standing on a table at Breadstix and proclaiming to everyone, "We did it! We are out of this damn place and I'm in love with my best friend!" But the world is torturous and a slasher of dreams, something Santana knew long ago.
Upset with her own mind dragging her into dark thoughts, Santana pulled herself away from the mirror. Away from her own sad, brown eyes. As she walked into her bedroom, she reasoned internally that at least they were still together and that they still had all summer to be with each other. She decided to call Brittany before bed, seeing as the blonde had been too busy during the day running end of the year meetings with the student counsel for next year. As soon as she made the plan to call, she immediately changed her mind when she made it to her bed and noticed that her lover was already occupying her side of the mattress.
Santana chuckled at Brittany who held her Blackberry up to her in offering. She was half tucked underneath the sheets already. Santana took the phone from her and Brittany yanked her onto the bed. Automatically Brittany tangled herself into Santana, her head resting against her chest. The Latina wrapped both arms around her girlfriend.
"Baby, you know that you don't have to sneak in here any more, right?"
"I know. It's more fun this way though. I can be stealthy and surprise you. Surprise!"
"Best surprise all day," Santana mumbled contently as she held her tighter. Brittany pressed little kisses to Santana's chest. A silence fell over them and they were happy to soak in the moment together.
Brittany continued to pepper the girl underneath her with kisses. She could tell Santana was enjoying the attention so she nuzzled her nose against her collarbone. When Brittany felt her giggle she became more determined in her actions. She used her hands to trace gentle patterns up and down Santana's arms until she felt her shiver. Brittany began kissing her skin again, this time with a new goal.
Being able to read her lover, Santana picked up on the change of tempo and ran her hands through Brittany's blonde hair. Their eyes met and a fresh spark ignited. Brittany worked her way up to Santana's lips but didn't close the distance just yet. She glared hard into her eyes, trying to tell her without actually telling her how glad she was that they were together. That they were in the same bed, free to love each other in all the ways they wanted to. Brittany was surprised by her own arousal, suddenly eager to touch Santana everywhere.
Her hands slipped under Santana's night shirt. She rubbed her thumbs frantically up and down the sides of the Latina's toned stomach. She grew more anxious when Santana let out the first, airy moan. It was light and distant but it was enough to make Brittany bite her lip. She found it hard to resist the idea of kissing for much longer and swooped in, connecting their lips. Their mouths moved in sync as they eagerly shifted, Brittany taking her position on top. Her thigh rocked up into Santana without hesitation and the brunette moaned aggressively into her mouth.
Shit, this is hot and we haven't even taken off our clothes! Brittany thought as she rocked her hips in a wider circle. They picked up the pace and Brittany was surprised at how quickly she could feel her edge approaching. She could feel her girlfriend shaking below her and was relieved that they'd go over the edge together. Wanting to look at her when they came, Brittany slowed down her thrusts so she could meet Santana's eyes. Unfortunately, it wasn't an orgasm causing the new graduate's body to tremble. Tears were threatening to spill as Santana tried to avoid Brittany's worried look.
Completely stopping her movements, the blonde tried to pry Santana's hands from over her face. "San, what's wrong?"
She continued to shake as she held back the tears that were disturbing their evening. "I'm ruining this," she confessed.
"No, sweetheart. You haven't ruined anything. We can just stop, okay? We don't have to do anything tonight."
Losing her fight to her emotions, Santana's cry broke through the silence of the room. Her chest heaved long and hard to the point where it began to hurt. She tried to sit up and Brittany immediately pushed herself off of her. Unsure of what to do, Brittany let Santana crumbled before her. She racked her brain for reasons why the strong, sharp tongued woman would be reduced to tears but she assumed it had to be the reality of moving past high school.
"Lord Tubbington has been crying for hours, too. It's okay. You're both going to sleep so good tonight and wake up feeling all stiff."
Santana's face twisted in hurt anger and she seemed like she was going to burst.
"How did you NOT tell me?" she cut in, feeling torn and frustrated.
