Title: remember, who we are
Author: skiing_pelican
Rating: PG-13
Genre: hurt/comfort
Characters: Sam, Dean, Castiel
Spoilers: spoilers through 7.23
Warnings: mentions of starvation, implied violence, language
Word Count: 7500
Summary:
Sam finds Dean and Cas a day after their fight against Dick Roman. But it seems they stayed much longer in purgatory than that. Sam helps them heal and deal with the aftermath of prugatory. Some Dean/Cas undertones, but this is gen.
Authors note:
This story is a fill to drabblewriter's prompt at mad_server's season 7 finale meme on livejournal. Visit my LJ page to find a link there. (Link to my LJ can be found on my profile.)
There will be three chapters for this story.
Original prompt:
A twist on the time-passes-differently-in-Purgatory idea...
Dean (and Cas) spend a verrrry long time searching for a way out, being hunted, beat up, and generally traumatized. But by the time they're successful, hardly any time has passed back on Earth. Dean has a hard time healing and dealing with this. Any pairings!
And OMG, I really wrote gen! Although I could have slashed!
Disclaimer: I don't own the boys.
/-/
Sam trotted slowly away from Sucrocorp, his hands stuffed in his pockets and his face in a deep frown. It should be a good day - they had managed to fight one big bad evil. But he didn't feel like they had won the fight. Crowley had managed to play all the cards to his favor yet again. Dean and Cas were gone, most possibly in purgatory, but he didn't know if he should believe Crowley. Kevin was in Crowleys hands, and Meg... god knows what happened to her.
So really... they had managed to "win". Only... in the typical Winchester way.
Sam wasn't even desperate or frustrated. Right now, he was numb. All that happened sunk slowly into his brain, but he could not process it. Not yet, anyway. He could only acknowledge the facts. Crowley had let him go with no further explanation why de didn't kill him on the spot, but knowing the demon, he had his reasons. All he could do now is find a way back to their shack, get all the things and find a way to bail Dean and Cas out as soon as possible.
So Sam trotted slowly along the highway, his mind blank. He needed a good nights sleep to figure out what to do next.
/-/
But Sam's brain couldn't stay blank for long. Instead of sleeping it off, he spent the night rolling around with his eyes open, mulling about Dean, purgatory, their life, how to get the impala back, Cas, Meg, Crowley, Leviathans and if their threat was over now (it wasn't). It got frustrating when light started seeping through the curtains and birds started cheeping.
He was woken by his phone ringing. He groaned loudly and took a look at the watch on the nightstand. Only 8.46. He couldn't have slept much more than three hours. He was very tempted to just ignore the call, but he grabbed his mobile anyway and answered with a sleepy "Yeah?".
"Sam, 's tha' really you?" a familiar voice asked. Sam was suddenly wide awake.
"Dean?"
"Yeah, 's me."
It was definitely Dean's voice, but it sounded off. It was hoarse and fatigued in an odd way, and it sounded like Dean didn't believe he was really talking to Sam.
"Hey dude, you all right?" Sam asked immediately.
There was silence at the other end of the line. Okay, that meant no. Whatever was wrong, it was bad, and he had to find his brother like, right now.
"Dean, where are you?" Sam inquired. "I'll go and get to you as soon as possible."
"'ve... 've go' no idea" Dean slurred, much to slow for his brother's taste and laced with an odd combination of desperation and hope. "Sam... we're in the wood. Yeah. And 'here's a river. But don' know nothin' more."
Dean was talking excruciatingly slow. It made Sam go nuts with worry. This was so not like his brother.
"Okay, that's good. Cas is with you."
An affirmative grunt on the other end of the line.
"Good. Dean, try to find the next town and call me again. I'll pack things up here."
"Sam..." came pleading, even more desperately.
Sam hesitated. He was getting fidgety and really nervous. "Dean?"
"Don't thin' I'll manage tha'. Cas 's pretty heavy."
There was so much wrong with that statement Sam couldn't even pinpoint what was the worst. The way Dean's voice broke? That Cas must be out cold? The way Dean's voice trembled as he claimed Cas was heavy? Or maybe the way Dean slowly fought with getting out the right words?
And Sam knew for a fact that Cas was not heavy.
