Castle held the door to The Olde Haunt open for Beckett, then followed her inside.
"Hey, Castle!" The bartender called to his boss. "Didn't think I'd see you here on Valentine's Day."
"Hi, Dave." He placed his hand very gently on Beckett's lower back and guided her toward the stairs to his office. "Can you bring Scotch downstairs, please."
Dave sensed Castle's mood and nodded, heading for the back to get a bottle of the Single Malt his boss preferred.
"I hope you don't mind coming down here." Castle said as he sat on the leather couch and put his feet on the coffee table. "I don't really feel like being around people right now."
"This is good." She said, sitting next to him and looking intently at his face. She watched as Dave came down, placed the bottle and two glasses on the table and, with few words, ascended back to the bar. She kept her eyes on Castle as he poured silently, thanked him when he handed the first glass to her, then as he sat back with a sigh, sipping his drink. "You OK?"
"You keep asking me that." He observed, staring into his glass of deep amber liqueur.
"I'm going to keep asking until you tell me the truth." She replied in a concerned voice.
Castle looked at her intently for a long time, his eyes gliding over her familiar features. The features that had become a place of solace to him, and of longing. She had seen the change in him over the past three years. Hell, she was the reason for it. Her influence had changed him so much for the better, just as Damien's had all those years ago. "I became the man I am because of him." He turned away and wiped his eyes hastily.
Beckett watched for a moment, tetering on the line between friendship and something much more. It was a line they had treaded carefully, like tightrope walkers, for years, both concentrating so hard that they would not allow themselves to slip. She slid closer to him and placed her hand on his cheek, turning his face toward her. "You are the man you are because of you." She said softly.
Castle shook his head and tried to turn away again. Beckett wouldn't allow it.
"He was an important influence to you in a time when you felt lost and scared." She stroked his cheek with the back of her hand. "You are responsible for the choices you have made."
"Good and bad." He said softly.
Beckett smiled and nodded. "Those choices made you who you are." Their eyes held. "And that man is pretty wonderful… sometimes." She smiled weakly.
Neither spoke but Castle reached up and brushed her hair away from her face, pushing it behind her ear. As he looked into her eyes, he felt so naked. So vulnerable. Yet somehow he didn't mind. Instead, he savored the feeling, taking comfort in the relaxation of his usual protective wall.
He kept waiting for Beckett to withdraw, as she normally would when they tip toed across the line, but she didn't. Instead, her thumb brushed away the tear that spilled from his eye and she rested her head on his shoulder. Castle lay his head on top of hers and didn't try to hide the occasional tear that fell.
"I know how it feels, Castle, to find out that someone you care about isn't who you thought they were." She shifted against his neck, suddenly aware of his scent radiating around her. She closed her eyes and inhaled.
"I know you do." He turned so his nose was nestled in her hair. He fought the overwhelming desire to press a kiss against her head. "Thank you for being here."
"Always."
Sometime later, as the band began their sound check upstairs in the bar, Castle reluctantly lifted his head from against hers. "I think you have a date to go get ready for." He wasn't sure, but he thought her heard Beckett sigh as she sat up.
"Yeah."
"You wouldn't want to disappoint the good doctor on Valentine's Day."
Their eyes met and Kate Beckett smiled a half hearted smile. "No. I guess not." She touched his cheek again. "You going to be OK?"
Castle melted against her palm and covered her hand with his own before taking a deep breath and sitting up straight. "I'm always OK." He said in his best confident voice. He stood, took her hand and pulled her to her feet. "Now you get out of here and have a great night."
Beckett looked at him for a moment, definitely not fooled by his feigned mood.
"I mean it." He said with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Go and have a wonderful evening." He kissed her cheek quickly. "Go."
Beckett didn't buy the act, but agreed anyway. She walked up the stairs and through the bar, stealing glances at the couples who were already starting to fill the place, then out the front door. She was a block away, looking at her car keys in her hand when she suddenly pulled her phone out of her pocket.
She opened the keyboard an took a deep breath,
Don't kill me. She texted
You're kidding. Came the reply.
I can't leave now.
What about later?
I just don't see how I can get away. She cringed as she hit Send
A moment passed before his reply came. She knew he was angry, but this was a conversation they had had dozens of times before. Sometimes it was he who cancelled. Sometimes it was her. She had never done it for anything but work before now.
I understand. Gotta go.
She knew he was angry, but her mind immediately returned to the other man in her life. He was hurting and needed her now. She'd make it up to Josh. Right now she had to help her friend. She put her keys away, turned around and walked back to the bar.
Beckett quietly walked down the stairs to Castle's office in The Olde Haunt and stepped through the door. It was open, just as she had left it a short time ago. The band was playing upstairs and the music drifted down the stairs and into the office, but Castle didn't seem to notice. He was sitting at his desk, with a glass of Scotch in front of him, turning the pages of his old yearbook.
"When you need a friend, it's OK to say so." She said as she closed the door behind her.
Castle looked up, very surprised to see her standing in front of him. "You're one to talk." He walked over to her and stood there for a second, as thought thinking of what he would say next.
Beckett was frozen in place, thinking Castle was about to kiss her. She surprised herself with how disappointed she was when he didn't. Instead he found his voice.
"What are you doing here?" He asked. "It's Valentine's day. You should be with someone special."
"My other plans didn't work out." She smiled. "Is it alright if I stay here and keep you company?"
Castle looked at her with so much emotion in his eyes. He nodded and took a step closer, wrapping his arms around her. "I'd like that very much." He rested his head against hers and reveled in how much he loved the feel of her.