The shout caught Brittany off guard. She looked over at the brunette blankly, unsure of how to start. Picking up that Brittany was going to play the "lost" card only fueled Santana's rage.
"You'.." she emphasized. Her eyebrows scrunched in confusion, "How could you not come to me and tell me what was going on? That you were flunking! How could you not even try to graduate with me, Britt? Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea how long I have imagined us graduating together? Being happy and moving on to the same college? Do you even-"
She wanted to continue on but she was finding it hard to see and her throat hurt beyond belief. Her chest clenched at the hurt look that came across Brittany's face but she tried to resist giving in. She was pissed and she wanted to stay that way.
"What good would it have done?" Brittany shot back with more mocking than she intended. "I've been failing since Freshmen year. You would have been so distracted trying to help me that you wouldn't have been able to focus on your own work. And I wasn't going to let that happen," she says with finality.
Brittany reached for Santana's hand but she quickly moved it out of reach. The action stung and the pain was evident on the blonde's face as her own eyebrows scrunched in confusion.
"I could have tried Britt. I could. We could-" Her voice was raspy and broke off as tears overtook her. Santana distantly wondered if her parents could hear her bawling from downstairs.
"I love you, Santana. You're going to go so far and I am not going to stand in the way. I'm going to stand beside you. To do that...I have to finish school. As soon as I'm done, babe, I will be right there with you in New York, making something of myself too."
As if run by a switch, the Latina's tears slowed as she looked doe-eyed at Brittany. Brittany looked back at her and nodded to confirm that she meant it. Of course she means it, Santana thought. She's meant it all along. She's been my greatest gift.
"I just...wish you would have told me sooner," She stated, feeling defeated.
"I know. I'm sorry San," she said pulling her into a hug. "But we are going to alright. We are going to be alright and the only thing that will change is how often we see each other. Which I've been thinking actually only works in our benefit. I mean, more time apart means more time missing each other. Which meeannns more time rekindling the flame every time we do get time alone again."
Santana choked out a chuckle and dabbed at the remaining tears on her cheeks. She couldn't believe this was her future. She couldn't believe that Brittany, her Brittany, was hers and hers alone. A year ago she dreaded being in a relationship with a woman but she was scared then. She was only a phony back then. This Santana was the real her. She was her best when she was with Brittany, even if they would be apart for several weeks or months at a time when she started college. They'd make a way. They had to.
Sensing that Santana was working her way past the shock of still not getting to graduate with her, Brittany turned her on her side and spooned her body. Santana was usually the big spoon. It was her way of showing that she was still the more dominant and protective one even though she was complete mush when it came to Brittany. Not this time, though. This time Brittany took their relationship by the reigns and protectively wrapped Santana in her arms. Without a fuss the brunette snaked her arms over Brittany's in front of her. Being the little spoon in such a vulnerable state made her feel strange but having Brittany as her big spoon made her feel safe.
"Te quiero, Santana," Brittany spoke into her neck. Tears prickled at her eyes instantly at the sound but Santana fought them back. It was rare that Brittany spoke Spanish to her, seeing as she didn't know very much, but when she did it made Santana's heart soar.
"Te quiero mucho, Britt-Britt," she whispered. She searched for Brittany's hands and intertwined them with her own, placing a kiss at the center of her back hand. Brittany only snuggled impossibly closer. The room fell silent again. It seemed to be happening a lot this night but both knew it was a mutual silence of acceptance. As Santana's thoughts wondered about what college life would be like without her girlfriend 24/7, Brittany pecked at her ears and cheek. Her lips made contact for a little bit longer with each time they touched Santana's skin. She couldn't help herself from nibbling at her earlobe softly. Instantly, Santana snapped back to the present, her body on full alert.
Brittany took the soft skin into her mouth, swiped it with her tongue affectionately and tugged slightly at the lobe with her teeth. Santana's hands clenched in hers, showing Brittany how much she liked what she was doing. She released her ear and kissed just below it. It was a sign of how much she treasured Santana. It was a sign of how special she was and how Brittany cherished her. It was Brittany's way of physically conveying to her frightened lover that she wasn't going anywhere and that she looked forward to their long nights of making up for the lost time apart when Santana went off to school. It was her way of saying "I love you" and "I want you" at the same time.