"Okay, okay." Sam said, trying to sound calm while he panicked on the inside. He opened his laptop and started it while he pressed the phone between his shoulder and cheek.
"Dean, I'll track your phone. You stay put, I'll come and get you both."
"Oh."
Dean sounded so damn off. Like he had no idea what Sam was talking about.
"Are you wounded? Do I need to bring anything?" Sam asked, at the same time punching Dean's number into the tracking program.
"Wha'? No, jus' tired. Tha' all."
Sam scrunched his nose in worry. The hell was Dean just tired. He was bringing firetrucks and sirens. The tracking program pinpointed Dean's location, it was very near. Sam squinted to take a closer look at the map and zoomed in. It was just around the corner. Oh no. That was... great. Right in the wood behind Sucrocorp.
"Okay, hold on Dean, I'm not far. I'll be there in a moment."
"'k."
/-/
Sam brought with him the large first aid kit and went to short-circuit the nearest car he could find. The map was printed out and stuffed into his pocket, just in case. He drove the car into a little sidepath that lead into the woods, but didn't dare to get to close to the company building. With a shotgun ready, he sneaked through the wood as fast as he could. No demons or leviathans in sight. He finally spotted two figures half leaning, half lying against a tree a few steps further down. Sam surveyed the area closely before he let his guard drop and hunched down next to Dean and Cas.
The sight shocked him so much that he had to take a second and just stare. They both looked so incredibly wrecked. But no, that wasn't all of it. Dean looked up at him, with the same, familiar green eyes, but they looked so incredibly old. And then he took in the rest. The dry, ashen skin hanging from sickeningly thin bones. The deep worry lines and dark circles under his eyes. The slight gray touch to the hair at his temple. Sam's belly clenched tightly in horror. Only their clothes looked exactly the way he remembered them.
"Dean?"
"Sam."
In real, the voice sounded even more hoarse, barely more audible than a whisper. Maybe it had gotten worse since the phone call.
"Dean, let me check you." Sam said, opening the first aid kit next to them.
"Cas!" Dean tried to exclaim, but the sound that came out was barely louder than before. He coughed twice before he continued. "Cas... check...
"Yeah Dean, I've got him, don't worry." Sam said immediately and moved to hover over Cas' unconscious form. Cas was in a similar shape like Dean. Sam had no time to think about what could have happened to make an angel age. Or why they aged at all.
Dean squeezed the angel's shoulder with the hand that had rested on it the whole time. He started to make a few guttural sounds that sounded vaguely like language. Sam didn't see any injuries that he needed to take care of immediately. There were tons of nasty, worrying scars, but nothing fresh. The sight was horrifying anyway. Cas ribcage stood out way to sharp against his belly, not a bit of flesh between the thin, whitish, almost translucent skin and the ribs beneath. Dean made some of those sounds again and Sam was sure now that it was language.
"Dean?" he asked, raising his eyebrows in question.
"Get off Cas!" Dean suddenly bolted, and Sam had to throw himself back into the dirt uncontrolled to avoid the blade that lashed out at him.
"Dean, it's me, Sam, remember? I'm okay!" Sam said. He held his hands up carefully, signaling he was no threat, hunching down to make himself look as small and harmless as possible.
"Only monsters don't know enoch." Dean snarled. His speech was suddenly faster and clearer, like the adrenaline kick made his brain work again. Sam recognised the sounds now that Dean made earlier. It sounded just a little off... like angelic drawl.
"You're what? Shifter? Levi? Well, you know what, you sick son of a bitch? I don't care. You won't get a bite of angel today. Not from mine."
"Dean, it's really me, Sam!" Sam insisted. "You called me! I tracked your phone here! Only I know this number!"
Dean just stared at him, his jaw set and eyes angry. He had gotten up to his feet and stood defensively in front of Cas, his blade ready in front of him.
"That's silver." Sam observed. "Okay, cut me. You'll see, I'm not a shifter."
Sam stood up again and carefully made a step toward Dean, extending his arm as not-threateningly as possible. Dean stared at it for several slow seconds and did nothing. He finally blinked, as if he remembered something from a long time ago and sliced just deep enough into Sam's skin to draw blood. He frowned as red blood tickled down Sam's arm, as if it was the last he expected.
"How?" Dean asked.
"How... what?"