Beckett left all her thought of Josh behind her as she stood there, in the arms of Richard Castle, where she felt safe and comfortable, and needed. She stroked the back of his hair as she held him. "Good, because I'm not going anywhere." She meant it.
As they held each other, the music from the bar above filling the room, they started to sway slightly. Neither noticed at first, but soon enough, they moved more purposefully, transitioning to a genuine dance. Their cheeks were pressed together. Kate's arms were around his neck. His were wrapped around her waist. Their bodies were pressed together, tentatively at first, but as they continued to move, they melted together. She breathed in his scent, her nose just touching the hair behind his ear. He was conscious of his lips, grazing the milky skin of her neck. Neither changed position, afraid to break the spell.
"Hey, Boss, are you still here?" Dave's voice came from the stairs.
Kate felt Castle take a deep breath and sighed before saying, "This had better be important."
She smiled as she reluctantly stepped away from him.
Beckett had accompanied Castle up to the bar to meet David Renner, a writer friend of his. They had passed the evening in pleasant conversation and had eventually made their way down the block to a diner where they often shared milkshakes and burgers.
"So you're Nikki Heat." Renner said as he took a bite of the Chocolate cake he and his wife shared.
Kate smiled and sipped her coffee.
"This is Kate Beckett." Castle corrected. "She is far more complex a character. Too much emotional depth for me to write accurately."
"Don't be modest, Castle." Renner said with a snort. "I am forever being criticized for my characters not having the 'emotional depth' of yours. If anyone can capture this beautiful creature, it's you."
Kate raised her cup in joking acknowledgement of the compliment.
Castle shook his head and turned toward Beckett, their eyes holding. "Nikki just scratches the surface." He said in a sincere voice. Under the table, he entwined his fingers with hers.
Beckett was surprised, but rather than pulling her fingers back, she gently squeezed back and smiled. She was genuinely touched by the meaning behind his words and was just about to reply when Renner chimed in.
"If the heat generated in those love scenes in your Nikki Heat books and your reputation around town are any indications, I'd say you'd more than scratched the surface." Renner snorted.
His wife slapped his shoulder. "You're just jealous."
"Hey, I write about a soccer mom who solves murders at the PTA." He took another bite of cake. "If I want to fantasize about how Ricky here gets his inspiration… just give me that."
They all laughed and continued eating their deserts.
Beckett pulled her car in front of Castle's building and turned off the engine.
"Renner is a real character." Beckett said quietly, trying to make conversation, hesitant to see him go upstairs.
Castle smiled and nodded.
Kate looked at him, concerned. She's been waiting for some cleverly spun yarn about the two of them leaving every young woman in Paris in their wake. When it didn't come, her level of concern rose a bit more. She reached over and covered his hand with hers. He squeezed it very lightly and raised it to his cheek.
"What have I ever done in my life to deserve you?" He sighed, not looking in her direction.
"Hey." She turned his face to hers. She paused until his eyes met hers. "You are a brilliant writer."
He shrugged and tried to look out the window. She wouldn't let him.
"The reason, as annoying as it can be, is that you are an excellent student of people. Your characters are so true to life because you… get… people."
"Then how could I be so wrong about Damien?" The pain was so fresh, so naked in his expression.
"Because, guess what. You're not perfect." Her thumb caresses his, now stubbled, cheek. "He fooled a lot of people and he took advantage of your relationship. It happens to all of us. Don't let it change how you see the world." She pleaded. "Your gift is like nothing I have ever seen." Her gaze was intense. "So many cases would have gone unsolved without your insight."
He shook his head. "You would have done it without me."
"Maybe. Eventually." She said with doubt in her voice. "But what about all of those moments…" Her voice became strained. "Those moments when I was lost and I didn't know how to get back?" A single tear slid down her cheek. "You always know." She cleared her throat. "Somehow you know how to lead me back."
She could see him fighting for control of his emotions.
"Damn you, Castle and how you see through… everything." This time it was her turn to look away. "Maybe we deserve eachother." She said softly.
The silence that filled the car was tangible. Electric.
"Maybe we do." He said with a weak laugh.
Their eyes met.
"Wanna come up?" He asked with a wink.
"There's the Castle I know." She laughed.
"Can't blame a guy for trying."
She wrapped her arms around him, feeling him respond. "Come on."
"Really?" He asked, his mouth hanging open.
"Relax, Stud." She opened her car door. "I'm just walking you to the elevator."
He met her in front of the car and took her hand. They walked through the front door of his building and stopped in front of the elevator doors. They stood in silence, Castle's thumb stroking the back of her hand.
"Tell me the truth. Are you going to be OK?" she asked.
He smiled and touched her cheek. He leaned over and placed a lingering kiss where his finger had been. "With you by my side? Always." He whispered.
Beckett's heart rate increased with the touch of his lips on her skin and her breath caught with his words. As the elevator doors opened, she kept his hand in hers, not releasing him until he had stepped inside.
"Good night, Detective." He said in his most charming voice just as the doors started to close.
Kate Beckett stopped the door with her hand, then stepped inside with him. She took his head in her hands and kissed him softly. When their lips parted, she pressed her forehead against his, her hand on the back of his neck. "Happy Valentine's Day, Castle."
She turned and left the elevator, finally allowing the doors to close behind her. She stood there a moment, knowing she should feel guilty, but instead, she smiled and walked back to the car.
Castle smiled the whole way up to his loft, his fingers barely touching his lips, remembering what it felt like to have Kate Beckett's against his own.