It's me, Iggy, the Igster, Ig, young Iggles Mcgee... you get the picture. I'm here to tell you about my life my love and all the rest of the stuff Fang dared me to write about after he found me reading his diary (way more funny than his blog, let me tell ya).
I guess you're thinking WHAT THE HELL? A blind guy writing his autobiog? How the heck does that work? What are his descriptions gonna be like? "The guy smelled ugly"? Spare me! but please control yourself, you might actually offend someone. Anyway I'll have you know my descriptions are sharper than Max's insults. Read this and try to disagree:
Max: Her voice is sorta husky but not-dude! You seriously need to quit on the cigs!-type husky. She's tough so... she probably looks sort of guyish. But then again Fang has the hots for her so maybe its just a vasard... fassard... facard... act. (or Fang is bi, either works. Must... resist... golden... teasing... opportunity...). Brown and blonde streaky hair. (I took the liberty of poking around while everyone was sleeping, to make use of my supah powah! I thought asking "Can I touch you" sounded sorta pervy. I'm such a gentleman I know :D!). Generally reeks but I win on any contest of the funk. I wouldn't be so sure if I were you,Ig.
Fang: Emo however much he denies it. Likes to write secret diaries in fluffy pink notepads as a hobby. Also blogs to detract attention from the diary. His favourite colour is black, like his hair. Olive skin. The only thing in his pack apart from the diary and the laptop is a portable shower and a bottle of perfume (cause he smells like a girl). Voice always sounds calm but starts to choke when he says more than three words. (eg. "Iggy, you stink." easy. "Max I really l-l-l-gack-cough-argh!" difficult.)Shut up, Iggy!
Nudge: The colour of coffee, which is nice. Shame of the verbal diarrhoea. I haven't bothered to note what her voice sounds like cause it would actually destroy my ears. Kind but far too fond of baths.("Ig, you need a bath or you'll end up stinking more than that landfill rubbish tip we flew over the other day and that smelled really bad and nobody likes people that stink that much I'm sure Ella would like you much more if you smelt like a human instead of a rat and they live in sewers you know ooooh do you remember when we slept in that weird sewer town place that was awful I thought I'd never get the smell out of my beautiful hair...") Oh yeah. She's also super vain. I don't get fashion, when you see catwalk shows, all the models look like multicolour anorexic dinosaurs, don't you agree? No I don't, actually.
Angel: Has a very sweet voice, but that just makes it more creepy when you listen to what she's saying. It's like that horror movie about a doll that murders people. It's always more scary that something that seems so cute can be so bad. She's understanding though (well she would seeing as she can read minds) and she sends me reassuring thoughts when I'm feeling down and helpless. Her hair is a creamy blond and floofy and I'm sure she looks just as beautiful as an angel. Angel! Give me back my pen!
The Gasman: The name says it all. I say Max smells bad, I say I stink to high heaven but Gazzy... He's usually fresh enough so if you don't know him, witnessing one of his explosions could be the worst shock of your life. WARNING: STAY AWAY FROM REAR END. Has the same puff-ball blonde hair as Angel Hey! and shares my passion for explosives (though I don't much like his natural kind). Supah-powah: methane mushroom of morte. And I'm proud of it!
Me: Handsome as a donkey's butt. Intelligent to anyone who hasn't read any of the above. Deadly as a chihuahua I've ALWAYS wanted one of those, they're so sweeeeeet and maybe I could carry it around... SHUT UP!
Fine I give up! But next time I'm not gonna let any of you get your hands on my precious pen. You hear me!