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The first time he saves her ass, singing Swayze at the top of his lungs, he laughs the entire car ride home and wonders what they have gotten themselves into because this girl is absolutely freaking nuts.
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Spencer just looks like the biggest douche to walk the earth and that is really saying something because he is best friends with Schmidt.
And more than anything, he wants to cheer when she picks up the plant and slams it on the ground because really, she left the plant and he forgot to water it. She is a constant ding-ger when one of them forgets to wash the dishes or turn off the dryer or put the empties in the recycle bin, so how the hell could he forget to water the damn plant? I mean, she's just like there, so there's no reason to not remember.
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He is completely hammered, drinking Jack right out of the bottle. No shame whatsoever. Such an idiot to make Jess put on a dress and heels and pose like some babe that he picked up last night to piss off his ex-girlfriend because honestly, Caroline isn't worth it.
And now all he can do is apologize. Luckily, Jess is easy with him being him as long as he lets her be her so that's how the chicken dance pops off his fingers and into his legs and spills out of his mouth and when she laughs and laughs and laughs, he feels like yeah, they're going to be alright.
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Before he hears the end of it, yes, he looked. And okay, he may have lingered, but she started it.
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Having CeCe in the house is like having a really hot dictator around. Like Mussolini without the mustache. She just orders them around and everyone pretty much listens except for him and Jess because he's not a fucking idiot nor is he a care-taking Jewish mother figure. It just puts the whole loft on a weird kind of lock down and sends Jess acting even more nuts than usual.
Between the drugstore and the roses and the feet and the running into traffic, she's got him all twisted up like a corkscrew and pissed off but then they're in the bathroom, doing their nightly teeth brushing and mouth full of spit and soap she leans over and apologizes. He smiles because what else can he do? It's Jess, he's not going to take her any other way than out of her mind crazy.
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He doesn't know if it's the violin or the fact that he called the Lions the players from Des Moines or the suit on Thanksgiving, but he wants to punch this guy in the face. And, he really does want to like him because Jess likes him and it's the first time she's been interested in a guy since her super douchey ex, but this guy is so freaking Jess. But not in the good way. Not in the sing and dance and make weird breakfasts and wear those teeth and laugh all night into a bowl of ice cream Jess.
It's difficult to lie to her and when she's all up in his face with the door shut and her eyes so big when he yells at her for caring, he just hates himself for being that friend that can't be supportive. He wants her to be happy, but this guy?
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She's kind of clueless sometimes. He'll give her that but she really does know what she is doing when it comes to teaching. That's probably why she has so much control over the three of them without working too terribly hard—not that he's ever going to tell her that.
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He can't imagine that she would ever be bad in bed. She's too freaking quirky and all over the place for it to ever be boring or dull and it's not like he hasn't noticed what she looks like. All supple porcelain skin and flushed pink cheeks and pouty lips and long tumbling raven curls. I mean, yeah, he has noticed her, and no, no, he has never thought about her in the sack before.
(Later when Schmidt tells him that he's becoming as easy to read as a men's fashion magazine, he smacks him and tells him to put ten bucks in the jar because obviously, we've all thought about Jess naked, Nick.)
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Winston tells him that he sucks at giving gifts, but deep in his mind since that morning when they were all falling down in their new roller skates, he had an idea about what he could give Jess for Christmas. When she brings them to Candy Cane Lane and it looks like Lisa Frank and Santa did it and then spouted off children all over the lawn, he wants to mock until his throat is sore, but really, he just plots and then checks what time his flight is.
Jess gives him another present by wearing that sparkly dress and looking like a damn lawn ornament and telling Paul to get lost before he does his grand gesture and wakes up an entire borough on her behalf. She's got this cross of disbelief on her face like she can't believe what he's done and all he does is shrug like yeah, I had this planned the entire time and thinks that for the first time in four years, missing his flight wasn't so awful.
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In no way does he on vibe Julia because she is a little bit crazy. That's not why he wants to. Anything crazy just reminds him of big blue eyes and feeling sticks and rainbow shoes. Not lawyers with right hooks and proper ponytails. Those are the kinds of things he should be thinking about. At least that is what he sometimes reminds himself when the Dirty Dancing DVD appears on the coffee table or her glasses find their way onto the kitchen counter or she does one of her voices with hand gestures. Yeah, he's got enough crazy in his life, but he sure isn't complaining about it.