"You can't be Sam!" Dean barked. "You look... exactly like I remember!"
Sam looked back into those old, tired eyes, sitting in an old, wrinkled face, framed by old, grayish hair. And caught up.
"Dean, how long were you in there? Only a day passed here."
"A day?"
Dean gulped. His eyes went wide in that boyish, surprised way he would probably never lose. "Really?"
"Yeah. Time passes different in places... sometimes." Sam assumed. "How long, Dean?"
"Uhm... twenty years? Thirty? I don't know."
Sam groaned. That was... great. Just great. By now, Dean's knife sunk down more and more. Dean didn't have the strength to hold it up anymore, not without the adrenaline circling through his veins. Even his speech had slowed again, slurred out until his words were barely recognisable.
"Dean, please, let me help you." Sam said and took a bold step up into Dean's space, his hand closing around the hilt of the weapon and taking it out of Dean's grasp. Dean didn't fight. Sam didn't think Dean could have fought him, even if he had tried. His brother was a wreck.
"Okay, let's get you somewhere safe." Sam said.
"'k. Cas. Take Cas." Dean asked, voice full of worry.
"Yeah Dean." Sam replied. Dean didn't take his worried eyes off the angel one second as Sam checked on him once more before he hauled him over his shoulder.
"Can you walk?"
Dean nodded. Sam let his eyes travel over the form of his brother, taking in the bony arms that so not filled out his shirt. Dean was swaying where he was standing.
"I'm not taking chances." Sam said and laid an arm around Dean's middle to steady him. He felt hard bones under the layers of much to big clothes, reminding him once more of the terrible state his brother was in. They abandoned the first aid kit since Sam had no plans to leave them alone in the car to get it.
/-/
The walk back to the car was as excruciatingly slow as it was uneventful, if you didn't count Dean stumbling over roots because he could barely lift his feet enough to drag himself forward, let alone step over them. Sam was glad. One single stunt demon would be enough for them to be screwed right now.
As soon as they reached the car, Dean reached out and leaned against it, not letting go from Sam until he was sure he was safe against the side of the car. Sam opened the backseat door and carefully lowered Cas into the car. When he retrieved his head from the car again, he saw Dean dragging himself around the car, balancing with both hands against the steel at all times. Sam watched wordlessly but fascinated how relatively secure and fast Dean made his way around the car, considering his state. Dean opened the door to the other backseat door and somehow managed to shove himself in. Sam wondered where Dean found the space to sit since Cas' form was sprawled over the whole bench, until he slid into the front seat and took a look in the rear view mirror. Cas' head was now lying in Dean's lap, and Dean was trailing his fingers through the dark bangs, smoothing them back and out of his face like Cas preferred it. Dean murmured a few more words in enochian. Sam only recognised 'Cas'.
/-/
Sam made a quick stop at the cabin and told Dean to stay in the car. Sam rounded up all their stuff in light speed and tossed it into the trunk of the car. He would have to come back for the impala sooner or later, but getting Dean and Cas as far away as possible from any leviathans of demons was the highest priority right now. When Sam slipped into the drivers seat and checked on them in the rearview mirror, Dean was still awake and staring out of the window with alert eyes.
"Dean, you should sleep." he said while tucking his seatbelt in. Dean's old eyes met him in the mirror.
"Have to keep watch."
Sam hesitated at that.
"Dean, how about... I'll take the first watch, okay?"
And Dean didn't even think of this possibility. Sam's eyes shifted to Castiel and back to Dean while he turned the key in the ignition. Thirty years. Thirty years.
No wonder it was hard for Dean to accept someone else into his two-men team. They still were Team Free Will, but it wasn't the same to Dean anymore. Couldn't be. It was probably a miracle that Dean trusted him this far. He would have to remember, relearn.
"Okay." Dean murmured.
Sam concentrated on driving. As they were on the highway, he took a longer glance into the mirror. Dean was out cold, sleeping like a rock. His hand was still in Cas' hair.
Sam looked back at the road. So many questions were circling through his brain right now. What did they had to endure? He wasn't sure if he really wanted to know. Would they ever get back to, at least, remotely normal again? And since he didn't have much hope right now, he wasn't sure if he really wanted to know that either.
But Sam knew one thing. He was going to get some flesh on those bones.