She tied the red ribbon in her daughter's hair and went to finish getting ready. Her daughter didn't really understand what was going on, but she did know her mom was upset. The little girl sat waiting, swinging her legs, until her mom was done getting ready.
At 9:00, Mother and daughter climbed into the waiting black car to be driven to the cemetery.
"Mommy? Why sad?" almost 3 –year-old Spencer tried to snuggle closer to her mom, but was stopped by the car seat. Olivia turned to her daughter to answer, but was stopped by the little girl's blue eyes, so much like her father's, so much like Elliot's. Instead, she just held her hand.
Olivia had cried herself to sleep every night for the past week. Every night since the Captain had called to tell her Elliot was gone. To tell her that her husband of four years was dead. Olivia still couldn't believe it. She was startled out of her thoughts by the driver opening her car door and telling her they were at the cemetery. Olivia thanked the man and unbuckled Spencer. She carried her daughter over to where she saw Fin, Munch and Captain Cragen waiting. Spencer wiggled out of Olivia's arms and ran over to the team.
"Unca Fin. Pick me up!" She held her arms up and Fin lifted her up, settling her on his hip. He gave her a small smile.
"Hi Spence. How's mommy today?" He looked over at Olivia, who was talking to a detective who had stopped her. Even from this distance he could see that she had lost weight and she was pale. Spencer shrugged.
"Mommy's sad. She misses Daddy." Spencer pushed her hair out of her eyes. Fin sighed. He knew Olivia would need a lot of time to heal. She and Elliot had been partners for years before they even started dating. Olivia finally managed to extract herself from the detective who had been talking to her and she walked over to Fin.
"Hi Fin. How're you?" She looked even worse up close and as she took Spencer into her arms Fin scoffed.
"Liv, I should be asking you how you are. You look like hell and I mean that in a caring way. Have you slept at all?" He wasn't surprised when she shook her head. She like Spencer down and told her to not move. Spencer nodded and played with the Barbie she had brought. Munch and the Captain came over to see ow Olivia was. Captain Cragen put his arm around Olivia.
"Liv, we're all going to miss El. This was a horrible thing to happen." His words were cut off when Olivia started to cry again. She wrapped her arms around the Captain and sobbed into his shoulder. Fin and Munch looked around to see why she had started crying again. They saw the coffin being unloaded, just in Olivia's line of sight. Fin lifted Spencer up and faced her in the opposite direction so she wouldn't have to see the coffin. Spencer giggled at being lifted and swung, but stopped when she saw Olivia sobbing. She reached out from Fin's arms and called to Olivia.
"Mommy? Mommy are you okay?" She frowned and looked upset. Olivia tried to wipe away as many tears as she could and turned to face hers and Elliot's daughter.
"Mommy's just sad. She misses Daddy a lot. Mommy'll be okay sweetie. I promise." She gave a watery smile and Spencer accepted it. The three men shared looks, but didn't have time to say anything because the burial was starting.
Olivia wasn't even sure what had happened by the time it was over. All she knew was that she and Spencer were on their own now. She was handed a folded up flag and Elliot's NYPD badge. She fingered the cold metal with one hand and held tightly to Spencer's hand with the other. Olivia paused to wipe her eyes. She knew Elliot had died doing what he loved, but she wished he could still be here. As she buckled Spencer into her car seat the little girl tugged on Olivia's blazer.
"Mommy, can I have Daddy's button?" Olivia frowned until she realized Spencer wanted Elliot's badge. In all honesty, Olivia didn't want to let it go. She wanted to keep it on her at all times, just to have a piece of Elliot with her. She rubbed the numbers again and passed it to Spencer.
"Here you go Sweetie. Just be careful with it, okay?" Olivia kissed her forehead as Spencer nodded.
Not wanting to go back home yet, Olivia stood outside the car talking with Fin, Munch and Cragen for a while.
"Olivia, are you okay to go back home?" Munch asked her. Olivia nodded. She couldn't trust herself to answer without crying. As she looked out at the parking lot, Olivia saw so many detectives wearing their dress blues. She thought about the first time she had seen Elliot. Young, handsome, cocky. She had been taken with him almost immediately, not that she'd told anyone. And then she saw the glint of the sun off a badge and decided that she wasn't going to cry herself to sleep anymore. She knew Elliot would hate for her to be like this, no matter what.
Since it was the fourth of July, Olivia decided that she would fire up the barbeque and have Fin, Munch and Cragen over. They could take turns telling Spencer about her dad and Olivia would keep Elliot's badge where she could always find it. It was a time to remember her husband in happiness, not with tears. The same badge shone again and Olivia felt as if Elliot were there with her. She suspected he always would be.
A/N: Happy 4th of July everyone. I hope everyone had a happy and safe holiday weekend.