Special Report: Uzumaki Naruto – Friend or Foe?

Summary: A self proclaimed muckraker and champion of truth, Konoha journalist Iwai Keisuke sets out to find out if Naruto is truly the hero everyone think he is and not the kyuubi, and asks the one question everyone didn't know they really wanted an answer to: Does Naruto love Sasuke more than a brother and friend?

Warning: Meant to be a nearly crackified parody.

Chapter 1: Iruka

"Hello, my loyal audience. Your beloved Iwai Keisuke here, proud muckraker and champion of truth! As you know, as of today I have given myself a new assignment, one which I call: Uzumaki Naruto: Friend or Foe? Yes, it is exactly what the title say. Is Uzumaki Naruto truly a hero, or is there a side of him, a certain demonic side of him, we should all be wary of? I shall be tackling other such questions as: Does Hyuuga Hinata really have a stuttering problem? Is Naruto as stupid as he looks? Are the visits from Temari of the Sand really just for business? Does Naruto see Uchiha Sasuke as more than a friend of for? Today, I begin to investigate these harrowing question as I go around the interview certain people in our newly minted hero's life…..alright cut! That was good, right?"

The camera man nodded and Iwai beamed, adjusting his glasses. He was scrawny man of probably 30-ish, with knobby knees and voice that always sounded excited or anxious. His eyes were nosy quick, and large nose could probably out smell a rat—because that was what he was, a rat, a mole, and proud muckraker.

"Let's visit the academy first—we'll talk to Umino Iruka, first sensei of Uzumaki Naruto!" The man marched off confidently, walking over the rubble and remnants of the old Konoha which had been blown to bits by the Pein Invasion. When he came to what was left of the old Ninja Academy, which was now in the process of being rebuilt, he smiled at the camera and confidently walked towards the construction. Without much trouble, he found chuunin working hard hammering a nail into a wall.

"Umino Iruka!" Iwai exclaimed, shoving the microphone into the poor man's face, "I am Iwai Keisuke from Konoha News Channel 1, and I am doing a story about our new hero, Uzumaki Naruto! Could you give us a bit of your time to talk about your former student and answer and few questions I might have?"

Iruka blinked, confused at first, and then smiled good naturedly, "Sure, what do you want to know?"

"You were Uzumaki Naruto's first sensei to believe in him, correct?"

"Yes."

"You would say you made a huge impact on his life and helped him get where he was, correct?"

Iruka blushed a little and smiled sheepishly, "I suppose so."

"Tell us more about the Naruto you taught."

"Well, he was definitely dead last in the class because the poor kid was just…you know…had troubles. He had no home or parent and he was lonely all the time. The other teachers did not help much so Naruto just barely scraped by…"

"Is it true that you failed him several times and refused to let him become a ninja?"

"Hey, he failed to make a simple bunshin!" Iruka exclaimed defensively, "Of course I failed him. But…he proved he was more than capable when he didn't run away, saved me and created an army of Kage bunshin."

"Right, kage bunshin—a technique on the level of jounins, right?"

"Right. Learned it himself."

"If he was able to teach such a high level technique himself, then you can say it was the failure of you senseis for not being able to even teach how to do a simple bunshin successfully, right?"

Iruka blushed deeply at this, "You know, it was not easy being his sensei! The kid slept in class and played pranks all the time!"

"Right right," Iwai said dismissively, "Tell us more about the other side of Naruto…you know…the more demonic side."

"Naruto is not a demon," Iruka said sharply, "He is a proud shinobi of the leaf and no different! His demonic problem is not a problem to a safety of Konoha!"

"Do you believe so?"

"Yes."

"Did you know that Naruto released all nine tails during his fight against Pein?"

"What, how did you know that?"

"Nothing escapes a person dedicated to the truth, Iruka-san," Iwai replied dramatically, adjusting his glasses.

"But he contained even the nine tails, so…what's the problem?"

"What if he couldn't? He would have done more damage to Konoha if he couldn't control it."

"But he did. And not only saved us all, but brought us back to life!"

"Right…how did you think he accomplished that? It's one thing to defeat the Akatsuki member, but it's another matter to convince Pein to kill himself and bring back the lives of everyone he just recently kill. Don't you think it's a bit…suspicious?"

Iruka narrowed his eyes and repeated, "Suspicious?"

"Do you think that really made a pact with Pein? A secret agreement? It's too good to think that he just talked Pein into it, don't you think?"

"Naruto would never betray leaf in such a way," Iruka said stonily, becoming increasingly annoyed at the questions, "How dare you question him when he just saved the village?"

"Oh, he's a hero so he's above criticism now?" asked Iwai, raising his eyebrows. This seemed to anger Iruka and he opened his mouth to protest, but Iwai stopped him by holding up a finger.

"Fine fine, let's not talk about that," the journalist said, nodding, "I do, however, have one more question for you."

"What?!" barked Iruka, "Hurry up, I have a school to build."

"How close are you and Hatake Kakashi?"

Iruka seemed surprised at the question, and also very suspicious. He answered, carefully, "Not that close. We have no connection besides the fact we are both senseis of Naruto. He is my sempai and an excellent shinobi."

"Are you sure you're not that close?"

"Yes…"

"Then why do you blush whenever you see him?"

"Well, because he's a famous sempai and I'm just a humble academy teacher…"

"Oh, out of respect?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Well, your fans seemed adamant about you and the Hatake having a loving, gay, sexual relationship—"

"What!" a beet colored Iruka exclaimed, "Kakashi-sempai and I? What the hell—wait…did you just say my fans?"

"Well, I'll be going now, Iruka-san, thank you for your time!"

"Wait! I have fans? What fans!? Why Kakashi? Wait!"

However, Iwai had already used his sneaky-no-jutsu and disappeared out of sight, cameraman and all. He popped up again a couple of meters from the school, smirking, "Next target, Ichiraku Ramen!"

A/N: Reporters can be soooo annoying.