For those of you who've read my cousin's first story, refer to my account for an update on his story.
This is my first time actually writing a story, so excuse any errors and my lack of experience. Hopefully it'll get better as time goes on.
Thought of this on the fly and decided to get it on paper as my first story before the night passes, so it's a little short. Enjoy though!
I'm weak.
Years of fighting, whether it be with the bullies and adults of my past, or the treacherous monsters I fend off throughout the lands, and I still can't seem to rid myself of this weakness. Everyone talks about the lives I save, and yet all I can think of are the lives that are lost.
Like Aerith and Zack
And mother
Tifa says that's completely normal, it's what makes me a hero. That even through all the painstaking effort and rewards, I'm taking the time to mourn those who I've lost. That I should remember them not by the last breath they took, but by the memories we share with them. Use it as a means to become stronger, to cherish those who are still in front of me. And most importantly, use it as a reason to protect them no matter how weak I believe I am, because even if I am, I'm not alone.
I'm a monster.
I know. I'm not literally a monster. I don't have wings sprouting from my back, carnivorous teeth the ooze poison, or even a lustful desire for combat and adrenaline. I've finally gotten that under control. But I'm certainly not an average human anymore.
I feel like a dog that can smell the gasoline in a car from the second floor. I feel like both an eagle that can see even specks from miles away, and an owl with built in night vision. And don't get me started on this sixth sense for danger and presence, I can't even explain it.
Sometimes I jump from the second floor because I don't feel like having to walk through a full bar. Sometime people see, and it's become so common for some of the regular customers, that they tend to sit outside just to greet me as I go. Yeah it's not normal, but for a monster like me, it's probably weirder to just use the stairs.
And at the end of the day, if there's been nothing that's reminded me of the thing that I am, I can always rely on my faithful mirror to do it for me. For some reason, seeing the green mako swirl in my eyes always sends shivers down my spine. The third time I fought him, Sephiroth couldn't even get the hairs on my arm to prickle, and yet these eyes have me beat every time.
Marlene
Whenever people ask her what they think of me, the most frequent thing I hear from her mouth is 'child'. Ignoring the shot at my ego, it tends to put a smile on my face, and on the rare occasion, pull a small chuckle out of me.
Why am I a child? Because as Marlene puts in "Silly Cloud! Where would you be without us?"
Yeah it's true that there's a lot that I don't know yet. Yeah I oversleep a lot when I'm off work. I have trouble finding my ridiculously oversized swords. I basically only have one outfit, and multiple copies of it. And yeah, I have trouble talking to people, especially girls. But in my defense, spending your whole childhood abhorred by the villagers and your teenage life in both the army and a tube does that to you.
Marlene says I don't have much tact when it comes to delicate situations either, my cooking is worse than Barret's and I steal from the cookie jar more frequently than her and Denzel, which is only half true, since sometimes they convince me to do it.
And that's ok, because I'm learning, not by myself, but with her and Denzel by my side. It brings us closer together, and gives me not only a family, but friends. I'm glad because it takes more than one person to make pillow forts and water guns any fun. And at least now I have a reason to learn how to build snowmen.
Marlene is still young, so it's understandable that she has trouble understanding my perspective of who I am. Kids like her still think you need wings and scales to be considered a monster. And that's the way it should be. The fact that she hasn't grasped just how monstrous people can be is a sign that I'm doing at least one thing right.
Yeah she's a lot like the rest of them. She thinks I'm a hero, that I can beat almost anybody, even her dad. But she also knows me for who I truly am. She knows that I can't bear to drink plain milk. That I hate green beans even more than she does. That no matter how strong I am, I'll never be a match for Tifa and her smile. That my one true weakness is that damn puppy- face that Tifa taught her how to pull off.
And last but not least, she knows that deep down; I don't agree with her, that I'm suffering from my incompetency. But most importantly, she still thinks me a hero despite all that. Despite all my flaws, she still truly believes that no matter the situation, it'll all turn out okay as long as I'm there.
Denzel
He's a quiet one, especially around me, but his eyes and face speaks volumes. I've sometimes noticed how talkative he is with everyone else, even with Cid about machinery and I wonder why he can't do the same with me. It took Tifa's help for me to realize that it's because of how much he looks up to me.
He's quiet because he doesn't want to make a fool of himself, he doesn't want me to think he's just some immature little kid. He's quiet because he overthinks about what he should say. Even when I'm complementing Marlene's drawing or offering ice cream, he's quiet because he doesn't want to seem like a child, even if he does want that pat on the head, or an extra scoop of chocolate sprinkles.
Yeah he knows that I'm like a child in a lot of ways. I pick at Tifa's lasagna behind her back, my room is a mess, and like I said, I steal from the cookie jar. But that's ok, because I want to remind him that it's ok to be a kid at times, and I'm glad he got that message.
He doesn't care about how quiet I am, or how awkward I can make a conversation. At the end of a day, to him, I'm a 'badass, monster-slaying hero that roams the lands and gets the girls'; at least according to what he told Tifa behind my back. And even though Tifa is anxious about how Denzel wants to be just like me, especially when he said that right after calling me a badass slayer, I don't care because I know for a fact that there will always be someone out there who's looking at me like a role model.
I just have to make sure he doesn't hurt himself trying to swing around my sword every morning. And unfortunately, I'm not allowed to let him ride Fenrir until he's 18. (At least not when Tifa's around)
"Yawn~" (I don't normally write quotes in bold. It's just to distinguish the present from Cloud's thoughts.)
And speak of the devil
"Hmm…What are you doing up so late Cloud?" Tifa wraps her arms around me from the back as I sit on a stool downstairs in the bar, with only the light above me turned on.
As weird as it sounds, she knows me best. Like, better than I do myself. I'd think of her as a monster too now and then. Aside from the fact that she can literally supplex men that are three times her size, she reads my mind. I'm sure of it. Whenever I'm in the vicinity, she always knows what I need, whether it be a glass of some hard liquor, or a hot plate of whatever she whipped up. She knows when I'm distraught, sometimes she even knows why. And let's not forget how she can voice out my thoughts before I even know what they are.
She knows that I think I'm a monster, I'm weak and unreliable, and that I don't deserve her. And she's accepted that I feel that way about myself. But she's also determined to prove me wrong. Because in her eyes, I make up for the times when I'm not there, I may be abnormal, but I use my abilities to benefit others. To her, we've been through far too much to keep thinking we don't deserve one another. And no matter what I think, to her, I will never be weak.
Tifa? She can understand why I feel the way I do about myself. But she never fails to remind me of why people consider me to be such an amazing person either. And no matter how depressed I am, or how much I undermine myself, she would always look at me with a smile, plant a soft kiss on my lips, and whisper in my ear,
I love you, so much.
Even when I'm messed up, she'll always end the day with a smile aimed at me.
"Come back upstairs…" Tifa whispers from behind as she plants a kiss on my right cheek. She pulls away slowly and starts her way upstairs. I can practically hear the smile in her voice. "Yawn~ You know how restless they get when daddy isn't next them."
I wash down the rest of my water and quickly make my way to her side before she starts on the stairs. Let's just hope I don't mess up too bad with the twins she's still carrying in her.