Caught up in the tenderness in her own actions, Brittany felt her own throat close up a little. She refused to cry though. Santana barely ever saw her cry and this night was about Santana. If they were both crying they'd be a big weepy mess. Someone needed to be the anchor and Brittany was determined to be strong for her. So instead she began a steady chant to keep from crying.
"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you," she spoke the words softly against Santana's tan neck and shoulders with every kiss.
"I love you too," Santana said back. She turned in Brittany's arms so they were facing each other. "I love you so much."
The moment was too intense for either of them to stand so they did the thing they knew how to do best. They let their bodies do the talking. Santana met Brittany's mouth halfway as they melded together. Brittany's hand rested against Santana's cheek and stroked it comfortingly as they deepened the kiss. This kiss was different from earlier that night. It had the same anxiousness of two passions colliding but it was no longer desperate and dangerous. There was safety and promise in this kiss.
Santana's fingers toyed with the hem of Brittany's shirt. She slipped her hand underneath and inched the cloth up the blonde's back. Brittany mirrored the action, fumbling with the clasp of Santana's bra. Once undone she toyed with the soft left nipple with her index finger and thumb, eliciting a gasp. Santana pushed further into Brittany's hand.
"Please, don't tease me," Santana begged in a whisper, "Just-"
But Brittany had already taken the hint. She tugged the shirt off along with her own and shimmied off Santana's bra. With no hesitation she latched her mouth to a stiff nipple and ran her hand down the front of Santana's night shorts. Remembering that the Latina wanted no foreplay, she pulled down her shorts and panties before showing attention to the opposite nipple. Santana's fingers found their way to the back of Brittany's head where they held on to a handful of silky hair.
"Britt..."
As the name fell from Santana's mouth, Brittany was instantly on top of her again, hand trailing down her stomach right to where Santana needed it most. Brittany found her own mouth suddenly dry and she licked at her lips. Her hand grazed Santana's core and with each stroke there came a moan and a small jerk. Santana's eyes were tightly shut in anticipation. Brittany began her chant again, "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…" until she felt the body underneath her relax.
"Are you ready?" she finally asked, as if it were their first time, when Santana opened her eyes.
"Yeah," Santana nodded. "Wait, wait. Actually. Promise me something?" Her voice was so uncharacteristically timid that Brittany worried that she might have snuck into the wrong house and into the bed of another Santana Lopez
"Anything. Except that Tina will get a solo because that's nearly impossible," she said, trying to make light of the situation. Santana looked at her with no sign of humor. She would never understand why Brittany acted like she was oblivious to cover up for how she was really feeling but she imagined that it was probably in the same way that she acted like HBIC at McKinley to avoid her own insecurity.
Santana held Brittany's gaze above her and said to her earnestly, "Promise me that if you aren't happy, at any time that we are together, that you tell me. I need you to want to do this with me for as long as we both want it. I don't want you to ever feel trapped, okay?"
"That's ridiculous. I won't ever get tired of you," she said as if it were the most obvious thing.
"Please. Please just promise me that. You know I hide when I'm a bitch and I know you hide when you pretend like things aren't changing. I want you with me in New York so bad that it hurts but it will hurt worse if I know you're unhappy being with me years from now."
"I will be right here. I'm not going anywhere. You are it for me, Santana. We're going to be girlfriends forever, remember?" she nudged at Santana's jaw with her nose. "Remember?"
A smiled finally broke onto Santana's face. "Yes. I remember. Forever."
"Okay good. Now may I continue? I have something special that I want to try and I need you dry eyed and focused if it's going to work."
"What-?"
But Santana's curiosity was cut off by an assault from Brittany's lips. They began with a kiss and an unsaid promise to love each other as long as their hearts allowed. Brittany peeled off her remaining clothes and pounced on Santana with love in her heart and uninterrupted pleasure on her mind.