A Vincent Yuffie Affair Chapter 1, a final fantasy vii fanfic

Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII nor the characters associated with it.

This is will be my first ever one-shot story which will consist a series of one shots in every chapter just for the heck of it.

The story will be the in-between moments of the group as they saved the world from their various villains.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

"Give me your materia!" yelled Yuffie at the new team member; Vincent gave her an icy glare,

"No." replied the gunslinger before tripping over.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

"By the gods! Who lives in a place like this? The floors creak, the ceiling leaks and there's a coffin here! What kind of desperate, boring, gloomy person lives here?" was the ninja princess reply looking over the mansion.

"This is my house." Said Vincent flatly.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

"CLOUD! Vincent turned into some monster!" yelled a crying Yuffie, running as fast as her legs could carry her.

"Ugh, yes, Yuffie, he turns into a monster…that's his Limit Break." Told Cloud lamely, she hid behind him pointing at the hulking figure with a hockey mask and a chainsaw.

"Come on, Yuffie, it's still Vincent…sort of." Coaxing the ninja, she shook her head, "It revved its chainsaw at me!"

"No he didn't."

Hell Masker turned to the blonde before spying the little thief and revved the chainsaw at her causing her to shake and scream hysterically.

"…okay maybe he did."

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

"Why am I stuck evacuating people while the rest is kicking that two-bit SOLDIER to the curve!"

"Because you're so loud, you'll alert the damn thing before Cloud could stab the thing with his overgrown butter knife." Replied Vincent bluntly, causing the thief to yell out in protestation.

Ugh…maybe I should have stayed in my coffin…

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

After the battle and Cloud's bitter mourning of his best friend's girl who he tried to get with, Vincent felt it was time to go back and repent a bit more.

However, reaching his mansion he was greeted with the sight of construction workers with sledge hammers, jack hammers and demolishing equipment. Vincent glared at them all, but they brushed it off as they were too busy to care carrying crates and what not.

"What in hell are you doing here." Growled the gunslinger, the demolish crew manager came walking to him, he was a foot short than he was, with dark brown hair that matched his mustache and was portly built, he looked up at the gunslinger before answering,

"Well, lookie here, the building is no longer suitable to house people safely, so I'm here to tear it down, for da public's sake."

"I live here."

"You a squatter? Naw, its falling apart. Ya see, this place is not only a public hazard, the mortgage is zilch and frankly its an eyesore."

Vincent gave no reply, but glared at the man, but he didn't budge, "Lookie here, if you really live here, I'll get you pad until you get your own, its not much but its better that this falling over piece ah shit."

Vincent could see the man logical, if barely, so grudgingly; he let it be torn down after getting his stuff.

The manager gave a hearty laugh as the last brick fell, he dug into his pockets pulling out his keys and a crumpled piece of paper.

"Eh? What's this? Tear down, yada yada…oh."

"What is it?" asked Vincent, the manager gave him a nervous look, "It seems I got the wrong mansion, heh heh heh…" the man nervously laughed, Vincent looked positively murderous…

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Vincent stood in the airship, feeling the monster ship rocked forward and back, Cid was whistling over the steering as the others were in the cabins. Yuffie on the other hand didn't get such a pleasant ride,

"Oh…ugh, I think I'm going to be sick…uh." Said a green Yuffie, Vincent felt a twang of sympathy for the ninja princess until the ship leaned towards his side. Yuffie couldn't hold down her lunch any longer before her projectile vomit sailed across the air and splattered on the red cloak that Vincent futilely tried to hide behind. That speck of sympathy vanished without a second thought.

"What the fuck is that smell? YUFFIE! You better not have puked on my floor!"

"I…didn't, ugh."

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

"I said I want your materia, Vinnie! Cloud, Tifa, Red, Barret and Cid all gave me one!" whined the little thief, Vincent glared at the nickname.

"Don't you mean the materia you borrowed?" said the gunslinger emphasizing on the last word, she gave a huff; muttering in an undertone on how sharp Vincent was.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Discovering the adult fun in life, Yuffie received many advice and tips from her friends, Cid seemed to give the best in her opinion.

"If I remember right brat, you never stole materia from Vincent before right?"

"Nope. He is something else; like he knows I'm up to no good."

"Who couldn't?" Yuffie gave a huff, Cid got struck with a wonderful idea, "Listen, I heard that Vincent got two new materia crafted from the Lifestream!"

"Really!" the ninja's eyes gleaming, Cid's grin grew wider, "It's hidden in his…"

Vincent was busy cleaning his numerous firearms; his eyes were constantly looking over his weapons for smudges or defections. Hearing a knock, Vincent put down the Death Penalty and opened the door to find the ever-eager Yuffie at his door.

"Yes, Yuffie?" asked the quiet shooter, she gave him a wide grin causing him to narrow his eyes, "What?"

"I heard you have some materia you're hiding from me. You're so mean!" cooed the ninja, confusing the shooter.

"I don't have any new materia. And if I did, I would of—"

"HYAH!" yelled the ninja, toppling the man to the floor, she quickly unzipped his pants and shoved her hand into his groin searching for her fabled materia. Vincent stared too shock for words or bodily functions, until he heard Yuffie yell,

"Cid, I'm only feeling some sort of sausage!"

