Be Prepared: The Twilight Version

by unicorn-skydancer08

I never thought Twilight was essential. It's crude and unspeakably plain. But it might have just a glimmer of potential…if allied to my humor and brain.

BE PREPARED: THE TWILIGHT VERSION

Betcha can't guess which song this is set to! (Hee, hee!) But seriously, folks, the second installment of "Breaking Dawn" is upon us, even as we speak. So watch your backs, mateys.

I daresay this was worth the two days I put into this.

---

Original Song © Disney (and Elton John and Tim Rice)

New Lyrics © unicorn-skydancer08

Twilight Stephenie Meyer

All rights reserved.

---

My Twilight senses have been tingling
And we know that can't be a good sign
Call me crazy, but I've an inkling
That this ain't the end of the line

It's clear from the paraphernalia
That we will be hit again, and hard
The zealots are back, out to get ya
Even you can't be caught off your guard

So prepare for the shock of a lifetime
Be prepared for unspeakable news
A new Twilight era
Is tiptoeing near-a
And where do we stand here?
We could use a hand here
It's been overrated
Since it was created
But Miss Meyer's been granted her dues
She's gone farther than anyone's dared
Be prepared!

Yeah, be prepared! We'll be prepared…for what?
For the new Twilight movie.
What, didn't they already do that?
No, sir—that was just Part One. And now they've got Part Two.
Oh, brother! That's all we ever get! Bella, Edward, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah!
And what's worse, they don't think that's enough!
Hey, but you said, uh…
There's also "The Midnight Sun." At this rate, we will never be free of Twilight again!
Noooooo!
Oh, heaven have mercy!
Heaven have mercy!
Heaven have mercy!

It's sad that we'll soon be bombarded
With another Twilight pandemic
Those guys must have their brains discarded
If they think we'll fall for their trick

The future is full of surprises
And we must all strive to survive
The point that I must emphasize is:
YOU NEVER SHALL TAKE US ALIVE!

So prepare for the hoax of the century
(Ooooh!)
Be prepared for the sappiest scam
(Ooooh, la, la, la!)
Unfortunate planning
(Madcap trend!)
Insanity spanning
(Not the end!)
Improbable prospects
(We implore!)
A screwball complex
(Please, no more!)
Build up your defenses
Hold onto your senses
And brace yourselves for the bedlam!

Though your body and spirit are scared,
Be prepared!
Yes, our bodies and spirits are scared!
Be prepared!