Disclaimer: I do not own supernatural, the characters, or the impala. The following is for entertainment purposes only.

(music) It's never too late, to start all over again

Dean's thoughts wandered, reliving recent events as his foot pressed down on the accelerator pedal of the impala, pushing baby just that little bit faster. It was a few hours since they left that house, that nightmare, that kid... It had been the last straw that broke his resolve, not being able to help the kid. If he was being honest with himself, part of him had been hoping the shot didn't work. Part of him wished that Billie would have just thrown him out into the empty, fate of the world be damned.

When they got into the impala, Sam had spent the first hour bugging Dean with stupid questions that bounced around inside his skull. What else did Billie say. Where were they driving. Why would he take a risk like that. He ignored them, every single one, red rimmed eyes focused on the road while his hands gripped the wheel until his knuckles turned white. Why couldn't he care about anything.

That last bit had got him, and before he could check himself he'd finally snapped at Sam to shut the friggin hell up about it. He saw the hurt expression on his brothers' face but chose to ignore it. Now, though, with Sam quietly snoring beside him and nothing but the long road to focus on, his mind wandered back to the conversation they'd had at the house.

Sam's eyes flickered over his brothers' face, and he frowned. "You okay?"

"No," Dean answered, and watched the surprise on Sam's face. "Sam, I'm not okay. I'm pretty far from okay."

Sam's face fell, frown lines creasing his forehead as he watched his brother and let out a slight sigh. He didn't say anything though, knowing that if he did Dean wouldn't let the rest out.

"You know my whole life," Dean started, eyes flickering and chewing at his bottom lip occasionally to force back the moisture in his eyes. "I always believed that what we do was important. No matter the cost, no matter who we lost, whether it was Dad, or Bobby, or-"

He stumbled over the name, couldn't say it - it felt like a lump of molten lead in his throat, burning and bringing tears of pain to his eyes. He didn't look at Sam - couldn't stand to see the pity in his brothers' eyes - so he focused on a point just over Sam's shoulder and continued talking, blinking back the tears.

"And I would take the hit. But I kept on fighting; Dammit Sammy, we both kept on fighting, because we believed that we were making the world a better place. But now..." Dean trailed off, gritting his teeth in a grimace and shaking his head. Tears were pricking his eyes and he looked away, afraid that if he said another word they would spill over.

Sam on the other hand, already had tears in his eyes as he stared at his brother. He knew why Dean couldn't continue what he was saying, knew who he was thinking about, and it broke him inside that his brother had to suffer so damn much.

"So now what, you don't believe it anymore?" He asked quietly, without accusation in his voice, only a miserable sort of understanding.

"I don't know. I don't know." Dean's voice shook as his eyes met Sam's - and Sam dropped his gaze, unable to meet the complete devastation in Dean's look. "I just need a damn win."

Dean turned away then, signalling that he was completely done with the chick flick moment as he slipped behind the wheel of the impala. Sam stayed for a moment, absorbing what had just happened. Dean had actually opened up for a change. Not totallly, though, and as he walked toward the impala he whispered to himself, "No, you need Cass." and he wished that he could give Dean what he needed. But Cass was gone, dead and burned, and Sam knew that Dean would probably never get over it.

Sam knew he couldn't bring the angel up again. So instead, he slipped into the passenger side of the impala and began the drive home, hoping to get another moment of truth from his brother. He was, naturally, disappointed.

Dean glanced into the seat beside him at the form of his very asleep, loudly snoring brother. He regretted snapping at him - Sammy was just trying to help, after all. But facing the loss of Cas was something he just couldn't bring himself to do, and he didn't understand why. There were alot of things about his friendship with Castiel that he didn't understand.

Like why Dean would lift his head moments before Cas would appear, as if he knew the angel was coming. Why their bond only seemed to strengthen no matter what the world threw at them. And why Castiel was the only person who ever could have that close a bond with him. He let his eyes close for a moment as he drove on a straight section of road, pushing the emotions that were rising back down into the pit of his stomach - curling it into that tight ball of pain that had been gathering inside him for months, nearly suffocating him with it's intensity.

Dean snapped out of his thoughts as his cell started to belt out the tunes of an incoming call over the low volume music he'd been listening to. He frowned, not recognising the number, and shot a look at Sam. His brother was still sleeping, so he couldn't pass the call over. A sigh slipped out as he gathered himself, then lifted the cell to his ear.

"Yeah." Proper greeting be damned, he wasn't in the mood.

"Dean."

The voice sent chills running up Dean's spine, and his breath hitched because it just wasn't possible.

"Dean?" Sam asked groggily, his eyes opening.

Dean's eyes flickered to his brother who sat up, instantly alert by the look in dean's eyes.

"I'm coming." Dean breathed, then in one motion he tossed the phone to sam, pulled on the handbrake and spun the wheel.

"Dean what the hell?!" Sam yelled, dropping the phone and bracing against the dash so he wouldn't be thrown around the cab. "DEAN?!"

But the older brother refused to answer, afraid that he would loose all courage, hope, feeling if he spoke a single word. So instead he shifted gears and slammed his foot down, forcing the wheels to spin and the car to jump into the night as if propelled by hellfire in the opposite direction they had been travelling. Towards home.

Note: Please review even if it's just to say you've read it. Should have the next part up in a few days.