"You got to really look! Check under it!" came the pilot's voice; he swore he heard him laughing downstairs. Yuffe dug around more thoroughly before grabbing the family jewels, she gave grin before noticing it was attached to shooter,

"Hey, Cid! Vincent's materia is like glued to him! And it's really warm!" yelled the little thief, Cid laughter could be heard all over the bar. Tifa and Cloud ran upstairs to see a sheet-white Vincent on the floor trying to remove Yuffie who had most of her arm inside his pants.

Tifa fainted at the sight while Cloud gave him the thumbs up until Vincent pointed Cerberus at him, he quickly ducked and pulled the ninja away finding out she was hood wink.

"CID!" yelled Yuffie pulling out her Conformer and running down stairs, all red in the face.

"Highwind…" Vincent picked up Death Penalty before following suit.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

"Come on, guys it was a joke! Hahaha…" said a cornered Cid, he was sweating bullets as Yuffie glared at him with unbridle fury that a teenager could only do.

Vincent held both Cerberus and the Death Penalty at him, Cid's eyes bulged out, "Help! Cloud! Tifa! Help they're gonna kill poor old me!"

Running downstairs, Cloud and a red Tifa looked at the cornered pilot with their two friends holding up their weapons of choice, "You're on your own."

"You deserve it after you trick Yuffie! She practically fondled his jewels!"

Turning back to the two, he could see flames burning in both their eyes,

"…oh shit…" he began shitting bricks.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

In the end, Cid did not die; he was rushed to the hospital after Yuffie delivered a nut shot kick that could be strong enough to break his pelvis in two.

Yuffie, scratched her chin, looking all guilty,

"Sorry about that Vinnie, I should have known Cid was fooling me."

"Don't take it so hard, Yuffie. I enjoyed it."

Two loud thumps echoed through the bar as Cloud and Tifa fainted.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

"Merry Christmas,Vinnie!" yelled an excited Yuffie as she blew on a party horn and threw confetti through the bar. Barret and Cid sat on a table playing poker and taking shots, Cloud dressed as Santa sat on the armchair with a blushing Tifa on his lap asking what she wanted for Christmas, Red was busy running about with Denzel and Marlene chasing him; laughing as they tied bells on his heels and bows on his ears, Cait Sith was singing terrible Christmas songs in his megaphone, Reno was busy drinking a red hue on his face as he slurred words with an equally drunk Rude.

Vincent duck as Red leaped over him as Marlene had a pink dress and Denzel with makeup,

"Come on, Red! Its Christmas!"

"I refuse, children!"

Marlene giggled before quickly grabbing his tail and stuffing his head with the collar of the dress,

"Vincent! Help! Don't let them do this!"

"You heard them Nanaki, its Christmas."

Red yelled out more pleas to no avail as he was dragged away, Vincent sighed as he sipped his wine.

"Hey…Vinnie! Do you know where you are?" asked a sly Yuffie, he slowly shook his head, "Well, you're under a mistletoe! And you know the rules! You gotta kiss me!"

Vincent felt a flash of heat run through his face; was it really a rule to do so?

"I don't know, Yuffie."

"Come on, Vinnie!"

Vincent felt two hands grip his shoulders and yanking him down to her level, his headband was soon discarded before he felt the teens soft lips clasp on his, thankfully everyone was too busy with their activities to see the great Vincent Valentine mouth raped by the Single White Rose of Wutai.

The tender moment that Vincent was feeling from the hotter-than-a-thousand-suns kiss was abruptly interrupted by a girly dressed Nanaki with lips stick, braided mane, bows and bells, earrings, eyes shadow, mascara and whatever else that made him girly, tackling the two down as the two munchkins came running to see the sight.

Suddenly something fell on Vincent face much to his dazed annoyance,

"What the hell is this?" snarled Vincent, propping himself on his elbows, Yuffie pushed her bangs away to see the object before she began to snicker,

"Wow, Vinnie, is that my Christmas present?"

"…what?"

"What are you doing with my thong?" yelled a red faced Tifa, pushing, well in her case, she was sending the party goers flying across the room to retrieve the naughty article of clothing.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

"Vincent…" Yuffie looked at him with her big puppy gray eyes, her lower lip gently stuck out and cutely tilting her head, Vincent recognize this as her trademark pleading attic.

"…can I have some materia? Please?" she said cutely, Vincent's eye brows twitched,

"…no."

"Aw, come on, Vinnie! I did all those cute faces, voice and the puppy eyes! I know it made you melt in the inside!"

"…here then." Vincent dug into his pouch before handing her a glowing orb; the little thief grinned and hugged the shooter before she began to examine the gift.

"Hey, wait a minute! This is a dud!" she yelled at the retreating figure, Vincent grinned evilly under his collar.

I never knew you would be so…evil. Said Chaos smirking.

I learn from the best.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

"Admit it Vinnie! You-you want-ted to bang thi-this goddess body-y the day we met-t!" slurred a drunk Yuffie, Cid promptly down a shot before whipping around at the thief, who obviously wasted out of her mind.

"Who the fuck are you talking to you skinny brat? You gotta be out of your freaking materia-obsessed mind! Your body is nothing close to a goddess!"

"Oi, shut up, my freaking head is bumpin' foo!"

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Rawr, growl, rawr, howl, growl, drool." Snarled a fire tip cat, dog, wolf thingy, as it ran underneath the drinkers.

"What the hell is going on? Where's my clothes?"

"I didn't mean to stab her! Why is everyone one blaming me?" [Guess who this is]

"Yuffie, never once had the thought of 'banging' your 'goddess body' has run through my mind."

"Ah, Vinnie, don't lie! You always look at me hungrily with those red eyes!"

"Gawd, I hate it when you guys get drunk; I always end up driving you guys home."

"I didn't to shoot you, ugh, that bitch slap me and I shot you, I swear! I got miss deal!" ranted an old fart in a younger body, Vincent pulled out his trusty Cerberus before sending the fucker out the window, scaring his drinking partners.

"Vincent! What the hell!"

"Dude, warn a guy first!"

"Finally, Vinnie, that bastard was getting on my nerves." Said a grinning Yuffie, Vincent swung his gun smacking Cid to the floor, he cursed his heart out while the gunslinger pointed the gun on the poor girl.

"Eek! What are you doing!"

"You're on my nerves too." Smirked Vincent.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

"Vinnie, why don't you find me attractive?" yelled Yuffie, she was nineteen and her hormones was in complete over drive, Cloud steered clear from the little thief remembering her crush on him…that and Tifa had him by the balls already.

Vincent sighed and silently thanked that it was the two of them, he turned to see the ninja with her hands on her hips and a somewhat stern look on her face.

"Yuffie, don't take this the wrong way, but I'm just too old for you."

"I don't care if you're sixty or seventy! Heck, I don't care if you're a hundred years old! To everyone you look like a twenty seven year old man! A sexy and yummy twenty seven old man." Drooled Yuffie, the glint in her eyes made Vincent slightly uncomfortable which is saying a lot, he slightly edged away, her eyes was trying to X-Ray vision into his pants.

"Yuffie, be reasonable, I'm definitely not the guy for you."

"What the hell are you talking about! You're the perfect one! I'm a ball of energy and I'm fun to be with while you're all gloomy and brooding! We balance each other out!"

"I am NOT all gloomy and brooding." Stated the gunslinger sternly, the ninja grinned wrapping her arms around his waist before he felt them snake underneath his shirt and feel the skin underneath. Vincent felt an electrical surge run through him as her fingers glided over his abs, he quickly grabbed her in the shoulder with both hands…bad move.

Yuffie made a pained look, "Yinnie…your claw…" Vincent pulled back only to snip her strap causing her tube top to fall to her navel, leaving her goodies on display, Vincent blushed.

"Ah, I am attractive now huh? Vinnie you perverted old man!" chirped Yuffie, she grabbed his undershirt and pulled it up while she got the chance, exposing his torso to her perky breasts and rubbed them on it.

Vincent took a step back only to fall over his red cloak with Yuffie still latched on, the ninja grinned while Vincent face palm himself, what is going on today?

Vinnie is such a pervert! I like that!

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Vincent slowly made his way upstairs to his room in Tifa's bar, after a long day's work, apparently Cloud's job was not as easy as it seemed. He silently cursed at Cloud for catching a cold, he should have fallen asleep in the shower after he banged Tifa, idiot. He groaned as he felt where got shot by the bandit ached, even though it was healed the pain lingered, haggard and aching, he just wanted to fall into bed.

Tifa's voiced found its way to him, telling him that dinner would be ready soon, he felt a slightly relieved before turning the knob to his door and was greeted with the sight of…

"The Single White Rose of Wutai demands you spank this teeny ass!" chirped Yuffie, she was on fours with her short shorts down to her ankle and her snow white thong clinging on her ass for dear life.

Vincent stared before slowly, ever so slowly, retreated from his room before closing the door.

Yuffie tilted her head not sure what to make of his reaction,

"Vinnie?"

The gunslinger took a moment to gather his thoughts before yelling from the safety of the other side of the door,

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!"

Yuffie was about to yell but though better to do so, she carefully got off his bed before pulling up her short-shorts. She calmly open the door and apologized to the shooter before going to her room, the whole time scaring the poor shooter.

Vincent watched her bewildered from her lack of energetic and stubborn self, he walked to her door before knocking worried.

"Yuffie?"

Pause.

"Yes, Vinnie?"

Vincent stood there waiting for an answer before he heard the door creak open, he was about to fully open it before a rush of sound and sudden blindness stopped him.

Yuffie peered at the gunslinger, "Your welcome, Vinnie."

She quietly closed the door before Vincent whipped the object from his eyes and found out it was Yuffie's thong.

Fuck my life…

Yeah, this story had been collecting dust in my hard drive for too long, its time it had some light for a change. My one shots will mostly revolve around Vincent and Yuffie with other pairings but not as much and to sweeten the deal I promise not to put any Chuck Norris in this story as my D. Gray Man has pretty much cover it.